I woke up so happy today... at 8am. The sun was shining through the curtains and I felt un-rushed and rested.
I have been waking up at 4am every day for the last... however many days. I feel like I've been a zombie, going through the motions of getting up and going to work and being tired all the time. I did not adjust well to that schedule.
Especially now because the house is on the market and before I leave everything has to be show-ready. At 4am. 4am. Did I mention 4am?
No, it's not over. I got myself shifted to a different schedule. 4pm to midnight, while not ideal, is WAY better than waking up early. Plus now I don't have to work Saturday. I'm hoping for a proper break but trying to rally because who knows how long this will last?
The short of it is, I hate this job right now. I'm ready to go back to loving my job.
The house. I had 1 almost-offer and 1 very low offer. Lots of showings, which surprised me because the market is still a little slow due to covid, but I guess it's picking up. Since I'm not in a hurry to sell I'm not stressing. The right person will come along. Now if I happen to find the right house for me, THEN I'll be in a hurry to sell. Not trying to have 2 mortgages here.
In the meantime, I'll keep making my bed and putting away my toothbrush and having faith that it will all work out.
Pumpkin had a UTI. She looked so sad and sick that I really thought she was dying, but it was all taken care of by antibiotics. The vet found a heart murmur and she's lost more weight, but she hasn't reached the point where she's obviously hurting or miserable. She still plays and seems happy and enjoys treats so, okay.
I'm going to go finish my laundry, make some banana bread, do some grocery shopping, and maybe take a nap before work.
18 May 2020
05 May 2020
a couple big things
Two very different vibes going on in my head right now.
First, I met with Helen the Realtor. We were discussing the market and how to price the house, and the current listings are selling for a price per square foot that would make me lose money on his house. Then we looked up what my old house sold for, and it sold for WAY above the average price per square foot at the time. Which is remarkable considering how much work it needed.
I said I had a good feeling about it and the angels might shine down on us again. So with that in mind, Helen said she wanted to list it ASAP, before the market picks up again. At this point in time, my house would be the only 1-story in this square foot range on the market. Yes, please.
So. My current scenario is to wake up at 4am, go to work, come home 9 hours later to continue making everything absolutely spotless and pack up every tiny bit of clutter.
Repeat.
Photographer comes on Friday, we want to list the house by next week.
I'm excited about this and I'm confident that someone will walk into this house and love it... and want to pay a lot of money for it.
The other thing is, this afternoon, in the midst of packing/cleaning, I happened to notice that Pumpkin was sitting on the rug by the door, motionless. I walked over to her, and sat down to pet her to see what was up. When she moved a little bit, there was a small puddle of blood on the rug. Alarmed, I grabbed a paper towel and mopped it up to be sure, and when she moved again and there was another bloody puddle. I found several more, along with some vomit, around the house.
Oh, Punk. I called the vet and am going to drop her off tomorrow. But first I had to call my boss because I'm expected to be at work at 5am and the vet doesn't open until 7am. Don't even get me started about that whole thing. Both he and the lab manager were sympathetic about me being late, but it would be nice to have some help when situations like this come up.
Here's the thing with Punk. I know this is probably a UTI that can be easily treated with antibiotics. But what's next? She's 17 years old and has kidney disease. She's lost so much weight that when you pet her, you can feel her backbone. Recently the vet said she was healthy-ish, and she seems okay and even wants to play most days.
But how do you know when the quality of life has declined enough to consider putting her down? She walks around meowing all the time and I can't figure out if that's her way of trying to tell me she's hurting? Or maybe she's bored? Either way, bloody urine was pretty shocking.
I don't want my sweet kitty to suffer and I've never been in a situation where it's time to put a pet out of it's misery. How do you know when it's time?
First, I met with Helen the Realtor. We were discussing the market and how to price the house, and the current listings are selling for a price per square foot that would make me lose money on his house. Then we looked up what my old house sold for, and it sold for WAY above the average price per square foot at the time. Which is remarkable considering how much work it needed.
I said I had a good feeling about it and the angels might shine down on us again. So with that in mind, Helen said she wanted to list it ASAP, before the market picks up again. At this point in time, my house would be the only 1-story in this square foot range on the market. Yes, please.
So. My current scenario is to wake up at 4am, go to work, come home 9 hours later to continue making everything absolutely spotless and pack up every tiny bit of clutter.
Repeat.
Photographer comes on Friday, we want to list the house by next week.
I'm excited about this and I'm confident that someone will walk into this house and love it... and want to pay a lot of money for it.
The other thing is, this afternoon, in the midst of packing/cleaning, I happened to notice that Pumpkin was sitting on the rug by the door, motionless. I walked over to her, and sat down to pet her to see what was up. When she moved a little bit, there was a small puddle of blood on the rug. Alarmed, I grabbed a paper towel and mopped it up to be sure, and when she moved again and there was another bloody puddle. I found several more, along with some vomit, around the house.
