frustrations

Ashley has lent me a couple of books that she's liked recently, and although this one didn't grab me right away, I'm into it now. I got seriously creeped out mid-way so I had to turn on spongebob and take a break. Although I need to know what happens so I have a feeling I'll finish it fairly quickly.

Today was... annoying.
I basically did nothing because the customer is dragging their feet. I traveled 6 hours and committed an entire week away from home and... nada. So I called my boss and he said I could leave tomorrow if I wanted, but I've already committed to the customer and planned for it, so I'll stay another day and leave first thing on Friday. The good news is, he doesn't want me to come back so YAY I might get a travel break! But... I'm on standby to go to San Antonio next week but only for a few days so I'll take it.

This afternoon I left the hospital a little early (since I was doing nothing) and went to the grocery store/ checked into the good hotel, and although this is a very good hotel room, the thought of sitting around it was maddening.

So I ventured out.

I need new pants. I currently have 5 pairs of pants that fit and I recently discovered that 1 has a hole near the back pocket and 1 has a broken zipper. Not ideal if I'm working a full week because I'm 2 pairs short. I can fix the hole but they're all looking a little shabby so it's been on my mind for a while that I need to get new pants and this was a little motivating.

There just happens to be a mall right across the street from my hotel. So I went, and it was really nice. I tried on pants from a whole bunch of stores and zero fit, but I did find 3 dresses in the clearance rack at H&M so that was fun. Too bad you can't wear dresses in a lab.

My pants search continues. I might try stitch fix again, but it was so disappointing the first time around pants-wise, I'm not sure it's worth the money. Why is this so hard??

...I know why it's hard. Because I'm 34 and 110 pounds with no ass or thighs and they simply don't make work-appropriate pants for bodies like mine because I fit the dimensions of a middle-schooler. And it's a pain in the ass. No pun intended.

Anyway, it was SO nice to get out and do something. I did make sure I was back into my hotel before dark, as advised, and I made a really good dinner of chicken and veggies.

So I guess the day wasn't so bad after all.

adapt some more

Oh, it was so hard to pull out of my driveway today. I did not want to leave home. I'm so tired of traveling. Like, physically tired. But, I work hard so I can pay the mortgage on a nice house for my cat to live in, right?

So I made the 6-hour drive to the border, again. Not that I'm keeping track, but my Hilton honors app is, and this is my 5th week here. Racking up some serious hotel cred. Our upcoming Memphis and New Orleans lodging will be completely paid with points and there's a good chance I'll hit Diamond status this year. (Which means I get a reserved VIP parking spot and that just tickles me haha)

Currently drinking wine that my employer paid for, listening to Deanna Carter circa 1996, in a dimly lit hotel room and feeling annoyed that I accidentally stabbed my finger trying to remove the pit from an avocado. I swear I hit bone and it hurts like hell and won't stop bleeding.
It was a perfect avocado, though.

The good hotel with the kitchen was booked up until Wednesday, so for now I'm holed up in the Embassy Suites, which always makes me reminisce about family vacations. It's a little less magical now than when I was a kid, but at least this room has a wet bar and fridge. I'm getting better at travel meals and I had a really good salad for dinner... that included a perfect avocado.

This weekend went by in a blur. The engagement party was great. When Missy walked in, I heard her say, "Oh, wow, this is just what I wanted!" which made me happy. I wanted her to feel loved and celebrated, and I think it was a success. It's obvious they adore each other and it makes me happy to see her so happy. I was so busy hosting/ having fun that I did not get pictures of the super cute decorations that I worked so hard on. Oh, well.

In other news, I started eating a prune every morning with my gummy vitamin, and I swear it's helped make my digestive system happier. I think they're better when they're cold.

Also my skin has been so much better. I'm paying attention to my diet to see what I eat around the time I get a breakout, and so far I'm targeting/ experimenting with/ limiting/ ruling out: red meat, beans, chocolate, and peanuts. I really miss peanut butter but haven't been able to rule it out as a trigger, so I tried sunflower butter and while it's not peanut butter, it's not bad.

I'm also trying to choose organic/non-gmo foods when I can, because I've done a little research and... *shudder*. However, it's not exactly cheap and I can only afford so much, ya know?

*Stops typing to sing along*
Love aiiinttt worth maakkinnnnn, when it makes you the fooooool...

