boom updates

Sitting on the couch watching Desperate Housewives on Kenzie's Hulu with FG on one side and purring Pumpkin on the other side.

Lots to catch up on-

Work- It's been weird with the projects and the hours.

If you don't set boundaries, some of these customers will make demands that go above our scope of work, like training at 4am and stuff like that. In the past, leadership had our back but now they'll tell you go ahead and do whatever the customer wants.
So I'm trying to stop it at the customer level before they even make those demands. Sometimes I'm successful and sometimes I'm not, and I'm very frustrated with the direction that's headed. I'll do whatever needs to be done during normal working hours, but I don't enjoy being told that I have to work until midnight. Especially on salary. It's been really hard to make the hours come out in the wash this year. 

In the meatime, I got a small bonus and a raise so I'm happy with that. Also my car died and the replacement car they gave me is not my favorite but I'll deal with it until I can get another one, which might be a while.

Travel- Cancun was literally the best vacation, even though there was a horrific glutening episode and I've never EVER been so sick and after 4 hours of puking I wondered if I'd have to go to a Mexican hospital but I was able to tough it out (all-inclusive resorts are the BEST- as long as I stick to plain salads). 

Most of our vacations this year have involved the beach because it's easier to social distance on the beach. FG wanted to see snow so we spent the week before Christmas in the cute mountain town of Gaitlinburg, TN. We didn't go at the right time- it snowed the day we left!

Christmas- We got a (grand) baby early on Christmas day! I don't exactly deserve the title of Grandma, and have fought it, but FG's grandson has started calling me that, so who am I to correct the kid?

Litmas this year included a spontaneous dance party, which is always my favorite. We all pitched in to pay for professional house cleaning afterwards and I'm glad we did because the preliminary cleanup involved a shop vacuum.

Most years we skip it, but we all decided to exchange gifts this year. It was little things, and it felt fun instead of like a burden. Notably, FG got me a bidet. It's so awesome and I think now I can never go back to a regular toilet

That week between Christmas and New Years is always weird. Working a couple of days, sort of got my foot in two different work projects, and also taking some PTO. Looking forward to that fresh January start.

What it's already Thanksgiving?

I keep running out of cat food. Finally signed up for auto-deliveries so I can stop getting death stares and meows when I dare to serve dry food.

The month of November flew by in a blur of installing 4 new instruments over an hour away. I thought that because so many people are now working from home, traffic would go away. Not the case. 

This project will wrap up just in time for our trip to Cancun. Moderately concerned about what I'll be able to eat, but I figure I'll either find a way to adapt, or be hungry.

We went camping for Suzy's birthday and you know what? It was fun! It helps that FG's idea of camping involves an air mattress. I think the key is also to camp when it's cool out. Hot, muggy weather while camping is miserable. I'd like to say that the cooler weather made for a bug-free experience, but apparently the bees are extra ballsy this time of year.

My stomach started to get cranky again, and as an experiment I tried putting plain almond milk in my coffee. I prefer the darkest, strongest coffee (I hate those sweet flavored creamers), but the jet fuel seems to hit my empty stomach pretty hard. After adding the almond milk, I immediately noticed a huge difference in how my stomach feels. So even though I enjoy it less, it's how I take my coffee now.

I'm really excited to start decorating for Christmas this year. Maybe because it's a "new" house? Also since I have 8 bins of decorations and I no longer live in a neighborhood known for excessive lighting, I can downsize. That's been a theme this year.

I think I'm going to soak in the hot tub before breakfast. Gobble Gobble.

grouchy

Today is one of those days where I'm trying really hard not to be cranky.

I don't WANT to be in a bad mood, but things keep pushing me that way. Every task I've tried to complete has ended up being frustrating or not going right. It's really annoying!

Trying to reset and get into a better mood. 

Maybe I'll go find something random to deep clean.

life with a foxy grandpa

I've spent a lot of time lately evaluating my emotions when it comes to this relationship with FG. 

I've had some dreams lately where FG is suddenly mean to me, and I'm crushed because that means I have to end our relationship and pack up all my stuff (AGAIN) and move, and start my life over alone. Because I'd rather be alone than mistreated (Duh. Took me long enough to figure that one out). In my dreams ultimately I'm happy and okay on my own. 

This is obviously my subconscious dealing with the massive pain from Chris and how I'm evolving into another type of committed relationship. It didn't go so well the last time and my brain is like, "Hey, we're going to think about this stuff." 

Sometimes I still feel sad that my marriage went to shit, because I loved him like wow and I still can't really figure out what went wrong. As FG says, "You can't make sense of crazy" and that's often where I leave everything because there's no other explanation.

In the meantime, there have been several times where something has happened- I made a mistake or broke something or made a teasing comment, and I braced myself, waiting for FG to call me stupid, or mock me, or get mad, or stop talking to me, or withhold affection.

But that never happens. It turns out, most of my concerns about living with FG were based on my experience living with Chris, and I'm realizing now that maybe my only experience with living with a man was terribly skewed in an emotionally fucked up direction and that's NOT how life has to be.

I'm learning that not only can cohabitation be peaceful, it can be downright wonderful.

A few examples:

When I clean something, instead of asking me why I'm such a clean-freak spazz in a condescending way, FG THANKS ME for cleaning and tells me how nice it looks when I'm done.

On those days when FG gets up before me, a hot cup of coffee appears on my nightstand in-between snoozes. And the cat gets fed. Sometimes, the litter box even gets scooped.

Every single day, no exaggeration, he tells me that he appreciates me. Every meal I cook, I get thanked. Every time I leave the house, he tells me I look pretty. If he goes for a solo walk on the beach on vacation while I sleep in, he draws our names in the sand with a heart and takes a picture to put on social media. If he starts to power wash the driveway, this happens: 

It's so consistent that after my skepticism has waned, I am starting to think that I met a person who also feels like this is the way life can be- all the time. His "spoil the other person" style completely matches mine. I am here for it.

So, in conclusion, FG is a good man, and I think we can build a good life together and be happy spoiling each other for a long time. That's the plan.

exciting news

After years of going through phases of kinda cutting out dairy (literally, a quick search of blog posts mentioning it goes back to 2008), this year I meant business. I don't remember exactly when I made the decision, but I'm pretty sure it was last summer when I noticed that my skin cleared up during a whole 30 and I started connecting "random" digestive flare-ups to dairy consumption.
I was tired of feeling sick, and I was ready. I said goodbye to my beloved cheese dip and added another thing to look out for when I read food labels.

It's been a little over a year. I'm not as strict about it as I am about gluten, for obvious reasons, but if I stop to think about how sick I'm going to feel if I eat butter or cheese or ice cream, I don't want to eat it anymore.

My stomach has felt WAY better, my skin has been calm, and now I have some seriously exciting news...

My lab results came back and my lipids are normal. NORMAL? Normal!

What?! My lipids haven't been normal since I was 18. THIS IS SIGNIFICANT.

Cholesterol and LDL dropped 60 points each, back into the healthy range, triglycerides are under 100, and the only thing I did was cut out dairy. After being concerned about my lipids for years, I'm absolutely floored and ecstatic. 

Also, my calcium level is just fine. I'm sure my daily dark leafy greens help with that. :)

doctor crap

I went to the doctor today.

I was going to find a new PCP closer to where I live, but they called me and it's covered 100% by insurance. I made the appointment because I've been wanting bloodwork done.

The doctor spent a grand total of 3 minutes with me, talking nonstop, chattering/ scolding me about my weight loss since my last visit, which completely surprised me. I managed to get a word in and tell her that I had some digestive issues that have gotten better, but I did mention that I have been feeling more fatigued than normal lately.
She dismissed my comment, saying that the fatigue was related to the weight loss, then she spent the rest of the visit going on about how weight loss affects the menstrual cycle, even though I told her that my periods were fine.
I sat there listening to her, thinking, wtf?

It was honestly a little weird. I have a feeling that no matter what concerns I would have mentioned, she would have attributed them to the weight loss. Aliens fly out of my ass at night? Oh, it's because of the weight loss. She was super focused on it. 

It's not like I'm skeletal or malnourished, and as a doctor shouldn't she be more concerned about the digestive issues, or even suspect a thyroid problem, or if she was that concerned about my weight, perhaps she could have asked questions to screen for an eating disorder/ mental health issue? Nope. None of that. 

I'm so disgusted by our healthcare system, because this is the normal standard of care.

Good thing I don't have any serious issues at the moment; I just wanted bloodwork done and if there's anything actually wrong it will show up there. But what a shitty doctor's visit. 

home, work, stuff

My day consisted of mostly this:

I like home depot as much as the next homeowner, but FG takes his time in home depot. We spent 2 hours there today. He picked out a pile of small things, then since we didn't have a cart he just LEFT IT THERE to go find a cart. 30 minutes later after a couple of detours we went back and it was still there, but it was in the back of my mind the whole time. 