Oh, Punk. I called the vet and am going to drop her off tomorrow. But first I had to call my boss because I'm expected to be at work at 5am and the vet doesn't open until 7am. Don't even get me started about that whole thing. Both he and the lab manager were sympathetic about me being late, but it would be nice to have some help when situations like this come up.
Here's the thing with Punk. I know this is probably a UTI that can be easily treated with antibiotics. But what's next? She's 17 years old and has kidney disease. She's lost so much weight that when you pet her, you can feel her backbone. Recently the vet said she was healthy-ish, and she seems okay and even wants to play most days.
But how do you know when the quality of life has declined enough to consider putting her down? She walks around meowing all the time and I can't figure out if that's her way of trying to tell me she's hurting? Or maybe she's bored? Either way, bloody urine was pretty shocking.
I don't want my sweet kitty to suffer and I've never been in a situation where it's time to put a pet out of it's misery. How do you know when it's time?
29 April 2020
still not sure what day it is
Happily catching a buzz. Made a hamburger pizza with fresh basil that I GREW MYSELF, spinach, and peppers. Oh, man. So good.
After I was already in the lab at 5am, some pretty strong storms blew through and I got a call from my neighbor mid-morning asking if my power was out. It was out for most of the day but the stuff in my fridge was still cold so I'm happy about that. I was nervous because the pond pump was off for a long time, and when the power kicked back on... the water didn't start flowing from the waterfall. Thankfully after a few minutes it started flowing.
I was packing up some stuff in the garage this afternoon when I accidentally cut myself on a rusty saw blade. Thanks to my siblings having babies, I'm up to date on my tetanus shot. Hey, that's nice.
My work schedule keeps getting better. We just heard that coverage is being extended another week. For most of May I get to keep working my ass off on a weird schedule that includes Saturdays before I get a break. The good news is we should be able to take PTO in June. Horray? I'm so disgruntled and burnt out. I'm going through the motions to keep my job until I can get excited about something job-related again.
I talked to my realtor and we plan to have the house listed the second week of May. How exciting! I'm so ready.
After I was already in the lab at 5am, some pretty strong storms blew through and I got a call from my neighbor mid-morning asking if my power was out. It was out for most of the day but the stuff in my fridge was still cold so I'm happy about that. I was nervous because the pond pump was off for a long time, and when the power kicked back on... the water didn't start flowing from the waterfall. Thankfully after a few minutes it started flowing.
I was packing up some stuff in the garage this afternoon when I accidentally cut myself on a rusty saw blade. Thanks to my siblings having babies, I'm up to date on my tetanus shot. Hey, that's nice.
My work schedule keeps getting better. We just heard that coverage is being extended another week. For most of May I get to keep working my ass off on a weird schedule that includes Saturdays before I get a break. The good news is we should be able to take PTO in June. Horray? I'm so disgruntled and burnt out. I'm going through the motions to keep my job until I can get excited about something job-related again.
I talked to my realtor and we plan to have the house listed the second week of May. How exciting! I'm so ready.
25 April 2020
what day is it
Today was my Friday. I woke up at 4am for the 5th day in a row, worked a full shift, came home, took off my bra, and took a nap on the couch. One of those drooling, wake up with creases on your face naps.
Week 1 of supporting Big Reference Lab's go live is over. I am happy to say there has been much progress made. There were a few rough days, for sure, but I can see the techs getting the hang of things. That makes me happy. The sucky thing is, the better they get, the less there is for me to do, which makes for a boring day and this weird schedule isn't helping. At one point I was so zonked that I started to fall asleep, so I got up and organized some things to stay awake.
I am not adjusting well to this new sleep schedule. I can get to the lab on time, but it's a struggle, for sure. Even if I nap, I feel fried and totally off. Three more weeks to go.
Yesterday was FG's 50th birthday. We were supposed to throw him a big party but of course right now that's out of the question. I tried to make it special but with my work schedule the way it is, I missed the birthday celebration out at our friends' property. It would have been nice to spend today getting some fresh air and catching a buzz instead of stuck in a laboratory. Such is life, sometimes.
I found the perfect house online today. It had everything on my list, including tile that looks like hardwood.. It's in the wrong neighborhood, though. Darn.
Week 1 of supporting Big Reference Lab's go live is over. I am happy to say there has been much progress made. There were a few rough days, for sure, but I can see the techs getting the hang of things. That makes me happy. The sucky thing is, the better they get, the less there is for me to do, which makes for a boring day and this weird schedule isn't helping. At one point I was so zonked that I started to fall asleep, so I got up and organized some things to stay awake.