Anyways, my belly is feeling much better and I've put on a few pounds and I am happy about that. I feel softer and less bony. I also bought some new bras and although I've dropped a cup size, I am happy to have bras that fit. Overall, between the happy belly and the happy skin, and everything else wonderful in my life, I'm doing quite well.

The next things to tackle on my house to-do list are paint the last living room wall, then start on my bathroom. The problem is, I have to be HOME to do those things.
Hm.

rough-ish.

Whew. Today was stressful.

Un-cooperative instruments, anxious customers, tight timelines, cranky technology, etc. I finally had to take a moment and decide that I was done for the day because I was getting too frustrated to be productive. (Un)fortunately, the customer was in the same place.

I am missing home. But, tonight I take a few deep breaths, adapt, and embrace the hotel points. It certainly helps my morale after a tough day to have a nice meal, courtesy of this awesome full kitchen.

Currently sipping lots of wine after enjoying some pork chops and green beans, trying to relax and figure out the best way to resolve these problems and make this customer happy.

I should just do some yoga and leave it all up to the universe... I will try it on this questionable hotel carpet and scratchy bath towel, but I miss my soft cozy yoga space and my cat so much.

Listening to the playlist we're putting together for the engagement party. It's cute and full of lovey songs. It's helping my mood.

Speaking of lovey playlists, lately I've had plenty of long drives down empty roads with the radio turned off, left alone with my thoughts.

It's remarkable that many times, they turn to Chris.

Now, now. It's not like that.

I think of our relationship. How messy it was, right from the start. I think of the mistakes I made and how obvious the red flags were. I think of how things might be if we had made different choices... then I think that things probably would have turned out this way regardless of our choices.

Still, there's been a lot of coming to terms with the way things did turn out. I really did love him and I really did commit, with all my heart, to spending the rest of my life with him. And it really did destroy a part of me to have to dismantle that life with him. But that's all part of my path, I guess.
I'm stronger and happier now.

I think it's crazy that I was absolutely certain that we would happily grow old together and have many adventures together, and now... he is a stranger and I wonder what his life is like. I wonder how he is doing... if he's struggling, or if he's happy. I hope he's happy.

I think of the path things took and how stark the contrast is when you consider the way my life is now. I'm having adventures with a very different person than I thought I would, and it blows my mind sometimes and I'm so absolutely happy about it.

I feel strong and independent even though I'm in that place where I'm sharing my life with someone. This feels much better than anything else I've experienced. I don't feel stifled. I feel like I have my own identity; I don't feel like my identity or self-worth is dependent on anyone else.
Why did it take me 34 years to figure that out?

Anyway, I intended to bitch about my rough day but instead this post got real deep. Time for a shower. G'nite.

yoga craft room

Currently laying on the rug with a blanket rolled up under my belly because, you know, lack of digestive movement.

I finally did something with this room. It kinda looked like a sad, ugly storage room and it's right in the main part of the house so I had to do something.

I got a rug ($20 at Walmart) and hung some crap on the walls and now it looks like a cozy (currently messy) yoga/craft room. There's no chaise lounge, but it has much better vibes, for sure. The lights are off in this picture but that skylight is awesome. I moved a few sad plants into that space and they are doing really well there.

It might be my new favorite spot. I find myself coming here to sit and read, stretch, or screw around on the internet.

coffee, kitty, pink

I have news.

I got rid of the Keurig.

I KNOW.
I have loved that thing for a long time. But I decided to go back to the basic 4-cup model for several reasons.

1. Cost. K-cups are expensive and regular coffee is cheap.
2. Waste. I hated how much waste the little pods produce. Sure, you can peel the lid off of the used k-cup and dump out the grounds and then recycle it, but I don't have time for that. The coffeemaker I have now has a washable filter so I don't have to throw out anything except coffee grounds.
3. Customization. I have gotten to the point where I like a STRONG cup of coffee and you just can't do that with the Keurig. Now, I can make a whole pot of coffee as strong as I like.
4. Timing. Yes, you can set a timer on the Keurig so that it turns on and heats up before my alarm goes off, but I still have to wait 30 seconds for the cup of coffee to brew. In pre-coffee time, that 30 seconds is an eternity. When I finally stop pushing the snooze button and drag my ass into the kitchen, the old-school coffee maker has my coffee already brewed and happily waiting hot in a cute little carafe.

