a day.

Today was long.

I was already annoyed with having to travel Sunday, then it wound up being a travel day with a stomachache... joy. Those are the best.

Also, leaving home is not as fun as it used to be.

I remember there was a time when I told my boss to pick me first any time a travel opportunity came up, so I could get out of my toxic house. 

Now, I actually like being home in paradise with my awesome husband. So for the trips where I can convince him to join me, it's a lot more fun. Unfortunately, Ohio was hard to sell. So now I'm trying to make the best of the next 6 days.

Speaking of travel and hotels, I have recently discovered a new travel hack to deal with the fact that no hotel is ever as clean as I want it to be. (except the resorts in Mexico. Those are always SPOTLESS.)

Of course, I use a wipe on all high-touch surfaces like light switches, handles, remotes, etc. And those actually rarely come back super dirty. This is for the corners of the shower, and mildewy sink seals. Stuff like that.

When I go grocery shopping, I pick up a bottle of cheap, store brand bleach spray. And blast the unsavory parts of hotel rooms. Very effective.

weird flare

I've had a really weird belly flare this week. It's been different from the everyday crummies, and different than even the normal flares. (I hate that I have words like everyday and normal to describe things that should not be everyday and normal.) 

So today, after the 3rd straight day of a stomachache that I can't explain, and still having to perform daily functions like going to work, I prepared myself a meal. Then I stood there, in my hotel room, looking down at that meal, thinking that I don't want to eat it because I know that it will make my stomach hurt. 

That thought filled me with so much despair.  It sent me back to those years full of endless struggle, where day after day I would choose not to eat because I'd rather be hungry than sick. I've come so far since those days and I've made so much progress managing this illness. Simply having those thoughts feels like such a huge step backwards.

I can't believe I live a life where something as basic and life-sustaining as EATING could be so problematic. Like, honestly.

The good news is, I've been in that struggle zone before and have no desire to re-live it, so I'm pretty motivated to take action. Doctors have rarely been helpful, but I did look up a gastroenterologist in Lake Jackson so if this doesn't resolve, at least I'll go get checked out.

In the meantime, I've taken 3 slow bites of this tuna sandwich in the last hour and I only have minimal pain.

closet makeover

The River closet is small.

One of the hard requirements of moving in was making the closet work harder. This is what we came up with.

1. Raise the existing rods & shelves to make room for a shoe shelf on the back wall

2. Add a small drawer unit and build hanging rods & shelves on top for each side.

And here's how it turned out.

Now, we can take our suitcases (full of clothes) out of the middle of the kitchen where they've casually been for a week.

The kitchen really is too big but that's a story for another day.

where are the clothes

I need to bitch.

I have been trying to update my wardrobe for months.

Here's what I'm finding in the stores, in no particular order:

1. Polyester and spandex. Where is the natural material?

2. Tops missing the bottom half. I can't tell you how many "cute" tops I've pulled off the rack to find the bottom half missing. I would like to buy the bottom half, please.

3. $20 tshirts. Yo, they should be 5 bucks a pop.

4. High rise pants. WHEN are the low rise pants coming back? I hate the feeling of pants fabric on my belly. Plus when I find pants that fit my teeny butt, they're too tight on the belly. My ratio does not do high rise.

5. Black. Grey. White. Brown. Where are the colors?

6. Anything with color has a granny boat neck 3/4 sleeve boxy fit. What. 

I'm not sure where else to look. I don't want to spend $80 on a blouse made of a natural, colorful material that reaches my hips. And I guess I'll be wearing my current selection of black pants until they fall apart. 

Things I'm loving

Haven't done one of these in a while.

Things I'm loving, in no particular order:

1. A water flosser. My life is changed. Over the past year I've noticed some gum irritation in certain spots, that's directly related to aggressive flossing due to stubborn stuck stuff. I noticed Ashley using one at Suzy's bachelorette weekend, and I got one. It is a game changer. I will never go back. I'm glad I bought a travel version because this bad boy is going everywhere with me.

2. DASH Mini waffle maker. And popcorn maker. (do NOT buy the Turbo one, it shoots popcorn kernels all over the place.) And mini griddle. I originally bought the mini griddle for travel, but I have started making little sandwich thins with it, and I use the waffle maker and popcorn maker weekly. I'm trying not to eat so many chips, so I make popcorn in big batches and store it in the freezer in sandwich bags. Works really great.

