wrinkles and roots

It's New Year's Eve. How did that happen?
The last few weeks have been more relaxing than I expected. I'm very grateful for that. At this time last year, I was feeling pretty stressed.

I took down Christmas, and am enjoying the blank slate in regards to home decor. I'm in no immediate hurry to put anything back up. The mantel can be bare until inspiration strikes.

I'm trying to outline goals for the next year and I'm having a hard time getting motivated to do anything except just... be. I feel calm and centered and it's hard to look into the future because I keep feeling like I need to focus on the present. Maybe that's a thing.

I know the universe will change things for me, so maybe it is okay to sit for a while and enjoy the lack of movement. There has been enough change in the last few years and it has felt really good to grow some roots.

Anyways.

Yesterday, I was carded while buying a bottle of wine... and wrinkle cream.

I've noticed that the creases around my eyes are getting deeper and stay even when I'm not smiling, so I upgraded my normal skincare routine to include a cream specifically for wrinkles. Yay.

After a little research I wound up buying the Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum.
(I really like the Olay Regenerist Microsculpting cream- you can literally watch the wrinkles smooth out and redness go away as soon as you put it on), but I want to target dark spots at the same time. So we'll see how this works.

Tonight we have plans to go to a party at a friend's house in the boonies, and I'm halfway excited and halfway would rather sit around Ashley's fire pit. I think FG would normally rather have a calm evening, but since it's the first anniversary of losing his daughter, I think he wants a little distraction and a party does just that.
I do have a new sparkly skirt (and sparkly tights) to wear, so I guess I better start getting excited.

missy to mrs

I had so much fun at Missy's wedding that I didn't take a single picture. 

This is a theme lately.

I was not amused that I paid $130 for hair and makeup to look like a hooker with helmet hair, and I get to donate another ill-fitting bridesmaid dress to the thrift store, so I'm actually hoping that no one got any close-up photos.

Anyway, the wedding was lovely. Missy looked absolutely stunning, and it was such a happy occasion. I bawled during the vows... I guess I still do that. My false eyelashes didn't make it, so I set them down in the pew and at one point Akhtar, FG, and I started giggling over it and almost made a scene during the mass. 

After the short and sweet reception with dancing and merriment, a few of us gathered by the fire pit at the hotel and drank wine and ate chips. Such a good day. 

Now I'm back home, moisturized and exfoliated, and Pumpkin is purring next to me.

There is a smudge on my glasses and it's so annoying. A week from now, after Lasik, I won't need glasses anymore. How wild is that?

family christmases

Do you know what? This weekend was so great.

Saturday was both FG's family Christmas and Litmas. We purposely planned it that way to get both of our family's Christmases over with in one day. It sounds bad when I put it that way, but I don't really want to go back and figure out how to word it so that it sounds nicer.

It was the absolute worst day to have one of those headaches that makes me want to kill myself, but it worked out that way anyway. I just rallied and tried my best to enjoy myself.

FG's family Christmas was so fun. My house was full of people, most of them driving in from Austin. At one point, the house was full of chaos; loud with people chatting, laughing, opening gifts, kids literally running around at top speed. I sat in the middle of it all and took a moment to sit back and observe.
And you know what? The house was filled with chaos, but it was such a happy chaos. It was like the house was bursting at the seams because of the happiness inside of it. It was wonderful.

Yes, the house was a mess afterward and instead of cleaning up, I took another painkiller, donned my sparkly disco dress, and we piled in the car to Litmas.

FG's brother joined us for the party, which I expected because he's always down for a spontaneous shindig, but his mom and stepdad also decided to join as well. I think they had a good time; Litmas can be a lot to take in but they seemed to take everything in stride. Must be where FG gets it from.

Litmas was so much fun that I didn't take a single picture. We all took a family picture at some point and I think it turned out blurry, but I haven't actually seen it yet. The vibe was happy and festive, and in the middle of the party my dad won Best Lighting in the neighborhood's Christmas light contest. He took a picture with the sign in his full disco costume, afro wig and all. Random stuff like that is what makes the world go round, y'all.