Would that drive you nuts? I'm getting used to it, because he routinely abandons his cart in the grocery store to go get things, but it's still ramps my anxiety up a bit.

Every day has been full of unpacking, organizing, and fixing things, punctuated by work trips or a vacation. I am happy to announce that ALL of my everyday boxes have been unpacked and mostly incorporated into the house, including kitchen stuff. Some seasonal stuff is still in the storage unit, but daily life might just get a little easier now.

I volunteered to work in New Jersey in a couple of weeks. It's an active construction site so I had to buy a hard hat and a vest and steel toed boots. I've never been to New Jersey. I hope it's still pretty and fall-like up there when I go.

I signed up for the BoxyCharm beauty box and so far I'm on the fence. I asked for mostly skincare items and they have sent me mostly makeup items. I gave most of the first box away, and I like most of the second box, so I'm giving it one more shot before I cancel it. At some point with these boxes you become overrun with things you don't want. I would love 5 night creams but I don't need 10 mascaras or eyeshadow pallets, you know?

sweet gestures and such

Today I got a text message from FG's daughter. You may or may not know, but it's Grandparent's day. Well, she texted me a sweet video featuring FG's grandson, with the subject, "Happy Nen Day!" I'm not exactly the grandma or step-grandma officially, but it was an incredibly nice thing to do. He raised good kids.
His family always makes me feel so included and loved. Speaking of, his youngest just found out she's pregnant (with a girl), and I'm so damn excited. More ruffles and bows and glitter!

I just got back from a work trip to Tampa. I volunteered (sorta) to pick up a night shift at Big Reference Lab. Our Houston facility doesn't need 24/7 support any more, but various sites around the country are in different phases and still need help. One of their guys came to help us when we were burnt out, so it was nice to return the favor. Plus Tampa is not the worst place to be working. Beaches and hotel points are okay with me. I was able to adjust to the schedule better than I expected, but it was still rough. At the end of the week, I was glad to get home.

I have more to discuss, but I'm just so tired. Spent the day adjusting back to a normal sleep schedule and completing approximately 20 projects around the house. It's done being painted, so phase 2 of organizing/ merging/ purging/ designating items for the lake house is in full effect. Plus we had to replace a leaky faucet and various other maintenance items and I've had half a bottle of wine so I'm tired.

Nite.

Products I'm loving lately

 Another round of stuff I'm loving lately:

-Olay Glow Boost mask. I found this on sale, but when I run out I'm going to buy it again full price. I love that it's in a stick so it rubs on easy with no mess. It's less harsh than some of the other charcoal masks I've tried. It washes off easy with no residue. I've been putting it on every day after I come home, and my mask-related irritation and breakouts have diminished. 

-Dawn Powerwash. This stuff is cool. It's like a degreaser but not as harsh. I've used it to clean greasy dishes, but really, it's good for cleaning anything that's really dirty. I've used it...
-In the bathtub to clean bath oil residue.
-Grimy blinds. After they were removed, I laid them down on the pavement and sprayed it on, scrubbed them with a broom, and used the hose to rinse. Sparkling clean.
-Super old grease on kitchen cabinets.
-Filthy AC vents.
Next I'm going to try it on some patio furniture.

-Stovetop Espresso maker. So simple, makes the super strong coffee that I like. I use it whenever I have a mellow morning or need an afternoon perk.

-White cotton gloves and vaseline. My hands have been beat up lately because of moving and various home repairs, cleaning, etc. I rub some neosporin on the cuts, coat my whole hands in vaseline, and sleep with the gloves. FG thinks it's a little weird but it has seriously helped keep my hands from becoming chapped, cut up messes.

Duane

He was my sister's father-in-law. Not sure what that makes us on a family tree, if anything.

Over the years, I somehow managed to show up to a lot of my sister's husband's family's events, and they are the kind of people who welcome everyone. I developed a friendship with my brother-in-law's family, to the point that I was eventually included for things like Easter dinner and Thanksgiving.

Which is why I'm very sad that my sister's father-in-law passed away unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. It's taken me a while to write my thoughts. 

My heart breaks for his wife and my brother-in-law, and my sister and my nephews, who lost a grandpa. I feel like I lost a friend.

Duane was a very sweet man. I think when he saw me struggling with my marriage to a mean person, it must have struck a nerve because around that time, he started to make an extra effort to be nice to me. It wasn't his responsibility to do that, he did it because he's a good man. People like that help restore a jaded person's faith in humanity. He probably touched many lives like that, in a small but meaningful way.

He was a good dad, a good husband, a good grandpa, and a good friend. He was a mellow guy, always even-keeled and had a clever sense of humor. His wife would get drunk on ladies nights and talk about some of the funny, off-color things that he said. You'd never guess looking at him, which made them all the funnier.

He wore cool socks and a visor and was one of those people who quietly deserved respect, for no other reason than it was the vibe he gave off.

I'm sad that I'll never show up for another Sunday dinner and walk outside on the back porch to find him in the rocking chair, with a glass of wine or maybe a little whiskey, ready to chat about traveling.

I'm sad that the world lost a fantastic person, that people I love are grieving, and that my friend is gone.
Rest in peace, Duane.

How is it already 4pm

Hi there.
I've been running around doing stuff all day and finally ran out of steam and had to sit down.

It was a good weekend. Got some errands ran, got to snuggle baby Emma, got to go clothes shopping, got to go to a party, and things felt normal for a little bit. I only had to wear a mask while I was inside stores, which was so nice after wearing one for 8 hours every day at work. My face feels so free.

The house, of course, is still chaos. They painted FG's office and the enclosed porch yesterday and things are soclose to being done. Next weekend they paint the kitchen so that should be absolute madness.

Oh, I now have a clear direction when it comes to the storage units. I don't want to pay double rent in September, so my goal is to move it all into one. Saving $100 a month is pretty motivating, which is why I sweated my ass off stuffing my car full of boxes in the massive heat today. I brought home whatever I could that isn't kitchen stuff. 

I'll unpack these at some point. 

We will also probably hang the tv back up one day. Probably.

(FG spent the day hungover on the couch. The next time he wants to take shots and I need his help the next day, I should definitely consider intervening.)

I really really wanted to get a pedicure this weekend but ran out of time. As of right now, I have some office days this week so maybe I can squeeze one in during the day. Work has been so busy and there's something about conference call pedicures that really help me appreciate my job.

Planning a trip to Destin at the end of the month. We don't plan to do touristy things, just lay on the beach at the hotel. I think that's a pretty socially distant way to take a vacation. I am really, really looking forward to it and hope we don't have to cancel it like San Diego and Vegas. 

I have a whole other bunch of thoughts about how FG and I are adjusting to living together, but I think I'm too tired to put them into words so that will have to come later.

Stuff.

Stopped by the storage unit today.

You know, besides the furniture, I think 3/4 of it is kitchen stuff and seasonal decorations. 

We wrote down a timeline for when the rest of the rooms will be painted, so I know how long I have until we can start going through it all. 

There is an end in sight, but there is lots of work ahead of us.

We decided to keep one of the storage units to store things destined for the lake house. We figured that the cost of a storage unit for a year or two is way cheaper than buying everything new for the lake house, especially furniture like the kitchen and patio tables, a grill, and the bed. Have you priced mattresses nowadays? Sheesh.

I like having a plan. It makes the chaos seem slightly more managed.

more integrations, it's real

Oh, guys. Today FG and I got a joint bank account. 

Let's back up. This morning at 5am I woke up with a terrible headache. I can't take pain meds without food in my stomach and it was too early to eat, so I heated up my rice pack and put it on my face and went back to sleep. 4 hours later, I woke up again, still with a headache. 

I got up, prepared to make myself a cup of coffee and breakfast so I could take some medicine, but FG had saved me some breakfast and had a hot cup of coffee waiting. He had also fed Pumpkin and made sure she had fresh water. 

It's so hard to do anything with one of these headaches, and I was SO grateful for his considerations. It wasn't how I wanted to spend my day off, but I spent most of the day in bed waiting for the pain to go away. It didn't go away until it rained at about 3pm, while we were at the bank. 

Oh yes, the bank. 

We got a joint checking and savings account so that we could easily pay shared bills. He pays his mortgage and taxes separately, so the savings account is for the tax payment each year. Since I'm a new customer at this particular bank, I was able to take advantage of a promotion that gives you $500 if you meet certain criteria. You bet I'm going to meet that criteria. 

So the plan is to pay bills from this joint account, and keep the rest of our money in our personal accounts and I'm pretty okay with that, but it did make me slightly uneasy to open up a joint account. It's just so... committed. I'm direct depositing a big chunk of my paycheck into a joint bank account that another person can access. I trust FG and I am onboard with the system, so I'm not sure why that gives me anxiety. Still processing that.

