stuff around here

-On a whim, I got hubs a toy helicopter for Christmas. It's a serious contender for the best gift I've ever gotten him. Right now, I can hear the whirr of the blades, and him saying, "This thing is so fucking fun."

-We have new neighbors!! I would not have even noticed if Chris didn't see the moving van one day while I was at work. Really quick, right before Christmas. No for-sale or rent sign; maybe they're relatives of the previous occupants? Either way, I'm stoked it's a young couple with a small child instead of creepy lawn-mowing dudes. I'm hoping the chick and I can bond. I need to expand my friend circle and I feel like it's good to be on good terms with your neighbors.

-I've drank about 1/2 glass of wine with dinner and I'm feeling it. At this rate I'll be asleep by 9. On a Saturday. Which I totally didn't even realize it was, with all of these random vacation days due to the holiday. No complaints here.

-There have been a lot of adjustments around here. Some of the major ones include:
a. Reminding Chris that he lives with a girl when it comes to toilet seat placement. So far the tally is at 2 butt splashes in the middle of the night.
b. Getting used to sleeping with someone. I wake up at every little adjustment and loud breathing. Some day, it will be hard to sleep without him.

Speaking of, he's got a nice fire going in the fireplace and looks lonely on the couch. Deuces.

Twelve Days of Christmas for Hubs

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... (err, I gave to him)
a ornament for the tree.

Not exactly a Partridge in a Pear Tree, but who really wants that anyway?

Just in time for Chris's return, I have started a new tradition: 12 days of Christmas gifts for my husband, inspired by this post that I came across on Pinterest a few months ago. I thought it would be a special way to celebrate his return to the civilian world, which was perfectly timed for the holidays.

Starting on the 13th, he has opened one gift a day, each following the number theme. Nothing extravagant, just little things that he already needs.

Day 1: 1 super badass Marines helmet ornament. I spent about 30 minutes digging through a pile of ornaments at the store until I finally found a USMC themed one.

Day 2: a pair of PJ pants. Since we are avid weekend couch loungers, I was shocked to find out that he didn't own any! It's okay, because the situation was rectified on the 2nd day of Christmas. Bonus: His butt looks real cute in them.

Day 3: 3 cigars to smoke around a backyard fire

Day 4: 1 coffee mug + 3 bottles of Baileys. Because all of my road cups are too girly for a manly man to use. He can't roll up with a gold glitter and hot pink road cup.

Day 5: 5 car care items: Glass wipes, Leather wipes, Interior wipes, Tire shine, and a chamois. He was talking about cleaning his truck on day 4, so the timing of day 5 was perfect.

Day 6: a 6-pack of different Shiner beers. By this time, he's pretty excited to open each day's gift and has requested to open them in the morning before work. He started unwrapping before I could snap a picture!

Day 7: 7 packets of Cocoa Roast Almonds- a snacky item I thought he'd enjoy. 7 was a difficult number!

Day 8: 8 White Chocolate Macadamia cookies. The timing of day 8 was not great, as he's sick and doesn't feel like eating cookies, but when he's better these will be gone in no time.

Day 9: 9 packs of his favorite gum.

Day 10: 10 pairs of black ankle socks, courtesy of mom. She's the resident sock giver around here.

Day 11:11 little bottles of Gatorade. I like the little bottles because he drinks about half of the big ones then leaves them laying around.

Day 12: 12 Ferrero assorted chocolates (in a star-shaped box that I painstakingly wrapped.) He was particularly intrigued by this one, simply because of the shape, haha.

It's been really fun, spreading out the giddyness of opening a present over several days. This will definitely be a tradition that I keep going.

Merry Christmas, from us, and the cat-- who has found a stray bow and it has become her new favorite toy for the past few days.

traffic huh?

Yesterday I was all set to start bitching about how much I hate traffic, and how glad I am that I take the shuttle now.

Then, Chris came down with some nasty stomach thing that landed us in the ER at 11pm. We didn't leave until 630am- which left me awake for nearly 24 hours. I called into work and tried to get some sleep before disinfecting every possible surface in the house and making sure Chris stayed hydrated and ate a little bit.

