Pumpkin

It took me nearly a month to write this. Oh, how do you write a eulogy that adequately captures a 20-year friendship?

Pumpkin lived a good, long, happy life. I have many years of memories, from spunky kitten to sweet old lady and everything in-between. She had such a big personality and had so many kitty adventures.

Remember how she used to laze on the windowsill? How much she loved a heating pad? Remember the time she brought in a bat? Or the time she got stuck on the roof in the middle of the night? Or when we finally taught her how to use a cat door? Do you remember how she used to love chewing on velcro? Or Lobster Kitty? Or Power Pets? How she used to sit in a box on my desk while I studied? Do you remember the night I brought her home and we gave her a bath and fleas were crawling across her eyes? That little meowy kitten had no idea that she just hit the jackpot.

Friendships, boyfriends, husbands, jobs, milestones, homes... they came and went and she was the constant through it all. I could always count on the cat for a snuggle after a long day. She was my buddy.

The hardest part of her death is breaking the habits that I've had for 20 years. Over the last few weeks, there have been many small moments of sadness when I habitually do something and then remember that she is gone. Today I still found myself looking for her before I remembered that she's not here. I will randomly dream that she's alive again and in my dreams I grab her for one last snuggle. 

There's no more snoring kitty sitting next to me while I'm working at my desk. No more begging for kitchen scraps. No more roaming around outside getting into shenanigans. No more nap buddy. No more meows greeting me when I come home. No more hanging out in the yard while I garden.

When I travel, I have to find something else to look forward to coming home to.

I am not sad that she died, because she lived a really good, long life and she was spoiled until the end, and she did not suffer. Her body was simply thoroughly used up. She borrowed lives from somewhere because there were several times that I was sure it was the end and she bounced back. No, I'm not sad that she died. It was her time.

I'm sad because I miss my friend. 

I know that the habits will fade and I will fall into a life pattern that does not include a cat.

It's crazy to think that an animal came across my path by chance and I shared over half my life with her and will remember her for the rest of my life.

RIP, Punk.

hold up

Weeks have passed in an instant, it seems. I blinked and several Eras of my life have started and ended.

We got married, Pumpkin died, we took a mini honeymoon, and construction started at the river and we "moved" back to Katy. 

Big, defining life events all crammed into a span of a few weeks and I'm still sorting out the memories and emotions from all of them. I have big thoughts about all of these things that I'd like to record but it's all overwhelming. I went into autopilot mode just to function. 

Work has been busy, too. I hate it when both work and life are busy at the same time. It's much easier when they take turns.

mrs part 2

Well, here we are on the eve of my wedding, and I thought it would be nice to record some of my thoughts.

Today was a whirlwind of to-do lists and excitement that eventually wound down into tiredness. This evening I came home from making bouquets with my mom and sisters, ate some dinner, poured a glass of wine, and drew a hot bath. 

[I'll meal prep and pack tomorrow.]

Reflecting on what I've been through when it comes to relationships, and how long ago that seems. How lucky I am that I was able to heal from whatever ~that~ was, and how lucky I am to have found someone who makes the stars shine brighter. I am about to marry a man who is kind, warm, smart, supportive, and absolutely the highlight of every day. Who loves my family and has a great family that I fit in naturally. It's always been so easy to be with him.

Tomorrow I'll be a wife again. But this time I'll also be a stepmom, And (officially) a grandma. Titles that I'm so honored to have.

Looking forward to the wedding, not just because DUH, but because weddings are affairs where literally it's all your favorite people and everyone is there to offer well-wishes and have a good time. It's the best kind of party.

This chapter of my life is going to be a good one. 

a few things

Today I mopped the floors for the first time in 2 months. The dog puked a few times last night, and after cleaning it up I decided it was time to give the floors a proper clean. I counted it as cardio.

I had to change the water 3 times it was so dirty. Which surprised me because we run roomba several times a week and the floors didn't LOOK that dirty. But I guess they were. Now my back hurts haha

Tomorrow is my bachelorette party! I opted for a low-key, dress up in your sparkles and bring a bottle of wine for a MEGA-tasting with my favorite gals. Should be a blasty blast. 