The other thing I need to figure out is what rights I have. My name is nowhere on the mortgage or any of the bills, and while I'm paying half of his mortgage he gets all the equity. Is there such a thing as a prenup for moving in together? I have to figure that out. I'm not just going to essentially be paying him rent. If I'm putting money into this house I'm getting something back, just in case this doesn't work out. Plus we are going to have to draw up wills just in case something happens to either of us.

So many things to consider. 

adjustments and integrations and such

This is life right now. Everything is still messy and I'm trying not to let it make me crabby. Trying to focus on the fact that each room is slowly looking cleaner, brighter, and fresher. It really is slowly transforming into a new house. 

It doesn't quite feel like home yet, though.

It's hard to go through your physical objects and try to merge them. We are both splitting our things into categories: Keep for home, Keep for the lake house, and Donate. All of my stuff is in storage, so it's really all on FG right now. Most of his decor was picked out by his ex wife 10 years ago and has Got to Go. He's been pretty good about it but it's a struggle sometimes because I'm trying not to make him feel like I'm forcing him to get rid of stuff. It's a delicate process.

We went to the storage unit today and picked up a few of my things. I am eager to start putting my stuff in the house so it'll feel like my home. The problem is, there's not much I can bring back into the house until it's done being painted, because right now it will just be more stuff to shuffle around from room to room. 

I prioritized and got my craft table set up in my office, and that makes me so, so happy. I have a space that I can call mine and retreat to and sew or whatever and I love it. 

So there's another few weeks of feeling like I'm camping out at FG's house until I can really start to integrate. It's okay, I can deal- I have my craft table now. That was oddly important.

I'll still have to store things like my kitchen table and bed for the lake house, but it's nice to have a clear direction in the meantime. Even after purging so much prior to moving, it's easy to get rid of things that don't fit. If I'm indifferent and FG doesn't like it, it gets tossed into the donate pile. We both rarely fight for things and if we do, we know that it stays and we'll find a way to make it work. After all, it's just stuff.

One thing that made the cut for our home: this bookshelf, which I love.

Honestly, it's been a lot of work but it's been fun to integrate the things we love the most and get rid of the things that don't really matter.

Other important news. We started locking Pumpkin in the game room on the other side of the house at night, because her nighttime meowing was really starting to interrupt FG's sleep. I am pretty much used to it after 17 years, but I do have to admit that I don't miss the cat hair in bed and I do sleep better without the meows. 

But then there's the dog. He sleeps in the bedroom in his little bed and I am NOT used to his noises. Ugh, he makes so many little scratching, licking, whimpering noises and I'm about ready to kick him out, too. I'm giving it a couple of weeks to get used to. Like I said, the hardest part about moving in together has been tolerating each others' pets.

We had to cancel our trip to Vegas this weekend because we have so much to do and the city is half shut down anyway so it won't be much of a trip. I'm still sad. I was looking forward to seeing Luke. I kept my PTO for tomorrow so I get a 3-day weekend. I'm ok with that. It will be nice to relax a little and complete a few pending projects around here. 

new plan

We have a plan! 

A new plan. 

We talked and I decided to stay with FG... which means we are starting to build a life together. A little scary, but also it kinda feels right. Surprisingly, it hasn't been hard to adjust to living together. He has been very chill about me coming in and changing everything. The hardest part is getting used to each other's pets.

Part of the old plan was for me to buy a house nearby to rent out, and in the future we wanted to add in a lake house, but I decided that life is short so we should scrap the rent house idea and get the lake house now.

So now we're looking at lake houses. The plan is to rent it out when we're not using it. I'm so damn excited about that. I'm going to be one of those people who has a lake house. So fancy. Plus we both work remotely so it's very reasonable that we can spend more time there than just the weekends.

The next issue to consider is all the stuff in the storage unit. We are going to go through everything, and decide if it's staying here or staying in storage to go to the lake house. Still a lot of work, but at least there is a plan for the duplicate stuff and I get to keep some of the things that I really like but there's no room for in this house.

In the meantime, the house is still being painted so everything is a mess. I keep reminding myself that eventually it will all be fresh and organized and nice. 

Even though it's chaos, I kind of like how everything is being painted and purged, because working on a house helps it feel like mine. Also I found my sewing machine and will bring back my craft table on the next trip to the storage unit, and for some reason that really makes me happy.

SOLD

Today was a happy day. 

Literally, I did a happy dance as my realtor took a picture of me by the sign for her scrapbook.

There were a few tense hours where I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but the deal went through and the keys are in someone else's hands. Woo!

There is a chunk of money in my bank account, and that big house with the fish pond is no longer my responsibility. 

Oh, my goodness. I'm so glad that's over with.

drowning in stuff

Ughhh.

I stopped by the storage unit today to drop off a box and maybe try to find the box which contained the lamp for my vanity.

HA.

Looking into that storage unit made me want to sit down and cry. It is completely packed full and even though I think I identified the box I wanted, it was stacked under 6 other boxes and the second one down was also the anchor for another pile of boxes. It would take me a sweaty hour to get to that box directly in front of me.

Some of the boxes are starting to collapse. I really need to not forget about those storage units, I need to be fairly on top of it. 

The problem is, I haven't officially decided what to do and until I do, the crap sits there. 

I'm probably going to stay with FG, but it's not like there is room to put anything in his house. There is stuff everywhere and it's overwhelming!

The process of combining all of our crap will be ongoing and I'll have to start selling stuff, which will take a long time regardless, so there's really no quick end in sight.

It's so frustrating because if I want an item, for instance a thumbtack, a few weeks ago I would have known exactly where it was, and I would have retrieved it and completed the task in 30 seconds. Now, it takes me 10 minutes of digging through several boxes to maybe find what I'm looking for. 

All. Day. Long.

The other thing is, I need a dab of epoxy to fix something. I know I have 2 tubes of it, but they're somewhere in storage so I'll need to either wait until it's eventually unboxed or buy a new tube. That's been happening over and over with the most random stuff.

I keep trying to be very "go with the flow" with all of the chaos that's going on, but for some reason today it got to me.

On the plus side, FG agreed to take down ALL of the vertical blinds in his house. The first set that came down was in the master bedroom and I cheered. 

Today I put up the curtains and they look so good. Small victories.

small luxuries

Lately I've gotten into espresso. On weekdays I still fire up the trusty 5-cup Mr. Coffee that brews automatically at 6:30 am, but on weekends I bust out this little guy.

He takes a while to heat up (especially on FG's electric stove, I miss the gas stovetop already), but after a while he percolates smooth, dark, strong heaven that's worth the wait. 

The clacking of toenails on the floor will announce that the dog (and FG) have woken up, but for now it's me, this glorious cup of coffee, and the purring kitty.

It's almost July yo

I'm so tired.

The last few days have been nothing but go, go go. I take that back. That's the last few weeks.

Thanks to Ashley, Collin, and FG, we managed to fit everything into the uhaul and the truck in 1 trip, stacked like a mishmash of tetris and hillbillies, and I did have to get another storage unit but that's okay because we/they got it done. FG and Collin did the heavy lifting, and Ashley did serious work fitting the rest of it skillfully into the uhaul.

My house is sparkling clean and ready to hand off to the new owner. When I took a look around the house and locked up, I didn't even feel sad. I always knew that would be a transition house, and it served its purpose well. 

Too bad we're not closing tomorrow, and no alternate date has been suggested. Not ideal for anyone, really. I have to pay another month's mortgage but at least I have somewhere to live.

Back at FG's house, we are still in the process of moving stuff from one room to another, having it painted, doing the touch ups myself because I'm super picky about paint done right, and moving it all back and going to the next room. Plus now a bunch of my stuff is in the mix. Super fun chaotic times, y'all.

Speaking of, I need to show you how sexy FG is. When we merged cleaning supplies, we found that we have... a lot. So he cleared out a cabinet in his man cave so that I could have a nice, organized, consolidated place to store the cleaning supplies, at least until we have used up the duplicates and are down to a normal amount.

Oh, baby. Look at that. Hubba hubba. Reason #423 why that man is awesome. A cleaning supply cabinet, right next to the foosball table and Golden Tee.

FG and I are in the process of merging households and lives. We are asking questions about the other person's take on nearly everything, and it's moving along about how you'd expect. 

Some things we don't care about, and some things are oddly important. Like I wanted to put my metal straws into the butter knife spot in the silverware drawer and that was a HARD no from him. I found another spot.

He likes to put his pots and pans in the dishwasher and I cringe at that but go along with it. However, I insist upon handwashing my knives. Little process changes for each of us. So far FG has been very accommodating for every change that I run by him. I like it. I feel free in his house instead of stifled, like I feared. 

