lazy Sunday

Today was such a lazy blah day.
Last night I treated myself for the 3rd icky female issue in a row... I'm totally going to the doctor this week. I've been so uncomfortable! Something has to be triggering this all of a sudden and all the research I've been doing is just scary and making me paranoid.

So anyway I went over to Cs' and studied for a little while before watching tv. We fell asleep mashed together on the couch, the only way we can both really fit. I woke up with a crick in my neck about 5am and flopped into his bed till about 9, when I woke up and immediately was aware of one of those headaches that I get. So I went back out into the living room to say goodbye but found myself in a sleepy man's death clutch and fell asleep for another couple hours. I finally woke up and made coffee, watched some tv, tried to eat some cereal but the milk he had was FUNKY so I ate some cracker jack instead.

I came home, shoved some medicine down Punk's throat, took some meds of my own and tried to work out. But every time I exerted it sent me into a dizzying pain. That was abandoned very quickly, haha. I got some homework done and helped my mom look beautiful for her and my Dad's date tonight. My brothers are both sick in the living room watching Mythbusters but I know they just got done watching America's Next Top Model, tee hee. I didn't eat, so I cooked up some stir fry and gorged myself. I guess I'm feeling a tad bit better but these damn headaches just don't like to go away. Maybe I'll just shower and go to bed early, sleep it off.

For your Sunday evening random viewing pleasure, a video clip of the time me and my brothers put mentos into diet coke.

stereotypical

I do not like yogurt.

However, I choke it down all the time because it's supposed to be really good for you. In fact, as I write I'm fighting the urge to gag on my last spoonful. Yuck. Work your magic, strawberry-banana flavored lactobacillus acidophilus.

So this chick whose blog I read mentioned something about plastic surgery and if I'd ever get it. You know what? I don't think I would, if for purely cosmetic reasons. I mean, I already look pretty stereotypical. Why would I want to add to it? I've got a little cellulite on my ass, but so does every other chick out there. Even the skinny ones get it! And so what if my boobs are a little saggy? No one has ever complained and they still look pretty awesome in a push up bra. If I take care of myself, which I normally try to do, it won't get to the point where I can't reverse it without surgical means. So that's that.

Speaking of, here's a little stereotypical deliciousness I got in an email today.

pumping iron

Eating my little einsetins fruity stars dry this morning because there is no milk. At least I have coffee. *heart*

I think I might get my fat ass (ok it's actually pretty skinny) up and exercise this morning. My butt doesn't hurt quite as much as it did yesterday from my Tuesday night bout with the exercise video. I gotta tell ya, this thing is GOOD. It works you man. I really recommend it. Fat to Firm FAST, it's a pick-your-level type of thing. I also have a pretty good yoga video from Denise Austin but I did it so much it got old and the way she said "yoga" really started to annoy me.

I still have yet to work out at the fabulous rec center on campus. I used to go rock climbing with my friend twice a week. We've got the tallest rock wall at any campus in Texas or something like that. I just know it's higher than UT's and it's something to brag about (shock 'em coogs). I keep forgetting to toss my workout bag in my car so I can go after class. I wonder if I'll be able to attend the yoga or pilates classes this semester. I like the classes better than the machines because 1. it's less crowded and 2. i am forced to stay on track by an instructor. I had lunch with Till yesterday (I MISS that girl!) and she said their cycling class was intense. I've always wanted to try the summer abs class but I'm kinda wimpy so I'd hate to be panting in the back while everyone else toughed it out. Maybe this semester is THE semester. They had this awesome "cardio funk" class at this other gym I went to. Okay I'm getting all motivated and I'm totally gunna go work out before the lazy sets back in.

ps. my financial aid check came in yesterday so I called Mr. Pervy and told him I decided not to accept the position. I have an interview for another place on Wednesday. [thanks God!]

meh.

I rolled out of bed very reluctantly and got ready. The safety pin that I had in my pants [every pair of paints I own needs to be altered... the first paycheck I get is going towards just that] was misplaced last night so I had to use a binder clip. Surprisingly, it worked fairly well!

I headed, very unenthusiastic, to my first day of work, another office in a very tall building. The security guard was a friendly hispanic guy that hit on me. Felix.
My new boss is your typical middle aged guy, friendly but a little... I dunno... redundant? I'm still not sure what to make of him. He's hired a whole clan of attractive college girls, and I think that's both hilarious and disgusting. One chick came in wearing a miniskirt, and it's raining cold outside!

So this job. It reminds me a whole lot of the job I just quit. The kind where you walk in each day not knowing what your responsibilities are. I'm going to be another "assistant," helping the people who have more established positions within the company. It's really all I can do, considering I can't have any real responsibility because of my schedule. The thing is, I hate not having a purpose in my job, it's mainly why I quit the last one. That, and he wants me there for like, 13-hour days. Starting at 7am. It's exhausting, not to mention I'll be having to wake my ass up at at least 6am... I'll keep it for now, but keep my eyes open for something else.

On to Pumpkin. Considering her history of bladder infections, wonderful Dr. Hendrix explained everything to me in detail and recommended a special diet that will lower the pH of her urine to discourage bacterial growth. It's more expensive food but way better than taking her to the vet every 6 months. I hate to keep putting her on antibiotics.

I am exhausted from my long day and very discouraged at life right now. I hate hating my job, it just brings my whole life down.

sick cats = guilt + money

Jammin' to my new laptop speakers C let me borrow. Well, at least I can have them but if we break up, he gets them back. That was the deal, haha.