I am not adjusting well to this new sleep schedule. I can get to the lab on time, but it's a struggle, for sure. Even if I nap, I feel fried and totally off. Three more weeks to go.
Yesterday was FG's 50th birthday. We were supposed to throw him a big party but of course right now that's out of the question. I tried to make it special but with my work schedule the way it is, I missed the birthday celebration out at our friends' property. It would have been nice to spend today getting some fresh air and catching a buzz instead of stuck in a laboratory. Such is life, sometimes.
I found the perfect house online today. It had everything on my list, including tile that looks like hardwood.. It's in the wrong neighborhood, though. Darn.
22 April 2020
cranky pants
It's 8:30 and I'm ready for bed. This new crappy work schedule caught up with me quick. Oh, I don't want to think about doing this for the next few weeks.
One day at a time.
I'm lowkey pissed about this whole thing. Everyone else is at home sitting on their asses for the 35th-ish day and I'm exhausted. I've BEEN exhausted. Today we got an email saying that everyone in the division had to take 5 days PTO before the end of May, and I would absolutely love that, but I know all of us supporting the big reference lab will be exempt from this mandatory proclamation. Please, let me take PTO! I'm tired! It's my turn to sit around on my ass!
Although I know if I was sitting around on my ass I know I'd be bored wanting something to do.
I just had to bitch for a second. I know I'm lucky to have a job and be getting paid. I know that being forced to be a part of this project will do good things for my career, for sure. I would just love a little break to refresh my brain and body.
In other news, my kitchen windowsill tin can herbs are doing well. I even got a single lavender sprout to survive. The ginger is massive. I'll take a picture at some point.
Speaking of that, I saw this cute house a few months ago that just came back on the market because "buyer financing fell through." It's got a few wonky bits, but all old houses do, and if it stays on the market I'm definitely going to look at it. It's got almost everything on my list, and a big corner window right above the kitchen sink. Perfect for herbs.
One day at a time.
I'm lowkey pissed about this whole thing. Everyone else is at home sitting on their asses for the 35th-ish day and I'm exhausted. I've BEEN exhausted. Today we got an email saying that everyone in the division had to take 5 days PTO before the end of May, and I would absolutely love that, but I know all of us supporting the big reference lab will be exempt from this mandatory proclamation. Please, let me take PTO! I'm tired! It's my turn to sit around on my ass!
Although I know if I was sitting around on my ass I know I'd be bored wanting something to do.
I just had to bitch for a second. I know I'm lucky to have a job and be getting paid. I know that being forced to be a part of this project will do good things for my career, for sure. I would just love a little break to refresh my brain and body.
In other news, my kitchen windowsill tin can herbs are doing well. I even got a single lavender sprout to survive. The ginger is massive. I'll take a picture at some point.
Speaking of that, I saw this cute house a few months ago that just came back on the market because "buyer financing fell through." It's got a few wonky bits, but all old houses do, and if it stays on the market I'm definitely going to look at it. It's got almost everything on my list, and a big corner window right above the kitchen sink. Perfect for herbs.
20 April 2020
blaze it
My coffeemaker is set to start brewing at 4am.
I'm not happy about it. I fought it, and actually got out of it several times, but I kept getting sucked back into this project because no one else is available right now due to covid travel restrictions.
Big Reference Lab goes live with their instruments tomorrow and we kick off the start of 30-day round-the-clock go-live support. I have to work the 5am shift and also work Saturday, but at least I managed to avoid working overnights...
Work has been busy, busy. Fortunately we are getting hazard pay right now and that's a nice bonus. I handed my current project (which was going beautifully) over to a colleague and it's already messy, but instead of stressing over it, I decided that it's not my problem right now (because it's not). In a few weeks when I pick it back up, I'll deal with the mess. Right now I have this reference lab mess to handle and I don't get paid enough to care about both.
Our trip to Cancun got cancelled so there's no tropical vacation to look forward to at the end of all this, but at least between the hazard pay, the stimulus check, and the complete lack of spending, I have some serious cash stashed away. I'll still happily trade some of it for a gallon of sunscreen and a boozy cabana on a beach.
I need to adjust my sleep schedule to go to bed early, so I spent the day doing EVERYTHING. I didn't let myself relax or slow down all day so that I'd be tired early. I got a ton of stuff done, including a few tasks that have been on my to-do list for a while now.
It's nearing the end of April, and it's almost time to put the house up for sale. That took forever and also came up so fast. Yeah, the market is a little slow right now and I'm also not sure I want strangers walking through my house, but I expect it will pick back up in the next few weeks, right on schedule.
I keep thinking, "I'm so ready to move but I like this cute house and moving is an expensive pain in the ass" and back-and-forth, but at the end of the day I'm moving for some good reasons and I'm ready to find something that works better for me in the long run.