As tired as I am right now, I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. I'm also really hoping I didn't catch whatever bug he's got.

Come onnn weekend!

timbers

I baked chicken nuggets and cookies on the same sheet in the oven, then turned it off and left the door open so it would help heat the house. Now it smells like cookies and warm and I'm okay with that.

(much better than the first day back at work after a long vacation, then shivering in 45 degree rain for 30 minutes waiting for the shuttle to show up) (P.S. I was foolish to not expect bombardment the second I clocked in.) (P.P.S. My annual evaluation was done today. Went well.)

There's a hot bath in my immediate future.

reflecting

Sitting on the couch with Kitty watching the American Dad spoof of Breaking Bad. Just in case you're Ashley and you need to get a mental picture of what I'm doing before continuing on.

It's been 11 days since Chris came home for ever.
11 days of vacation. I do not want to go back to work tomorrow AT ALL.

We've enjoyed sleeping late, hanging out, breaking in the fireplace, and generally relaxing. We got Christmas decorations up, and Chris has been taking the opportunity to unpack more of his stuff that's still in boxes.
In general, a laid-back vacation.

This past weekend we went to CS to help celebrate MIL's birthday. After dinner, we played Cards Against Humanity. It was especially hysterical when we all saved our nastiest cards for when it was grandpa's turn. Then, we spent the night in the Elephant themed guesthouse. I mean, really.

Tonight, I'm alone in our house once again. I keep thinking about how every other time before this, it's been because he has boarded a plane.

This time, I kissed him goodbye and got in my car and drove home while he headed out to go hunting with a buddy. This time, his shampoo is still in the shower, his stocking is hung over the fireplace, his pillow is still on his side of the bed. He's not going to go away like that, anymore.

It still has not completely sunk in for either of us, probably because we've been on vacation and we haven't developed our regular daily groove yet.

It's still so strange to think that the life I wondered about 4 years ago is actually here, and all that impossible in-between time has actually been lived.

Cheer

Yesterday, we put up Christmas lights.

Now all we need is for the weather to cooperate with a nice temperature drop, and it'll really feel like Christmas.

pet hair removal WIN

Random product review: Scotch Brite Upholstery Pet Hair Remover.

Microfiber couch + kitty hair is not a great combination. Even without the pet hair, the microfiber texture of the couch seems to catch small bits of dust, dirt, crumbs, etc. Simply brushing over the surface with my hand only reminds me of how gnarly it gets, vacuuming is way too labor-intensive, and lint rollers only pick up the surface crap.

So my sister in law recommended this little brushy thing and IT IS AMAZING. It's basically got a velcro-like texture, and it grabs all the nasties that are nestled in the microfiber. All it takes is a few swipes and the couch looks and feels like new. I love this product. I will recommend this product, and I will buy it again. I'm probably way too excited about this little thing.

home

So Chris is sitting on the couch watching tv and I'm in the kitchen getting a snack. I start singing a nonsensical song about how happy I am that he's home... and he turns up the volume on the tv.

Haha, my point exactly.

Richest

I have everything.
And I'm so thankful for all of it.

3 more sleeps

until my better half comes home. Forever.

After 3.5 years, these last days are so short, yet so long. Can they just fly by, please?

P.S. I did my grocery shopping on Saturday night, after this near-constant nausea took a pause. (I think it's these new birth control pills. I hate them and I'm so glad they're temporary.) Anyway, it was really, really pleasant. I usually do my grocery shopping Sunday morning, and I always have to be out of the house before noon in order to avoid the crowds. Saturday night it was positively delightful. No crowds, even on the weekend before Thanksgiving. Instead of rushing through the aisles and avoiding people and carts, I leisurely strolled through the clear aisles and rather enjoyed myself. Even the music was good. I may have to re-think my routine.

annuals

I cannot believe it's been a year.
And, I really can't believe I'm saying this, but it went by quickly.
What? No... Yes. It kinda did.

And oh, that man. Still gives me the squiggleflutters from 4,000 miles away.
(In a week, he'll be doing that in person, every single day.)

