hey you, porker

Hope this blog post finds you well.

I'm sitting on the couch looking at boxes of Christmas decorations that need to be put back up into the attic. In the meantime they just make the house look messy. It can be messy for a few days. I'm telling myself that... over and over.

After taking a break from house-related changes, I declared that 2022 is the year that we bring our bedroom into this decade. The bulky old waterbed frame and mismatched furniture don't exactly lend a relaxing vibe. As long as FG can find a deal on the furniture, I'll get my new bedroom.

Also working on the living room situation. The couches and end tables are awkward in the space and I'm just not great at the home styling stuff. I tend to find pieces that serve a purpose but also look pretty, and sometimes those things don't go well together. For example we replaced the gigantic useless coffee table with a storage ottoman, and I love the ottoman but it doesn't match the couches and looks a little off. FG drew the line at new couches (if you give a mouse a cookie), and he's probably right, so I'm going to have to figure it out. I'd almost like to hire Frank's decorator just to have a fresh eye in here. Hm.

The lake house search is ongoing and I'm hoping that after the holidays people put their houses on the market. We have seen a lot of cool houses but we have so many requirements that it will have to be a very specific property for us to really be interested. I'd really also love to not pay for that storage unit every month and drink my coffee with a beautiful view. You know?

That was a lot about houses and home decor. 

Oh, I'm getting my face lasered next week. Hopefully these sun spots and old acne scar discoloration will fade. Not that it's super bad, but I want to try it.

Also about 3 months into using latisse. I asked my eye doctor about dying my eyelashes so I didn't have to wear mascara every day and she said that's a terrible idea and would likely cause a lot of irritation and not be worth it. So she prescribed latisse just to try. Overall I like it. No issues. My lashes are much longer (almost too long), but they're not much darker or thicker. Also my right eye has some scarring along the lash line from when I was a kid, so the growth has always been uneven and that's true now as well. So my lashes are super long but not exactly even. I've also been trying a few mascaras and I have some detailed reviews coming up.

It's also about time to update my wardrobe. I walk in my closet and have "nothing to wear" which means I'm bored with the current choices. Considering trying stitch fix again. Still looking for a good resource for pants because nothing fits anywhere.

I am happy to report that I am still doing daily pushups. I've stalled at 15 but I'm ok with that. We got a gym membership but months later we STILL have not gone. I don't really care and am leaning more towards getting a yoga membership instead. I haven't practiced in months, even at home, and I really do feel better when I do. Plus my job will reimburse the cost of fitness-related expenses so why not?

Work has been slow the last few months. I've learned to TAKE the breaks when they come, because it's only a matter of time before I'll be slammed. We got huge bonuses and I got a good raise this year, so right now I love my job.

Got a little bit of the sniffles going around our house. FG got sick first and we did an at home test for the big C, (fun fact: the tests you get at the drug store are the exact same as the kind used in the hospital labs) and it was negative. His symptoms were mild and ordinarily we wouldn't have bothered to test for it, but we were going to visit his dad who has significant respiratory-related medical issues and we didn't want to take the chance. Anyway whatever he had, I now have, and no matter what you call it, it sucks being sick. Hoping this runs its course fast and doesn't linger like these things tend to do.

hey guys

 A few things.

1. Armpits. The Native deodorant is a champ. I sweat a little, but there is rarely an odor, and I don't have to scrub my pits raw every night trying to get the antiperspirant off. I'm a fan. I'll follow up again in July when it really matters, but for now I'm sold.

2. We have been keeping our eyes on lake houses for over a year now, and have been actively looking since August (pre-approved and ready to pounce), with not much luck. The market is slowing down, but we haven't seen anything we really like. I was really hoping to have a lake house by the end of the year, so here we go: manifesting some badass properties within our budget that will come on the market.

3. My belly continues to mostly behave. I'm so grateful for the calm. I might have found a good combination of diet and supplements. I might even gain some weight! When I feel better and put on a little weight, I feel feminine and soft and sexy. I haven't had curves in a while and I miss them.
It's funny how everyone has different opinions about body image. I hate it when people comment on my body positively when I'm sick and lose weight because I FEEL sickly and bony and gross. It's so weird how people do that anyway.
Starting a new movement: Quit scrutinizing peoples' bodies.
And I swear, if I hear one more person tell me that I'm skinny because I can't eat gluten... Ugh. People are the worst sometimes.