Pumpkin is also adjusting. This is a big change for such an old kitty who was used to a quiet house with all of her designated spots. She and Rosco did get into it almost immediately and I think she won because he had a scratch on him. She has been hiding amongst the piles of stuff, and she did shit in the closet, but she's also been hanging out and eating okay and she found a windowsill to lounge upon and she's venturing outside. I think she'll be okay in time.

P.S. my herbs are doing great and I put them on FG's kitchen windowsill and they make me smile. 

The blinds are filthy and I'm waiting for when the kitchen is painted and they have to be taken down anyway to clean them. Lots of things in this house have been cleaned for the first time in 10 years in the last few days. 

Don't even get me started on the washing machine. How do you get that mildew smell to go away in a front load washer? I've already bleached/cleaned out unmentionable things from the rubber seal but it still smells.

P.P.S. We still have not farted in front of each other and living together, even potentially temporarily, might change that but we're both fighting it. Stay tuned for updates on that.

mad week

Woke up early this morning with a stomach ache. Ugh, I don't need this this week.

This week involves: 

1. Packing/ moving my stuff into storage/FG's (plus figuring out if I have enough room for everything in the storage unit eesh)

2. Moving stuff around FG's house so that rooms can be painted.

3. Oh yeah, work.

By Sunday I want to be completely moved out. That leaves Monday for cleaning and we close Tuesday. The appraisal was finally done but the report is not back yet. Really hope that the closing date isn't delayed because I don't want to make another mortgage payment!

Coordinating everything at the same time is a little maddening. But it'll all work out. That's the motto lately.

The housing market is so weird right now. I saw a great house last week and it was priced a little high for the size, but it was fully updated. I offered 5K over asking price, and it wasn't the highest bid. Five thousand dollars OVER ASKING PRICE wasn't enough.. for a 1500 sf house. People are losing their minds over here. 

To be honest, I was a little relieved that they went with another offer. I have enough on my plate right now. I'm so thankful that I'm not in a rush to find a house.

Let's get some shoes

I spent 80 bucks on flip flops yesterday.

It all started when we went on vacation to Memphis and I didn't have the proper shoes for walking around GraceLand. Well, I did. But tennis shoes didn't go with my outfit. So I wore flip flops. 

Mistake. That place is huge and at the end of the day, not only did my feet hurt, but my shins, knees, and back hurt. 

Let's face it. I'm old now. Too damn old to wear shitty $2 flip flops, especially when it's for longer than a trip to the grocery store.

Yesterday I finally had a minute to run into the shoe store, and they were having a sale!

Wow, the difference between $2 flip flops and $35 flip flops is real. 

I wound up getting a basic, extra-cushy pair:

A sparkly pair that are so freaking comfortable that I was shocked. The bottom part is soft and cushiony, not hard and rigid.

I also got this sunshiney pair that makes me happy:

I got these for free because of the sale, yay!

These shoes rule. 

Super happy about my upgrades.

Updates on all the things

Writing this from my office. I usually blog from the couch but I sold my coffee table.

The garage sale was a lot. It was hectic and fun and hot and in the end, I made $175 and got rid of a lot of random stuff, including the bed and mattress in the guest room, most of the furniture, lots of home decor and kitchen items, and the Christmas stuff went super quick.

Ashley and I had bets on what would sell and what wouldn't. I won on the bags of socks and the girdle. People buy some weird stuff at the right price.

I was surprised that some 50 cent crystal wineglasses did not sell. I wound up keeping those. I have enough wine glasses, but that was obviously the universe saying that I should keep them.

Other news:

House- Still no appraisal. Not sure if that will delay closing and I'm tired of keeping my house clean. Went and looked at 2 houses that came on the market and neither one was right so the hunt is still on. Considering a remodel but... oh that's a lot.

Relationship- Been helping FG de-clutter and move things around in his house so that it can be painted. He wanted to refresh Nicole's room, so he sold the furniture and we cleared it all out. We will put my current bedroom furniture in there, since I was considering selling it anyway, and get a new bed. I felt a little sad when I took her clothes out of the closet. She had a cute style. Sweet girl. I wish I could have known her better. 

It's been kinda weird bc we are also planning for when I move in temporarily until I find my house. He's been clearing out space in his dresser and talking about where the litter box will go, things like that. 

So we're making plans for the immediate "when I move in until I find a house" and also for the future "when I move in forever" and the lines get blurred sometimes and we both forget that the current plan is that I'm still looking for another house. 

I still think that it feels right to move in with him, and I'm very tempted to commit, but also like that safety net so I haven't said anything yet.

Travel- I think we will cancel our trip to San Diego because the flights got screwed up and the city is mostly still shut down due to Covid. That's ok, because the timing is not great and Dad needs to come see us anyway.

Work- BIG NEWS! I checked my email tonight and we officially got word that Big Reference Lab does NOT need continuous support anymore! Yay! What a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. Whew.

Punk- She decided to start eating again. Of course I mixed some tuna in with her wet food.

That's all I have for now.

Key West and back to reality

Key West was fun, relaxing, happy, and wonderful.

I loved chilling by the pool, walking around the pretty town, riding bikes to the beach, drinking cuban coffee, going to the Hemingway house to pet the 6-toed cats, and watching the random chickens and roosters wander the streets. 

We both needed to get away for a minute. I wanted to stay an extra night but there is this thing called work and although I'm on PTO this week, FG had to get back.

Then we came home and even though I'm on PTO I checked my work emails and there's one to myself and Helen from my boss basically saying, "Hey who wants to work night shift at Big Reference Lab next week? Lol it has to be one of you." Oh, but if you pick days you have to work Saturday so either option sucks. We should have been done with this a month ago but someone higher up than us decided we need to keep doing it.

Helen and I have talked and we decided that we're done being walked all over. We both responded with reasons why we don't want to work nights or Saturday, so now it's up to him to decide what to do.

I have updated my resume. If there was an end in sight I'd feel better but this is starting to get ridiculous. If I wanted to work nights and weekends, I'd still be in the lab. At least then I'd get overtime pay and a shift differential.

Not sure what will happen, but we did buy a lottery ticket in Florida so maybe tonight we'll be rich and work won't matter anymore.

questioning everything

I think it's terrible that we live in a society where, when something happens, the first thing I do is question the validity of the information. 

Is this something blown way out of proportion as a political move? Another sensationalized news story to distract from another issue? The conspiracy theories are sounding more plausible than what we're fed by the media and (ugh) social media.

Also, this is 2020. Wash your hands, cover your cough, and no one should be fighting for equal rights regarding race, gender, sexuality, etc. Enough already! I'm sick of the circus. I'm becoming increasingly disgusted by humanity and the corrupt societies that we build... and support.

In other news...

House- The buyer and I came to an agreement which involves more money out of my pocket, and some slightly shady under-the-table stuff, but when it's over I'll still be pretty happy to get this house off my shoulders. Today we went and looked at a really, really cute house but it smelled like cigarette smoke, like they smoked inside. You can never get that smell out of a house. Uck. Not meant to be.

Relationship- There has been constant thought and discussion regarding the living situation, mostly on my part because FG knows what he wants and is waiting patiently for my brain to calm down. Here's the most recent update:

We have had many discussions about the logistics of living together and it evolved to the point where it seemed like I would move into FG's house, because it works. To the point where I know which room will be my office and we are choosing paint colors to repaint the whole house. It's actually been a lot of fun.

But. In our most recent conversation, I told him that I didn't feel like I was 100% there yet. I felt rushed. I didn't want to risk ruining our relationship because we moved too fast for me. I needed to make sure it felt right before I made this big huge life change and commitment. At the end of our conversation we agreed that I should still buy a house near him and live in it until we're ready to merge lives for good. Which we are both confident will happen, I just need a little bit more time.

It's funny though, because once we had that talk, most of my hesitations went away and living with him didn't seem so scary. Once I actually got the extra time, I didn't feel like I needed it.

WTF, brain.

I hesitate to tell him all of this because I've been so back and forth he might just think I'm nuts... which I might be. I might sit quietly on these thoughts for a while and see how they evolve.

I figure what will happen is I will find a great house and if I want to move into it, then my gut is saying take more time. If I don't want to move into it, then my gut is saying it's time to start building a life with FG.

There ya go. Moving on.

Travel- We're going to take that long weekend vacation in Key West and we've booked a bunch more trips. Making up for lost travel time!

Work- I get a week of PTO on the horizon so I'm going to enjoy our trip, then get ready to sell most of my crap in the garage sale and spend as much time with Pumpkin as I can.

Punk- She's had a rough few days. Hasn't been eating much and mostly takes naps in the heated cat bed. She's done this before and bounced back, but she's so much skinnier now and I feel guilty leaving her alone for a few days. I don't want her dying alone but I hear animals do that, so it is what it is. 

Right now she's curled up in the sunbeam covering her eyes, looking happy.

con artists

You know, I told my realtor that I had a bad feeling about these buyers right from the beginning.

