don't look back

What hangs off of your rearview mirror?

I have a couple religious protection devices

Padre does, too.

Funny story: Our neighbors thought Suzy was gay for the longest time because the lei around her rearview mirror was rainbow. People are weird in their assumptions.

So what's on yours? Is it bare like my brother Luke's?

Or is it adorned?

occurences

I have no idea what happened to my "laze around the house" shorts, so I put on a pair of Chris' basketball shorts that he left over here.

First thought: Man I feel like a lesbian.

Second thought: These are a little tight around the middle.
What the hell Chris, get fatter.

The end of the day was not calm and easy. It was met with a pounding headache, eight urines and TWELVE occult bloods. Yes, the test where we receive a specimen cup with a turd in it, and we have to dig in and smear it on a card. You're welcome.

I'm going to take a nap.

hahahahahaha yes

humpty

Awwww 3-day weekend squashed. Saturday is my coworker's birthday and she wanted the night off, so I'm on call. Poop in my cereal. Oh, well. I'm glad she gets to have a work-free birthday, and glad that I get a little bit of overtime.

Been super exhausted lately. Have a feeling that it has something to do with the zits, cramps, and other various afflictions that just happen to correlate with lack of birth control pills period-ness. I forgot how much easier they made life. It too, shall pass!

Speaking of birth control- or the reason I'm not taking them anymore, I haven't really heard from Chris. I guess no news is good news.

I keep having stressful dreams about work. Work is not that stressful, so why do I keep dreaming about it??

I kinda want to go to NY. I was watching Sex and the City last night and had this strange urge to make a trip to New York happen. Like right now.

Time to drag my ass out of my chair and work out.

grab somebody sexy tell em hey

Wisdom tooth is back at it. Just freaking come in already. Enough of this start-stop stuff.

Wanting to use some of the large amounts of dill growing in the garden. Had a salad and as soon as I poured craptastic store-bought stuff on it, the idea for dill vinaigrette popped into my head. Darn. Next time.

Even though I'm full after my salad, still wanting chocolate. I keep opening the chocolate drawer hoping to find a spare morsel. Nada. I might have to bake that chocolate chip cookie mix in my pantry. But... it's too hot for the oven, even the toaster oven, and then there will be dishes. I'll end up eating a glob of frosting instead. Don't judge.

Reading How Did You Get This Number by the same author that wrote Cake. It was also next to it on the shelf at the library. I pretty much grabbed about 4 books that were next to it on the shelf. It's turning out to be a pretty decent span of books.

raise the roof

1. I will not watch 2 1/2 men with that dumbfuck Ashton Kutcher. It's a crappy show but I still watch it. Charlie Sheen made that show. Nobody can fill his shoes, but Ashton Kutcher? Really?

2.  I would really like to get my period already. Maybe it's syncing to my coworker's or my sister's cycle or something. I really liked knowing exactly when it would hit when I was on the pill. Also currently researching other forms of birth control, since now is a good time to try new things. Considering the IUD, but it also sounds very scary. Would kinda like to try some non-hormonal methods, but they just aren't statistically effective enough for me. Hrm.

3. Just realized that my chocolate drawer is out of chocolate. Crap.

4. Today it was hot in the lab so for lunch I had an iced chai latte. Really hit the spot. I could drink one of these every day.

5. Have enough cushion in my savings to pay off a second student loan. Ballerrrr

6. I have Monday off since my coworker wants to cover the early shift. Sweeet 3-day weekend coming up!

dang.

What a friggen Saturday.

Frank wins the award for first emergency room visit of 2011. May, not bad. We made it 5 months.

But let me start at the beginning.

Saturday I woke up and felt like working out, so I headed to curves. When I walked in, they were in the middle of a Zumba class, and you can't do the circuit when they're doing Zumba, so I just joined in. They were about halfway through the hour-long class, and after 30 minutes I was red-faced, sweating, and dying.
I do not normally move that much. But it was fun, and it felt good. I could just feel my nasty blood clearing up. Today, I am very sore in places that I'm not normally sore. This means Zumba works. I will go back.

Then we had crawfish for Frank's birthday and the bazaar was going on too. A little crawfish, a little bazaar.
For years I've been trying to win a plan at the bazaar, and this year, with Akhtar's help, I finally won one! And then Akhtar spilled snowcone on it. But I think it will be ok.