In the meantime, I'm learning to appreciate my body no matter what size I am, no matter if I'm sick or feeling good. I am grateful for a body that wakes up every morning and carries me through life and every glorious experience, no matter what it looks or feels like. That is a big humongous step for me and I'm proud of myself.

4. We were exercising twice a week for a few weeks... and then we took vacations and I traveled for work during weird hours and our schedule went to shit. Trying to get back on track but it's difficult when your schedule keeps changing. At the very least, we do pushups every day and go for nice long evening walks when the weather is nice.

Life has actually been pretty blissful lately. Work is a nice cycle between being busy and then I get a break, we've been traveling to some fun places, our families are happy and healthy, and we are feeling very content and blessed. Taking the opportunity to breathe in and out easily... if you don't count the allergies.

NE Road Trip

In case you are interested, here is the itinerary from our NE road trip:

Day 1:

From LaGuardia: Stay in New Haven, CT: (1 hr 45 m drive)

Other option: Mystic Seaport (2.5 hr drive)

 

Day 2:

Drive to Adams Farm Corn Maze: 495 Sumner Brown Rd, Cumberland, RI 02864 (2 hrs)

Drive to Boston: (1 hr), stay for 2 nights. Salem (30 min away)

 

Day 3:

Day trip to New Hampshire (America’s Stonehenge, 45 min) & Maine (Ogunquit, 1 hr)

Bow Market- reserved a firepit table for 8:30pm

 

Day 4:

Drive to Art in the Orchard: Park Hill Orchard 82 Park Hill Rd, Easthampton, MA 01027 (2 hr)

Drive to Fishkill (2.5 hr)

430pm tasting: Benmarl Winery: 156 Highland Avenue Marlboro, NY 12542

 

Day 5:

Drive to airport, take the Taconic Pkwy (1 hr 15 m)

 

Other things to do:

 

Rhode Island:

Newport Mansions- very south

Providencetown

 

Boston:

Boston Common/Freedom Trail

Beantown Pub (Sam Adams)

Restaurants: Legal, Boston Sail Loft, Pier 6

Isabella Stewart Gardner museum 11-5pm $20

 

Salem:

Salem witch museum Mon 10-5 $15

Ropes Mansion sun 12-4

 

Massachusetts:

Mendon- Festival of illumination Southwick zoo, $25, 5:30-10pm

 

New Hampshire:

Hiking- peanut trail, Breakfast Hill Mountain

 

Maine:

Ogunquit- Marginal Way, Perkins Cove, Beach Plum Farm (610 Main)

Kennebunkport, parsons way trail

Hiking- Kittery Town, Graces woods, mcfeely

 

Vermont:

Scenic drives up North: Smuggler’s Notch, Elm Grove Farm, Sugar bush, Stow, Pomfret and cloudland road

Glastenview maple farm weekend 9-5 weekday 3-5

Dover Honora winery tour

 

Connecticut hiking:

Enders Falls, Chapman Falls, Campbell Falls state park (hike to waterfall), Kent falls state park, Little laurel lime ridge park Seymour ct (limestone caves)

Things I'm loving lately

1. Disposal Genie.

We got a new garbage disposal and the baffle was getting really gross. Food scraps kept getting caught in it and there was this slime that developed around the seal and who has time to scrub it out all the time?? This thing is awesome. No food gets caught in it, and nothing smells. I'm getting everyone one of these for Christmas.

2. Kettle cooked salt and pepper chips. 

I know I have a chip problem, but oh, man these are good. Crunchy, flavorful, perfect. I can eat an entire bag in one sitting. Which is, ultimately, a very bad thing.

3. Scrunchies. They're back in style. They don't damage my already super fine hair. They're 3 for a dollar at Dollar Tree. I like the skinny ones that don't have so much poof. 

4. Omega 3 and digestive enzymes. I have been taking both for a while now and they seem to be making a difference in how my belly feels on a daily basis. The Omega 3s were recommended by my eye doctor and as an added bonus they seem to help with my belly inflammation. Yay! I'm going to ride this happy belly wave for as long as it will let me.

5. On a whim, I grabbed one of those tiny little Native Deodorant trial sizes at target. I love their sample section. I've struggled with armpit odor for as long as I can remember, to the point where I frequently layer on 3 different products. It's not that I sweat a lot, but when I DO sweat, even a little bit, it smells really bad. The problem is, even 3 layers deep I still stink, and scrubbing off 3 layers of antiperspirant at the end of the day is a task that often leaves my poor pits feeling... irritated. So a few days ago, I quit cold turkey. And what do you know... I actually smell pretty neutral. I don't love the smell of the deodorant itself but by midday it wears off and at the end of the day, I don't stink. It's REMARKABLE. Going to keep using it and maybe try the unscented kind.