And, I came home to beautiful flowers, even though we both promised we weren't doing gifts.

Here's to many more, my sweet toot.

Shuttle Stories

Week 2.

• Monday- Holiday, no shuttle. Drove to work.
• Tuesday- Uneventful
• Wednesday- Uneventful
• Thursday- Dr's appt. Drove to work.
• Friday- Uneventful

Notes:
-Occasionally someone would sit next to me. Sometimes that's no big deal. Sometimes they smell bad.
-Continuously doze off during the ride. Have not noticed an improvement in my evening productiveness. I think that has to do with how early it gets dark now.

One thing I didn't mention before: The cost.
After crunching some numbers (because that's what I like to do on Saturday mornings), I have determined that if I completely switch from 100% driving to 100% shuttle, I'll save approximately $10 each month. That alone is not worth much, but calculating in the other benefits, I think I'll like it much better-- IF it continues to be reliable.

That will require terminating my parking contract, and I'd hoped to keep that as a safety net in the event I have to drive. Not going to make any decisions yet; I'll see how the next couple of weeks go.

IUD Adventures: Conclusion.

After 2 years, my uterus is no longer an impenetrable fortress.

This week I had the IUD removed.

Why?

1. The husband started referring to my vagina as the "Wiener Scraper." Um, not exactly the nickname you want your lady parts called.
2. Consistently random cramps and spotting. Just enough to ruin a pair of underwear. The cramping varied from slight and fleeting to constant and bad enough to make me double over.

Other thoughts:
-I never could feel the strings. I just assumed it was still in there because I figured if it somehow came out, I'd know about it. 

Those are the main reasons. While I did love the "set it and forget it" aspect, and the peace of mind that the statistical effectiveness gave me, the other issues were just deal breakers, especially #1.

What surprised me was how incredibly easy and painless the removal was. Literally 30 seconds, during which my gyno went up in there, told me to cough, and walked out of the room. He even joked that I just "coughed it out."

After 2 years of near-constant cramps, and how much the insertion hurt, I was dreading the removal. Turns out, it's a piece of cake. I no longer feel that pain randomly throughout the day.

Now the next logical question- and in fact the nurse asked me this- "Are you going to try to start a family now?"

The answer is a big fat NO. Just to be clear. If you scroll back up to the list of reasons for removal, the desire for babies is definitely not one of them.

So. I'm temporarily back on a pill. One that is supposed to be chewable and tastes minty. Gag.

For my next trick, I'll be trying out the implant that goes underneath the skin on the arm. Statistically effective enough for me, and it has the same "set it and forget it" aspect as the IUD. Minus the wiener scrapage. It's ordered the same way as the IUD, so once the insurance company calls me and I pay for it, I'll be able to make an appointment for the insertion.

Yes, there are side effects associated with this type of birth control, as with all hormonal forms of birth control, but I'm still willing to try it out.
All this, for the sake of spontaneous sex without the threat of pregnancy! As I've said before, the current birth control options are great, but in some ways still so archaic and manipulative.

talking to the cat.

'Hey Pumpkin,

Let's take a shower, watch an episode of Desperate Housewives, and go to bed early.'

I feel weird about a lot of things today, and I think it's best just to sleep on it. Tomorrow's another day.

Window seat

I'd like to give a little shout out to this window seat.

Don't you just want to curl up on there with a book and a cup of tea, and maybe a kitty?

Also, I feel like this way-too-accurately describes my life.

Shuttle Stories

Week 1.

• Monday- Read about that here.
• Tuesday- Uneventful
• Wednesday- The morning shuttle was late. After one of my fellow riders called and got word that the shuttle was broken down and a replacement would be there 30+ minutes late, I stepped out of line and drove to work. On the plus side, I know what time I have to leave the shuttle stop to drive to work on time.
• Thursday- The shuttle home was 15 minutes late. Not as crucial, but still noted.
• Friday- Uneventful

So, how do I feel about taking the shuttle to work?

After the first day I knew what to expect and the bouncy creaky loudness didn't bother me much.
I did switch to sitting on the side that doesn't have an overhead hang above that bangs and rattles the whole time.