Today we woke up, FG brought me coffee, then I got up to make more coffee for his brother. FG walked around the house with a trash bag, throwing away random wrapping paper and beer cans and such, which was so sweet, and after they left I cleaned up the rest of the house. Took a while but everything is back in order now. I took a hot bath, and watched some Netflix with Pumpkin curled up in my lap. She seems so small but maybe she was just curled up tightly because it's cool outside. I wonder if her joints hurt when it gets cold?

I am not on vacation until Tuesday which means I have to work tomorrow. I actually have to go see a customer, which means I should probably go to sleep soon.

On an unrelated note, there is an entire jar of salsa in my fridge but I don't have any chips and... that's just not right.

chasing the peace

I'm supposed to be watching Netflix, but instead I'm sitting here wondering why I volunteered to host FG's family Christmas at my house the morning before Litmas. To be fair, he was stressing HARD over everything. He's slammed at work, I'm not. His house is a wreck and his decorations are still in the attic, and mine is perfectly clean and already decorated.

See?

The food will be catered, and basically all I have to do is provide seating and clean bathrooms. I can do that in order to infuse a little bit of calm in our lives this Christmas. Besides, I love an excuse to throw a party, even if it is stolen.

I came home tonight instead of tomorrow morning. I've got a glass of wine in front of me, a purring kitty curled up next to me, and I'm so happy to be home.

Hi there

Sitting in my hotel room, with some Lifetime holiday movie on tv behind me, and all the lights on because hotel rooms can be so dreary.

I bought this book, Where the Crawdads Sing*, because the hardcover was cheaper than the kindle version, and I've been seeing everyone read it so I figured it must be good.

Oy, this was a hard book to get through. Even at the end, I wished it was about half as long. Honestly, if you can get it under $5, then it's worth it. It was very wordy, had a very lonely feel (which, I suppose, is a compliment to the writer, who can solicit such emotions), but overall dragged. In the first third of the book, I got tired of reading about grits. In the middle, I was actually engaged. The last third, I skimmed to get the overall gist. It killed a few hours of otherwise boring hotel time, so I suppose it served its purpose. Overall, I give this book a B-.

This week did not go as planned, which resulted in a LOT of adaptation. Long story short, the holidays are coming up and I am homesick and I am going to try to go home tomorrow afternoon.

Christmas will be very lean this year. I don't have the cash flow to be extravagant, and I don't have the time or energy to put into gifts. Years like this always end up the happiest, because I get to focus on the fun of being around family and friends instead of stressing over the gifts. I'm on PTO December 24th- Jan 1st. Nine days of relaxation, partying, a WEDDING (squeal and OH, I have to get my dress steamed *texts Ashley* and also I'll probably cry the whole time so I need to get tissues and waterproof mascara), and general merriment.

*Also, I grew up thinking that book titles should be underlined, but now apparently they should be italicized? Suzy, I depend on you to keep me current. Which is it?

Elvis, magicians, and growth?

This Saturday was FG's company christmas party. Oh, was it fun.

I found a pleated tulle skirt with gold sparkles that I was excited to wear, and FG wore a sport coat and some pants that make his booty look good (that we went shopping for a while back after I discovered that his suit was about 20 years old and very ill-fitting).

I have to say, the people that he works with know how to throw a party, and they know how to party.

The party was in a hotel ballroom, so we booked a room at the hotel, as did many of his coworkers.

The highlights:
Elvis singing during dinner, and I convinced FG to dance towards the end of the party. Hey, you can 2-step to just about anything, and a twirl is always appropriate.

A magician. He wandered around the room doing tricks. He asked me to hold out my hand in a fist, then he drew an X on his hand in sharpie. He proceeded to "pick" the X off of his hand (he pretended to pinch it between his fingers, and the mark was gone from his hand), then pretended to blow it from between his fingers towards my fist. When I opened my hand, there was an X on my palm. I felt nothing, I have no idea how he managed to put an X in sharpie on my hand. He was pretty good. I considered googling the trick to see how it's done, but I think I'd rather just go with the magic.