I also bid on the silent auction and won this for 6 bucks!! Heck freaking yes!

So it was good.

I came home, hung out for a bit, showered the funk away, and climbed into bed.

And then, and I'm not exactly sure how all this happened.

I get a phone call from Ashley telling me to come into the park NOW.

The drunkies had all walked to the bazaar and had walked back. On the way back, Frank and his gf were in the park talking when she went back to the house. Apparently after that he hit his head somehow, and when he didn't come back home they went to look for him. So they found him lying in the park, drunk, sobbing and inconsolable, saying that he had a splitting headache.

He wasn't really answering questions and couldn't walk, so he was carried/dragged home. Due to the questionable nature of his head injury and his inability to stand up or stop crying, we decided to take him to the emergency room. I was in my robe, so everyone else took him and I stayed home getting phone updates from Ash.

They gave him a cat scan, said there was nothing wrong with his head, gave him a shot for "pain," and discharged him. In the state he was in, I was worried that he might have some kind of alcohol poisoning, or at least significant dehydration, in addition to whatever happened to his head. They said he had drank a LOT, and he'd been drinking since the early afternoon. The emergency room doctor didn't even address it.

At the point when they tried to discharge him, he was still sobbing constantly and writhing in pain. The nurse was complacent and bitchy, and the when the doctor came into the room to talk to them, he was eating a donut. Real compassionate professionals over there. If I was a nurse and a 21-year old boy came into the ER sobbing and saying nothing but "it hurts," I'd at least try to comfort him or pat his hand or something. Nothing. They treated him like a contagious ragged alcoholic instead of a patient, then threw him out. I was furious, and thankfully Ashley was actually there and ripped everyone new assholes.

And it's not like they were busy. It was one of those 24-hour urgent care places and I'm pretty sure he was the only person there. They just acted like they didn't give a shit.

Sparing you all of the drama details, eventually they came home and my mom was awake at that point and made sure he made it upstairs to bed and would wake him up every few hours to make sure he was ok. She said he did have quite the knot on his head.

I heard movement this morning so I headed upstairs with a bottle of water, a max strength aspirin, some pepto and a black curtain to put over the window. He's hurting today. Massive hangover plus a bump on the head? Oy.

Want to go back to bed, but I need to be able to sleep tonight so I can get up for work tomorrow. Oy.

Currently Reading:

The Guinea Pig Diaries- AJ Jacobs.

This book was on the shelf next to I Was Told There'd be Cake. (Which was witty and funny). It looked interesting and it came home with me.

I thought it'd be more of a mad scientist kind of book like the guy who invented LSD or Dr. Jeckyll.

It was more of a bunch of social experiments that this guy puts himself through, and he ends up learning from them. He spends a month acting as George Washington would, spends time being brutally honest, outsources his life, etc.

It was ok. I feel like he would annoy the shit out of me if I knew him in person, and I felt myself slightly annoyed by him when I was reading the book. His personal revelations following each experiment weren't mind-blowing and didn't really give me one of those, "Whoa" moments.

i am body beautiful

Parents, pediatricians, and kids everywhere are "Giving Poop a Chance", thanks to Pedia-Lax. Pedia-Lax is the only complete line of products designed just for children ages 2-11 to help relieve constipation and promote regularity. Stay in the know to help kids go!

^Spotted in an ad when reading a magazine.

I'm all about talking about poop and other bodily functions, but this ad was annoying. The slogan, the rhyming... just terrible. I want to smack the person who wrote it.

I don't know how I got motivation, but I worked out today. I feel a little less gross. Then I came home and ate a pudding cup with whipped cream. Bloodstream is still filled with little globules of fat. Not even an exaggeration... next time you eat a big mac & fries or a slice of pizza, if I took your blood, your serum would be cloudy and thick... with fat. Mmmm. Makes you kinda think twice.

I miss pilates. I'd always leave feeling so tight. Like a tiger.

I love when Wesley Snipes is patting on powder with that huge puff.

fatty

It's "Lab Week" at work.

My company shows its appreciation by feeding us.

A lot. I've had third breakfasts, second lunches, and afternoon snacks all week. It's good stuff, and my awesome boss always makes sure to grab gluten free muffins to go with the donuts, or corn tortillas on the breakfast tacos. And lots of nachos. And fajita lunches-- specifically because they are easy to make GF. They are also raffling off PTO days that I have not yet won. Tomorrow we get scratch offs. I definitely feel appreciated.