Sure enough, the day before the option period is up, they come back with a list of repairs (all of which were disclosed on the previous inspection report), asking for $15k.

The worst part is, 2 years ago my inspector noted some foundation movement and said that it didn't need repair, just to water and monitor. The most recent inspector noted the exact same foundation movement, but he said that it needs to be fixed. 

Judging from the way the initial bargaining went and my intuition, I think the buyers wanted to find something wrong so that they could get a better deal, and I think they made sure the inspector delivered just that. I really have a feeling that this inspector is crooked, not the foundation. I could be wrong, but it's what my gut is telling me.

There is no difference in the foundation in the 2 reports, just 2 different opinions. Of course the buyers are going with the opinion that gives them more bargaining room, and insisted that the foundation be "fixed," to the tune of $10k- cash at closing.

I want to tell these people to hit the road with their con artist demands, but the problem is, now that a "foundation issue" has been "identified," I will have to disclose it to any future buyers. Even if I get a third opinion who says that it's fine, that one person saying it needs work is enough to raise a red flag.

Essentially there is now a big fat scarlet letter on my property. Which means I either have to make an expensive deal with these people, or put it back on the market with "foundation issues" and everyone will run away.

Still negotiating, but it's going to cost me a huge chunk of money either way. These people fucked me.

 

I am so mad but at this point if I can just sell it and not have to deal with it anymore, it might be worth the extra money. 

cleaning tip

I have to share. 

I have a white comforter with a stain in the middle. Cat puke that sat for a while, eew. Then I washed and dried it before noticing that it left a stain.

I tried all kinds of things. Spray & wash, bleach, peroxide, etc. But nothing took the stain away.

Then I had a thought: You know how those zit creams with benzoyl peroxide will bleach your towels and clothes, if you're not careful? Well, that's exactly what I needed.

I rubbed a little bit of zit cream on the stain and let it sit for a while. After I washed it, the stain was gone. Awesome!

Friday whew

My stomach is bothering me and I'm out of CBD so I tried one of those edibles that we smuggled back from Vegas on our last trip. Well, about 1/20th of an edible. I'm so cautious about stuff like that. I'll be taking a personal drug test tomorrow and in the meantime, hoping that little nibble is enough to settle my stomach. I don't want to get high, I just want some digestive relief!

House/Relationship update:

I think it's odd that I've been keeping an eye on the real estate market since January, watching cute houses come and go in FG's neighborhood, but now, when I'm ready to buy one, there are NO houses on the market. What the hell. FG says the universe is telling me to move in with him. Not only would it be financially better for both of us, but I would get coffee in bed every morning. And when the mortgage is paid off in a few years we can get a lake house. Great plan, right?

Well, we had another talk about that and I openly aired all of my concerns. After our talk, I feel better. If I moved in I, he agreed that I can change whatever I want, redecorate, organize, make it more "ours" instead of "his," and he's ok with it. I can probably deal with that but I suppose we'll see what the universe has to say. 

Right now I would really like my own space and I don't really want to make Pumpkin (or myself) live with a dog.

BUT first- I have to wait out this option period. I've heard nothing since the inspections, and I'm trying not to get too anxious.

Work update:

I worked my last scheduled 5am shift and holy shit I'm tired. I hit a wall today. I can't do this anymore and I'm glad it's over, or at least I get a break. I have a couple of things scheduled for next week and then I'm hoping to get some office days. 

And THEN, I'm on PTO for a week and we're supposed to go to Key West. We considered rescheduling due to the covid madness, but things are opening up and we need a break. Even if we have to hang out on the balcony socially distant with grocery store wine, I think the change in scenery is necessary. 

Ok, I'm starting to feel more relaxed. G'nite.

brains

Hello.
Yes, I'm still a zombie. My sleep schedule is all over the place.
Working that 4pm-midnight schedule made for calmer mornings, but late nights and more lost sleep still suck. I do not adjust well! As it stands, I have 3 more 4am days scheduled for next week and then, just maybe, we might be done with this.

I accepted an offer on the house last week. It wasn't a great offer, but it was within the range that I said that I would accept. I've learned not to get excited until after the option period.
Inspection tomorrow, which normally means it's time to get nervous. I don't expect anything new to be wrong with the house, because the last inspection was only 2 years ago and the buyers have already seen it. However, this is when things typically get hairy. There is always something that comes up after an inspection.

I'm not stressing. Either they want the house or they don't, and everything can be worked out. If it's meant to be, by June 30th I will be homeless.

If not, then I'll be making my bed for a little longer.

little breather

I woke up so happy today... at 8am. The sun was shining through the curtains and I felt un-rushed and rested.

I have been waking up at 4am every day for the last... however many days. I feel like I've been a zombie, going through the motions of getting up and going to work and being tired all the time. I did not adjust well to that schedule.
Especially now because the house is on the market and before I leave everything has to be show-ready. At 4am. 4am. Did I mention 4am?

No, it's not over. I got myself shifted to a different schedule. 4pm to midnight, while not ideal, is WAY better than waking up early. Plus now I don't have to work Saturday. I'm hoping for a proper break but trying to rally because who knows how long this will last?

The short of it is, I hate this job right now. I'm ready to go back to loving my job.

The house. I had 1 almost-offer and 1 very low offer. Lots of showings, which surprised me because the market is still a little slow due to covid, but I guess it's picking up. Since I'm not in a hurry to sell I'm not stressing. The right person will come along. Now if I happen to find the right house for me, THEN I'll be in a hurry to sell. Not trying to have 2 mortgages here.

In the meantime, I'll keep making my bed and putting away my toothbrush and having faith that it will all work out.

Pumpkin had a UTI. She looked so sad and sick that I really thought she was dying, but it was all taken care of by antibiotics. The vet found a heart murmur and she's lost more weight, but she hasn't reached the point where she's obviously hurting or miserable. She still plays and seems happy and enjoys treats so, okay.

I'm going to go finish my laundry, make some banana bread, do some grocery shopping, and maybe take a nap before work.

a couple big things

Two very different vibes going on in my head right now.

First, I met with Helen the Realtor. We were discussing the market and how to price the house, and the current listings are selling for a price per square foot that would make me lose money on his house. Then we looked up what my old house sold for, and it sold for WAY above the average price per square foot at the time. Which is remarkable considering how much work it needed.

I said I had a good feeling about it and the angels might shine down on us again. So with that in mind, Helen said she wanted to list it ASAP, before the market picks up again. At this point in time, my house would be the only 1-story in this square foot range on the market. Yes, please.

So. My current scenario is to wake up at 4am, go to work, come home 9 hours later to continue making everything absolutely spotless and pack up every tiny bit of clutter.
Repeat.
Photographer comes on Friday, we want to list the house by next week.

I'm excited about this and I'm confident that someone will walk into this house and love it... and want to pay a lot of money for it.

The other thing is, this afternoon, in the midst of packing/cleaning, I happened to notice that Pumpkin was sitting on the rug by the door, motionless. I walked over to her, and sat down to pet her to see what was up. When she moved a little bit, there was a small puddle of blood on the rug. Alarmed, I grabbed a paper towel and mopped it up to be sure, and when she moved again and there was another bloody puddle. I found several more, along with some vomit, around the house.

Oh, Punk. I called the vet and am going to drop her off tomorrow. But first I had to call my boss because I'm expected to be at work at 5am and the vet doesn't open until 7am. Don't even get me started about that whole thing. Both he and the lab manager were sympathetic about me being late, but it would be nice to have some help when situations like this come up.

Here's the thing with Punk. I know this is probably a UTI that can be easily treated with antibiotics. But what's next? She's 17 years old and has kidney disease. She's lost so much weight that when you pet her, you can feel her backbone. Recently the vet said she was healthy-ish, and she seems okay and even wants to play most days.

But how do you know when the quality of life has declined enough to consider putting her down? She walks around meowing all the time and I can't figure out if that's her way of trying to tell me she's hurting? Or maybe she's bored? Either way, bloody urine was pretty shocking.

I don't want my sweet kitty to suffer and I've never been in a situation where it's time to put a pet out of it's misery. How do you know when it's time?

still not sure what day it is

Happily catching a buzz. Made a hamburger pizza with fresh basil that I GREW MYSELF, spinach, and peppers. Oh, man. So good.

After I was already in the lab at 5am, some pretty strong storms blew through and I got a call from my neighbor mid-morning asking if my power was out. It was out for most of the day but the stuff in my fridge was still cold so I'm happy about that. I was nervous because the pond pump was off for a long time, and when the power kicked back on... the water didn't start flowing from the waterfall. Thankfully after a few minutes it started flowing.

I was packing up some stuff in the garage this afternoon when I accidentally cut myself on a rusty saw blade. Thanks to my siblings having babies, I'm up to date on my tetanus shot. Hey, that's nice.