I recognized many of FG's colleagues and employees from previous events, and it was nice that many of them recognized me as well. At least 3 or 4 times, his employees told me how much they love FG and how he's a great boss. Unsolicited. I thought that was pretty nice.

Then, the official party ended and the after party/ shenanigans began. We all moved to the hotel bar to continue the festivities. There was a woman who used to work for FG but she got promoted, and I've seen her a handful of times at social events. I like her, we have even exchanged phone numbers in the past.
At some point in the night she drunkenly confessed that she would like to have a threesome with myself and FG... and continued to elaborate about the details of her fantasy that she had been thinking about for a long time. It was not offensive, but rather it was a very interesting conversation.
Alas, she's not my type (she has a vagina), nor is she FG's type (she has an ass), and besides I have that strict, "no colleagues," rule that I never imagined I would have to apply to a threesome request. Ha!

At the end of the night, FG was absolutely hammered and I was pretty lit myself. We bounced ourselves off the walls into the elevator, and made it to our room, where as the least-drunk person I was tasked with preparing myself and FG for bed. (I have my 8-step skincare routine and he... he just fell backwards diagonally onto the bed fully clothed.) At some point, I attempted to take off FG's shoes, and we ended up falling onto the floor giggling. Try moving a joyous drunk man into bed who has 80 pounds on you. It was comical.

Then, things took a turn and FG started to feel sick... y'all know I don't handle vomit well. Thankfully, I was able to help him get out of bed and into the bathroom before anything happened, and surprisingly, instead of the usual panic attack I have when someone pukes, my vomit-anxiety did not peak. I think it's because I was drunk, or maybe I've learned to handle it better over the years, or maybe because the door was closed and I didn't actually hear anything. Probably it was a combination of all those things. Either way, I did not freak out, nor did I want to vomit myself, yay! I call that progress.

The rest of the night was uneventful and although I slept crappy and woke up with the spins and headache, overall it was a super fun night.

Next is Litmas.

*hydrates*

P.S. I have to travel next week and I'm so so so so so so so so OVER IT and ready to be home for a while.

Friday the 13th, full moon, yeah

Today I drove 1.5 hours to a lab that did not have the appropriate reagents. I chatted with the lab manager for a while, then headed back home.

On the way, I was talking to a colleague who lives in New Mexico, and he asked if I happened to live near a local pie place that he wanted to buy a gift certificate for, but they were not available online. Coincidentally, it was 15 minutes from my house so I was able to get it and mail it to him. That was kinda fun.

At about 3pm I stopped at Hobby Lobby to get a shelf for above the toilet in my bathroom, (they were 50% off). I was browsing, when I heard, "Shouldn't you be working?"

I turned my head and it was my mentor, with a shopping cart. LOL I knew it was only a matter of time before we ran into each other shopping on office days. I always assumed it would be one of those days where I ran out in my jammies with my hair in a messy bun, so I'm glad I was in work attire, at least.

Just got done soaking in a hot bath with epsom salts and cbd. I have the WORST cramps, ugh.

Spent the last few evenings relaxing, watching Hallmark movies. Feels good, like I'm refilling my cup before I drain it again.

hump day

When I logged into my computer a minute ago, I put in the password for my work computer.

That's the kind of day it's been.

I knew it was a full moon or something because things were just a little wonky, all day. Strange customer problems, nothing went on schedule. Not enough to ruin the day, but just enough to throw it off.

After finishing up in the lab this afternoon, I punched FG's address into the GPS and headed straight there. Two hours later, I opened the fridge, took out a cookie, and poured myself a glass of wine. Then I sat down on the couch to answer an email that I have been mentally writing all day. I could hear him struggling in the other room, so after I sent the email I helped him finish installing a ceiling fan. After dinner, I lowered my aching body into the hot tub. I've driven 400 miles in the past 2 days and my hip was hurting so bad. It was so, so relaxing.

(Side note, it's cool that FG has a pretty private backyard because I have yet to wear a bathing suit in the hot tub.)