I'm happy with my decision. I keep toying with the idea of moving it into my bedroom for even faster coffee access and extra get-out-of-bed motivation, but I think cleanup would be a pain.

The Keurig went to FG. Well, I put it in the new camper he just bought. I feel like it would serve a better purpose for the few cups we drink when we go camping.


In other news, Pumpkin is still on steroids, for the rest of her life probably. She promptly stopped eating after the last round, and I was seriously afraid I would come home to a dead cat. I mean, when they stop eating it's usually because they're getting ready to die. Now, she's eating more and she looks more alert, happier, back to her old self. The vet said the steroids are also probably helping with the arthritis/ inflammation so even though long-term use has its own side effects, the benefits outweigh the risks. So instead of dying from one thing, she'll die of another.

I know this is the beginning of the end, but if I can make this last little bit of her life more comfortable and happy with drugs, here we go. Wrapping my head around the idea of not having my little kitty around anymore. It makes me sad and makes me feel so much more guilty about all this travel. Mom and Akhtar have really come in clutch, going over to the house to feed her and give her pets. When I'm home, she gets tons of attention and as many treats as she wants.


In house news, I've got one more wall to paint in the living room but I'm going to wait until after the engagement party because I plan to tape stuff on it. After that, it's on to the master bathroom.

Did I mention that I now have a squatty potty?? I guess I talked about it once around them, and FG's daughters/ex-wife pitched in and bought me one, as a thank you for being around when they were all struggling with Nicole's death. Chloe even wrote me a beautiful card. It was so touching and also funny because they bought me a stool to use when I poop and it wasn't weird to them at all. They excitedly handed it over like it was a crock pot or something.
That's how I know these are my people.
Poo struggles are real, y'all! And I do have to say, it makes a difference. They even got me a pink one, because FG told them I was going to paint my bathroom pink. Now I need to get on the ball with that.

P.S. FG got a hot tub and I think one of his main reasons was so that I would be motivated to come over more to use it. And you know what? He's not wrong. That thing is awesome and the best part is, I didn't have to pay for it and and I don't have to maintain it.

ToC

Foxy Grandpa and I just got back from our latest trip, to Truth or Consequences, NM.

Goofy name, cute funky town. Several people pointed us to this town. Luke has been there, and FG's mom and stepdad actually live there. His stepdad had a heart attack recently, so we wanted to see him,, and I was dying to try the natural hot springs, so it was a logical choice.

Here is our rough itinerary.

We flew into El Paso. You can also fly into Albuquerque, the drive is roughly the same, about 2 hours. We chose El Paso because the flights were cheaper.

Rented a car, then took a 20-minute detour to check out the Recycled Roadrunner. I've been wanting to add random roadside attractions to our trips, and this one was pretty cool with pretty views.

The drive from Las Cruces to Truth or Consequences (The locals call it TOC) was remarkably unpopulated. Kinda weird that there's literally NOTHING between towns. No gas stations, nothing. Just beautiful, untouched desert terrain.

We got a room at the Firewater Lodge. Oh wow this place was cute. The rooms, the decor, the private spring-fed bathtubs, the community kitchen, the courtyard, everything. The rooms were comfy and the staff was nice. A really cute, laid-back place. We made breakfast every morning and enjoyed it on the patio. Bonus points for saving money and no potential for glutening. There is even a resident cat that hangs out. Several rooms were vacated during our stay, so we took a peek at each of them while they were empty. They're all a little different. The Waterfall room (gorgeous) and the Eucalyptus room (private outdoor patio with a hot tub) are at the top of my list next time.

In addition to taking multiple hot-spring baths a day, we also floated down the rio grande, did some hiking, took a yoga class, drove out to some nearby towns, saw fireworks at Elephant Butte park, did a little shopping at the farmer's market, and RELAXED.

There is a great website with a list of things to do, and we just kinda looked at that, took recommendations from the locals, and did whatever sounded good. There is a brewery and a CBD store within walking distance from the hotel, but we never made it to the brewery and the CBD store is only open Wed-Sat and of course I tried to go on Monday. I was curious to see what kind of products they have. Oh, well.

Overall, it was a really cute town and we had a great stay and I'd really like to go back again. The fact that it's small with a finite number of things to do, plus the focus on soaking in hot springs makes it very relaxing.