swimsuits

Ahh, summer.
The time of year when all women join together and cry about bathing suit season.

I dislike shopping for bathing suits. I know I am not alone here. My big deal is, I am a different size on top and on bottom. Most everyone is! Although retailers are getting smarter and selling separates.

As the years have gone by I have tried on countless suits and rejected most of them.

Boy shorts make me look stumpy. One-pieces are a joke because the fabric is distributed all wrong. Tankinis fall right at that little "pudge" spot and actually accentuate it. Ones with underwires are all momish. That, and I don't have 100 bucks to spend on a bathing suit. On and on and on... Eventually I learned which styles work and which do not.

I got this one at Target in one trip to the dressing room. Not bad.

The thing that annoyed me though was the fact that all the cute girly prints were in the string triangle style. ie: not ideal for girls with big boobies!

There was one pink paisley print that was absolutely adorable but there was NO way I could wear it because it was only in the styles that I mentioned before. Even if I did manage to find a top big enough to cover decently, the support was absolutely zero. The super-thin straps were digging into my neck while I tried in vain to make it fit.

The one I got doesn't even cover that much but at least it didn't look like it was going to snap from the strain, LOL.

So, I settled on the thicker-strap halter for more support while sadly replacing the cute pink one back on the hanger.

Sometimes having boobs sucks!

heartbeat

I can't sleep. I know I should be tired but for some reason my insides are wide awake. I've been sort of anxious all day. Don't know why. Maybe it's my intuition cluing me in to something my brain has not caught on to yet.

That, and I've got a lot of stuff whirring around in my head. Not bad stuff, just stuff.

I can't explain everything without busting out with a very long story, and anyway all of this is not sorted out enough to explain it properly. But maybe writing will help me sleep.

There was a time when I had never been more sure about anything in my entire life. It's one of those flashbulb memories. I remember I was driving down 59 towards work after class, thinking. I remember the exact spot on the road, too. Just after Weslayan. I remember what song was playing on the radio. And I just knew. It all of a sudden fit so well, like puzzle pieces. And I've never been able to truly second-guess that feeling. It's the most unexplainable thing.

It's that very thought that's keeping me awake tonight. Over various problems I've encountered, many times I've been given advice to sit tight and wait. I'm not a waiting person, and would never take that advice, but for some reason this time I'm content to wait. No immediate action needs to be taken. So what do I do with this thought? I don't know.

Wait, I guess. See what happens.

my life in pictures

Check out my sister's flickr page. I looked the other day and was amazed at how awesome some of her photographs are.

It's been nice and sunny out lately, and not so warm that we all retreat into our air-conditioned caves.

The other day we were all outside, grilling and all that. I had the opportunity to take a few pictures and I got one of Punk not looking pissed off. I swear she knows when I'm trying to take pictures of her because she gets mean looking. I think during the "stuff on my cat" kick I was on a while back, she learned to associate the sound of the camera turning on with the impending doom of being annoyed, lol.
















Anyway, one of my "projects" I have for myself this summer is to take more pictures. I shall be the girl with the camera in her purse at all times again. Hopefully I get some good shots!

goddess

I popped some banana bread in the oven about 30 minutes ago and it's starting to smell banana-riffic in here.

Today I CLEANED. I swept and vacuumed, and boy it needed it. I swept the cobwebs off the ceiling. I caulked cracks near the door that always accumulate dirt and annoy me. I washed rugs. I... am out of wine. Be right back.

*classical music*

Ok. Then I washed the curtain on the window where pumpkin likes to sit. It was so disgustingly FULL of cat hair. Ugh.

My closet is organized: Formal dresses, pants, skirts, sundresses, collared shirts, play shirts, tank tops, etc. all grouped nicely.

I bought a small wooden crate thingy for my spices, because I don't have room for a spice rack. I painted it green and glossed it, then went "Monica" for a second and labeled all the tops for easier recognition. How I wish I had a label maker.

Then I went to Walmart and got some more $2 flip flops and two more of those awesome $4.50 tank tops. I have one in just about every color now because they're so comfy and they fit just right. They're not too low in the front and they are longer; they hit right at the hip so they don't look boxy. They are thin enough to be cool in the summer but are thick enough so they're not trashy and show your bra right through the fabric. I just love them.

super awesome tank tops

Let's see, what else did I do in my domestic goddess whirlwind today? Oh- I want to try and alter some of my pants that don't fit after that weight drop. Bust out the sewing machine that's been put away for a while.

There's a party tonight but I think this is one of those nights where I just need me, my glass of wine, the banana bread baking and general quality alone time to check things off my to-do list.

Happy Saturday night you guys.

whew

What a quick week.
I swear it should not be Friday (I guess it's Saturday by now) yet.

Happy 18th birthday to my little bro, who is in no way little but dammit I can buy beer and he can't so that makes him little.

Happy 25th to Akhtar, whose party at Dave & Busters was pretty darn fun.

The man is out of town again this weekend for a race so that means it's more freedom for me! Except I've had a lot of freedom lately and I'm starting to *gasp* miss his ass.

I think it's time for bed. But first, let's see what's on Food Network.

pat on the back

GAHHH!!
I am effing excited. I just checked my grades. The organic chemistry verdict: only a C in the course, B in the lab. Not bad for the most difficult course for science majors, in UH's program, one of the most recognized and difficult organic chemistry programs in the US. And an improvement from last year, thank you very much.

Biochemistry was an A-, which surprised me because I missed an A in the course by one question on the final exam by the grades he posted, but I guess he decided to curve a little bit. Sweet!

Psych was an A, of course, and biochem lab was a B. I think I was right on the edge but whatever.

So, I met the goal I made for myself. I raised my overall GPA, if ever so slightly.

That, and thank you so much guys for your prayers and support and advice. One day at a time, right?

tough

Ok guys.
I am in a tough place right now.

There's no way I'm going anywhere. For better or for worse and I mean it. You don't throw relationships away when things get a little rough.

You might fight or have hurt feelings. Someone may act like a jackass but good friends are like family and they never go away. Things mend. People apologize and things forgiven. People earn trust back.

And when these people are in a tough spot you don't abandon them. You stick by their side, through it ALL.

Well, like I said, I'm in a tough place, though not as tough as him. It's times like these when I wish that I knew what to say, knew how to pierce a ray of sunshine through that shell he retreats into. Make something stick. Coax some hope from somewhere within the numbness that seems to wash over and paralyze. I wish I had that super power, that magic wand.

But, I don't. All I have is myself and the ability to be there when he chooses to need me.

I want to make myself very clear when I state my intentions to stay right here. These intentions only apply until he decides to do that thing where he ignores me for days at a time. Then, I consider my efforts to be unappreciated and taken advantage of, and that is something I refuse to do again. When that happens I consider it a severed relationship.

I dove into this with the full knowledge and expectation that this might happen again. I am stronger this time and know what to expect. But I won't be able to take that again.

So. As I stood here feeling helpless not knowing what to do, and not wanting to lose what I've been through so much to acquire, a thought occured to me.

I could pray.

I know I just got through talking about how I don't have much faith lately, but when everything else is in the shithole you still always have God.

So I prayed. With all my heart. And I'm going to keep praying. And I'm going to ask for help from those with a little more faith than me.

Take a minute to send a prayer. Ask God to help him out. Bust out that rosary and say a quick one for him. It couldn't hurt.

Like I said before, all I want is him back, happy, fart jokes and all.