When I got home and fed the cat, I noticed a message from the customer I'm scheduled to visit tomorrow. Their reagents did not arrive, so I guess that's postponed. I guess I get an office day tomorrow! And lunch with Akhtar, and everything else I had planned for Friday that will get shifted because that's how I roll lately. 

I made cookies tonight, because I'm about to start my period or something. They were really good and DIDN'T make my stomach hurt, so I think I'm really on to something with this "avoid dairy" thing.

Okay, at this point it's tomorrow already and I should go to bed.

Simplification

Tonight I got out of the shower and a thought occurred to me.

I keep my nightshirts, socks, undies, and bras in my dresser, which is in my bedroom. My pj pants, robe, and slippers are in the closet, which is in my bathroom. 

I have to go to 2 separate spaces after my shower to get ready for bed. Same for when I pack or pick out my outfits. Why do I have my life organized this way, when I could consolidate all of my daily clothing into one space?

So that's what I did. I basically moved all of the things I use on a daily basis into the closet, and all of the things I don't, got moved to the dresser or under the bed in storage bins. 

Why has it taken me so long to simplify my life like this?

I think it will work out nicely.

Making Christmas lists to prepare for the annual, "Take off work and go shopping" day with Ash. I decided to opt out of most gifts this year. Exchanging gifts with the siblings is always optional, and finances are tight, plus I've been in a very minimalistic vibe lately. 

So for the gifts that I am buying, I'm trying to make them a fun experience (like a gift certificate to a trampoline place for the boys), or something that is actually needed (like a rocking chair for Emma's nursery).

I'm getting stocking stuffers for FG, mom, and dad, and there's always the 5 favorite things game, plus gifts for the kids. That's about it. I want to focus on spending quality time with the people that I love, rather than what trinket to buy them.

Oh, OH! Public Service Announcement: You know how I keep searching for the Anne Murray 1988 Christmas album because it's the most nostalgic Christmas music? There's a playlist on Spotify. I am officially in the spirit.

tuesday glass of wine

Why is it only Tuesday? I halfway want to go home, halfway am ok with traveling this week.  The crock pot and employer-purchased wine might be helping my travel fatigue, and San Antonio is not the worst place to be working, even if it's on the outskirts.

I keep having emotionally-charged dreams. Mostly about dudes, which is weird. I wish my subconscious would finish exploring what it needs to explore and get back to the types of dreams that don't make me wake up feeling strange and drained.

I went down to the front desk earlier to get some snacks. When I went grocery shopping, I only got ingredients and healthy stuff... clearly I wasn't thinking right. Armed with some chocolately trail mix and potato chips, I happily and lightly-lit-ly headed back up to my room in my fuzzy socks.

At the last second, a gentleman stuck his hand in the door and boarded the elevator. Wasn't HE charming! Older, with a twinkle in his eye and an english accent, he moderately-lit-ly gestured to the empty wine glass in his hand and commented on how lovely it was to be in an elevator on a Tuesday with an empty wine glass in his hand.

In the 10 seconds or so that we shared the elevator, he said he'd been here for 57 weeks. Holy crap. That's more than a year! Maybe tomorrow I'll head down to the manager's reception and get more about that story.

(I bet he misses his cat, too.)

Good day.

Today I slept late, and woke up to a snuggly kitty and an even snugglier man who got up to serve me coffee in bed, as always. Not a bad way to start the day.

Then we (he) spent a few hours installing the new security light on the side of my house. From scratch. There was no light there to begin with and he casually tied into an existing circuit. Isn't that hot??
I believe all of my lighting goals have been met, now.

Frank and Chelsea, recovered from their trip to Vegas, came over to wish me a happy belated birthday. And they brought cake! Chelsea was appalled that I did not have a birthday cake. It hadn't occurred to me, but what a sad thing, to not have a birthday cake! She made things right.

They went to two different stores to find a gluten free cake for me.

We didn't even take it out of the grocery bag before lighting the candles and singing happy birthday. 

It was delicious. I forced them to take the rest of the cake home so that I wouldn't eat the entire thing. Good call. I only halfway regret that decision.