27 May 2017

learning from bad decisions

I am feeling disgusted with myself.

I tried that Whole30 thing and while I didn't obsess over the rules, I made some healthy changes. I didn't expect cutting dairy and carbs to make a big difference, but I felt good. Really good.
Less bloating, more energy, more motivation to exercise. I found that I didn't actually want the things I was cutting out because I felt so good without them. Can you believe I didn't actually miss cheese?? (I did miss chips, though, but I know that's purely psychological.)

I was doing really well. Then, I started traveling. It's challenging enough to find gluten free food on the road, so I didn't stress over finding something Whole 30, but I gave it my best shot.

Week 1 I was in Louisiana and it went well. It really helped that the hotel had a decent breakfast, and I ate lots of salads. But when you find a gluten free pizza place after a week of salads, you;re hungry on a primal level so you get a pizza and it's good for your body and soul.

Then week 2 I was in North Carolina. Still not bad. I'm so glad I traveled with workout clothes. After a day of sitting in a dim room on a computer, I was CRAVING movement. I exercised a bit, taking advantage of the gorgeous weather and nature-ful public spaces. Lots of salads again. Took a chance on some bbq and it turned out to be delicious and I had no tummy troubles.

The trouble started in week 3. I went to San Antonio for some training. The odds were on my side; the hotel room had a kitchen, so I could make sure the things I ate were safe.

But... I was in San Antonio. Who wants to cook in their hotel room when the Riverwalk is right there and the weather is gorgeous? Plus the group turned out to be super fun. I didn't want to be the only person to say no to happy hour. Life's short. Enjoy margaritas alfresco, baby.

I was proud that I limited my drinks, and I even got a decent amount of activity walking the riverwalk and the Alamo. The problem was with dinner. In general, if I'm with a group and they want to eat at a certain place, I don't insist that we eat at a different place, even if there's not much I can safely enjoy. Most people don't understand how important it is and I don't want to come across as rude and demanding.

So there were several times when I took a risk and ordered something -probably- gluten free. Mexican restaurants are particularly hard because there are so many things that are -probably- gluten free, but have a high potential for contamination. Needless to say, I got myself into trouble. Not big trouble, but just enough that I was feeling kinda crummy and I knew I had eaten something slightly gluteny.

In addition, the course instructor make sure there were plenty of GF snacks that I could enjoy throughout the week- but although they were gluten free, they were mostly junk food (chips, popcorn, cookies). I wasn't feeling very snacky, due to the above mentioned reasons, but I was thankful that she thought of me and I didn't want to offend her by not eating any. So I ate them, and I (duh) felt worse.

Yes, that's right. I ate things that I didn't want to eat, and I ate more than I wanted to, on top of a crummy stomach that I only got because I ate things that I shouldn't have. I made all these decisions because I don't want to seem rude. And then I suffered. What?

And it gets worse. Since I was one of the local folks and didn't have to get on an airplane, I was sent home with a bunch of the uneaten food so it wouldn't go to waste. A giant bag of chips and popcorn and sugary granola bars.

Now, I don't buy these things anymore, on purpose. Because if they're in the house I will stuff my face with them. Which is exactly what I did as soon as I got home. I ignored the ALREADY MADE salad and fresh fruit in the fridge and I strapped on the feed bag of chips and popcorn and chocolate and red wine. I did this ON TOP OF the gluteny crummies. And of course now I feel terrible.

As a result of all this, I've identified a horrible spiraling pattern of behaviors and their triggers. If I had made better choices this past week, I'd feel completely different today.

You know what? Maybe some food is better to be "wasted.". Junk food is junk food and it should be in the trash right now.