Things I enjoy:
-Gas savings
-Not worrying about traffic or other drivers
-The shuttle stop is much closer to the main building, and much more crowded. When I drive I don't mind the walking, but I DO mind walking in the dark alone allll the way out to the parking lot. I feel much safer, especially after the time change.
-Especially on the ride home, since it's dark, I get rocked into a state of zen chillout time. Even if I don't plan  to, my eyelids get droopy and I end up closing them. I never actually fall asleep, but I'm not completely conscious either. Even looking out the window at all the lights in the darkness is somewhat of a re-set. I get to turn my brain off and enjoy the scenery. It's quite pretty at night. This is what I was hoping would happen. I've essentially lost 2 hours each day of the stress that came from my commute.

What I don't love:
-The late shuttle(s). This could be huge. I don't know if this is a normal thing, but I hope it turns out to be more reliable. I had the luxury of being able to hop in my car, but most of us depend on it to be on time for work. I'm sure most employers are just as strict as mine about being on time- late shuttle or not.

public transportation

This is what I felt like taking the shuttle yesterday morning.


Hardly an exaggeration. I was terrified in this creaky, bumpy shuttle tearing over bridges, taking high-speed turns, and rattling loudly around. The driver was running late because of the rain and was trying to make up for lost time. To his credit, I made it to work alive-- somewhat rattled, but on time.

The ride home was not much better, but at least I knew what to expect. Of course this was after I chased after the first shuttle waving my arms, and had to wait around for the next one.

This morning I was prepared, and simply shut my eyes the whole ride, not worrying about why the driver just slammed on the breaks, or wondering if we were going to topple off the overpass. These are professional drivers. These are professional drivers. These are professional drivers.

Anyway, I'm going to keep doing it, just to see how I like it. I already like not having to fill up my gas tank this week, and I think I'll get used to the ride.

My Craft Room

Some of the things I was most excited about when I moved out of my parents' garage:

1. Dishwasher
2. Bathtub
3. Craft Room

Granted, this is a guest room/craft room, but really since we don't have guests over frequently it's primarily my craft room.

I wanted everything to be accessible, but still have a place. I'm not completely finished, but I have mostly gotten everything where I want it.

I figured taking pictures mid-project instead of cleaned up was fitting. I can make as much mess as I want!
Also the cat perched on the windowsill is pretty typical. It gets tons of daylight, too.

A little tour:

-For the desk, I chose the longest one I could find for maximum workspace. There's nothing more frustrating than having a project dangle off the side when you're trying to work with it. I chose Ikea Linnimon/Alex, with only one side of shelves for maximum maneuverability. Of course, hubby was super wonderful and built the whole thing for me, because I don't believe it would be stable if it were up to me. :o)

-For the same reason I chose this armless Office Max task chair. (It was on sale) Although, full disclosure, when I sit on it with no pants the mesh kinda hurts the backs of my legs. Hence the towel. I'll probably fashion some sort of cover one of these days.


-To solve the accessibility problem, and work vertically instead of using precious desk space, I opted for open cubby-type shelves. They only take up a small amount of desk space, and since they're positioned right over the drawers I don't even miss it. These Closet Maid organizers were found at Target on clearance for $10 each. Yeah, they're an ugly color, but they're really handy. I figured I'd change it, but it turns out the color doesn't really bother me.

Everything is placed in jars or containers so that I didn't have to dig around to find things. Everything is right where I need it, and I have space to spare. My sister has provided me with plenty of empty baby food jars, which happen to hold sequins perfectly.

And old jewelry box holds snaps and fasteners that would otherwise be lost in a drawer, and the same goes for the ice cream glass that holds the hot glue sticks. The glassware that I didn't already have was purchased at Goodwill for pennies.

- The drawers:
The top drawer holds thread and bobbins. These are craft organizers I found at either Hobby Lobby or Walmart. Come to think of it, I think I found these years ago in the Fishing/Tackle box area at Walmart.

The next drawer holds elastic, zippers, velcro, scissors, and other notions. The silverware organizer was from the dollar store and corrals these type of things nicely.