Ok so there you have it. Kitchen stuff, snacks, belly calming agents, and natural deodorant. A well-rounded post. Have a nice night. 

bliss

Today, at approximately 5:30 pm, I looked at FG and said, "There's no one else I'd rather be cranky with in Home Depot."
Which lightened the mood considerably. 

That's the kind of day we had. But really, it was actually pretty good. This weekend was exactly what I wanted it to be. After last weekend's badass trip to Vegas (literally the funnest time I've had in a LONG time... my entire family in Vegas, my little brother getting married, I won $400 on a penny slot, it was just SO FUN), I needed a mellow weekend.

So we slept in, hung around the house, and crossed a bunch of stuff off of our to-do lists. I made watermelon slushies and we set up the pool and stripped to take a dip when it got too hot.

We also took a quick drive through the country to drop off an impromptu gift of an outdoor rug. FG decided that Ash & Collin needed one for their new camper so we crashed their first family vacation in that new camper. It derailed my plans to try out a local wine bar but honestly I think I enjoyed sitting at that picnic table gossiping about dramatic moms in my moomoo more than I would have enjoyed an overpriced glass of wine.

When we got home that night, a broken bottle of wine AND some dog pee had to be cleaned up in the game room, which slopes so both of those things ran downhill for a longer distance than we'd prefer to clean up. Of course this happened AFTER I had mopped and while we were both starving. Fun times.

In conclusion, the shower no longer drips, we upgraded and streamlined the door locks, the floors got cleaned, the roses got pruned, and a bunch of other stuff got crossed off the lists. And I'm happy.

Now I know how to fix a dripping shower. Also I'm ready to plan another trip. I've always wanted to go to Vermont when the leaves change...

life in small chunks

Have the house to myself tonight. For the first time since February.

My original plan was to grab a friend and get a glass of wine at this cute little wine bar in Richmond that has music.

But I had a terrible headache all day, and while I was in the shower the power went out. I tried not to think creepy thoughts, but how can you not think about killers coming to get you when you're home alone and the power goes out during your shower?? A big storm blew through so Pumpkin and I sat on the back porch watching it for about an hour until the power came back on.

By then I was tired and headachey and hungry and I never actually called a friend to go out so I ate leftovers and made brownies and drank some wine and watched Friends.

You know, it's basically what I used to do back when I lived by myself. And what I'd probably be doing if FG was home except we'd be watching netflix instead of Friends.

We got in this rut where we don't go out or do anything and I'm trying to mix it up a bit. Like see a movie on a Tuesday, or start working out twice a week, or have date nights on Fridays. I miss traveling for work. I miss doing things. I'm very, very over sitting around the house.

Other small updates:

We decided to postpone getting a gym membership, because if we're going to start having to wear masks again, we won't be going to the gym. Still doing daily pushups, though. I'm back up to 15 at a time.

I decided the porch should have a pool house vibe. I chose a color scheme of turquoise and yellow, painted a few things, and it currently holds pool toys, towels, sunscreen, etc. It looks really cute, especially considering that we started with a dark, smelly gross room, and now it is clean and has a purpose so I'm happy about that. We got a blow-up pool for the backyard and although it's a temporary solution, I'm digging it. It's very nice to sit in and have a cocktail at the end of the day or after getting hot and sweaty doing yardwork.

The garden is so sad right now. Hardly anything is making it through this heat. Also I don't think zucchini like to be in pots. Learning some lessons here.

We went to visit Missy and Zach last weekend. Man, I miss her. There were several times where I almost said, "Let's have coffee next week" or, "Next time we go to the beach you should join us" before I remembered they live 4 hours away. 

FG's dad will be visiting for a week. He has some health issues and needs assistance with things like taking showers and walking and taking insulin. I won't be helping with the showers but I will have to wear pants around the house. Fortunately he's not a cranky old man and is pleasant to be around. He doesn't say much because he requires oxygen and gets winded easily, but when he does talk he's pretty funny and agreeable. I'm actually looking forward to getting to know him a little better.

I FINALLY figured out the perfect pancake temperature on the stovetop. Cooking on electric after being spoiled by a gas stovetop has been a challenge, and this has been a major hurdle. I think I can finally live in this house now.

