Monday

I must type quietly so that I don't disturb the big toot sitting next to me. He's trying to study and I'm doing my best not to disturb him. It's very odd consciously trying to hit keys softly. I usually just clickety-clack away.

I love the fact that I can booze it up again. In fact, I'm feeling much, much better since I switched meds. I feel more like my old self. Happier. Maybe the whole problem was hormonal to begin with. I don't know.

Tummers is touch-and-go. Some days are good-bad-good-bad-okay-good. Sometimes it literally depends on the hour. Overall, I see an improvement since I started taking the meds. Even so, I find it difficult mentally to take the full prescribed dose. I want to see if I can get by on less. Since it was so difficult to wean myself off of it last time, maybe this time I can become less dependent on it? Again, I don't know.

I kinda like that Taylor Swift song. It's catchy.

Super excited about Friday. I took the day off work. Been feeling a little overwhelmed lately with everything going on at work and in my personal life, so I figured a day off wouldn't hurt. Pedicures and possibly facials are planned. Hey Ash, wanna highlight my hair Thursday night? Or would that be too much?

carved.

Throwing parties is a lot of work. Especially when you don't keep your house clean.

Photographic evidence:

We tried to get him to take a picture with his pumpkin, but instead he dumped it right in the trash can.

Obligatory shot of the food:
Cheese ball with crackers
Mini pumpkin pies
Veggie tray
Chips

Obligatory shot of [most of] the pumpkins:

Beautiful flowers that Ashley got for me.

Things to note

I'm banned/ threatened from walking into the kitchen/ dining area because Chris just mopped. Can we all take a second to appreciate that because I just love it.

Cheese balls. I tried making one. The taste test seemed good. Tomorrow we shall see.

Cramps. Yeah, I got them. It's weird. I haven't had cramps in soooo long. Or a real period, for that matter. I couldn't figure out what was going on for a while. I thought I had a stomachache. Derr.

Apparently my insurance covers birth control 100%. I can't tell you how thrilled I am about that.

What? There are mini pumpkin pies that don't fit on the platter? And more wine?

The floor is almost dry...

food issues

Paying close attention to what I eat to determine what sets off the tummy crummies. I did a quick search of "gastritis" that yielded a few ideas of what might be problematic. TOO FREAKING BAD the top of the list includes coffee and chocolate, my two favorite things. Also dairy. I don't think so man.

I have noticed that an excessive consumption of sugar, especially on an empty stomach, will set things off. No more weekend cupcakes for breakfast??? I might be able to handle that...
Although it doesn't make much sense because I can eat pancakes with syrup and it doesn't typically cause a problem. There is not much difference between a cupcake and pancakes when it comes to the sugar factor. Merh, I dunno.

Gunna be a dork and keep a food diary. Might even buy a cute little notebook just for that. Here goes nothing!

bleach

There is so much bleach smell in here. It's glorious.

The shower got pretty funky, considering I haven't cleaned it since its big new debut. (What? I've cleaned the toilets and sinks pretty regularly... just not the shower.)

It was getting pretty gross. Mildew, soap scum, funk... I showered with my contacts in the other day and saw just how bad it had gotten.

So, a nice dousing of bleach, a quick scrub with comet, a thorough rinse, and a liberal application of rain-x later, it's looking and smelling like something a human being would occupy. I tried something new this time. There are a few corners that tend to get mold faster than the rest of the shower. I sprayed them directly with the rain-x to hopefully repel some of the moisture. We'll see if it works. Until next time, funky shower...

Also today marks the day that I accidentally turned a load of laundry pink. No, it wasn't a red sock in a load of whites. It was actually a load I was bleaching (bleach!). I included a hot pink tote bag in with the whites because it got something funky on it at work. It was probably coffee but I wasn't taking any chances, so I bleached it there and I bleached it at home. Well, the bag turned some socks, undies, and pillowcases nice and pink. The bag itself? No change in color, just clean. Good thing I don't mind the pink on the socks and undies. The pinkish pillowcases kind of hurt, though. Just another check mark in the list of excuses why I need another set of sheets. Hint.

that air tho

I woke up this morning to a nice cool bite in the air. Not quite yet that crisp air, but it's still wonderfully glorious.