The next drawer contains ribbons. This drawer needs some work; they're currently semi-organized by color in ziplock baggies.

-Fabric is stored in such a genius way. I can't take credit for this idea. I found it on Pinterest.
It works fabulously. All of my fabric is neatly filed, and I can see at a glance what I've got instead of digging through piles. It also helps me keep it in check- I can't buy more until I use what I've got to make space for it.

-On top of the cubby holes are painting supplies in a hat box and ribbon-by-the-roll stacked on a tiered stand.

-A peek inside the hat box:

In the back corner of the room, I installed an ironing board holder. Chris thinks I should have installed it in the closet, but there's no room in there and I love how accessible it is.

Inside the closet, I used a shoe organizer to store larger pieces of fabric that won't fit into the filing system.Wrapping paper is stored on the shelf above it.

-The corner of the closet holds scrapbooking items, which I don't use often. I put one of those stick-up LED push lights because, well, it's the corner of the closet that doesn't get much light.

The rug was purchased from Garden Ridge for $40. I didn't want to spend a ton of money because I'm sure it will eventually get destroyed with craft-ness. There is a floor mat over it, to help the chair roll easily.

The curtains were made by me for $12, but of course inspired by a pin.

I purchased a plastic placemat from the dollar store to minimize hot glue/ paint damage to the desktop.

I also got a small fan that clips onto the edge of the desktop, rather than taking up precious space, and it can be pointed in practically any direction.

So there you have it, a peek inside my very own craft room.

deep breath

It's nearly noon and I'm enjoying my first cup of coffee- coconut mocha - and some double chocolate waffles. The windows are open, inviting in this glorious cool air.

Pumpkin is running amok freely, indoors and out.

Our little house is peaceful.

Not a bad start to a Saturday.

All we need is the man of the house and we'd be golden. 26 days, 9 hours

Prepper

My sister called me tonight asking about my Tornado Plan.
See, we're experiencing a bit of inclement weather that may turn severe. Severe weather, in Texas. Generally produces a yawn as we gather supplies and make a mental plan, you know, just in case.


So, she called me in her own state of prepared-ness, probably expecting me not to have one. Surprisingly (or not, depending on how you look at it), I did indeed have one. At some random point in the past, I had already mentally picked out the inner-most room in my house- the linen closet. The master closet is a close second, followed by the front closet.

Yes, in the event of a tornado, you'll find me holed up in one of my closets. With the flashlight that I've got tucked in my nightstand.

In addition, the city is under a flash flood watch. There is a phone number we can call at work to see if the area is flooding before we head to work. I think that's pretty nifty. In the event of high winds, I have no doubt that the power here will go out. This area is one of the flickery-est when it comes to power outages.

I've got an extra jug of water, plenty of wine, and some canned goods. The only thing I don't have is a method to cook any food. Just another reason why I wish I had a gas stove. That shit works in a power outage, and it really came in handy during Ike's aftermath.

Anyway, since life is as normal as usual, I'm going to drink wine and watch Desperate Housewives.

craves

I really, really, really, REALLY wanted to eat ice cream and chips for dinner. Like no joke.

But, instead I made creamy pesto shrimp with peas over noodles. Tomorrow-at-lunch me will thank crazy-tonight me, because I have leftovers to take. Much better than the bland, overpriced cafeteria fare I'd be forced to eat if I didn't have dinner leftovers.

Still, I had ice cream for dessert. :o)

quick dip

Yesterday I felt ambitious. It was gorgeous and sunny. When I got back home after a visit from mom's, I fully intended to clean my car. After all, I've never shampooed the seats and they were starting to look dingy, especially after our trip a few weeks ago that involved leaky nipples on a bottle and baby formula splats. Not to mention the years of coffee & the occasional snack.

So, when I arrived home, I left the windows down. However, when I got inside, I started watching Desperate Housewives and drinking wine. At about 2 am, I went to bed. Sometime between 2am and 930am, I woke up to hear a big storm blowing in. The windows briefly crossed my mind, but in the same instant I dismissed it, convinced I rolled them up.