You know how I bitch a lot about how the worst part of living with a dude is the pee dribbles on the toilet rim? Well, I went to go clean the toilet the other day and it was... clean. Come to find out, he has been wiping off the rim of the toilet every single time he pees. Can you believe that? Can you?

belly rescind and eyes and... marriage

The day after I posted about how great my belly has been, I've had a bunch of days of random flares. Sigh.

~

I went to the eye doctor and after looking at my eyes, she was like, "They're hella dry." And yes, after Lasik, they're a little dry, but I've been dealing with it.

She gave me some drops that have oil in them (and they are NICE), some allergy drops, some hippie omega 3 pills, and instructions to lay with a warm compress on my eyes for 15 minutes each day so they'll loosen up some glands or something. She made me promise to follow her instructions because I guess chronic dry eyes are not a good thing... and you only get 1 set so you gotta take care of them.

~

Y'all. Luke. Getting married. I knew it would happen quickly once he met the right person because that's the way he is. I'm so happy for him. 

If we're being honest, I struggled for a while with my opinions about marriage. You know... after mine fell apart while I desperately held on. I remember the first wedding I went to after I knew mine was doomed. I cried during the vows, but not for the right reasons. Because I know that feeling. The feeling of pledging the rest of your life with someone and how awesome it feels and how much you really, truly believe those vows. ...And then life happens. And for me life was kind of a bitch.

But after healing from that trauma, I still cry at weddings, but now for the right reasons. I've decided that marriage is still wonderful. At the end of the day, I choose to remember the advice that a friend gave me a long time ago, "If there is any chance that you will be happy, go for it."

The thing is, no one knows what's going to happen. Sometimes marriages last for a lifetime, sometimes they're a shitshow, and sometimes they're something in-between. And there's no way to predict which one it will be. And I'm always happy to celebrate my friends and family going for it. So cheers to Luke and Faith!

state of the belly

Tonight I had a cupcake and it didn't hurt my stomach. This is significant.

I think after many, many years of struggling and feelin so sick, I finally have a handle on things. Well, most days. Some days the belly hurts and I can't figure out why, but bellies are weird sometimes. But being able to eat a cupcake and not pay for it afterwards is huge in my book.

The official list of foods I avoid to achieve belly harmony is:
gluten (duh)
dairy
oats, bacon, peppers & tomatoes (I like them but they do NOT like me back)

A few other foods that seem to help:
kombucha, specifically flavors containing ginger
sauerkraut- a forkful with breakfast seems to make things happy
prunes, 2 with my coffee every morning
these herbal supplements, with coffee every morning just to get a good start, and sometimes as needed if the belly is cranky
raw carrots. It's weird, but if I can't stomach anything else, carrots will sit well.

Adding almond milk to my coffee every morning has made a huge difference (dude apparently coffee is brutal on my stomach), and overall things are so much better. 

I'm so happy I've been able to identify and eliminate the foods that have been making me feel so crappy, and add in foods that make me feel better.

breather

Sittin' on the couch. Drinking some wine. 

Took a break from reading a book that made me have dreams that I murdered a friend last night. Very disturbing. The book isn't that graphic, but damn my subconscious grabbed ahold and ran with it.

We picked up sushi at the grocery store for a very low-maintenance dinner. I forget how surprisingly good it is. Managed to spend almost $300 on groceries and we are leaving for vacation in 4 days. Mom had a dream that said to stock up on food, so now we have lots of beans. Plus meat was on sale so we bought extra, and we bought the biggest damn package of paper towels. Our grocery bill has been ridiculous. Things add up quickly.

This week is mellow. I made a bunch of appointments (tb test, dermatologist, car window tint, dog grooming) and plan to cross a bunch of things (like get my crappy car washed) off my to-do list.

Been paying attention to what I'm eating and recording it in an app. Turns out, I don't get nearly enough protein, potassium, calcium, or iron. Kind of important things. Going to try and get a better balance.

Also we're going to get a gym membership. Bit of a story behind that, but the bottom line is I want to get stronger and FG wants to get fitter and if we're shelling out money, we might actually be motivated to do it. My history with gym memberships is inconsistent at best, so I'm not super optimistic, but I -am- feeling slightly more motivated than I have in a long time.

Overall, life is chill right now. Kind of settled into a groove and it hasn't gotten mundane yet. I'm appreciating the breather because you know how things go.

happy thursday

Currently eating an enchilada Amy's meal (with added veggies, of course), drinking some wine, sitting in a newly remodeled hotel room and feelin' fine.

