3 week update

All right, it's been 3 weeks since surgery. Technically the halfway point of the projected recovery timeline but I definitely do not feel halfway healed. 

I've been walking on 1 crutch for the last week. (I still crack up when I think of myself as tiny tim)

Physical therapy has been awesome. I didn't know how to safely transition to 1 crutch, so they had me slowly start shifting weight back and forth onto the right leg, and over the course of about 15 minutes I was able to do it. It's not something you want to try at home. It's honestly a little scary because your brain at that point is so used to not putting weight on it, and you're not confident that it will even hold. Even now, the joint feels weak and if I move too big or twist the joint, I get a nice stabbing pain to remind me not to do that. The brace, while uncomfortable, is actually really helpful because it restricts your movement for you.

Starting tomorrow, I can start to try walking without a crutch. This time I won't have a physical therapist to show me (my next appointment is in a week), but basically you use the crutch more for balance instead of weight bearing. Again, that will be a slow process building strength (and confidence). My gait is still forced and the steps are still very careful and calculated. I have to remind myself to put weight on it while I'm standing. It's like I lost all the muscle memory that I've had for 40 years. What a weird thing to have to think about. Definitely have a long way to go.

In other news, two of the incisions are infected. I don't know how, I followed all the instructions, washed my hands constantly, and used clorox wipes on EVERYTHING every day. It be like that sometimes I guess. 

The bad news is, you don't take infected surgical incisions lightly. I'm on a strong antibiotic (ugh) but given the choice between those and a gnarly joint infection, give me the pills. 

So the days have been passing. Some have been good, where I feel good and have energy and feel like I'm getting stronger, and some days are not so good, where I don't feel good and I'm tired and sore and have to rest more. It's that, "2 steps forward 1 step back" type of feeling. 

Who knew it would be so hard to learn how to walk again?

more useful crochet things. Kinda.

Today's crochet project was a face scrubbie. I usually use a washcloth to exfoliate but I figured I'd give these a try.

The first one was a loose texture, my thought was it would dry faster.

I didn't like it. The texture was too loose, and once it got wet it loosened up even more, so it was hard to use as a scrubbie. I do, however, really like this stitch, it's pretty.

The next attempt was a little more tighter and compact.

You know what? I didn't like this one either. I think what it is is that the yarn itself doesn't feel scrubby enough. It's too gentle for my taste.

Overall, I think I prefer the washcloth. 

These were fun to make, though.

old trauma

One thing that I did not expect to be recovering from after hip surgery is really old trauma. Like, the emotional kind.

The last time I had surgery, I was left to fend for myself for most of the recovery. The day of surgery, Chris brought me home and left to go rock climbing. I figured he would be gone for a couple of hours while I napped. But when I woke up that evening, he hadn't returned and I was in a lot of pain. I called him a few times, and he didn't answer. So I got dressed and went to the pharmacy to pick up the pain pills myself. I remember standing in line for a long time, in pain, woozy from the residual anesthesia. By the time he finally called me back and eventually made it home, I had already taken care of myself.  

He was also working out of town the following week(s) so my mom and sister and a friend stopped by to check on me. Even when he was home, I would hesitate to ask him for help because any favors would always come back as something I owed him.

So since the surgery (and honestly for a very very long time) I would do things myself that would be easier if I asked for help. There have been MANY times these past few weeks (and for a very very long time) where FH has said to me, "You should have asked me to help you with that" and I resisted. 

Why? 

I stopped to think about it. 

These past few weeks I have been struggling with the fact that I need someone to take care of me. That I have to rely on someone. Because yes help is nice, but as a rule I always make sure that I can be self-reliant in the event that I have to be. Because in the past I found myself in that situation many times. Being in a relationship with someone I couldn't rely on hard-wired something in my brain and changed my default mode to hyper-independence.

I didn't ask for help because preserving my independence is a safety net, and I don't want him to start "keeping score" and tallying up favors against me. I even said that out loud in conversation and as soon as I said it, I realized how crazy that sounded. He calmly responded that he wouldn't do that, and it's true.

