FUCK IT.

I think today I hit my critical threshold for... everything.

Especially after I made a lot of dumb mistakes on the serology lab practical this afternoon. It was like a day of try-and-fail-and-then-they-pile-more-stuff-on-top-of-everything-else-fuck-fuck-fuckage. They're masters of adding crap when you already feel like you're about to lose control. It's like, "Oh yeah piece of cake FUCK YOU."

I'm tired and overwhelmed and it's just starting to be too much. My little meter for handling everything is starting to tip into the red and my body's like, "Bitch what are you doing to me??" and my brain's like, "Slow down I can't keep up!" or maybe vice-versa or a little bit of both.

I don't know how I'm going to motivate myself to study for tomorrow's exam when I really don't give a shit.

Oh, god you're going to find me cracked up sitting in the corner in a ball rocking back and forth.

I've been trying to eat healthy and leave my emotionals out of it and keep a level head but fuck it, food is my friend and I'm going to go buy junk food and my ass can get as big as it wants as much as I care. Oh, fuck.

Shit.

Okay, I know I gotta keep a good attitude and keep truckin or I'm going to end up hating my life. And I'm supposed to be really good at looking on the bright side. Maybe I'll see it after some wine and junk food. Maybe...

One freaking day at a time.
Today sucked.

headache

Going on eight straight days of headache. Some days are worse than others, and sometimes it goes away for a few hours, but it's back now.

Drawn during class on Friday:

Pay it Forward

I thought this would be fun.

I wanna do a "Pay it Forward" type of thing. I promise to send something handmade to the first 5 people who leave a comment on this post.

They must in turn, promise to post this and send something they made to the first 5 posters on their status. (This was originally on Facebook so you can't double dip...)

The rules are: it must be handmade by you and it must be sent to the 5 people sometime in 2010!

I like it and I hope I actually get 5 comments... :o)

foodage.

I would just like to note that I have not had popcorn & candy for dinner AT ALL this past week. I made sure I cooked myself an actual meal even though I've been tired and busy. Go me!

It's 7:00. Can I go to bed now?

sluggish

It's not even 5pm yet and I already want to go to bed.

Been fighting my usual springtime headaches. Ugh they're constant and just drain my energy.
Haven't been sleeping well either. The room is too hot with the AC off, and too cold with it on, and I'm not used to the noise of it either.

School is tough. Couple of classmates have broken down crying from the stress. I feel like I'm on top of things, but just barely.

On an unrelated note, I got purple shoes! I've always wanted purple shoes. They're round-toe flats, and even though I prefer square or pointed, I really like them. Thanks to madre for that!



Finished another puzzle. Actually, Ashley did most of this one. And we somehow lost a piece.

This semester is going so quickly. Looking forward to TACLS in a few weeks. Our hotel has a WATER SLIDE, woo!

Flowers & transfusions

My mom and I went for a walk today and braved the treacherous ditch to pick some wildflowers. I just jammed mine into a cup with water and they look very springy. They also smell more than I thought they would. It's a nice smell. Hello, allergies!

So I've been procrastinating all afternoon. Time to study for the blood bank exam tomorrow. One day I'll be responsible for typing, screening, and crossmatching units of blood for transfusions. Not exactly something you want to screw up.

From the lab I know that I am type O neg, with c, M, Jka, and P1 antigens. And I think that's pretty cool.

Must also resist the urge to get study candy. Resist!

Oh, and Akhtar, UPDATE YOUR BLOG!!!

finicky water

I don't get this cat.

She will happily, if not fight to, drink from the toilet, mud puddles, the shower, the condensation on the freaking windows, and out of unattended cups (eewww Pasteurella & Capnocytophaga! Micro is fun, if sometimes disturbing and paranoia-inducing). PSA: DO NOT let your animals drink or eat something that will go into your mouth. That is all. Back to what I was saying.

She will pretty much drink the funkiest water out of anything.

Except when it comes to her water dish.
She will only drink it if it is pristine.

If even a tiny speck of anything is floating in it, that nose turns right up and heads for the nearest toilet or glass of water. Most of the time I can catch her and prevent her from drinking from the even germier toilet or depositing her own germs into my glass, but I am not around all the time.

I don't know what it is. Sometimes I'll take an ice cube and put it into her (pristine) water bowl, and she freaking loves it.

It's so strange!

biscuits & why I've been drinking this week

My biscuits did not rise. I checked the baking powder and followed the recipe, but they turned out like little flat cookies. They were still light and biscuit-like, and were really tasty... just flat. Hm, puzzling. I bet it has something to do with the gluten free-ness. I have better luck with drop biscuits, but the ones you roll out look so much prettier. Guess I'll stick to drop biscuits.

Enough about biscuits. Wait- one more thing about the biscuits. I went grocery shopping at the beginning of the month and vowed not to spend any more on groceries for the rest of the month. Well, it was more of a necessity than a vow. My mid-semester ass is broke again- surprise! So anyway, I ran out of breakfast-y foods, but instead of buying more I'm using what I have to feed myself. Way to clean out that pantry. So that's where the biscuits came from. I'm having them for breakfast tomorrow. I'm also hoping to clean out the freezer. I don't even know what's in there, much less what's in there that's edible.