Got sent out of town today to a little hospital for a super easy task. It was a beautiful day for a drive. I am looking forward to visiting the small-town walmart on my way home tomorrow, happy to be traveling for work again, and loving small returns to normalcy, like getting a pedicure sans mask. Seriously, hardly anyone in this town wears a mask and I'm here for it.

I went to the local grocery store and found gf donuts for half off, so breakfast (and probably dessert tonight) will be extra yummy.

Operation, "take over FG's house" has stalled. I got tired of working on the house non-stop and took a break, planted a bunch of flowers in the front, and now I'm feeling motivated again. There are little things here and there that need attention, but the main areas where I need to focus are the porch and the yoga room. 

The yoga room just needs art and organization. The porch is a hard one. I'm not sure what purpose it will serve, what furniture it needs, and what color scheme/theme to go with.
I kinda want to have fun with it without being tacky, and I'm stuck. I kinda want it to have a sunroom vibe but it doesn't actually get much light. I kinda want it to be a bar but the liquor is at home better in the game room. I have so much decision paralysis! It has been sitting empty except for the purple velvet chair and I need to figure something out.

In the meantime maybe pinterest will help me out.

hummus, travel, eyeliner, teeth

Did you know that a tub of hummus has 10 servings, and a bag of tortilla chips has 10 servings? That is a fun coincidence. Also, over the course of 2 days I've eaten 10 servings of both hummus and tortilla chips. Sounds gross, but it didn't actually SEEM like that much food.

We went on vacation for FG's birthday, then I was home for less than 12 hours before I flew out again to help out with a big project in Mississippi for 2 weeks. The days here are long and tiring. I'm ready for a more mellow schedule, maybe with an office day that includes a purring lap kitty.

One of my colleagues wore blue eyeliner yesterday. Like, a cobalt blue eyeliner. It looked so pretty that I went out after work to buy some. I couldn't find the right blue, so I settled on a metallic navy. Of course hers looked better and her skin tone is much different, but I think I like the way it looks. Also, I need to learn how to apply eyeliner and, you know, draw in a straight line. 

I have to pack and get up at 3am to catch my super early flight, but after I land I'm going to the dentist- I've been chewing on one side because of this temporary crown for 3 weeks and I'm so ready to get back to normal.

adultful things and peppers

FG and I recently sat down and wrote our wills. Very informal, literally a Word document that spells out our wishes. I figure at the very least, it's some guidance to our families in the event that we suddenly die.
I think that's so important. Especially because we've experienced the sudden death thing and if something happens, neither of us has any legal claim to the other person's assets. We will eventually get the documents legal but for now this will have to do.
(Good thing we have good relationships with each others' families- neither of us wants to have to haunt people for not carrying out our wishes.)
Because of that conversation, I tracked down some old retirement accounts, which required rifling through some old files in the storage unit, and am going to get those rolled over and organized. Such adult-ful stuff. 

Got that dental work done, with no drugs. It was awful but I got through it. I really need to get a prescription for some light anti-anxiety meds for situations like that. I have some drugs to take, courtesy of Mah, but without a prescription if I get drug tested for some reason, I'm screwed. In the meantime I suffered through it and now my mouth is really sore. Oh, teeth. Why can't you be good?

Oh yeah, the peppers. I heard that the produce you get at grocery stores is genetically altered so that if you try to plant the seeds, they will not grow. To test this, I took some pepper seeds to see what would happen. They sprouted and I have some little plants, but we will see if I get peppers to grow. 

this, that, and the other

I'm really tired tonight and would happily go to bed right now, but I'm waiting for an hour that seems more appropriate to go to sleep.

Let's see, what's going on?

Work- my morale is better, since things have mellowed out for a few weeks and the forecast looks more normal.

Anxieties- I need a root canal in the back, another old filling got loose and decayed underneath. Going to self-medicate this time.

Pleasantries- Dad came to visit. It was so nice to see him. He helped with a project in the backyard, and overall he's just so cool to hang out with. I was sad to see him leave but at the same time happy I don't have to put on pants to get coffee in the morning. Would love to book a trip this year to go to San Diego and see him.

Speaking of trips, we booked a trip to Denver for FG's birthday. The flights were super cheap, and we plan to head into the mountains and avoid the city.

I keep meaning to document some of the garden. The spinach bolted, I did some research and it likes shorter days and colder weather so there's a lesson there. The zucchini has blooms and hopefully I'll get veggies- I've tried it before and I had apparently healthy plants, but never got any veggies. Maybe this is the year for that.

division of labor

Last night, something happened.

