all right.

I've been in a bad mood all day. 

I woke up in a fantastic mood, but shortly after that... I don't even want to talk about it because I'm going to get mad again.

There's a psychological phenomenon, I forget what it's called, where when you're pissed off you remember more times when you were pissed off, and when you're happy, you remember more times when you were happy, and today's rage kind of snowballed.

Anyway.

Couple of things:

-I need to start working out. Feeling weak and mushy. I hurt my shoulder a while ago and in the process of letting it heal I lost all my arm strength. Starting over from scratch.

-I miss having a cat. Don't want to get another one because I like not having to deal with litter boxes, cat hair, and pet sitters, but I do miss all the snuggles and cuteness. I can see why they say that having a pet lowers your blood pressure, because I'm finding that since I don't have a snuggle buddy, I relax less.

-Pretty sure I convinced FH to get chickens. I've always wanted them and, you know, I prescribe to the "life is short so let's do whatever we want" vibe.  It's on the list, but not sure how high it is. We have a lot of home maintenance items higher up at the moment.

-Found a doctor and a dermatologist locally. Hoping that with a smaller practice I'm treated like a patient and not an insurance claim, but honestly at this point I just need some checkups. Also hey, mammogram age.

-Taking a birthday trip to hot springs, arkansas. Plane tickets the Sunday after Thanksgiving were astronomical, so we're taking my new Rav4 for a road trip. Something new, for sure. We got a cute airbnb in the mountains on the edge of a national forest that has a hot tub and full kitchen, so if we do nothing but veg and go hiking I'm considering it a win. (But also we're doing to dig for diamonds.) Very much looking forward to that.

-Work has been crazy busy for a while now but we have wrapped up all of the huge projects in town so we just might get a breather. Feeling a little more balanced there. Going to take a minute to regroup before I volunteer to help in other areas that are slammed. My boss forwarded a job opening for a promotion last week and I flagged it to consider, then promptly marked it as complete because I can't even fathom that right now.

a day.

Today was long.

I was already annoyed with having to travel Sunday, then it wound up being a travel day with a stomachache... joy. Those are the best.

Also, leaving home is not as fun as it used to be.

I remember there was a time when I told my boss to pick me first any time a travel opportunity came up, so I could get out of my toxic house. 

Now, I actually like being home in paradise with my awesome husband. So for the trips where I can convince him to join me, it's a lot more fun. Unfortunately, Ohio was hard to sell. So now I'm trying to make the best of the next 6 days.

Speaking of travel and hotels, I have recently discovered a new travel hack to deal with the fact that no hotel is ever as clean as I want it to be. (except the resorts in Mexico. Those are always SPOTLESS.)

Of course, I use a wipe on all high-touch surfaces like light switches, handles, remotes, etc. And those actually rarely come back super dirty. This is for the corners of the shower, and mildewy sink seals. Stuff like that.

When I go grocery shopping, I pick up a bottle of cheap, store brand bleach spray. And blast the unsavory parts of hotel rooms. Very effective.

weird flare

I've had a really weird belly flare this week. It's been different from the everyday crummies, and different than even the normal flares. (I hate that I have words like everyday and normal to describe things that should not be everyday and normal.) 

So today, after the 3rd straight day of a stomachache that I can't explain, and still having to perform daily functions like going to work, I prepared myself a meal. Then I stood there, in my hotel room, looking down at that meal, thinking that I don't want to eat it because I know that it will make my stomach hurt. 

That thought filled me with so much despair.  It sent me back to those years full of endless struggle, where day after day I would choose not to eat because I'd rather be hungry than sick. I've come so far since those days and I've made so much progress managing this illness. Simply having those thoughts feels like such a huge step backwards.

I can't believe I live a life where something as basic and life-sustaining as EATING could be so problematic. Like, honestly.

The good news is, I've been in that struggle zone before and have no desire to re-live it, so I'm pretty motivated to take action. Doctors have rarely been helpful, but I did look up a gastroenterologist in Lake Jackson so if this doesn't resolve, at least I'll go get checked out.

In the meantime, I've taken 3 slow bites of this tuna sandwich in the last hour and I only have minimal pain.

closet makeover

The River closet is small.

One of the hard requirements of moving in was making the closet work harder. This is what we came up with.