And that realization punched me. Oh my GOD, y'all.

I suppose after you've been let down over and over again you develop coping mechanisms that stay in place until they're brought to your attention and you change them. I have been carrying this coping mechanism around for almost a decade. 

When you compare the two situations, the differences are stark and it's opening my eyes. I didn't have to ask FH to take off work to drive me to doctor's appointments and physical therapy. He just does it. Leaving me after surgery would never be an option, same as going out of town while I'm recovering. It just makes sense that you don't do that. Which I'm just now evaluating. I didn't think much of it at the time, but looking back, who does that??

Today's lesson: I need to accept that I have a supportive partner who WANTS to help me, it's okay to be taken care of, and there won't be any retaliation for accepting help.

2 week hip update

Hello there. Today I had my first follow up appointment. I wasn't sure what to expect, mostly because no one told me what to expect, haha.

FH took me to the appointment, the wonderful caregiver that he is. 

Things to note:

We dropped off the CPM machine. So glad to see that thing leave my living room.

Stitches got taken out and I don't have to put fresh bandaids on them every night any more. Happy about that because the adhesive was really starting to irritate my skin.

They told me that I can SLOWLY start putting weight on my right side now. I did not expect that so soon and it made me so happy! Still have to wear the brace if I'm going to be doing a lot of moving around, to make sure I'm not twisting or anything. And have to make sure I don't bend past 90 degrees, which still means no bending over at the waist. BUT I can start trying to walk again! I was THRILLED to hear that! They basically said let the pain be the guide. If it hurts, take it back a notch. 

Driving won't be allowed until I'm fully walking with no pain. That might take a while. 

I can stop taking the pain meds and only need to keep taking aspirin until I'm fully walking, to prevent clots.

They took Xrays and compared side by side before and after and you can really see a difference in the shape of the bone. It looks nice!

Then the doctor showed us pictures of the procedure- inside the joint. Again, I was not expecting that. The first picture was all angry and red and torn up and messy looking. Then he showed pictures of the sutures to repair the tear, and re-shaping the bone. The last picture was the joint all cleaned up and pretty looking. That's wild!

Doc also said that he doesn't expect me to be back at work until the end of June- a couple of weeks longer than what we originally thought. He said I could go back but because much of my job is driving, traveling, walking, and standing, that I'd probably be in a lot of pain. So he wanted to give me a few more weeks to recover. He said, "You don't want to go back to soon and mess this up." So, okay. 

I have another follow up in a month.

crocheting useful things

Look what I made while I was strapped to the CPM machine one day! I tried a new stitch, called lattice stitch. Very pretty and I like the open weave.

What on earth is it though? An exfoliating bath mitt made with the scrubby yarn and a #4 mercerized cotton yarn worked together.

I have not used it yet, but I'm confident that this sucker will take off bug spray, dirt, grime, sunscreen, sweat no problem.... and probably the top layer of your skin. One thing's for sure, you will be clean after using this.

Now I need to make one that's not so intense. Maybe only work in the scrubby yarn in every other row.

Things I'm loving, post-surgical edition

1. Shower chair. Would literally be impossible to shower without it. Plus it's HSA eligible.

2. Foot scrubber. Not being able to bend over means not being able to reach my feet. This thing is like a car wash for your feet. It's so fun and works so well that I'm going to keep using it after I'm recovered.

3. Walker (& cup holder). We borrowed a walker from MAH, and I wish we would have thought of this before. It's WAY easier to get around the house in this than scooting around in my office chair. Plus there is storage beneath the seat. Moving around (and carrying drinks) just got a lot easier.

4. Fanny pack. I've had this for years and usually only use it when I'm hiking, but it has been essential for carrying things with me when I'm on crutches. I'm going to need to throw it in the laundry because I keep spilling food on it. 

5. Baby wipes. I only used them to "bathe" in the 48 hours after surgery before I was allowed to shower. They do a pretty good job. I have also used them a lot to wipe off the patio furniture (dust, pollen, bird poo) and scrub food spills off of my fanny pack...