My work schedule keeps getting better. We just heard that coverage is being extended another week. For most of May I get to keep working my ass off on a weird schedule that includes Saturdays before I get a break. The good news is we should be able to take PTO in June. Horray? I'm so disgruntled and burnt out. I'm going through the motions to keep my job until I can get excited about something job-related again.

I talked to my realtor and we plan to have the house listed the second week of May. How exciting! I'm so ready.

what day is it

Today was my Friday. I woke up at 4am for the 5th day in a row, worked a full shift, came home, took off my bra, and took a nap on the couch. One of those drooling, wake up with creases on your face naps.

Week 1 of supporting Big Reference Lab's go live is over. I am happy to say there has been much progress made. There were a few rough days, for sure, but I can see the techs getting the hang of things. That makes me happy. The sucky thing is, the better they get, the less there is for me to do, which makes for a boring day and this weird schedule isn't helping. At one point I was so zonked that I started to fall asleep, so I got up and organized some things to stay awake.

I am not adjusting well to this new sleep schedule. I can get to the lab on time, but it's a struggle, for sure. Even if I nap, I feel fried and totally off. Three more weeks to go.

Yesterday was FG's 50th birthday. We were supposed to throw him a big party but of course right now that's out of the question. I tried to make it special but with my work schedule the way it is, I missed the birthday celebration out at our friends' property. It would have been nice to spend today getting some fresh air and catching a buzz instead of stuck in a laboratory. Such is life, sometimes.

I found the perfect house online today. It had everything on my list, including tile that looks like hardwood.. It's in the wrong neighborhood, though. Darn.

cranky pants

It's 8:30 and I'm ready for bed. This new crappy work schedule caught up with me quick. Oh, I don't want to think about doing this for the next few weeks.
One day at a time.

I'm lowkey pissed about this whole thing. Everyone else is at home sitting on their asses for the 35th-ish day and I'm exhausted. I've BEEN exhausted. Today we got an email saying that everyone in the division had to take 5 days PTO before the end of May, and I would absolutely love that, but I know all of us supporting the big reference lab will be exempt from this mandatory proclamation. Please, let me take PTO! I'm tired! It's my turn to sit around on my ass!

Although I know if I was sitting around on my ass I know I'd be bored wanting something to do.

I just had to bitch for a second. I know I'm lucky to have a job and be getting paid. I know that being forced to be a part of this project will do good things for my career, for sure. I would just love a little break to refresh my brain and body.

In other news, my kitchen windowsill tin can herbs are doing well. I even got a single lavender sprout to survive. The ginger is massive. I'll take a picture at some point.

Speaking of that, I saw this cute house a few months ago that just came back on the market because "buyer financing fell through." It's got a few wonky bits, but all old houses do, and if it stays on the market I'm definitely going to look at it. It's got almost everything on my list, and a big corner window right above the kitchen sink. Perfect for herbs.

blaze it

My coffeemaker is set to start brewing at 4am.

I'm not happy about it. I fought it, and actually got out of it several times, but I kept getting sucked back into this project because no one else is available right now due to covid travel restrictions.

Big Reference Lab goes live with their instruments tomorrow and we kick off the start of 30-day round-the-clock go-live support. I have to work the 5am shift and also work Saturday, but at least I managed to avoid working overnights...

Work has been busy, busy. Fortunately we are getting hazard pay right now and that's a nice bonus. I handed my current project (which was going beautifully) over to a colleague and it's already messy, but instead of stressing over it, I decided that it's not my problem right now (because it's not). In a few weeks when I pick it back up, I'll deal with the mess. Right now I have this reference lab mess to handle and I don't get paid enough to care about both.

Our trip to Cancun got cancelled so there's no tropical vacation to look forward to at the end of all this, but at least between the hazard pay, the stimulus check, and the complete lack of spending, I have some serious cash stashed away. I'll still happily trade some of it for a gallon of sunscreen and a boozy cabana on a beach.

I need to adjust my sleep schedule to go to bed early, so I spent the day doing EVERYTHING. I didn't let myself relax or slow down all day so that I'd be tired early. I got a ton of stuff done, including a few tasks that have been on my to-do list for a while now.

It's nearing the end of April, and it's almost time to put the house up for sale. That took forever and also came up so fast. Yeah, the market is a little slow right now and I'm also not sure I want strangers walking through my house, but I expect it will pick back up in the next few weeks, right on schedule.

I keep thinking, "I'm so ready to move but I like this cute house and moving is an expensive pain in the ass" and back-and-forth, but at the end of the day I'm moving for some good reasons and I'm ready to find something that works better for me in the long run.

Speaking of the long run, this whole moving process has stimulated lots of back-of-my-mind thought processes involving the future as it involves FG. Because we communicate very well, we have had several discussions about where we are, and what we want, and how we want our lives to progress.

Overall, we are both really happy with me moving closer to him, but I have some reservations about anything beyond that. I'm not super keen on the idea of starting to build a life with him, or anyone. I think living closer together will make daily life easier and buy me some time to be comfortable with the natural process of how relationships progress.

It's very easy to imagine spending the rest of our lives together, but the logistics and realities of that are freaking scary. Living together, merging kitchen gadgets, sharing office space, cell phone bills and bank accounts... that's all fine and dandy until one of you gets mean and crazy and the other one feels trapped in a shitty mentally-abusive situation that's not simple to exit.

History won't repeat itself, will it? I never saw the first shit storm coming, so how on earth can I predict the probability of another one?

That's what I'm resolving internally, still healing from, I guess.
Honestly it's going well.

no joke

Today was a good day.

I woke up to FG's old-school blaring alarm clock, and snuggled my way through snoozes. When I finally woke up, a hot cup of coffee had magically appeared at my bedside.

I turned his couch into my office and worked through the morning, and then I met Akhtar for lunch. We enjoyed a 6-feet-away picnic in the park. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sunny and warm, but not humid or sweltering.

The afternoon went by quickly as conference calls and emails bled into one another, and after I finished my book I sat in the back yard with a glass of wine.

About to take a shower to wash away the smell of outside and sunscreen.

Somehow, peace found me today and I didn't worry about much of anything.
Thanks, universe.

not worried

Here are some specific things that I've been worrying about today.
I'm going to put a positive spin on these worries and put that positivity down in writing so the universe can pick it up.

I will not be asked to work the overnight shift when *big reference lab* goes live.

My next project will move forward on a timeline that works for everyone.

The package of PPE items that I ordered will arrive today.

FG will be able to get the groceries that he wants.

Pumpkin will start eating better and gain some weight.

People will stay home and we can knock this virus down.

I will not feel like snacking mindlessly when I am at home.

I will feel peaceful and healthy this week.

In other news, the roses are starting to bloom and we got a little break in the heat and today was actually really productive.

continuing on

Yesterday, I had the day off. I had taken it off months ago and scheduled a bunch of doctor's appointments, planning to get them all done in 1 day. Of course, now they're all cancelled so my day was wide open.

It has been so weird to go out to work while the rest of the world hunkers down at home. It's usually the opposite. There are a few good things about that, including a complete lack of traffic. My commute has never been so smooth.

Forreal tho, work has been SO busy and I'm tired. I was fully ready for a day off. I spent the night at FG's, and I lounged around on his couch while he went in his office and participated in a stream of conference calls.
I think it's so interesting that a lot of people that are now working from home are getting to see a new side of their significant others- how they act "at work." I saw a meme that said something about how this woman noticed her husband uses the phrase, "let's circle back" and she never knew that about him. How funny!

I headed home around lunchtime and called up mom on the way. She was running an errand and made a wrong turn and wound up pretty close to my house, so she decided to stop at the grocery store. She's been quarantining pretty strictly, because she is in a higher health risk group. I haven't seen her in a while so I joined her.

I've been taking careful precautions when I leave the house, and everyone in the lab wears PPE and works far apart on a normal basis, but there's always a chance I've been exposed over the last few weeks. Which is why when I met her in the store I told her that I shouldn't hug her.
Well, she started to cry and reached for me anyway. We stood there in the egg aisle, sniffling and hugging, with our faces pointed as far away from each other as they could get, for a good solid minute.
Then we took our shopping carts, returned to keeping our distance, and had a really fun grocery store trip. You can see things slowly returning to normal on the shelves. There was produce, eggs, even a few cleaning supplies. I didn't really need much, so I got some fruit, lunchmeat, and an air filter and helped mom hunt down items that she had coupons for.

Ashley and I had planned to go visit Suzy this weekend but of course that's been cancelled and it's a bummer. I was really looking forward to that.
I miss the kiddos. I am living for the pictures/videos my siblings put on social media and send out in the group chat every day. Emma is 7 weeks now and I've held her only one time. She's so sweet and happy and is really the cutest little girl I've ever seen.