I also feel like I have a permanent food baby. Rarely does my belly graze the fabric of my loose scrub top. I've just spiraled into a fatty-feeling blob that wants to keep eating. Pair that with tired and busy days, and you've got a recipe for sloth.

Somewhere in the feeding frenzy I must have ingested gluten, or maybe it's the nonstop feed bag strapped to my chin, but belly's not feeling that hot. But for some strange reason I still want to keep eating. NOM.

Came home and changed into stretchy pants and a baggy tshirt. Comfort city over here.

So yeah. Not feeling that hot. Also wondering how much of this has to do with the fact that I've been birth control pill free for about a month. The breakouts are finally calming down, and I don't feel so much like a gross zitty mess. Except for the food baby part. But that's my own doing.

I bet if I worked out I'd feel better, but the effort to get my butt off the couch...

God what the hell. I sound disgusting. I need motivation.

hey now

Suzy may be out of a summer job. Three bucks almost made me HAVE to buy these deliciously kitschy dishwashing gloves.

I almost kinda want to do dishes now. Almost.

Only Tuesday?
Oy.
Didn't get much sleep last night, so I know I'll sleep like a rock tonight.

Privately reveling in shmoopy facebook posts. Well, not that privately, since I have now blogged about it. Still diggin' it.

Also, Suzy's revamped bike enthusiasm makes me want to fix up my old craptastic one and go for some summer bike rides, run errands with a cute basket, etc.

The worst of the work week is over, at least workload-wise. I say that in case another instrument starts to invoke office-space-like feelings that can make the lightest of days turn into the worst. I love my job, I swear.

Oh, speaking of, today I got an eyeful of some old guy's ass poking out of his hospital gown. And he happened to be bending forward so I got an eyeful. Most action I've gotten in a month... haha.

sunny

It's the beginning of the sunburn season.

I got a little sun myself this weekend, despite my recent obsession concern about getting skin cancer and/or becoming a leathery, wrinkly old lady. So, sunscreen! Beaten wife sunglasses with UV protection! Floppy hats! These freaking cool things! (Which of course I'll share with my fellow pale sister Suzy)

And also I've been meaning to make an appointment with a dermatologist and get mole-checked, just to say I've done it and to make me feel a little better about the major blistering sunburns as a kid and pretty lax application of sunscreen during high school dance team practices.

On a completely unrelated note, I love this girl's voice.



Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY AKHTAVIOUS!!!
[And little brother Frankish, who is 21 today but doesn't read my blog :o).]

aloof calm

Sunday morning, sitting on the stoop in my doorway enjoying the cool weather and the nice breeze. Got some caramel coffee piping hot in my hand. Not a bad way to wake up.

I find myself contemplating more than I need to be contemplating on a Sunday morning before coffee has kicked in. I'm filled with an anxious, sad feeling. I just have to wait and see. I've never been good at that.

Woke up this morning craving a cupcake or cinnamon roll. Something ridiculously sweet for breakfast. I've been eating crappy and I can always tell when I crave crap in the morning. Time to dial it down, and also to get back into working out. They're going to start calling me again wondering where I've been. Ugh.

Maybe I'll go spend some money and get some retail therapy. Or maybe I'll crawl back into bed.

just this

Currently Reading:

I Was Told There'd be Cake- Sloane Crosley.

The title pretty much sold me on it. It's a bunch of short essays/stories. So far I've laughed out loud reading it.

It's gloriously cool this morning. The door is open, and the soaker hose is on in the garden. Drove around with the windows down yesterday. Enjoyed the nice weather by the pool yesterday afternoon, and I'm going to enjoy it today at the Greek Festival.

Been considering getting a one-piece bathing suit. Yesterday at the pool with my uncle, dad, brother, and family friend, I felt very aware of my bikini. Not that it was a tiny one or anything, but I just was aware.
Looking for something more modest when I'm hanging out with my family. I was thinking I'd get one of those cute retro ones. But then Ashley reminded me that one-pieces don't really mix well with big boobs. Lack of support for one, lack of room for another. Hm. Maybe a tankini. But those aren't really famous for support either. Hm. It'd probably work if I got a halter. And I'd also have to find a place that sells the tops and bottoms separately. The joys of bathing suit shopping.