Last night we checked out that movie theater the Palladium and it's super cool. The upstairs "VIP" area is adults only with a full bar. The employees are all super nice. Somehow the people working there were way nicer than the teenagers who work at regular movie theaters. I bet they get paid more. Even the bathrooms are nicer.
Drinking while watching a movie is right up my alley. Especially when it's a movie I'm not particularly interested in. Besides booze and really freaking good popcorn was the fact that we went with our neighbors, who I'm still trying to bond with. The husband is still kind of a know it all which gets on my nerves, but the wife's pretty chill. Turns out, she likes to talk during movies. Like make comments and such. Which is GREAT because I do too! I try not to do that during public movies because it's super annoying to everyone around you, but I was on my second glass of dinner-less wine and I haven't had booze in months. So sorry, lady next to me. I think we may go see more movies now. I had a really good time.

Yesterday was another day of getting stuff done. We got rid of the builder's mirrors that have been propped up against walls since we moved in. Nobody would take them! Until we drove by a Goodwill trailer that the high school FFA was collecting donations for. They jumped up and grabbed them. Sweeeet.

The backyard is looking really good. We finally got the flowerbeds looking decent, and got some of the trash/ disrepair removed. We really wanted to get some of it done before we have people over next weekend. [Oh- speaking of Ash, if you read this remind me we need to schedule pest control on the outside kuz we got ants-es and bugs and stuff man.]

I also managed to get a bit of decorating done. The mantle has been bare for a while because the wood is so dark that I want to get something bright/light up there. In the meantime, I embraced it and got something up there. It's a work in progress. I want to find pinecones or something glittery to put in the clear vase.

The full view:

That broom and stuff has been there for weeks, haha.

Many of our neighbors have Halloween decorations up, so we also got a few things to stick in the yard. We're not going to be that house that doesn't participate! Right now I've got some mums and a cute little scarecrow, channeling mom.

Our sweet neighbor across the street got us a scentsy warmer for a housewarming gift. You can see it in the pic- it's greenish. Isn't that just the nicest thing?? We chatted for a bit yesterday. I like her.

Okay, I think that's it for now.

-itis

Take a word, put "itis" after it, and you have a word that basically means that thing is inflamed. I feel like that's less of a diagnosis and more of a symptom of whatever is causing the inflammation, but what do I know?

Shove some drugs down the hatch to treat the symptoms, and you're good to go.

Right.

At this point I'm taking the drugs because they are starting to help, but I am in no way satisfied. These drugs are never meant to be a long term solution.--I've merely run out of care.

I'll take them until I start to care again.

*Biopsy results came back good except for the lining of the stomach is nice and irritated. No clue why! At least it's not cancer!

food again

My husband loves to buy bananas that go bad on the counter. Which is why banana muffins are in the oven-- the 1983 oven that has really weird oven racks and I always end up burning my hand reaching in for the pans.

But muffins. (Which will most likely get a liberal coating of leftover cream cheese frosting, straddling that muffin/cupcake line. Oh, who are we kidding. I creamed the butter and sugar so clearly they're cupcakes, which demands frosting anyway.)

Got Balsamic Chicken all together in the crock pot, waiting to be tomorrow's dinner. All I need to do when I get home is sautee some mushrooms in butter while the rice cooks.

Enjoying the appetite!

sweetie

Fuck. These pancakes are so fucking good.

P.S. I had dreams about mini carrot cake muffins.

on weight

Every once in a while Suzy and I will get into a good rant-fest about weight. Because we often share this same type of encounter along with our digestive issues.

See, I've lost between 10-15 pounds since the beginning of the year/ growing intensity of health issues. I don't know for sure because I don't weigh myself. I do know I've maintained between 120 and 125 lbs since I was about 16 years old- mostly just because they weighed me at doctor's visits. As of Monday, I weighed 109 lbs fully clothed and shoed.

No, I didn't lose weight on purpose. No, I haven't increased my activity or deliberately changed my eating habits.
The single reason I lost weight is because I'm sick.

I don't feel well. My clothes don't fit. I have to safety pin my pants and shorts to keep them from falling down. At the moment some of my bones stick out and I don't like the way it looks.
Basically, in my mind I don't look healthy.

I haven't socialized very much since the onset of the increased health issues, mostly because I simply don't feel up to it. So when I did see my friends, invariably they've commented on how I've lost weight.

Then, to my complete surprise, every single one of them has told me that I look good. As if I didn't look good before; I know I did, but somehow getting skinnier, to the point of looking unhealthy, elicits compliments.

This is all coming from people that have seen me at my normal weight for years. It honestly shocked me. I expected to hear some sort of concern or questioning the weight loss (if they weren't aware of the illness, which I generally don't advertise). Nope. They just tell me I look good. To me that is shocking. The only person who told me she thinks I've lost too much weight is my mother. That and the nurses who helped me dress on Monday kept tsking and telling me how tiny I was.