What a freaking long week. Micro lab is a clusterfuck. It would be fun if it wasn't so disorganized and frustrating and we knew what we were doing. My sleep schedule is all jacked up, what with spring break and the time change. I can't go to sleep early and by morning I'm dragging myself out of bed. Like I said, long week.

I'm especially glad that it's Friday tomorrow, but Monday's exam is there in the distance waiting to taint my weekend.

4 1/2 months!

It was a long day.

bye bye spring break

I DID NOT want to leave the beach. It was glorious. Sunny with a cool breeze, and so carefree. The San Luis was amazing. The seafood was delicious. The beaches were clean. I really did not want to leave. I'm totally buying a beach house when I'm financially able.

After this leisurely week, I need some serious motivation to get me through this micro exam tomorrow, not to mention the next 5 months. I have negative motivation.
I can study all I want and I can resist the fact, but I have already checked out of school. I still have to try, but it's going to be hard.

*sigh* back to the books. Yeah enteric gram negative rods and stool pathogens!

dresses & food & baby parts

After stuffing so much food down my pie hole yesterday, I woke up feeling gross like a bloated fat. If there was ever a time to go to the gym, it's this morning. Especially if I'm going to rock a bathing suit or anything even remotely form-fitting, you know like pants. Besides, I just feel gross and sluggish. A judging by the discomfort, I'm thinking there was a gluten slip up yesterday. Blagh.

Enough about my fucked up digestive system. So even though I'm technically pretty broke, I am feeling the dress fever already this season. I picked up two at Old Navy yesterday.

One really casual runaround green one with POCKETS, that I'll have to either alter or attach some ribbon to tie around the waist to cinch it, or leave alone if I feel like it. The picture is funky- it's actually like kelly green.

The blue one that I was iffy about trying on but it was just so darn cute and flattering I had to get it. I'm glad I tried it on! I need to get over my aversion to PATTERN. If What Not To Wear has taught me anything, it's that pattern is good.

Besides, it has pockets TOO!

I took a bunch of pictures of Jen making her AMAZING fried rice last night and I plan on posting on my GF blog, but for now here's one of Logan's cutey-cute-cute baby feet.



And I swear he kept making the "thumbs up" all night on his own. Look at that cute chubby baby arm!! The fried rice was Logan-approved.


And me-approved. That stuff was awesome, AND I got to bring home leftovers. WOO!

Ode to the dirty dishes in my sink

The dirty dishes in my sink
are stacked and piled so daintily
but in a while they'll start to stink
and patches grow of mold you see.
The faucet drips when HOT is on
so often it is turned to off
and we are limited to cold.
And dishes sit for one more dawn
until it seems I've had enough
and need to get rid of the mold.

Iambic pentameter bitches!

For real I'm fucking bored. Spring break is no fun when your friends either work or have spring break at a different time.

I rented Zombie Land (Redbox is my new best friend. Fuck ten dollar movies!) and have a bottle of wine so tonight is taken care of.

Tomorrow, I have nothing planned. I might end up taking pictures of myself to put on facebook. Please, don't let me be that girl. I don't want to be that girl.

Mad Potter creations!

Mad Potter Picture Montage:






Last weekend we went to the Mad Potter to paint some pottery. I chose the pretty bowl and Chris chose the cup, but he didn't know how to paint it so we ended up switching and painting each other's things.

So yes, that super awesome camouflage was done by yours truly. He wanted USMC put on it, but I think it would have looked cooler on its own. When I went to pick them up, the lady who worked there said that all the little boys were looking at it and talking about how cool it was. Hellz yeah.

Chris painted the bowl and I think it turned out adorable. I like how he put "Chris R" on the bottom, as if there's another Chris running around calling me toot.

Here are Missy & Steve's creations. I borrowed the picture from Steve's facebook. They turned out really cute.

boobie holders

I think it's time to get some more bras. The ones I got professionally fitted for and paid 80 bucks for aren't comfortable. They're really supportive but the underwire kinda digs in to my arm pit. I put up with it for a while because I loved the support, but now I avoid wearing them.

I've gone back to my old, comfortable but way less supportive IPEX bras. I haven't even worn anything light-colored in months because I don't have a comfortable beige or white bra.

I looked on the Victorias Secret website and they do carry some bras in my size, but I think they're only online.

Buy a bra without trying it on first? Yeah right.
I can return it but I know myself and I'd never get around to returning it.

UGGHHH. Why does buying bras have to be such an expensive nightmare?? I can't even get something that works when I go to a professional and pay wayy too much.

Why can't I just go on Oprah and have her people fit me correctly?

Check out the $3 million 2009 Fantasy bra. Like I said before, try running in that...

bad ideas

I learned yesterday that these are bad ideas:

Blueberry waffles & cheddar chipotle chips as part of the same meal. Ughh.

