life with a foxy grandpa

I've spent a lot of time lately evaluating my emotions when it comes to this relationship with FG. 

I've had some dreams lately where FG is suddenly mean to me, and I'm crushed because that means I have to end our relationship and pack up all my stuff (AGAIN) and move, and start my life over alone. Because I'd rather be alone than mistreated (Duh. Took me long enough to figure that one out). In my dreams ultimately I'm happy and okay on my own. 

This is obviously my subconscious dealing with the massive pain from Chris and how I'm evolving into another type of committed relationship. It didn't go so well the last time and my brain is like, "Hey, we're going to think about this stuff." 

Sometimes I still feel sad that my marriage went to shit, because I loved him like wow and I still can't really figure out what went wrong. As FG says, "You can't make sense of crazy" and that's often where I leave everything because there's no other explanation.

In the meantime, there have been several times where something has happened- I made a mistake or broke something or made a teasing comment, and I braced myself, waiting for FG to call me stupid, or mock me, or get mad, or stop talking to me, or withhold affection.

But that never happens. It turns out, most of my concerns about living with FG were based on my experience living with Chris, and I'm realizing now that maybe my only experience with living with a man was terribly skewed in an emotionally fucked up direction and that's NOT how life has to be.

I'm learning that not only can cohabitation be peaceful, it can be downright wonderful.

A few examples:

When I clean something, instead of asking me why I'm such a clean-freak spazz in a condescending way, FG THANKS ME for cleaning and tells me how nice it looks when I'm done.

On those days when FG gets up before me, a hot cup of coffee appears on my nightstand in-between snoozes. And the cat gets fed. Sometimes, the litter box even gets scooped.

Every single day, no exaggeration, he tells me that he appreciates me. Every meal I cook, I get thanked. Every time I leave the house, he tells me I look pretty. If he goes for a solo walk on the beach on vacation while I sleep in, he draws our names in the sand with a heart and takes a picture to put on social media. If he starts to power wash the driveway, this happens: 

It's so consistent that after my skepticism has waned, I am starting to think that I met a person who also feels like this is the way life can be- all the time. His "spoil the other person" style completely matches mine. I am here for it.

So, in conclusion, FG is a good man, and I think we can build a good life together and be happy spoiling each other for a long time. That's the plan.