I was brushing my teeth when FG walked up to wash his hands. He tried the soap dispenser, and no soap came out. He looked at me and said, "The soap dispenser needs to be refilled."

I continued brushing my teeth for a few seconds before I realized that the casual comment was directed at me. Like it was my job to fill the soap dispenser. I told him that he was more than welcome to refill it, and continued brushing my teeth.

I thought about why that happened. Since I moved in, I've been the one who does most of the cleaning. It's just what I naturally do. I like to clean, and I kind of took it over, to the point where I guess FG started to expect it. 

The problem is, if I do all the work, that's what the expectation becomes. He's a grown man who is perfectly capable of helping maintain the household, yet I'm taking care of all of it. I think it's time to take a step back and start requesting a little more balance when it comes to house cleaning. 

We'll see how long it takes before the soap dispenser gets refilled. 

Rambles here we go

Scene: sitting on the couch in my fuzzy pink bathrobe with a glass of wine and Friends on tv, yelling for the cat to come join me but she won't.

Ah. So nice.

Today was one of those days where my feet hit the floor when I got out of bed and I did not stop moving until I plopped my butt on the couch a few minutes ago. But of course I'll get up to fold the clothes and empty the dishwasher when it's done.

Today, though, I got ME time! It's so weird how I bitch about something here and then shortly afterwards I get it. [I need to become a millionaire, thanks] This happened because we had to cancel our trip to Austin because of sketchy power and water (boooo) and FG decided to stay at our friends' property. I saw my opportunity and declined to go. The most significant part of today, even though I accomplished so much, was that I turned the thermostat OFF.

One of the biggest differences that FG and I have discovered after living together (besides each others pets) is that we prefer very different temperatures in the house. In regards to the heater, I'm the type to wear some fuzzy socks and a long sleeved shirt and avoid turning it on. I'm losing this particular disagreement because it's been insanely cold (and we luckily made it through unscathed), and my main complaint? It's so DRY. The inside of my nose, my eyeballs, my skin... it's all dry. It's so uncomfortable, even with a humidifier in the bedroom and a boiling pot of water on the stove. Something about the heat from the furnace sucks all the moisture out of the air and it's miserable! Today, I won. Tomorrow, I'll go back to losing again.

I started working on my garden. Getting seeds to start is sometimes so easy and rewarding, and sometimes it's... nothing. I've grown sunflowers successfully before, and they didn't sprout easily this year so I tried again and I'm hoping I can get some. The zucchini has sprouted and is going strong. The spinach is wimpy looking, the peppers and beans didn't show up, and I think I have some sage making an appearance. Regardless of what sprouts, this is a new yard with a new sun pattern and I'll have to learn what grows and what doesn't. Aside from the actual plants, my other immediate goal is creating a space that is free of dog poop. Oh my God. How does such a small dog poop so much!? Dog poop turns my stomach. It's so gross. It's alllll over the place and smells so bad and I'm afraid to step in it. Yuck. I have a plan, though. There will be a 7ft x 5ft spot it the yard that will NOT have poop in it, so help me. 

Oh, next week we get houseguests. FG's parents will be visiting for a week, since they've gotten the covid vaccine, and then my dad will be coming into town but I'm not sure where he will be staying. I'm going to have to have the, "please don't accidentally gluten the peanut butter" talk with everyone, and I'll have to wear a bra and pants around the house, but other than that I'm excited about it.

Stuff I love right now

 Another round of things I think are awesome:

1. Squeeze peanut butter. 

This is the best thing since sliced bread! Just squeeze it on whatever you're snacking on, and move along. I hope they keep this a thing because I'm loving it. PLUS, no gluten crumbs ever make their way into it. (I'm generally a fan of things that squeeze because of this important little factor.)

2. Maybelline Rocket Volum' Express mascara. 

Since I've started wearing this, I've been asked by three people if I was wearing false eyelashes. That's a big deal. I switched to this mascara because the old mascara that I've used for years started irritating my eyes and I chose it because it has one of those hard spiky brushes- which is a deal breaker for some, but a must for me. I love the formula. It goes on smooth and doesn't clump, and after a long day it doesn't flake or smear. Plus, it washes off with my normal facial cleanser.

3. the Aerogarden.