I am supposed to start a job on Wednesday on a "trial basis" to see if it works out. It was a phone interview, and I thought the second time he interviewed he mentioned that I'd have to work Saturday. Umm, no that won't work. But I'm going in on Wednesday anyway to see how it works and even if it doesn't, I get one day's paid work.

And that's a good thing because my financial aid check still is not in my sweaty hand and Pumpykins is apparently sick. Every time she gets a bladder infection, she lets me know by pissing on something right in front of me. So I take her to the vet and it costs a couple hundred dollars. I was joking with my mom, I should just set aside a couple hundred dollars a year for Pumpkin's bladder infection. I feel like such a bad mom kuz it's cold and she's outside my door crying but I can't let her in or she'll pee everywhere.

In the middle of writing this, my good friend Adam sent me the link to his newest review on expotv, and I happen to be in it and helped film parts of it. Check it out and leave him some feedback.

Well I guess I should study some and try to be productive tonight.

romance

I went to dinner with 'the girls' last night. By 'the girls' I mean M, Jen and A, my fellow dance team officers in high school. I love these girls and we only get to meet up every few months or so, so I really look forward to seeing them.

It was nice, we had dinner and had coffee at Agora. We talked and caught up, and this time the conversation was centered on everyone's boyfriend. Jen and A have awesome romantic new relationships that seem to have tons of potential. Of course I've already heard about M and Ja, but the whole night seemed to be centered on everyone gushing over how sweet and wonderful their new boyfriends are.

Now. I felt kinda strange being the only one not gushing over her boyfriend. I mean don't get me wrong, I've been pretty happy with the way C and I have been getting along. It's just, I don't gush. Over anything, really. Especially not boys. I tend to keep that more private and laid back, even when I was dating incredibly sweet and romantic guys who said sweet things and lavished me with attention and made me feel all princess-like.

Except. All those "prince charmings" that I dated... I'm no longer dating. Instead of feeling all gushy when showered in romance, I get the feeling they're trying way too hard and it backfires. Poetry, sweet sayings whispered in my ear, flowers all the time, planned romantic dates... etc. There were several times when I was hearing the girls talk about things their men did and/or said, I felt like rolling my eyes and saying, "you have got to be kidding me." But then I realized that they really go for this stuff! I mean, they were all so glowy and happy. And I was really glad to see them all like that.

So then I started thinking that maybe I deserved a man that made me want to tell my friends every little sweet thing he did. Am I selling myself short?

Then I thought about how I've dated guys who did all that sweet stuff and, try as they might, it totally didn't do it for me. Conventional romance is so CHEESY!! I like the kind of romance that comes in the form of letting me decide what tv show to watch, or rolling over in the middle of the night and reaching for my arm to drape over his chest, or reading the label to make sure it contains no wheat, or teaching me how to properly shoot a firearm, or changing my oil, or noticing that I have a small cut on my lip and asking what happened. Instead of constantly telling me I'm beautiful or comparing my eyes to some sort of glowy pretty thing, I want to notice that lingering look as I walk by. I don't want to be showered in affection or have my ass kissed. In fact, that makes me want more space.

So, at the end of the night, we went our separate ways (no doubt, to our men) and I headed over to C's. And shivering in the cold on the Starbucks patio sipping my chai latte, waiting for him to finish his cigarette, our eyes met and he smiled. Even though I don't have any gushings to add to the shmoopy-fest, I'm very happy with my unconventional man and the way we are. I'll take him and his issues and non-poetry-spouting-manliness and cute smile over romance overkill any day.

To each his own!

smooth peanut butter doozies

Why, on all nights, does Dave have to bring up and ponder and explore the meanings and mysteries of love? And ask point-blank the exact, very same questions that I have been wondering lately but keeping to myself? I swear, despite all the bullshit and how our friendship is not as close as it once was, we click on the most subconscious level.

And, as usual, talking about it solved nothing, but I feel better about it. At least I'm not alone in my crowded mind that over-analyzes things. Dave fully understands where I'm coming from and it's all out in the open, no bullshit type of talking. It still amazes me how his timing is so perfect with all this.

We call ourselves wise because of the pain that we have endured and, more importantly, overcome and learned true lessons from. At least we feel wiser than those who are naiive. 'Wisdom' does not come easily.

So is that wisdom the reason why we feel we need to guard our hearts "just in case?" Have we risen beyond the obsurd lures of fairy tale "true love" and come to terms with the reality of it?
Or are we still jaded and ignorant of the possibilities of truly letting yourself go and not to the point of actual wisdom yet?

I'm not fully allowing myself to enjoy this smooth peanut butter ride even after coming to terms with the chunky peanut butter road that I've traveled and made it out intact. And I'm okay with that right now. Dave is also not content with just enjoying his smooth peanut butter. He's got the future on his mind, probably because he's at the point in his relationship where he's go to figure out what he's going to allow himself to do, to feel.

Not that I'm even considering it now, but he mentioned it so now it's on my mind. There will have to be a point where I graduate from living in the here and now, the "one day at a time" to the future possibility of a lifetime of commitment. But in order to do that, you have to let that guard down and as Dave puts it, there's that instant of pure trust. And as I put it, it's a doozy. We both agree that it is indeed quite a doozy.

These are deep issues that can only be delved into properly at 2am but I am tired.
In the interest of preserving my optimism, here's to the doozy.