Even my own brother is in on it. Last weekend we went to mom's for the evening, and he asked if I'd lost weight. When I replied, "A little," he said, "Well you look great." Then he noticed the giant bottle of tums sticking out of my purse and made a comment about that. When I gestured towards the bottle and noted that I hadn't been trying to lose weight on purpose, he hugged me, said that he hoped I felt better, but that I still looked great. Haha, nice save Frankish.

I know it's society and all that jazz, but it honestly still surprises me.
The worst- the absolute worst, is when I do tell someone that I have lost weight because I'm sick, and they reply that at least I'm skinny. I've even had people tell me they wish they had [insert chronic illness here] so they'd never get fat. How horribly insensitive and asinine.

And I know that once I start to get better and I gain some of the weight back, people will wonder why I gained weight. As if it's some horrible thing.

Anyway. Off the soap box.

faith in humanity

Friday night we went to the county fair. Checked out the cookoff, had some food & drink, then headed out to the rides.

The boys were on this one ride, "Ring of Fire," that was essentially a roller coaster that went forwards & backwards in a vertical circle. Towards the end of the ride, suddenly money started fluttering down. It landed behind us near a concession stand. Immediately, this group of pre-teens started scrambling to grab it.

I automatically assumed they were going to keep it and walk away. Sucks to suck, right?
I was wrong- first they tried to give it to someone in the concession stand, telling them what happened. Then they waited until the end of the ride and gave it back to the girl. I was actually really surprised. You go, kids whose parents raised you right.

Scopey McScoperson

It has only been a few hours since I came out of anesthesia, and already I'm blogging about it. It's boring "resting."

We got up early and drove to the surgical center, then filled out forms & gave them money. Shortly afterwards, I was taken to preop and changed into a gown and nubbly socks. I'm glad I was wearing full-coverage undies because there was a definite breeze in the back of the gown.

I was outfitted with sticky things on my back, a blood pressure cuff, and an IV. I was freezing so I got an extra blanket, and they even had this super cool bed warmer thing. It was kind of like a giant vacuum cleaner hose that had warm air coming out of it. You just stick it under the blankets and everything gets nice & warm.

Then a bunch of people came by; anesthesia, nurses, etc. Everyone who would be involved in the procedure. They talked about what would happen.

Then we waited for a while. Chris tried out the oximeter that goes on the finger, trying to get his heart rate up. Then we waited some more. I got up to pee.

Then they came to wheel me into the procedure room and I started getting super nervous. Just seeing the room freaked me out. I'm used to being on the OTHER side of things. Not laying on the table.

So they told me to lay on my side and then they sprayed this stuff in my throat to numb it. Actually, twice. The numb throat feeling totally freaked me out. I felt like I was going to suffocate or something. Then this oxygen tube went in my nose, and they put this thing in my mouth- it reminded me of a ball gag with a hole in the middle. But less- bally. At that point I was seriously uncomfortable and very un-calm, and the doctor came in and asked if I had any questions and I was just like, "ARH," meaning put me under already because this sucks. Fortunately a few seconds later I started to feel the anesthesia kick in.

Next thing I know, I'm waking up in pacu. I freaking love anesthesia. I didn't wake up in the middle of it this time, either. Nothing but a good nap. As I came to, the nurse gave me ice chips and chatted with Chris about the procedure. I don't remember a lot. While Chris went downstairs to pull the car around, the nurse helped me put my clothes back on and go to the bathroom. Really sweet people at that place.

Obviously, I didn't get much information but the doctor came out to talk to Chris about how it went. Some acid problems in the lower esophagus, the villi looked pretty good (celiac stuff), and he took 8 biopsies. The large number of biopsies makes me nervous, but like I said I didn't get to ask questions because I was pretty loopy. The pathology results will come back in 7-10 days. Long.Ass.Time.

I had a surprising amount of gas afterwards, I think because they put air in the stomach to see around better. Also some stomach discomfort but that's nothing new and it was probably because I hadn't eaten anything. And just had a camera down my throat and small intestine. And there are 8 tiny wounds in there. But yeah.

I ate a little bit and I'm tired, but other that, nothing dramatic. I have to take it easy today (and apparently can't shower or do any online banking), but tomorrow it should be business as usual. With that, the couch is calling my name.