It was a birthday gift from FG. This thing is so cool. It's kind of a "set it and forget it" kind of garden. All the work is done by this little machine and things grow like crazy. If something doesn't grow, they send a replacement. So far I've grown herbs that I transplanted into dirt and are doing great, and I started a salad greens set that is going strong. When I want salad, I pick some. No more sad wilted greens in the back of the fridge.

4. Maty's heartburn pills.

I bought these as a stocking stuffer for FG, but have found that they work very well for my frequent nausea and indigestion. I take them more often than he does! I love that they WORK and they don't contain any weird stuff. They are a life saver and I feel comfortable taking them on a regular basis.

5. Liquid fabric softener. Really. I've never used it. (Did mom never use it?) I thought it was an old people thing bc FG uses it, and when I discovered that, I rolled my eyes and continued my laundry routine. But then one day, I was moving his wet clothes from the washer to the dryer, and they felt... soft. Even when they were wet. And then I washed the bedsheets without it, and they felt noticeably different. So I started adding a little it to my laundry and wouldn't you know, it's a big deal! It kinda makes the fabric fibers seem more flexible. Cool stuff.

me time and stuff

I was thinking, I rarely get ME time anymore. I'm talking about those quiet minutes of solitude. I get a few minutes here and there if FG takes a nap or is out back smoking, but that's definitely a big change from all the ME time I used to get. Not that I find I need a ton of ME time, but it's nice to grab now and again. For instance, to blog.

Oh, the kitchen is done. It's beautiful and I'll have to share pictures.

I started some plants for the garden. This year the garden will be in pots since the fence will be replaced and I don't want my hard work stomped on by work men.

I got so close to finishing the push up challenge! But on day 26 I started noticing a sharp pain in my left shoulder that didn't feel like normal soreness, so I stopped to avoid hurting myself. I did make some great progress, though. I got to a point where I could do 15 in a row. Now we've kinda stalled about what to do next.

The hot tub has been ultra-awesome in these cold temperatures. We are all prepped for the freezing weather. In case the pipes freeze, we have jugs of water to flush the toilets. In case the power goes out, we have flashlights and wood to burn in the fireplace, and we can always cook on the grill. We already had the power go out once so this should be fun.

At work, the account I've been working at for months was supposed to go live next week, but mother nature changed that. Just going to go with the flow and not going to stress, and I'm absolutely not driving if the roads are icy.

more chaos

It wasn't even two days after I bitched about all that stuff, when I came home from work, walked into the kitchen, and the vent above the stove was replaced. Now I have a beautiful, functional vent- and I'm not used to it so I keep forgetting to turn it on, ha.

The kitchen remodel has began. Every day I've come home to a new development and the transformation is... breathtaking. It's so beautiful. It's so bright and light and shiny and functional. It's hard to pick my favorite part but it might be that now there is a pantry in the kitchen instead of behind two doors in the laundry room. Or it could be the new built-in shelves that were custom designed to be tall enough to fit wine bottles, or the new bright lights, or the extended windowsill that is deep enough to hold small pots of herbs, or the gorgeous sparkly quartz countertops... never mind the fact that at the moment, there is no kitchen sink and we're washing dishes in the bathroom. And the house is a mess of sheetrock dust, random screws, and things like the kitchen aid and coffee pot are in the living room.

To be honest, the old kitchen didn't bother me that much. Sure, it was old but it was clean and mostly functional. When I moved in I thought I would miss my nice kitchen, but I adapted better than I thought I would. However well I adapted, for someone who cooks as much as I do, this new space is an absolute treat. I can't even tell you how pretty it is. It's an open space in the middle of the house and makes everything feel more brighter and less like a cave.

consistent

Hi.

It's Wednesday night (I think?) and I'm pretty tired.

Spent the last few days training some customers and I don't know how teachers do it. It's actually one of my favorite parts of the job, but standing, moving, and talking all day is exhausting! I especially hate talking so much in a mask. It's gross.

On day 13 of the push up challenge. So far I haven't missed a day. Up to 27 pushups. I can do about 10 in a row before I have to stop and rest. Not bad, considering on day 1 I struggled to do 5 in a row.

That's it, that's all I had to say.

not all roses

I'm going to bitch for a little bit.

I'm sitting here in a hotel room, by myself, with some dumb movie on mute, drinking some employer-purchased wine. I like this part of my job. I'm happy.

If I'm being honest, I needed a break from home.

Yesterday, I was in such a funk. For the dumbest reason. It was such a beautiful day but the house was so gloomy and I was sitting in the living room getting more and more pissed off about it.