3. motion sickness glasses. They're weird but they WORK. At least in the car. I'm excited to try them on a boat.

4. Slippery elm powder. I mix a pinch into my coffee a few times a week and it has helped alleviate the tummy irritation associated with... coffee. Since there is no good coffee substitute. I've heard it described as, "Nature's Pepto Bismol." It's supposed to be good for sore throats and coughs as well. Sometimes I mix into my wine at night. Use sparingly, though, or else you'll wind up constipated. 

5. It's a 10 (lite) leave in conditioner. My hair has gotten very thin in the last few years, so I'm trying to take better care of it, especially because I heat style it every day. The ends used to get so straggly so fast. I've been really good about getting regular trims lately, and putting this on my ends. Even the hairstylist commented on how soft my hair is. Expensive, but worth it.

hunting season

I had such a good day. It's hunting season, which means I get a few weekends to myself. I decided to take this weekend to get some things in order. Since we moved back to Katy, things have been in disarray and I've gotten better at adapting but y'all know I thrive on the stability of an orderly household.

I slept in, then putzed around in the kitchen while drinking coffee. Made a pumpkin pie and roasted some butternut squash.

Finished up laundry, then headed out to clean up the front porch. I can no longer excuse the cobwebs as halloween decorations. As I pull out the seasonal stuff, I'm also purging. No sense in packing it back up if we don't have room for it at the river.

I crossed a lot of little things off of the to-do list, like weeding the flowerbeds and cleaning the aerogarden. I was going to order another salad kit, but when I did the math it seemed better to order some organic seeds and a grow anything kit. Excited to grow some kale since mine did not make it though the summer and I refuse to pay $1.50 for a sad bunch at the store.

At around 3 o'clock, I ran out of things to do. So, I started eying the weird windows in the living room. A relic from an old addition that we've talked about removing and replacing with shelves. So I grabbed a hammer and a crowbar, and watched a few youtube videos, and several hours later they are gone. Good thing we have a dumpster at the river because I have no idea how to throw old windows away. I'm sure the regular garbage won't take them.

I did not stop moving today so I'm sure tomorrow I'll be sore but I'm happy to cross off my to-do list and get this project underway.

Pumpkin

It took me nearly a month to write this. Oh, how do you write a eulogy that adequately captures a 20-year friendship?

Pumpkin lived a good, long, happy life. I have many years of memories, from spunky kitten to sweet old lady and everything in-between. She had such a big personality and had so many kitty adventures.

Remember how she used to laze on the windowsill? How much she loved a heating pad? Remember the time she brought in a bat? Or the time she got stuck on the roof in the middle of the night? Or when we finally taught her how to use a cat door? Do you remember how she used to love chewing on velcro? Or Lobster Kitty? Or Power Pets? How she used to sit in a box on my desk while I studied? Do you remember the night I brought her home and we gave her a bath and fleas were crawling across her eyes? That little meowy kitten had no idea that she just hit the jackpot.

Friendships, boyfriends, husbands, jobs, milestones, homes... they came and went and she was the constant through it all. I could always count on the cat for a snuggle after a long day. She was my buddy.

The hardest part of her death is breaking the habits that I've had for 20 years. Over the last few weeks, there have been many small moments of sadness when I habitually do something and then remember that she is gone. Today I still found myself looking for her before I remembered that she's not here. I will randomly dream that she's alive again and in my dreams I grab her for one last snuggle. 

There's no more snoring kitty sitting next to me while I'm working at my desk. No more begging for kitchen scraps. No more roaming around outside getting into shenanigans. No more nap buddy. No more meows greeting me when I come home. No more hanging out in the yard while I garden.

When I travel, I have to find something else to look forward to coming home to.

I am not sad that she died, because she lived a really good, long life and she was spoiled until the end, and she did not suffer. Her body was simply thoroughly used up. She borrowed lives from somewhere because there were several times that I was sure it was the end and she bounced back. No, I'm not sad that she died. It was her time.

I'm sad because I miss my friend. 

I know that the habits will fade and I will fall into a life pattern that does not include a cat.

It's crazy to think that an animal came across my path by chance and I shared over half my life with her and will remember her for the rest of my life.

RIP, Punk.