Work has been mega busy lately and I'm involved in an initiative that should be good for my career, but because of it I've been right in that "Tired but Not Burnt Out Yet" zone. Basically I'm done trying to hustle in my professional life. I'm happy to coast until retirement, but they've been making me work and I'm not used to it. In the last 2 weeks, I've visited each coast. Talk about jet lag.

Wedding planning is in crunch time. We're in that time frame where a lot of stuff has to be checked off the list and it's kinda stressful, kinda fun. I did the alterations on my dress, which was nerve-wracking but adequate. I'm still adding the beading to the bodice, which is tedious but actually relaxing. You know, lots of immediate contradictions going on here.

The river house is deep into the negotiations of getting raised. We've met with the architecture company, and if we can get some details ironed out, the project could start as early as mid-October. Which, between that and the wedding and upcoming taxes and FF's lack of income, we could be pinching some pennies pretty tight for a while. Good thing we like beans.

That's all for now.

well I'm old

The other day we were in Hobby Lobby and I had a couple of bolts of fabric on my hip. FF asked how much they were and I glanced at the top edge of the bolts... and the labels were blurry. 

It was at that moment that I realized I might need readers. I've noticed lately that my eyes have been really tired and I have to blink a lot/ things are out of focus when I'm on my phone or computer for a while.

So I dug out some old readers that I used to use when I wore contacts a lot and my eyes got tired. Let's say I noticed a difference. FF is very amused, probably because I tease him about being old all the time and now I've made a large step to join him.

I've been meaning to go to the eye doctor (and the regular doctor, and the dermatologist, and the gyno...), but I never did find a doctor when I moved to Katy and now that we're at the river 90% of the time, I suppose I'll need to find one out here.

Anyway, when it comes to aging, at this point in my life I've got plentiful grey hairs and now I need reading glasses. I actually don't mind the grey because it's sparkly, and I'm excited to finally be able to get some cute tacky reading glasses and wear them on a pretty chain around my neck.

The wrinkles on my chest and sun spots on my face, however, I do mind. For the record.

bleach and jet ski lessons

My new favorite cleaning product: A tampon dipped in bleach.

This isn't groundbreaking, but it did save me from having to re-caulk a really awkward portion of the shower due to a set of stubborn mildew stains. I dipped the tampon in the bleach bottle (the string really came in handy lol), then set the tampon on the stain and walked away for a few hours. I've been trying to get rid of those stains for over a year and that's what finally worked. Horray!

We finally got around to an official jet ski lesson. I've been hesitant because I don't particularly enjoy watercraft, partly because I'm not much of a thrill seeker but mostly because of the motion sickness aspect (I get seasick on a hammock, y'a'll). But I have to learn how to drive ours and I would like to get comfortable on them.

I figured that it would be like driving a car- you are less likely to get seasick if you're the one driving. That's mostly true. The "you're on water" sensation is unavoidable but when you're moving it's less noticeable. It was uncomfortable but bearable. 

To be honest, I was scared. It seems like you're going really fast and I never felt stable or in control the entire time. Which means I have to keep doing it.

On a more positive note, I will say that it's really cool getting to see different parts of the river. There is a lot of beauty and a lot of neat houses. 

We picked a relatively calm day to go out, but we passed a few wake boats and I screamed in terror going over the waves. I caught air a few times and once I get over the terror I could see how that might eventually be fun.

healthier choices

Following the trend of making healthier choices, I've found myself mindlessly scrolling through social media for hours at a time lately. So after I see the content from people that I actually follow, I'm making the conscious choice to set the phone down and do something else.

So far instead of mindless scrolling, I've:

organized the tackle box

tried a few new cleaning methods on the shower (nothing worked great)

pet the cat

watered the garden

sat outside and watched the clouds, nature, whatever

researched organizing ideas for specific spots (like under the kitchen sink)

cleaned out a kitchen cabinet

picked out some wedding songs

taken a nap

I'm going to order a couple of books from my wishlist to have on hand and there are a million little projects around here I can take on. I think my eyes are happier, too. They get so strained looking at a screen for so long.

Also I figured out a good option for physical activity. You're going to laugh because it's so obvious. I got the idea when FF and I were taking a dip in the river to cool off one evening.

DUH. We live on the river. We can SWIM. Even hopping out of the tube to tread water is good physical activity. I haven't swam for exercise in many years but it's so perfect in this heat. 

So there you go.