I really like living with FG, but I really don't like this house. I'm trying to get over it because we've made a lot of progress updating it and honestly it's just a house, but some days it gets to me...like on a beautiful sunny day that still feels gloomy even when there are lamps everywhere and the house is still a cave.
And when the dog (ugh, the dog) pisses on the floor and now there's a big wrinkle in the laminate, forever. And when we can't brush our teeth at the same time because of the bachelor pedestal sink on the master bath (that is constantly covered in beard hairs). And that ugly un-cozy bed. And even though I'm getting the hang of cooking on an electric stove, I hate how I'll cook an egg and the house smells like it for 6 hours because there's no exhaust fan. You get the picture. For some reason yesterday, it snowballed.

Then I went into the backyard to start planning my garden to cheer myself up, and it was a mess because the handyman that FG keeps hiring is a giant basket case. I literally begged FG not to hire this guy again and sure enough, there have been several times during this project when I was SURE they were going to start punching each other. What should have taken a week has taken 6 weeks and it's STILL not done and in the meantime it's chaos.

I walked around the house getting more and more annoyed by every little thing. So I sat in the front yard for a while in the sunshine while the dog and the cat sniffed around and it was cute and my mood lightened. 

Then we had to go to home depot and I was ready but FG was not, so I grabbed my cross stich and started working on it. I think the majority of this piece has been done because I picked it up when I'm waiting on FG.

I wait on him a lot. I feel like a large part of the rest of my life will consist of waiting on FG. This is something that has been evident from day one, and I know what I signed up for, but he literally does nothing quickly. I asked him the other day to think of something he does quickly, and we still haven't thought of anything. It's quite a contrast to my own, multitasking, most-efficient-way-possible way of doing things. At least I've found something to occupy all that time waiting on him. It's pretty enjoyable now. See? Adaptation. 

Eventually we went to home depot, and we were both cranky. Not at each other, really. Just in general. Some poor guy approached us to sell us something related to air conditioning, and when I told him that we were not in the mood, his face was hilarious and he quickly retreated.

All the time that I was cranky yesterday, I kept searching for the root cause. Did I regret moving in with FG? Was it about him? Was this living situation not for me? Did I need different surroundings?
There was a point where I thought that maybe I'd be happier if I was on my own again. I really liked living alone, making all of my decisions for myself, no one stifling me. I even thought about looking at some real estate listings. Although moving out would mean ending this relationship, I considered it because of the potential peace it would bring.

Then, I thought about some advice that my sister told me once: if you're always secretly looking for an escape route, or have a backup plan, how is it ever going to work?

This is the way forward in a relationship, and when you merge two complete lives, there will be some days like this that require reflection and adjustment. And when I really thought about it, the life I'm building with FG is worth the cranky day along the way. My favorite part of every day is waking up next to him and hitting the snooze button for snuggles... do I want to trade that for a sunny house that has wood-tile floors and a gas stove? No. Not really.
  
What I really want is the sunny house with wood-tile floors, a gas stove, AND him. So there it is... I like nice shit and I want it all. But in the meantime I gotta keep things in perspective and find a way to embrace the blessings in the here and now.

BUT. If I ever live by myself again, my favorite part of that will be the absence of pee dribbles on the toilet rim and floor. There's no changing that.

love, happiness, prosperity

The first thing we did after waking up this morning was clean up dog pee, then I started my period, and the neighbor backed over the mailbox. Hey, 2021, let's be better than that.

My mantra/affirmation at this moment is love, happiness, and prosperity. I haven't felt like I've needed an affirmation for a while. After the need for reckless optimism waned, I've just been riding the wave of life. Right now I feel like I could use a larger idea to grab onto. Let's cultivate some love, happiness, and prosperity, shall we?

FG and I have been talking about "getting back to the grind" in regards to our diets and physical fitness. This conversation usually happens after he struggles to button his pants or we get winded climbing stairs. The problem is, you can't get back to the grind if there was never a grind to begin with!
We have to start a grind.
There are some immediate challenges... There is a whole room dedicated to becoming a home gym, but it's currently cluttered with random crap and not functional at all. It would be easy to move some things around and make it a workable space, even if it's not perfect.
Diet is easy for me to adjust, but exercise is so hard. I have to focus on what motivates me, so here goes: I'm motivated to get stronger. I noticed that I have trouble lifting my suitcase into the overhead bin on the airplane, which is embarrassing. And I hurt my back trying to close a window the other day. I think I'll start one of those push up challenges, where you do a certain number each day. 

Ok, enough goals for today.