P.S. I haven't told my mom about this because I don't want her to worry for no reason, and it's so damn hard not saying anything.

food

I've literally had the most nonexistent appetite for like 4 months and suddenly today I want to EAT EVERYTHING even though my tummy might get upset I just want to EAT IT ALL. Maybe it's my subconscious knowing that I'll have to fast soon. Weird man. (No I'm not preggers. I literally just saw my empty uterus on a screen like a week ago. So there.)

hurts

Sometime between last Sunday and last Monday, I screwed up my back again. I tried to roll over in the middle of the night and POW! Pain. This time instead of the lower back, it's my upper back/shoulder/neck area. Once again, I'm reminded just how much back muscles are used in everyday simple movements.

There is not much I can do except let it heal, and sleep on a heating pad. Suckage.

Got the "backwards colonoscopy" scheduled for Monday. Watching a youtube video of an endoscopy was not the best idea. I'm SO glad I'll be knocked out.

NuvaRing Adventures

Here we go again on this birth control saga!
I've tried just about everything there is, so I hope this works.

My gyno recommended this because of the type of hormones, the relative "set it and forget it" aspect that I want (3 weeks), and the fact that the hormones stay near the vag/uterus so there is less introduction into the bloodstream- which seems to be the cause of the unpleasant side effects.

So I got home after the Nexplanon removal and shut myself in the bathroom to shove it up there. It seemed simple enough. They demonstrated with a big plastic vagina in the gyno's office. I even checked out some videos and pictures.

Too bad I was less than graceful when it came to the insertion. You basically take this surprisingly big flexible ring and squish it in half, then stick it up there making sure it doesn't fly back into a ring shape. Then you take "your longest finger" and push it up as far as it will go.

I assumed that once it was up in there, it would somehow spring back into a shape that perfectly cradled my cervix and stayed conveniently out of the way. I can only imagine how ridiculous I looked trying to shove it up there as far as it would go. I even tried different positions. But once it got to a certain point, there was no budging it. Apparently my fingers aren't very long, or it just doesn't go as far up there as I thought.

I really thought I had it in there wrong, but after a bit more research, apparently it's okay as long as it's up there somewhere. I was especially concerned because it's just like, RIGHT in there. It's not out of the way AT ALL. It's front and center like, Hey! Welcome to Vagina, make yourself at home!
Although it felt comfortable to me, I knew that hubs would hate it because he would be able to feel it.

Regardless of my hesitations, when we "tested it out," he couldn't feel it! Yay! He said something felt "different," but it was not painful or scratchy like the IUD. I call that a success. Since gynecological issues are rarely awkward for me nowadays, I even asked him if he could push it up further. Not luck. It just stays where it stays.

It's been only a few days, but I don't feel it and I mostly forget about it. No cramps, spotting, or any of the other side effects I felt with the nexplanon. Although it's still not back to normal, there was also an immediate noticeable difference in libido. Heyyyyy.

I was totally scared it would come out when I pooped, but so far nothing like that has happened. Good because if it comes out I'm not grabbing it out of the toilet. I'm also a tiny bit skeptical that this little ring up there can prevent little swimmers from doing what they're meant to do... but my gyno and his nurse (who uses it) said it worked just fine.

Other factors to consider include the fact that I will probably start having periods again, and the cost.
However, my gyno said that after a few months (to get used to it), he will tell me how to insert it to avoid periods. I'm guessing instead of leaving it out for a week, you just stick another one up there. Also, he said that he gets tons of samples of these things, and he'll give me a long-term supply once I determine if I like it. I'm okay with all of that.

So there you have it. Another anti-baby device. Time will tell if this is something that will work well for me.

Update:
1 year in

Nexplanon Adventures: Conclusion

Last week I had the nexplanon removed. I made it about 10 months but the side effects sucked. I mean, I knew that I didn't love having to take drugs to combat the side effects of this birth control, but I gave it the college try. Ultimately it just wasn't working for me, and to top it off I started spotting again. A few weeks ago I actually started bleeding as heavy as a regular period. Not cool for someone who hasn't carried around womanly supplies for several years.
Rather than try something else I decided I'd had enough. I was not ready to try testosterone cream; they give that to post-menopausal women! I'm not even 30!

So, just like with the IUD, the removal was not bad at all. They numbed the area and cut it out. Took about 2 minutes. No bruising this time, just the same deal where you wait until the bandaid falls off and that's about it.

In the meantime, since I still don't want to have babies, my gyno suggested the Nuvaring. I was immediately skeptical but I don't want to go back on the pill and I've pretty much exhausted my other options, so I just said okay. More on that later.