6. Clorox wipes. Infection control is SO important. 

7. Resistance bands. The only reason why my foot is not blue. 

I debated getting a grabbing tool, because if I drop something it stays there until FH picks it up for me, and it would probably make it easier to get dressed. The only reason why I didn't get one is because I don't want to have to carry it around. It's only good if it's within arm's reach. 

hip things

Day 6 post-op. I really miss walking.

Currently on the couch shackled to the cpm machine for the countless hour. Supposed to do 6 hours every day. It's a full-time job.

Texas Orthopedic Hospital was fantastic. From admitting to discharge, every single person was wonderful. I had a great care team. 

The procedure itself went fine. I was scheduled as the first procedure of the day, which was great since I didn't have to fast all day. They got me into preop, hooked me up, and gave me a nerve block. Don't remember much from there. I DO remember being in the OR and I asked them if they listened to music and they said, yes, and I asked what kind, and they said Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift. LOL.

Y'all they do NOT mess around with drugs there. I had every drug under the sun. Tylenol, morphine, fentanyl, muscle relaxers, I don't even KNOW what else. I was SO HIGH. Not in pain, though.

One of my main concerns about the procedure was controlling the nausea. Last time I had a procedure, I battled it for days and wasn't able to get any drugs to help because it was over the weekend. 

So they gave me like 4 different anti-nausea drugs. I still felt sick, but as long as I remained motionless I was okay. It wasn't until they made me get up and use the bathroom that I felt really dizzy and got a wave of nausea. In a matter of seconds, I was given a barf bag, a cool towel on my neck, some water, and an alcohol pad was held under my nose. <--- now that's a great trick. Not that I would have been able to really puke because my stomach was empty except for water and pills, but it passed.

Once we got home, I was able to climb the stairs no problem. I'd been practicing for weeks and I'm SO glad because as loopy as I was, muscle memory was key there. The rest of the day was spent lying on the couch, trying (unsuccessfully) to eat something, and sleep. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to eat until the anesthesia was out of my system, so that wasn't a surprise. I went 36 hours without eating. Applesauce was the first thing I could get down.

The day after surgery, I had physical therapy. They want you to start moving right away. The exercises are very small right now. You gotta move, but in the right ways- no bending past 90 degrees, can't smush the grape (or put more than 20lbs of weight on that leg), and you can't sit still for more than 30 minutes at a time. Plus 6 hours on that machine and ice packs every 2 hours.

The meds: 4 different kinds of pain pills. I didn't have to take the narcotics, which is great for the nausea and constipation, but the NSAID is a pretty high dose. Even if the pain isn't bad you still gotta take it because it helps control abnormal bone growth. They give you omeprazole to help with the stomach upset, plus you're taking a low dose aspirin to help prevent blood clots. So many pills. But, surprisingly, no antibiotics. Apparently the guidelines changed in 2023 and I love that. The appetite comes and goes so I have to force myself to eat something when it's time to take meds so they don't tear up my stomach. Trying not to take the zofran because I don't want to add to the constipation.

One thing that I didn't expect: They gave me a scopolamine patch to help with the nausea, and damn that stuff is strong. I'm sure it helped, but they said to keep it on for 3 days and on the second day the side effects were so bad that I took it off early. It gave me horrible dry mouth (which probably helped keep me hydrated because I was drinking water like crazy), made me dizzy (which kind of counteracted the whole purpose and made it harder to use crutches), and blurred my vision (which was fucking weird). The dry mouth and dizziness lasted for a couple of days after removing the patch, and my vision is still a little blurred up close but it's improving. That drug is wild.

I figured out pretty quickly that using crutches is hard. You can't carry anything with you, so I busted out an old fanny pack and keep it strapped on all the time. Plus it takes a TON of energy. Fortunately my office chair has wheels so I've been scooting around the house on that most of the time. Still, energy levels get depleted surprisingly fast and everything takes way more effort. I made myself breakfast the other day and nearly passed out before I realized I was getting tired. I suppose when you think about it, your body is putting a lot of energy into healing so simple tasks like taking a shower are exhausting.