You know what I also miss? Pedicures and random Target runs.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day yesterday organizing a mountain of boxes in the guest room. I made friends with the materials management guy at the reference lab and he's been hooking me up with boxes. The last time I moved I didn't have time to go around collecting them, and wound up spending hundreds of dollars on boxes. Now, I have a ton of free boxes. PLUS bubble wrap!

I still can't believe how much crap I have.

never mind, pizza

Tonight, I majorly upgraded my pizza game.

I usually sprinkle some cornmeal down on the pan before adding the dough, but tonight I also added some garlic salt with parsley. For some reason, it made the whole pizza taste SO GOOD. Even though I had to use what was in my freezer for my toppings. Frozen peas? Sure. Broccoli? Heck yeah. Some freezer-burned ham? Perfect.
It was probably the best pizza I've ever made.

Never mind that this morning I turned off my alarm and instead of getting up I fell back to sleep, making me late for work.

Never mind that my hair had a mind of its own and I raked it back into a curly ponytail for the 10th day in a row.

Never mind that I accidentally groped / open-palm-slapped the lab manager's boob while I had 3 people's full attention during training. (she was cool about it, but damn.)

Never mind a lot of things that are not ideal right now.

There are things like kickass pizza, and a cat who eats a whole can of food, and videos of Emma, and hot showers that rinse away weird days, and another fresh day tomorrow where anything can happen.

It might even be a good curly hair day.

^ Putting that vibe out into the universe just for fun.

co-habitation ideas

This past weekend, FG and I were sitting on his couch drinking wine and chatting, when he started talking about painting the living room. Then he mentioned that he'd like to put in a skylight and remove the curtains in the windows by the front door.

He's been talking about wanting to do a few updates in his house for a while, but it hit me that he's talking about updating things that I've specifically mentioned that I don't like.

No- I don't walk around his house talking about everything that's ugly.

To back up a little, a while back when FG and I had the, "moving in together" talk, he asked if I would want to move into his house, and I said no.
As part of the conversation I mentioned that there were a number of things that I simply don't like about his house, including the lack of natural light and no counter space in the bathroom, how I prefer a gas stove and a tub in the master bedroom, etc.
If we were to move in together, I suggested moving into a different house that works for both of us.

Well, his house works for him (and has for 20 years), and he does not want to move, especially because the house is almost paid off. So yes, he's been talking about doing some updates, but I just noticed that lately he's been talking about making changes that would make me happier with the house.

Although I'm still not going to move in any time soon, I think that's the sweetest thing. It's really hard to change things that you've grown accustomed to over a long time, especially when you have no problem with how things are. The fact that he's open to change (including remodeling) is a big deal. I think he's a better person than I am when it comes to things like that.

thinking out loud

This is going to be a disorganized brain dump.


Today, I did not watch the news while I drank my coffee.
We all know what's going on, and the non-stop drama on the news does nothing but make me anxious. Instead, I turned on Little House on the Prairie and browsed pinterest. It was a good choice.

I spent a lot of time at FG's house this weekend. We figured if one of us has caught the virus, the other one has already been exposed anyway, and it was better than sitting at home bored.

Today I came home after breakfast, made some double-chocolate cookies to stash in the freezer for emotional eating, cleaned the kitchen cabinet doors, purged/packed some stuff in my bathroom, and made a delicious dinner of baked salmon on top of a mediterranean-ish salad. It was a good day, although I would love to sit on a patio with some friends right now. Even as a person who has no problem with solitude, it's been so weird and sustained solitude is never good.

In related news, my yoga studio started streaming yoga classes in response to social distancing. They are at a much more affordable price than traditional classes, so I signed up. It's amazing how much better I feel after taking a class. It really is an investment in mental health.

Another good thing about this "society shutting down" is the lack of spending opportunities. I've been able to save a ton of money this last month, and I've got another month to sock away cash before applying for a mortgage loan.

See, everything works out the way it's supposed to.

Still trying to practice reckless optimism, which has proven difficult in these uncertain times. The economy, job security, finding kale, upcoming vacations, putting the house on the market, how long will this last? It's okay, though. Because you know what?  Things work out. They always do.

All the stuff I worried about in my last post resolved themselves. I worried about the price of eye drops and wound up getting the doctor to call in some that were $17. Then it turned out, FG had kale in his fridge that he wouldn't eat so he gave it to me. It rained and pollen levels dropped. The instruments at the reference lab were fixed and we have a modified training schedule in place for next week. One by one, all of the things that I worried about were ok. Like always.

And life went on while I found something new to worry about.

Today's episode of reckless optimism:
The economy will recover quickly. Friends who got laid off will get even better jobs than the ones they've lost. The phone will ring off the hook with people wanting pest control. I will get a big bonus for working non-stop through this crisis. I will be able to find kale the next time I need it. The quarantine will be lifted in time for FG's big birthday party, and our vacation to Mexico in May will be awesome and no one will get sunburned. I'll put the house on the market as scheduled, and I will get a full-priced offer within the first week. The closing date will be June 15th. Everything that I put out in the garage sale will sell.

And, while I'm at it, I'm going to sleep well and wake up feeling happy, healthy, and energetic all week.

long day

Dang, there has been a lot of covid-drama in the last day or so.

Work has officially prohibited non-essential hospital visits and travel, which puts some huge kinks into my current project. Fortunately I'm not stuck at home, because I'm working at a reference lab and they don't have any restrictions in place... yet. Since I'm local, some of the responsibilities that were placed on people who were supposed to travel in are now assigned to me. It's made for some stressful days.
Both we and the customer are scrambling to adapt, although once we do, more restrictive measures will certainly follow.

In the meantime, I have been experiencing anxiety about finding grocery items that I'm running low on. I went to the grocery store today and it was not bad. I was able to find eggs, peanut butter, and almost everything on my list, except kale. There was not a dark, leafy green in the whole store. Plenty of other produce, but no spinach, kale, or salad greens.
I did not expect that but at least now I have enough coffee and I can relax.

I was also able to go see the eye doctor. I've been having some discomfort in my left eye and figured it would be a good idea to get it checked out before society shuts down. It's not red or anything, so I half-expected the doctor to tell me nothing was wrong.

Turns out, I'm not crazy. There is a wrinkle on the cornea, most likely from a little wonky Lasik healing that has been further irritated by these insane seasonal allergies. I got prescribed steroid drops, but of course I couldn't just go to the pharmacy and get them. I guess insurance doesn't want to cover the cost and they are $250 for a tiny bottle, so I have to contact the doctor again to see what else I can use. In the meantime it hurts every damn time I blink.

Needless to say, I'm annoyed and cranky and will probably go to bed early.

A little reckless optimism:
Tomorrow is another day. We will work out the issues at this customer site, the instruments will run great, the customers will be happy. I will get lots of utilization hours.
I'll get the right eye drops at a low price quickly, and my eye will start to feel better. The pollen levels will drop and my allergies will subside. I'm going to feel happy, energetic, and healthy.

small calm

It's a nice day outside. All the flowers are blooming and it looks so pretty, and there are bright red birds hanging out in the back yard being cute.

But the pollen is murder on my sinuses so I'm watching from inside the house. 
Laying on my bed with the humidifier on and the air scrubber humming. I woke up feeling terrible, so I took all the drugs this morning. I'm not 100% but I'm feeling better than I have in weeks.

It's been a nice, mellow Saturday and I'm all about it.The roombas are cleaning the floors, laundry is going, and I just packed up a few more boxes of random stuff like winter coats and home decor.

I had to throw away my high school letter jacket. The leather sleeves got all oily and gross and it was enough for me to stuff it into the trash can. I don't know how it managed to survive several purges, because I know I'll never wear it again.

Trying to avoid social media and the news, because I have absolutely no desire to hear one more hyped up dumb thing about the coronavirus. People are ridiculous.

only thursday

Dude, I'm tired.

Over the last few weeks, I noticed that I've been feeling unusually fatigued. Not sure why, but maybe it's time to have my iron/ thyroid checked?

Maybe it's because this has been the worst year for allergies, for sure. Itchy eyes, runny nose, sinus congestion, sneezing, generally feeling crappy. Can't take allergy medicine during the day because it all makes me sleepy.
Been feeling run down and meh.

I cleaned out the stream last weekend. It was gross. It had gotten full of algae and dirt and fish poo so I took the power washer and went to town. Lots of work and I'm glad I don't ever have to do that again. Unexpectedly, I got a sunburn on my shoulders and back where my tank top rode up. It was sunny, but I didn't think it was that sunny. Four days later and it's still red and itchy. I should have known better, tsk.

Today I wrapped up my customer visit early and went to see Frank. He gave me an extra air scrubber to see if it will help my allergies. Since I'm only 90% sure these are allergies and not a cold, I stayed away from Emma. I wanted to snuggle her SO BAD but I couldn't take the risk of getting her sick.