930 am. I'm woken up out of a dead sleep by someone knocking on the door. I intended to ignore it and go back to sleep. By the second round of knocking and doorbell ringing, I was fully awake and knew exactly why someone was knocking on the door. The freaking windows.

Sure enough, I donned a robe and when I opened the door, it was my neighbor giving me the peachy news. That sure was nice of him, although we both admitted the damage was probably already done.

Once I brewed some coffee and put on some pants, I pulled the car into the garage (Good thinking leaving space, toot!) and assessed the damage. At first glance it wasn't so bad, but upon further inspection some spots are really, really wet. Like soaked through.

I got a lot of water out with my Bissell Little Green (seriously it sucked up a lot of water), and toweled down what I could, and now I have 5 fans pointed at different spots in my car.

Some of the wettest spots are in tight spots that are hard to dry, like the undersides of the front seats, and I'm praying that I don't end up with a mildew-smelling car. It doesn't help that it's cool & humid. Not exactly the best conditions for drying something out. Like the nooks & crannies of your car.

On the plus side, I don't think there is any electrical damage. The panel that contains the window and door lock buttons was soaked, but the windows all rolled up.

So anyway. That happened. I wish I could say this is the first time, but it certainly isn't. It probably won't be the last, either. It definitely is the worst though. I just have bad luck with rolled down car windows and rain!

DIY Mermaid Costume

It started when I received a text message from Akhtar telling me he got tickets to this costume party. So, naturally I needed a Halloween costume, which started the great debate about how we should all dress.

We debated a few popular culture ideas, but ultimately no one could commit.
I took a few laps around a couple of costume stores, but nothing jumped out at me, especially not for $50.

Then honestly, I'm not exactly sure how I decided on a mermaid, but I decided it should be done- 2 days before the party. The best part? It only cost $15.

So, how did I do it?

A quick trip to Walmart's clearance clothing yielded a bathing suit top and a skirt. Each was $5.
Then to Hobby Lobby for sequins and shells.

Hand-sewing sequins is not something I would recommend when you have 2
days evenings to make a costume.

Drill holes in the shells and sew those on as well.

For the top, drill one hole each in the top & bottom of a shell and sew them to the top.

I hot-glued starfish to hair clips to complete the look.

I topped it off with tons of glitter and shimmery teal & blue eye makeup.

If I had more time to plan and execute the costume, I would have sewn scales on the skirt, much like this:

But, for what it was, it was a hit!

cat party

Scene: Early morning. Still dark with a slight cold rain. The camera zooms in through the window, focusing on a sleeping form, warm in bed.

The sleeper awakens, unsure of what woke her up. Then she hears it again. The unmistakable howls of a meow-off.


...
A 3-way meow-off, to be exact. On the roof of my house, to be exact-er.

So I got up and poked my head out the back door and yelled, which will usually result in a scrambling of cats and an apologetic Pumpkin running in the door. It's usually an effective end to the meow-off.

Not this time. They kept going. So I put on a robe and flip flops, and spotted Gary on the fence. Yelling did no good, so I tromped out into the wet grass and he retreated to a safe distance.
Still hearing meows, I see Pumpkin's head poke out of the shadows on the roof. There is another cat a few feet away, echoing her song.

It now seems that although the meow-off is done, Pumpkin is loudly expressing her displeasure at being stuck on the roof. The other cat has disappeared. I go inside and grab a chair, and stand on it, hoping that my wet flip flops will not end up being the death of me. Of course, Pumpkin stays just out of reach of my grasp, so I take the chair back inside and pull out the bench on the back porch. Again. prayers for wet flip flops happen. Again, Pumpkin stays out of my reach.

So I go back inside, keep the door cracked, and go back to bed. If she wants to get down bad enough, she'll find a way.

From my bed, I hear more meows, and more than one set of kitty pitter patters back and forth on the roof overhead. After a few minutes, I hear a meow from a closer distance. Pumpkin finally made it off the roof and is in the living room.

So I get up, knowing she will be wet, and I towel her off. There are muddy kitty prints on the carpet now.

I don't know what kind of cat party I interrupted, but I went back to sleep, glad it was over.

exercise & stuff

Today I got rock star parking. Which was awesome.