1. Raise the existing rods & shelves to make room for a shoe shelf on the back wall

2. Add a small drawer unit and build hanging rods & shelves on top for each side.

And here's how it turned out.

Now, we can take our suitcases (full of clothes) out of the middle of the kitchen where they've casually been for a week.

The kitchen really is too big but that's a story for another day.

where are the clothes

I need to bitch.

I have been trying to update my wardrobe for months.

Here's what I'm finding in the stores, in no particular order:

1. Polyester and spandex. Where is the natural material?

2. Tops missing the bottom half. I can't tell you how many "cute" tops I've pulled off the rack to find the bottom half missing. I would like to buy the bottom half, please.

3. $20 tshirts. Yo, they should be 5 bucks a pop.

4. High rise pants. WHEN are the low rise pants coming back? I hate the feeling of pants fabric on my belly. Plus when I find pants that fit my teeny butt, they're too tight on the belly. My ratio does not do high rise.

5. Black. Grey. White. Brown. Where are the colors?

6. Anything with color has a granny boat neck 3/4 sleeve boxy fit. What. 

I'm not sure where else to look. I don't want to spend $80 on a blouse made of a natural, colorful material that reaches my hips. And I guess I'll be wearing my current selection of black pants until they fall apart. 

Things I'm loving

Haven't done one of these in a while.

Things I'm loving, in no particular order:

1. A water flosser. My life is changed. Over the past year I've noticed some gum irritation in certain spots, that's directly related to aggressive flossing due to stubborn stuck stuff. I noticed Ashley using one at Suzy's bachelorette weekend, and I got one. It is a game changer. I will never go back. I'm glad I bought a travel version because this bad boy is going everywhere with me.

2. DASH Mini waffle maker. And popcorn maker. (do NOT buy the Turbo one, it shoots popcorn kernels all over the place.) And mini griddle. I originally bought the mini griddle for travel, but I have started making little sandwich thins with it, and I use the waffle maker and popcorn maker weekly. I'm trying not to eat so many chips, so I make popcorn in big batches and store it in the freezer in sandwich bags. Works really great.

3. motion sickness glasses. They're weird but they WORK. At least in the car. I'm excited to try them on a boat.

4. Slippery elm powder. I mix a pinch into my coffee a few times a week and it has helped alleviate the tummy irritation associated with... coffee. Since there is no good coffee substitute. I've heard it described as, "Nature's Pepto Bismol." It's supposed to be good for sore throats and coughs as well. Sometimes I mix into my wine at night. Use sparingly, though, or else you'll wind up constipated. 

5. It's a 10 (lite) leave in conditioner. My hair has gotten very thin in the last few years, so I'm trying to take better care of it, especially because I heat style it every day. The ends used to get so straggly so fast. I've been really good about getting regular trims lately, and putting this on my ends. Even the hairstylist commented on how soft my hair is. Expensive, but worth it.

hunting season

I had such a good day. It's hunting season, which means I get a few weekends to myself. I decided to take this weekend to get some things in order. Since we moved back to Katy, things have been in disarray and I've gotten better at adapting but y'all know I thrive on the stability of an orderly household.

I slept in, then putzed around in the kitchen while drinking coffee. Made a pumpkin pie and roasted some butternut squash.

Finished up laundry, then headed out to clean up the front porch. I can no longer excuse the cobwebs as halloween decorations. As I pull out the seasonal stuff, I'm also purging. No sense in packing it back up if we don't have room for it at the river.

I crossed a lot of little things off of the to-do list, like weeding the flowerbeds and cleaning the aerogarden. I was going to order another salad kit, but when I did the math it seemed better to order some organic seeds and a grow anything kit. Excited to grow some kale since mine did not make it though the summer and I refuse to pay $1.50 for a sad bunch at the store.

At around 3 o'clock, I ran out of things to do. So, I started eying the weird windows in the living room. A relic from an old addition that we've talked about removing and replacing with shelves. So I grabbed a hammer and a crowbar, and watched a few youtube videos, and several hours later they are gone. Good thing we have a dumpster at the river because I have no idea how to throw old windows away. I'm sure the regular garbage won't take them.

I did not stop moving today so I'm sure tomorrow I'll be sore but I'm happy to cross off my to-do list and get this project underway.