I'm trying to be as independent as possible, because that's just the way I am, but thank GOD for FH. There is no way that I could be alone and take care of myself right now. At this point I've figured out how to do basic things, but in the beginning I was useless and my energy level still tanks at random times and I need help. I hate having to depend on someone else to care for me, but that's the way it is right now. I feel very lucky.

Let's see what else. I'm sleeping in the brace because it prevents me from rolling over on that side. There are 4 little incisions stitched up on my leg. I have a stack of magazines and books saved up to keep me sane during the cpm sessions. I can get myself on the back porch for some fresh air, but FH won't let me go up or down the stairs by myself. I try to go down with him in the evenings to say hi to the chickens and get a change of scenery. FH is taking over chicken duties and he's not thrilled but we don't really have a choice haha. He's also been taking me to my appointments because obviously driving myself is not an option. We are having the maid come weekly for now, because damn the house gets dirty fast when you can't maintain.

I noticed my foot was turning blue, probably from not using that leg and keeping it elevated in the cpm machine 6 hours every day. Flexing/pointing wasn't really helping, so I added a resistance band and that seemed to help out a lot. 

The first week is probably the hardest, right? Uphill every day.

Things I'm loving lately

Things I'm loving lately:

Scented trash bags. For some reason I have always been AGAINST scented trash bags. Maybe because I thought they'd be like air freshener- which never works and only makes it smell like ocean breeze + farts or fish or whatever you're trying to cover up. But we accidentally bought a huge box and it turns out, scented trash bags are nice! You get a whiff of smell-good-ness every time it's opened, unless the trash is funky and then all you smell is funky trash can. I have officially switched teams and now I buy scented trash bags on purpose.

Supplements: Ginger first thing in the morning, Fish Oil daily for the eyes and heart, a thyroid blend and a hormone support blend just for now to boost those areas, twice a week, Vitamin D 3 times a week for the bones and respiratory system, a B12/Folate in the afternoon, maybe with a Nitric Oxide Booster if I'm feeling particularly sluggish (that will get you through a workout), and a Magnesium Glycinate at night. I've been throwing everything I have right now at my health and energy levels, but I've stopped everything for now until after surgery because surprisingly, some of those supplements can interfere with proper blood clotting and anesthesia. 

Hinge physical therapy app. My back and knee have been flaring up, probably because of the increased activity lately, and this popped up in my inbox for free as part of the benefits package from work. So, I signed up and learned a few exercises that target those areas to strengthen them. I've also gotten some resistance bands and some kind of electrotherapy device for free after completing a certain number of exercises. Pretty cool.

The bathtub. That's definitely one of the best ideas I've ever had. I love that thing. Have I blogged about the tub? I don't think so. Maybe one day.

Tractor Supply Pelletized Bedding (for Horses). After several days of rain, a generous sprinkling of those pellets transforms a muddy, smelly chicken run into something... less muddy and smelly. Those things are magic. The soggy chickens, however, remain soggy.

Veggie straws. Dude, what are chips? I haven't even wanted a chip in months. I don't know how but veggie straws have dominated my snack preferences.

These tiny little clips. I bought them for sewing and they're a pretty great replacement for pins, but they come in a pack of 100 and that's way too many so I've been using them as chip clips and other things and they're just so cute and handy.

pots and pans organizer

Look what I made! I'm so proud of myself. This thing is STURDY. 

The previous setup was not the worst situation, but it was not ideal. 

Things got cattywampus pretty quickly, pretty often. 

I believe that if you interact with something daily, it needs to function optimally. And if you need to make an investment to make that happen, it's worth it. For someone who cooks at least 2 meals every day, I needed something better.

So I started to research pots & pan organizers, and those flimsy wire contraptions were NOT going to cut it.