Too bad at the end of the day I had forgotten, and walked allll the way to the back of the lot before I remembered. Balls.

I jogged yesterday. I did yoga earlier in the week.

Yoga was clumsy and sweaty. After only 20 minutes, the workout was over and I was sore the next day.

Yesterday I really wanted a nice sweat and I really wanted to get my heart beating fast, so I jogged around the block. I was doing really well- I jogged for about a block and a half before I had to stop. Although it felt like forever, it was a total of 15 minutes, half walking.

Today, I'm SO SORE. There's a reason I usually do baby steps when I start working out again.
After hobbling around all day, and staying late to train some night shift nurses, I'm pretty ready for a hot bath.

That's all I have for now.

anything

Go ahead, get your jam on for a minute. I'll wait.



Other things I'm digging:

 

1. Lingering evidence of small human bathtime.
2. Pretty sunset. Before you get on my about taking a photo while driving, observe I was clearly stopped at a red light
3. Grilled cheese.

don't you ever say

It's been difficult to feel enthusiastic about anything lately. Enthusiasm is an inherently difficult thing to force.
I'm still determined to flip this state of mind.
At any rate, it's never been a word that others would use to describe me. At least I don't think.

I'm very, very weary of bitching about my wonderful life.

Yes, it's missing something, but it's still mostly wonderful.
I'm disconnected. I'm living it, but I'm just dryly going through the motions and I don't really care much.

I find it difficult to feel enthusiasm for the wonderfulness that surrounds me and it disgusts me.


On the bright side, I've gotten to see much more of my sister and nephew lately.
This weekend we all took a trip to see Suze.
I found that I'm much more aware of the fact that I'm driving when there's a tiny human on board. No autopilot allowed. I wish the visit could have lasted longer. Even though it was exhausting it was happy. But, ultimately everyone's gotta get back to their lives.

As for me, I'm going to Skype with my husband, then sit on the couch with some wine and watch Desperate housewives and pet the attention deprived Pumpykins.

the one with the prettiest of views

Last week was not one of those weeks I'd classify as "good."

I swear, they fit an extra day in there somewhere when I wasn't looking.



The current state of my living room is a massive hodpodge of colors. There are just too many. I think it's because the rug is so busy. I love the rug but I don't think I love the colors all over the room.

I figured the easiest way to get a good flow is to streamline the pillow colors & pick only 1 or 2 accents. It's way easy to make new pillow covers when I feel like a change.
--especially with this tutorial. It's beautifully easy. I can pop one out in 10 minutes, tops.

I started with the cat's cushion. For the fabric, I chose the least offensive fabric shower curtain at Walmart. Why a shower curtain? It's water (read: puke) resistant, yet washable and still fabric-y.
I got the idea from, of course, this pin.

Haven't decided if I'm going to get a move on, or go take a mid-morning nap.

*makes me want biscuits. with bacon. and eggs.

*except I just ate pancakes.

cookies = good

Tonight I found half a package of frozen cookie dough that Ash got me a few weeks ago. Saweeeet.

we crave a different kind of buzz

Pictures of asparagus growing really creep me out for some reason. They kinda remind me of this scene. I know, those are shrimp and not asparagus, but the connection has been made and there's no removing it.

I slept really well last night. I don't know if Pumpkin was just quiet, but I didn't wake up once. I didn't even move-- my hair was still wet on the spot I was laying. I can't remember the last time that happened.

I also keep having sex-ish dreams. Some are more horrifying and disturbing than most. Last night I was participating in a hand job competition. I won, of course.

Gotta get to the grocery store before the church people overrun it.

careers

What a fascinating article. From the title, I thought it would be about something else entirely. I miss performing scientific experiments-- even psychological ones.

As a child I always wanted to be a teacher. I don't remember the age when I stopped wanting to be a teacher. I wavered around psychology in my teens, then realized how much it bored me when I started taking college courses. It wasn't until well into college that I decided that Scientist was the job title for me. Which also contributed to why it took me 7 years to earn a Bachelor's. But that's another story.

