blaze it

My coffeemaker is set to start brewing at 4am.

I'm not happy about it. I fought it, and actually got out of it several times, but I kept getting sucked back into this project because no one else is available right now due to covid travel restrictions.

Big Reference Lab goes live with their instruments tomorrow and we kick off the start of 30-day round-the-clock go-live support. I have to work the 5am shift and also work Saturday, but at least I managed to avoid working overnights...

Work has been busy, busy. Fortunately we are getting hazard pay right now and that's a nice bonus. I handed my current project (which was going beautifully) over to a colleague and it's already messy, but instead of stressing over it, I decided that it's not my problem right now (because it's not). In a few weeks when I pick it back up, I'll deal with the mess. Right now I have this reference lab mess to handle and I don't get paid enough to care about both.

Our trip to Cancun got cancelled so there's no tropical vacation to look forward to at the end of all this, but at least between the hazard pay, the stimulus check, and the complete lack of spending, I have some serious cash stashed away. I'll still happily trade some of it for a gallon of sunscreen and a boozy cabana on a beach.

I need to adjust my sleep schedule to go to bed early, so I spent the day doing EVERYTHING. I didn't let myself relax or slow down all day so that I'd be tired early. I got a ton of stuff done, including a few tasks that have been on my to-do list for a while now.

It's nearing the end of April, and it's almost time to put the house up for sale. That took forever and also came up so fast. Yeah, the market is a little slow right now and I'm also not sure I want strangers walking through my house, but I expect it will pick back up in the next few weeks, right on schedule.

I keep thinking, "I'm so ready to move but I like this cute house and moving is an expensive pain in the ass" and back-and-forth, but at the end of the day I'm moving for some good reasons and I'm ready to find something that works better for me in the long run.

Speaking of the long run, this whole moving process has stimulated lots of back-of-my-mind thought processes involving the future as it involves FG. Because we communicate very well, we have had several discussions about where we are, and what we want, and how we want our lives to progress.

Overall, we are both really happy with me moving closer to him, but I have some reservations about anything beyond that. I'm not super keen on the idea of starting to build a life with him, or anyone. I think living closer together will make daily life easier and buy me some time to be comfortable with the natural process of how relationships progress.

It's very easy to imagine spending the rest of our lives together, but the logistics and realities of that are freaking scary. Living together, merging kitchen gadgets, sharing office space, cell phone bills and bank accounts... that's all fine and dandy until one of you gets mean and crazy and the other one feels trapped in a shitty mentally-abusive situation that's not simple to exit.

History won't repeat itself, will it? I never saw the first shit storm coming, so how on earth can I predict the probability of another one?

That's what I'm resolving internally, still healing from, I guess.
Honestly it's going well.