This place is a mess. On my kitchen counter my purse is sitting next to a bowl of soggy cereal, which is next to a bottle of sunscreen, which is next to some overripe bananas. It's kinda like that all over the place. The kids are home from college, and I better get started on my laundry before they all start to realize that they have no clean underwear either.

ugh wtf.

Haven't found myself feeling this way in a long time. Figures.

Fuck it. Fuck all of it.

Going to enjoy some dinner tonight with one of my funnest friends, who I haven't seen in a while.

Also, currently reading:

Is it too much to ask for a book that doesn't center on a teenager dealing with parents' divorce? It gets better in the second half.

loves

Got the professional pictures back from the wedding. There are many stunning shots and if I picked out all of my favorites I'd be here a while.

So just a couple of my very favorite:


I just have to say, I freaking LOVE my family.

And I thought this one was also really cool.

Ash, when you read this, post the name of the photographer in the comments so I can give props!

Weekendish

Last night I learned that Kinect is freaking FUN!
It's like the Wii on steroids and much better. We played dance central, and had a total BLAST.
Luke just got an Xbox so I'm thinking Kinect is totally doable. And it's not that expensive. I can see the whole family enjoying it. Hmmm...

Read through another one of Mitch Albom's books, For One More Day. A quick read, and it turned out to be quite fitting for Mother's Day.

I desperately need to do laundry, and I really miss Chris. It seems that I'm good during the week, but I miss him the most on Sundays. Dunno why.

and other drugs

There is not a single complaint in this post. It's just stuff that's tumbling around in my head. 95% of the time I'm walking around happy as a clam.

Ok.

I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around Chris changing from acting aloof for so many years to acting completely dedicated. He never falters. It's weird. He's even writing shmoopy stuff on facebook. Talk about a complete 180. At first I thought it was cute and fun and exciting... and fleeting. But it's become a regular thing. And I started to think, whoa, he might finally be for real. What a massive concept to let sink in.

It's ironic that the most he's ever been committed is when he's not here.

I mean, I know he's gotten a realistic dose of his own mortality and a lot of things have been put into perspective for him lately. Can you blame me for taking it with a grain of salt? We haven't exactly had a smooth history.

Trying to reason. I guess when you have no contact, no quiet moments, no reassuring touches, and all you've got is long-distance words, you have to solidify your stance and turn up the shmoop a notch to get the point across.

I don't want him to stop acting like this, but it's just so out of character for him, historically. Especially because he's so public about it. Private commitment is nothing new coming from him. He used to tell me he loved me all day long, but never when anyone else was around. And vice versa.

Recently all of his friends know, all of his new marine buddies know, his family pretty much considers me a given, my mom adores him, and now that it's on facebook, all of my friends are seeing it. It's like, everybody we know is aware of our relationship. You know, the one where we've seen each other a total of 7 days in the past year?

I think it was easier with our on-and-off relationship because it wasn't so public and we'd just do our thing under the radar. Maybe I'm subconsciously scared that once it's this public, that if it doesn't work again it will be a big deal because everyone knows about it? Before it would be like, "Oh yeah, Chris and I aren't together anymore" and like 5 people knew. No big deal.

In my gut I do see this working long term. I mean, I've always been irresistibly drawn to the guy. Make no mistake that whatever doubts I have, I'm crazy about him and that hasn't changed. It's taking a while for me to accept that he's changed.

And he has changed. I could tell while he was still in Hawaii and I saw it when he was home. I can hear it in the very tone of his voice that he's changed. I can see it in his posture, in his eyes. I could feel it when I hugged him. I can just tell that all of his best qualities are no longer shadowed by whatever was weighing him down before. He's... brighter. Lighter. Happy. I don't feel like it's lurking under the surface anymore.

I still can't help but wonder if it's permanent. There were times in the past where I thought he was better but deep down I knew that the switch could flip and, it did. I guess I'm still waiting for the switch.

He says it won't happen again, with such assurance and confidence and strength that I want to believe it. Can I be so naive to think that it couldn't happen again? The only difference this time is that for once, after 5 years, his actions match his words.

When he was home, we had a conversation and he made it crystal clear, no iffy words about it, that he wanted to marry me. And that he'd been thinking about it for a long time. That's definitely something that past Chris would never have suggested.