Speaking of the long run, this whole moving process has stimulated lots of back-of-my-mind thought processes involving the future as it involves FG. Because we communicate very well, we have had several discussions about where we are, and what we want, and how we want our lives to progress.
Overall, we are both really happy with me moving closer to him, but I have some reservations about anything beyond that. I'm not super keen on the idea of starting to build a life with him, or anyone. I think living closer together will make daily life easier and buy me some time to be comfortable with the natural process of how relationships progress.
It's very easy to imagine spending the rest of our lives together, but the logistics and realities of that are freaking scary. Living together, merging kitchen gadgets, sharing office space, cell phone bills and bank accounts... that's all fine and dandy until one of you gets mean and crazy and the other one feels trapped in a shitty mentally-abusive situation that's not simple to exit.
History won't repeat itself, will it? I never saw the first shit storm coming, so how on earth can I predict the probability of another one?
That's what I'm resolving internally, still healing from, I guess.
Honestly it's going well.
I'm not happy about it. I fought it, and actually got out of it several times, but I kept getting sucked back into this project because no one else is available right now due to covid travel restrictions.
Big Reference Lab goes live with their instruments tomorrow and we kick off the start of 30-day round-the-clock go-live support. I have to work the 5am shift and also work Saturday, but at least I managed to avoid working overnights...
Work has been busy, busy. Fortunately we are getting hazard pay right now and that's a nice bonus. I handed my current project (which was going beautifully) over to a colleague and it's already messy, but instead of stressing over it, I decided that it's not my problem right now (because it's not). In a few weeks when I pick it back up, I'll deal with the mess. Right now I have this reference lab mess to handle and I don't get paid enough to care about both.
Our trip to Cancun got cancelled so there's no tropical vacation to look forward to at the end of all this, but at least between the hazard pay, the stimulus check, and the complete lack of spending, I have some serious cash stashed away. I'll still happily trade some of it for a gallon of sunscreen and a boozy cabana on a beach.
I need to adjust my sleep schedule to go to bed early, so I spent the day doing EVERYTHING. I didn't let myself relax or slow down all day so that I'd be tired early. I got a ton of stuff done, including a few tasks that have been on my to-do list for a while now.
It's nearing the end of April, and it's almost time to put the house up for sale. That took forever and also came up so fast. Yeah, the market is a little slow right now and I'm also not sure I want strangers walking through my house, but I expect it will pick back up in the next few weeks, right on schedule.
I keep thinking, "I'm so ready to move but I like this cute house and moving is an expensive pain in the ass" and back-and-forth, but at the end of the day I'm moving for some good reasons and I'm ready to find something that works better for me in the long run.
Speaking of the long run, this whole moving process has stimulated lots of back-of-my-mind thought processes involving the future as it involves FG. Because we communicate very well, we have had several discussions about where we are, and what we want, and how we want our lives to progress.
Overall, we are both really happy with me moving closer to him, but I have some reservations about anything beyond that. I'm not super keen on the idea of starting to build a life with him, or anyone. I think living closer together will make daily life easier and buy me some time to be comfortable with the natural process of how relationships progress.
It's very easy to imagine spending the rest of our lives together, but the logistics and realities of that are freaking scary. Living together, merging kitchen gadgets, sharing office space, cell phone bills and bank accounts... that's all fine and dandy until one of you gets mean and crazy and the other one feels trapped in a shitty mentally-abusive situation that's not simple to exit.
History won't repeat itself, will it? I never saw the first shit storm coming, so how on earth can I predict the probability of another one?
That's what I'm resolving internally, still healing from, I guess.
Honestly it's going well.
01 April 2020
no joke
Today was a good day.
I woke up to FG's old-school blaring alarm clock, and snuggled my way through snoozes. When I finally woke up, a hot cup of coffee had magically appeared at my bedside.
I turned his couch into my office and worked through the morning, and then I met Akhtar for lunch. We enjoyed a 6-feet-away picnic in the park. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sunny and warm, but not humid or sweltering.
The afternoon went by quickly as conference calls and emails bled into one another, and after I finished my book I sat in the back yard with a glass of wine.
About to take a shower to wash away the smell of outside and sunscreen.
Somehow, peace found me today and I didn't worry about much of anything.
Thanks, universe.
I woke up to FG's old-school blaring alarm clock, and snuggled my way through snoozes. When I finally woke up, a hot cup of coffee had magically appeared at my bedside.
I turned his couch into my office and worked through the morning, and then I met Akhtar for lunch. We enjoyed a 6-feet-away picnic in the park. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Sunny and warm, but not humid or sweltering.
The afternoon went by quickly as conference calls and emails bled into one another, and after I finished my book I sat in the back yard with a glass of wine.
About to take a shower to wash away the smell of outside and sunscreen.
Somehow, peace found me today and I didn't worry about much of anything.
Thanks, universe.
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