When I got home, I cleaned every inch of my bedroom. I even dusted the ceiling fan blades. Dusting is probably my least favorite household chore, so surfaces get pretty bad before I clean them. Now, there are no more cat hair tumbleweeds, and I even vacuumed the headboard.
Hopefully all this will help me feel better.

After cleaning, I noticed I was sweaty. Darn it, I guess the cool weather is gone for good. Time to switch on the A/C and start shaving my legs again.
Since I was in the mood, I packed away all my long-sleeved clothes and pulled out the dresses and shorts.

All I want to do now is soak in a hot bath, take some antihistamines, and go to bed early. The hot bath probably won't work because of the sunburn, but I can absolutely crawl into bed.

I really hope with all this coronavirus madness, I don't end up stuck in my house bored. The hospitals have already said not to come in unless it's absolutely necessary, and school is cancelled for 2 weeks. Let's hope this blows over soon.

missing and not

It has begun.

The first box, of many many many boxes, has been packed.

I took all the wine glasses down to clean the mirror in the bar and thought, "Why would I put them back up just to pack them in a couple of weeks?" So, into a box they went. I packed up a few more things, too. The seal has been broken.

One thing I really can't believe is how much STUFF I still have. I did a major purge 2 years ago. How do I still have so much stuff? As I packed, I thought, "Will I miss this over the next few months while it's in storage, or have I used it in the last 2 years?" If the answer was no, out it went. Lots of it went into the garage sale pile.

April is going to be very busy with work and my goal is to list the house by May, so I suppose starting to pack and declutter now isn't a bad idea. Oy, it's so much work.

It's funny, I was sitting on the couch this afternoon looking out the window thinking, "I should go outside and enjoy the back yard/ pond while I still can." But the truth is, I don't sit out there much and I don't think I'll miss it that much. Every time I sit out there, I can't help but look around at all the work that needs to be done and it is usually more stressful than peaceful. Plus my allergies are so freaking bad lately and sitting outside doesn't help.

This is a really cute house in a great neighborhood and I will miss a lot of things, but there's plenty that I won't miss.
I won't miss trying to pull in and out of my driveway while a bunch of cars are around.
I won't miss cleaning the pond or any of that maintenance.
I won't miss sitting in traffic on 99 to go see FG.
I won't miss cleaning the 2300 sq ft of floors and the 3 toilets. Yes, I'm excited to be closer to FG, but I'm most excited about downsizing, for sure.

FG. More and more I think about how we talk about moving in together and how I feel about that. Oh, what a huge leap that is! Some days I have myself convinced that I'm ready and it would be an awesome thing, and some days I have myself convinced that I really like living alone. Either way, the plan is still for me to buy myself a cute little house that may (or may not) turn into a rental property one day.

I've been keeping an eye on the active listings and there are a lot of really good potential homes in the area. I've seen a few that I really liked come and go, because the timing's not right yet. There are so many variables with buying and selling a house and I'm really hoping that things fall into place without too much stress.

Remember, reckless optimism!

Oh, also I took Pumpkin to the vet and she's lost some weight but overall is very healthy for her age. According to her labs, the kidney disease has not progressed very much in the last year. Yay!

RSIBWTBA

Random shit I've been wanting to blog about

in no particular order:

-I feel like I haven't sat down in days. FG asked me if I would help him landscape his rent house on Saturday and I told him,"I can't think of an excuse to get out of it, so sure." And you know what? It was hard work but we make a really great team and it looks fantastic.
Sunday he asked me if I would go with him to IKEA to pick up a stovetop that he had ordered online. I figured it would be a quick trip so I said yes. Then once we got there, he sprung it on me that he also wanted to look at other appliances. You can imagine my overall joy at the situation, but we were already there so I went with it. We fought through the hordes of Sunday IKEA shoppers and strollers (and probably coronavirus), and an hour later, we had 3 carts full of an oven, a microwave, and a dishwasher, in addition to the stovetop.

-You know how old cats get real skinny around the hips? Pumpkin's looking like that. She's been eating well so maybe this is just what happens. She still plays and snuggles and seems happy so I'm happy about that.

-I finally cleaned my floors, for the first time in maybe 6 months. I have come to the conclusion that I hate laminate floors. Give me hardwood and tile and I'll be happy. Heck, I'd be happy with all tile. I love that tile that looks like wood. Frank has it and it's awesome.

-I sat down and took a hard look at my budget. For years, I tracked every cent in a detailed spreadsheet, but I stopped once I started making enough money to not worry about overdrafting. I still keep an eye on my bank account, I don't keep stringent records.
Well, I'm really trying to save money so I went back to my spreadsheet and figured out how much I make/spend/can save each month. Turns out, my monthly bills aren't as much as I thought and I can save a really decent amount each month if I make a few adjustments.
For example, I spend on average $400 a month on groceries. For one person. What?? Of course, that includes things like cleaning supplies and toiletries, but I feel like that's an area where I can really cut back without noticing a huge difference. Back to meal planning while looking at sale flyers. I have a couple more months to pad my savings account and I'm extra motivated now that I've done the math and see how much I can potentially save.

-Work has been really busy and I love it. This job is awesome.

-Huge deal for me: I've been waking up at 6am. Ish. I've been taking some time to wake up in the mornings to watch the news and drink coffee, instead of sleeping until the last possible second and rushing through my morning. I feel so adult-like. I do not enjoy waking up early, but I do enjoy having a more tranquil morning. Also, the news is scary. The world is fucked up.

-I have not done yoga in forever. That was one of the first things I cut out when I started saving money, and instead of going to the studio I would practice at home. I think I don't have the self-discipline to do it regularly at home. I think I need someone guiding me.

little break

Galentine's was so fun this year. Mom hired a caricature artist who was a hoot. Continuing the recent trend, I had so much fun I didn't take any pictures.

I was so productive today.

Lately I've been sitting at a high profile account all day every day providing support should they need it. For the most part... they don't. I have had some long, boring days.

But today, I took an office day (mostly to go over to FG's house so he could get pest control). Once I got home, I got so much done in the office, and around the house.

It's amazing how much stuff there still is to purge. It's easy to toss because if it's still sitting in the same spot after I unpacked 2 years ago, it's obvious I don't use it. Plus because I'm downsizing, I can reason that it's ridiculous to have, for example, a dozen wine glasses.

As the pile of stuff to donate grows, Ashley's suggestion to have a garage sale is sounding better and better. Especially because I still have furniture to purge and it would be easiest to drag it into the driveway and hope someone wants it. Being on a busy corner might be to my advantage here.

bites.

It's been a long day.

I was up at 5:45am, after a light sleep that was not helped by allergy medicine, because as it turns out, post-lasik antihistamine-induced dry eyes are a thing even when you're sleeping. I might prefer the sinus congestion.

Anyways, it was a slightly rushed morning, a bumper-to-bumper drive to the lab, and a day full of simultaneously being available to several different people while supporting the customer that I was onsite to see.

Just another day, really.

But then I came home and got undressed to soak in the bathtub.

That's when I noticed them.

The bites.

I noticed a few yesterday. One on my leg, a couple on my neck and chest. Little red bumps that I noticed as I applied my moisturizer, but nothing serious.

This evening, I noticed several more. A few more on my thighs, abdomen, and back. Little red bumps. Enough of them to take notice.

Then the internal alarms went off.

OH MY GOD. What if they're BEDBUG BITES??

I travel a lot. It's very plausible that I might have picked up bedbugs at any number of the hotels that I've stayed at in the past year. So I did what any rational person would do. I googled it. And of course, bedbug bites look a lot like any other type of bite... and also like mine. Of course I started to freak out.

With a queasy feeling in my stomach, I donned my head lamp and stripped the bed, inspecting every tiny speck as I went. I peeled apart the seams of the mattress as much as I could. I peered into every tiny nook and cranny in the bed frame and nightstands. I looked into the tiniest corners in all of my suitcases. I saw parts of my couch that no normal person should every see.

I found... nothing... other than cat hair and chip crumbs. Thank GOD.

The other most plausible explanation would be fleas. Slightly less disgusting than bedbugs.

I don't usually give Pumpkin flea medication during the winter, and as I suspected, FG hasn't been giving his dog any, either. Although I haven't noticed Pumpkin itching, and I didn't see any during my search, the weather has recently warmed up and it's possible that fleas are the culprit. They're sneaky little bugs.

Regardless of the source, I began a significant frenzy of vacuuming, dusting, and washing blankets, sheets, and the animals' beds. Whatever it is, I'm nipping it in the bud. My bedroom is so clean right now.

The other thing is, I spent most of the weekend at FG's, and I noticed the bites on Sunday or Monday night so I might need to inspect his house as well.

Not safe yet.