It occurred to me the other day that I am, in fact, fulfilling my childhood dream of teaching. In a way. For the past few months, I've been teaching small groups of professionals several times a week. And you know what? It's the highlight of my day. I love commanding the attention of a room, hearing a chuckle when I make a joke. I love the challenge of bringing daydreamers and rushers back on track, and seeing the understanding in people's faces.

In this particular position, I still hold the same job title as I did before, but it's a different department and my actual duties are worlds apart.

I frequently check in with myself and ask myself a few questions: If I miss the bench, if I want to get back into patient testing, if I miss the lab.

When I walk through core lab, I don't get a pang. Patient testing and its repetitive stressful urgency don't make my heart pitter-patter.

When I walk down the hallways and peer into research or student labs, I do get a pang. I want to don a lab coat and gloves and get right into something biohazardous. To execute delicate techniques and develop experiments. To identify something neat under a microscope. To test hypotheses. To learn.
The thing is, the opportunities and stability of those types of jobs are not as good as what I've already got.

So while I am content in my daily activities that don't include patient testing, I still yearn. I keep my eyes open for new opportunities and ways to "move up." One problem is, most of those require at least a Master's degree, and that can't happen right away. Not to mention I only have 3 years of experience in a laboratory profession. What I do know is that I won't stay here forever. I will eventually outgrow this position, and honestly I think that's expected of any halfway decent person.

P.S. We got inspected this week, and the only problem when was someone (not in our department) made a really stupid, dumbass, careless move RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE INSPECTOR. Violating hospital and lab policy. It was one of those facepalm moments.

things

Tonight I finally cooked my infamous Peas & Cheese. Delicious.

Also, tonight some neighbor kids rang the doorbell with school FUNDRAISERS! Yay! I've been waiting for this! Yes, I did ask what prize he was hoping to win. It was some iphone docking something or other. They were selling candy, so I got 3 candy bars. I think I was more excited than they were.

That's all I have for now.

choices

So, today I made a choice.

Things will not always be this way, but right now they are and I'm in it for the long haul. It's not always about right now, and it's not always about what I want; sometimes it's about what's best for the future and building a good, solid foundation on which to build that future.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. This is not a stagnant pool. It's still growing, and right now it has the huge potential to grow apart. I feel like choices like this help keep the web woven tightly.

Ah, metaphors.

Also, I'm so thankful that my sisters back me up no matter what choices I make. Ashley's the only one who's as stubborn as I am and totally gets my marriage dilemmas that might sound irrational to other people, and Suzy puts a positive spin on it, while giving me advice that makes me not sound crazy. Can you get a support system that's any better?

--Why did I think Dilemma had an N in it?

deep breath

Why hello, fall. I'm digging your cool air. You can stay a while.

As much as I would like it, this is not going to be one of those things where I wake up one day and instantly feel better. This is going to be a process. There will be good days and bad days.

Yet, every morning I will wake up and tell myself, "This will be a good day."
Then, I will tell myself why this will be a good day.

I've stumbled out of depressive funks WAY worse than this, and I know how to do it. Even though this one has lasted a while, the method is no different.
It's all about attitude and changing perspective and making an effort.

I did indeed check several things off my to-do list yesterday. It feels good to check things off that have been lingering for a while.

In addition:

+ Started to clean out the closet. I unearthed 22 tank tops, and that's not counting what's in the laundry basket.

Rainbow of tank tops! Saw some things on Pinterest for organization ideas because they take up 22 freaking hangers. Not ideal. And yes, I do need to keep them all... :o)

+ Renewed the library card. Already plan to go after work Monday and check out a few books that have been on my "to-read" list.

 I enjoyed this:

Well this laundry won't clean itself, and the groceries won't magically appear on my shelves.
I'm thankful that I have laundry to sort, a washing machine to clean it all, and the means to go buy groceries & feed myself. I am very blessed.

Today's bit of hippie wisdom from Suzy:

"You've got to understand that wanting to remove negativity from your life is NOTHING to feel bad about!! If you think about it there really isn't a good way to tell someone that their bad vibes are poisoning your life."