Buying a puzzle from the dollar store. All the pieces are the same shape so they fit together even when they shouldn't! Makes for a very frustrating puzzle.

Over-exfoliation. I should have learned this with the pumic stone incident.

shit. I have a nap hangover.

Click to make bigger.

So they decided the asteroid did kill the dinosaurs after all. I once checked out the Chicxulub crater on Google Earth. Neat.

Finished puzzle. Bought a new one today at the dollar store. I think I like puzzles, and it seems like everyone else likes them too- they come in and work on it for a bit. Puzzles are under rated.

I dunno wtf is up with blogger. Sometimes I upload pictures and they come out sideways and I don't know how to fix them. Stupid.

Working on the GARDEN this week! Hope something grows man...

Other than that I have no solid plans for spring break.

Other than to do the massive amount of assignments I have. WTF I know.

Some pics

Creeper

Wine glasses

Old Rose

Pumpkin being forced to wear sunglasses

Got herself a plate of steak

My dad's cigar

for toot.

This post is about Chris.

So Chris is a pretty cool guy and he's nice to me and all that stuff, and since we've gotten back together for the 80th time, things have been pretty chill and cool. Like consistently for a while. Which is good.
Elaborate? Okay.

I like that he spoils me and thinks I'm cute even when I'm a ragamuffin. I like that he keeps it real and doesn't try to over-romance-ify things, but he knows when to buy me flowers or jot down a quick little love note. I like that he eats whatever I cook. Even if I think it doesn't taste quite right, he eats it with the appropriate yummy noises and lots of gratitude.

He's got the chivalry thing down, always holding doors open and making me fight to get the check for dinner when I actually have some extra cash. He looks out for me. When he hears about something that would interest me, he makes sure to tell me about it. He tucks me in when I fall asleep watching a movie. He changes my oil and makes sure I have jumper cables and gets the best windshield wipers the store has. You know, stuff I'm sort of clueless about but if I really needed to I could take care of. Since he's nice enough to do it, I don't have to worry.

He's got amazing problem solving skills like for real. I like that he's brilliant but he doesn't shove it in your face. He always has something to teach me. He is also super proud of me. Like prouder than I am of myself. I think he thinks I'm smarter than I really am, but I'm ok with that. He's always bragging about me to his friends and family. They always ask how school is, and other things that they'd have no idea about if he hadn't told them about me. I'd say he's my biggest fan, but Ashley might take offense to that. ;o)

And you know, I've said this before but he's a real decent guy and he's fun to be around. I think he's pretty awesome.

Ok that's about as much as I can gush without feeling like a completely shmoopy girl. I don't mean to be so anti-feelings, but I guess that's just the way I have evolved to be so far.

By the way, tonight's Modern Family episode made me laugh out loud several times.

Hm.

Where does this go again?

"Lip" balm

I don't know why I keep finding these types of things around the internet. There are also re-usable menstrual pads. Uh huh.

So tired.

There's a nasty stomach bug going around. A few classmates' family members had it, and now we had 4 people out today with it. People that I have sat next to and/or been lab partners with. Potential for germ breathing-in or ingestion! Eew!

Anyway, I think it's nap time, especially because it's rare to be able to fit one in on a weekday.

glorious.

Things I did today:

Pushed the snooze button. A lot. Woke up late.

"Did" my hair the same way as yesterday. No compliments this time.

Had some toasted bread with cream cheese & the jelly I took from 59 diner Saturday night, bagel-style. Was pretty tasty. Gotta confuse the gluten free bread with good-tasting stuff on top.

Sat in traffic. Saw some guy shaving.

Got to school. Printed a shit-ton of stuff.

Streaked some K. pneumoniae, checked out some other plates, did a successful gram stain on the first try, stared out the 7th floor window at the absolutely glorious day.

Took a few pictures of classmates in the lab and some test results, just for kicks. Urease is my favorite because it's bright-ass pink when it's positive.

Came home, decided to hit the gym.

Me, Sue & mom worked out for an hour. Felt like a skinny wiener and checked out the eye candy. Not bad.

Came home starving, ate some chicken & pasta with spaghetti sauce. Quite delish. Had a small serving of rainbow sherbert for dessert. Felt happy, round, and content.

Packed leftovers for a promising lunch tomorrow. I love good lunch. Makes the day better.

Found Chris' receipt from Mad Potter that he sneaked into my purse. Got excited to see the finished product.

Yelled at Sarge to get out of my room.

Time to shower and do some schoolwork. Spring break in 3 days!!

Picture of the glorious day. Yeah I dunno why the chair is knocked over, and my dad is trying to grow in the part of the yard that we always have fires.

new 'do

I like how the one day I drag outta bed and pile my hair on top of my head to wash my face, then leave for school, I get several compliments on my hair.

I'm tired. And HUNGRY.
I think my problem is that I rarely anticipate getting as hungry as I do, as often as I do, and there's never anything to eat. Time to scrounge. I want a sandwich SO BAD right now. I miss sandwiches.