I remember that my grandma had some sort of custom built-in similar to this in her kitchen, and even as a child I thought that was really cool.

Since I couldn't find anything pre-made in the size, quality, or price that I wanted, that meant it's project time. 

I drew up the dimensions, pulled out some scrap plywood & leftover paint, and went to town. FH did a few drive bys to see how I was doing (I know it drove him nuts not to help). I had to have him show me how to use the nail gun, but otherwise I did it all by myself.

Look how good it is! Nothing is wobbly, everything has a place. *wolf whistle* Hubba hubba.

Plus apparently I have space to buy 2 more pans.

booty pellets

Well, put me in the hormone therapy club.

My hormone test results came in. I am not yet clinically in perimenopause but am still experiencing symptoms like I am. What fun.

The biggest struggle? Fatigue. I don't know how to describe this feeling. It's not normal tiredness. You know how you feel when you're coming down with something? It's that bone-deep weary heaviness, all day, most days. It makes it hard to function normally and I don't have the energy to do the things I want to do. My labs all came back fine for the normal culprits like iron, hemoglobin, vitamin levels, and thyroid.

Which led me to the hormones. In fact, the potential issue is not the one I expected; it's testosterone.

The way the doctor described it, testosterone levels drop in your 30s, and by your 40's they're half of what they used to be. Guess what? Lower testosterone levels lead to fatigue. Plus a bunch of other things.

So we're trying this and starting slow. I opted for the pellet in the booty (vs a daily cream on your inner thighs), which lasts 3-4 months and of course is not covered by insurance. If I was a dude, it would be. What fun.

The insertion was about what I expected- you get a numbing shot and they stick this little thing into your butt cheek, and then you go home and you can't take a bath or do intense booty exercises for a few days until the incision heals. Then you can take off the bandage and go about your normal life. 

I hope this works. I'd like to have normal energy levels again. Plus it might help with the brain fog and make it easier to build muscle. Which would be awesome.

The irregular periods and all that? I'm on my own for now. Honestly, that's okay. That part doesn't bother me much.

what was that

The other day, I woke up before dawn with the thought, "I should get up and drink my coffee on the porch and watch the sun rise."

...which is VERY off brand for me.

But I did. It was a cool morning and the sunrise was gorgeous and the mist coming off the river was very peaceful. The birds were chirping in the trees and we heard the chickens thump down off the roost as they woke up, one by one. By that point FH had joined me and we giggled at each thump.

That day, I had SO MUCH energy. I felt awesome all day. I never felt tired or sluggish, and nothing on my body hurt. 

I really can't explain it; I didn't do anything different the night before. I wish I know what it was because I'd do it every day!

I was hoping it would continue, but the next day I woke up feeling "normal:" hurty and fatigued. Merp.

Just thought I would document the random day I woke up with tons of energy and feeling awesome.

collection of random thoughts

I bought a she wee. They say to try it in the shower for the first time, and ew. I don't recommend that.  It's not that hard to use, try it outside or in the toilet to avoid pee splashes on your legs and a gross shower. No wonder men's rooms are so disgusting.

One of the chickens has egg drop syndrome. No wonder, since it's caught from waterfowl and we have plentiful options around here. There is an egret that likes to fish off our dock and crap in the yard, and I bet he's the source. We have had a gross and strange assortment of egg-like things in the coop lately. No doubt it will make its way around to the rest of the hens.

The hip. After years of intermittent pain, it's not going away anymore. Finally saw the doctor. Here's what's wrong. I figure because of that, this year I'll be meeting my insurance deductible, so there's that. I also saw the gyno to get my hormones checked and see if maybe that's the cause of this unrelenting fatigue.

Also lately I've been obsessed with veggie straws, grinding my own coffee, and ginger root supplements in the morning for the cranky belly (and whoa they do help).

Some things I've crocheted:

I have a whole bunch of flowers that I'm going to make into a garland.

This was supposed to be a heart. Fuck a magic circle.