I pretty much expected it, with the recent change in his behavior. Although I can see it happening and have every intention of being with him for a long time, I made it very clear that I'm not in any hurry.
One, if it happened, it wouldn't happen until after he came back and we get a chance to live together. No reason to get crazy with the mention of marriage.
Two, I've seen lots of friends getting married and starting families and it's made me realize that it's not what I want. At least not right now. Especially the baby part. I can eventually do marriage, but I don't know if I'll ever want children. Why do I want the opposite of most of the people I know? That's a blog post for another day, once I figure it out.

So anyway, there's no real great way to wrap up this long, probative post, except to say I'm glad it's the weekend!

Reading:

The Handbook for Lightning Strike Survivors- Michele Young-Stone.

Not really a handbook; it's a novel.

It's kept me up reading past bedtime several times this week.

5-5-11

Saw this on Suzy's tumblr and immediately did the high pitch, "Oh! How cute!" Just look at how cute it is! Cute!

Going on the first Weekly Dinner date with buddies. Happy.

Really.

And I think I might take the long way there just to drive my fun car a little longer.

Life's good, guys.

Reading:

How to Steal a Car- Pete Hautman.

Nice little read.

Also made an artichoke today.

What did YOU do?

Kindleness

How to buy your mom a Mother's day gift in 10 steps.

Step 1: Find an ad for the Kindle on your desk, along with your mom's Best Buy rewards card. Subtle.

Step 2: Go to Best Buy with Luke and specify which one you want. Purchase a badass cover complete with book light. Make sure to get a gift card so she can buy books. Make sure you use the rewards card so she can get her points, haha.

Step 3: Realize halfway down the road that you got the wrong one.

Step 4: Irritatedly turn around, go back in, and get the right one.

Step 5: Get excited, driving home in your brand new car with an awesome gift for your mom. Life is amazing.

Step 6: Bring it home, intending to wrap it for Sunday.

Step 7: Get real, and watch mom tear open the package as soon as you come in the door with a Best Buy bag. Giant smile on her face.

Step 8: Listen and watch as she looks it over and exclaims and giggles with glee at all the cool features.

Step 9:  Linger around in case she needs help setting it up even though she insists on setting it up herself. Be surprised at how little help she needs.

Step 10: Hopefully get to borrow it some day ;o)

I love being able to do neat things like this for my mom.

Penelope

It took about 6 hours.

But I have a new car.

It's RED! I never thought I'd own a red car. You know, the whole getting pulled over more often thing. Psh to that. I don't speed anymore since the accident.

Even though it was long and I was hungry at the end of it, it was an exceptional car-buying experience. Yes, that's right.

We went to Fort Bend Toyota, where I bought Pedro many years ago. The salesman that helped us out, David, was phenomenal. It wasn't the typical haggling, game-playing experience with a douchebag, and either way I wasn't there for that and wasn't going to play games. I wanted a fair trade-in and a quality new car.
And I pretty much got everything I wanted. It was more like an exchange of "tell me what you want and I'll help you get it." Not to mention he was friendly and funny and helpful. I know it was all part of the job, but I felt like I was meeting a new person and learning something instead of serving a sentence. I'll take it, and I'll sing that dealership's and that salesman's praises all day long.

I've never been so educated or understood so much about the process of buying a car. The last two cars I bought I was just like, "Yeah whatever give me the keys."

But this time I learned a lot, and felt like I was involved in the process and I understood where the numbers came from and how it worked. And I drove home satisfied and practically giddy in my new car. All thanks to David.

I left with a much bigger car note than I've had previously, but it's also a much nicer car with an extended warranty and gap protection. (and yes, I understand what those are)

I figure, I'm single (well, not married) with no kids, living with my parents and paying minimal rent. I can stop being quite so cheap and invest in a car that I will enjoy driving. And I freaking LOVE it.

It drives so much smoother, everything works, and handles really well. You can tell as soon as you start the engine that the quality of the car is so much better than the Saturn. I am smitten.

So, let's welcome Penelope, Pedro's older sister, to the family. :o)

**P.S. Many many many many many thanks to Akhtar who went with me and kept me company and gave me advice through the entire long process. You are truly a wonderful friend and I can't thank you enough!