Little bitty baskets to put things in. I played around with techniques to get a rounder basket vs a basket with a straight edge.

stepping stone refresh

Here's another craft that's been on the list for a while.

This past summer, right before the neighbors tore down the house next door, I dug up a random stepping stone that had been embedded in the ground between the houses that we kinda just mowed over and ignored. 

Then it sat propped up against a post for a few months. Then one day I scrubbed it with soap and water and it sat for another few weeks before I plopped it into the middle of the driveway and spray painted it white.
Then it sat in the driveway for a few more weeks. Then today I grabbed an amazon box, a razor blade, and a garden sign that I picked up at the dollar tree a long time ago and I made a stencil. 

Grabbed some spray paint and headed back outside.

I started with a teal color, but that looked a little flat so I went back with a navy on the tips and I really like how it turned out!

Not bad for something that I dug out of the neighbor's yard :)

Crochet things

Since I decided to learn to crochet, I wanted to buy a book that I could easily reference. I know that online learning is NOT for me unless it's a quick video. I looked at a few books and decided that I liked the one sold at Hobby Lobby the best because it has nice charts and some cute projects. Then I spent about 30 minutes picking out yarn. I had no idea that they were categorized by weight and it really matters what you use! I also bought an assortment of crochet hooks and stitch markers and tapestry needles. So I started my official crochet journey at the Hobby Lobby in Cherry Hill, New Jersey.

Here are a couple things I've made while learning how to read patterns and playing with tension:

This wobbly flower. These are cute and I bought some actual flower-colored yarn to make more. I put this one on a screw outside for a little whimsy.

This lumpy little basket. I don't know if I love crocheting in a spiral because it's so easy to lose track of stitches. I can't figure out if it's lumpy because I was playing with tension or I lost track of stitches. Or both.

This partial hat. I tried making one and ignored the swatch to gauge size, and halfway through I realized I was making a hat for a GIANT. So I unraveled it and anyway it was good practice learning to read patterns and learn different stitches. This one might be better.

I found this website Yarnspirations has lots of free patterns and now that instagram has figured out I'm into crochet, I come across a lot of neat stitches and tips. So. Here we go.

2026 here we go

Quick note. I don't want to be one of those old people that tells the same stories over & over, and complains about all their health issues. Because damn that's all my parents (and FH's parents) do. I love them but I'm sensing a theme here.

Okay, time to review the past year and start a fresh one. Last year was about setting things up to develop new habits to take better care of myself physically, mentally, and financially. I think I did all right. Work got really busy, I traveled a lot, we hosted a lot of folks out here at the river... and I felt like I had no free time or energy. I blame that on the combination of schedule and hormones. I was running on autopilot most of the time without realizing it. By the end of the year, I was able to take some time off and recharge and only then did I realize just how tired and disconnected I was.

With that in mind, one of the things I want to change this year is travel less for work (I am allowed to say no when they ask), and make a point to see my people more. Now that I have my small household support system in place (the maid and grocery delivery), I think that will be easier. I still want to travel for fun once a month (except summer months when we opt to have people come to us), and I want to mix in a few camping trips this year. We already have one planned, weather-dependent. 

Physical goals: One thing I've noticed since I started doing yoga again, is that my body has really changed in the last few years. Movements that used to be easy are more difficult. I've lost strength and mobility without even realizing it. Which tells me I need to keep going. If I can lift weights twice a week and go to yoga once a week, I'm active enough in the interim that I'll be happy with that. Funny enough, it's easier to maintain a workout schedule when I travel, because there's not really much else to do.

Financial goals: We haven't looked at the budget yet, but the goals we had last year are the same this year: max out all retirement accounts and make some smart investments with the leftovers. One thing I do want to start doing is contributing monthly to a fund specifically for travel. Right now when we travel, we add up expenses and split the costs and reimburse each other. Which is really tedious. We have an extra joint account that we don't use that would be perfect for that.

Mental goals: I started to crochet to learn how to make one specific thing, but it might be fun to actually learn the stitches and how to read patterns and make some stuff. 

Cheers.