30 April 2018

positive

My ego got bruised a little bit today, even though it shouldn't have... because I respect the fact that not everyone wants the same thing.

I feel like I'll need to get used to this feeling while I establish my own style of navigating this minefield. It continues to be interesting.

Got an insulting offer on the house today. Keep in mind that we got a full price offer 10 days ago (which obviously fell through but I suspect it was their financial situation), then today's offer was TWENTY TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS LESS THAN ASKING PRICE. Clearly they're not serious about buying the house. Like, why even bother? No thanks, bye.

Not gunna worry about it; everything happens for a reason and sometimes things seem disappointing when they are really falling into place.

So, you know, choosing to count the blessings that I DO have and keep myself in the moment.

29 April 2018

oh life is bigger

In addition to the startling news I got Friday night, this weekend my parents attended the funeral of a 15-week old little boy, and my brother and dad attended the funeral of a friend/colleague.

I guess we all spent a few moments appreciating life and the wonderful people in it this weekend.

For me, that meant enjoying my brother's club level tickets for the Astros on Saturday night that he so graciously shared. Stadium nachos + good company + beautiful weather = an appreciation for life.

Sunday, momma insisted that myself, my favorite sister in law, and Ash/Collin go to brunch. We had a great time which extended into another beautiful day of porch drinks and watching my cute nephews play in the water all day. Plus I got to wear my new pink dress.

Had a few house showings this weekend. Helen called this afternoon to say that there was a couple with two little girls who looked at the house. Apparently the girls helped themselves to a couple of apples and juice boxes from the fridge. Which was no big deal and pretty funny and I'm glad they didn't help themselves to the bud lights in there.
I hope that if they were there long enough for the girls to grab a snack, perhaps they might want to put an offer on the house? I'm getting pretty tired of making my bed and strangers walking through my house.

I missed a whole bunch of blogging for a couple weeks but it's so much to catch up on. I guess I'll have to rely on my memory for that.

28 April 2018

perspectives, again.

I've been feeling off lately. After spending the day feeling super annoyed for no good reason, I went to yoga and found my breath and got a little more centered. This yoga instructor spoke of cells and atoms and my little scientific heart really dug it.

Made some dinner, ate it on the back porch because it's a nice night, and prepared for a quiet evening and early bedtime. Busy day tomorrow plus there are some showings, so I need to clean the house a little.

Around the time I cleaned up dinner, the doorbell rang. It was my neighbor. Not the neighbor I usually mention; the one on the other side of me. I figured she was paying a social call to find out about the For Sale sign in the yard.

Boy, was I wrong. Her husband died yesterday. The sweet large man who grows tomatoes and loves Jesus. He died a horrible painful death of kidney cancer, which was diagnosed 2 weeks ago.

She basically was like, "Hey I don't want to be alone and my son doesn't fly in until midnight so I think you should come over." 

So without hesitation, I went next door. We spent the whole night talking. 
They were married 50 years. He proposed on their 2nd date. They used to have a sailboat. They both just retired. Life changes in an instant.
 
Yes, she asked about the For Sale sign. When I told her about Chris, she immediately guessed why our relationship didn't work out. She understood completely and without explanation. It was literally like a breath of fresh air.

We both got tired and we both mentioned that it was getting late, but she didn't make any moves to get up so I sensed that she wasn't ready to be alone. I waited to leave until her son walked in the door. I shook his hand and offered condolences and apologized for being the strange woman in his parents' house at one o'clock in the morning.

When I walked into my house I discovered that in my immediate departure I left the back door open so there are a bunch of junebugs and moths everywhere.

But, you know, it's really okay. 

Roomba can handle that tomorrow while I drink my coffee and ponder why I keep getting startling reminders that life is short.

14 April 2018

saturday musings

That feeling when you're browsing houses for sale and come across your own listing.

Two showings tomorrow, and the kicker- the person we bought the house from has expressed interest in buying it back. Because they know the home needs a little love, but the neighborhood and the lot are phenomenal. Good. They can have it, for the right price. Because we put a decent amount of money into this house... and they know it. With any luck, I'll be able to convince whoever buys the house to push the closing date back so I won't be homeless.

Really focusing on that "avoiding homelessness" part right now.

In other news, this weekend has been pretty good. Had a really great Friday night enjoying some good company, and enjoyed a nice leisurely lunch with Missy this afternoon. Getting ready to travel a little next week.

Speaking of travel, I don't think I'll hire the cat nanny again because of some cash that went missing... twice. Which is a super bummer because she's a sweet girl and I honestly think it was her boyfriend but... no.

So Pumpkin will just have to be lonely and maybe this week we'll have some showings and people will pet her.

12 April 2018

emotion-what

Today was unexpected. I've been doing very well, emotionally. More good days than bad.

I was okay until the photographer arrived and started taking pictures for the real estate listing. Suddenly, it seemed like a lot to handle. I texted Ash that I was having a hard time, hoping to get some words of encouragement. I took a few deep breaths and sucked it up, then Helen (realtor extraordinaire) showed up and we started fine-tuning everything so that the photographs would look good.

Then it got to be too much again. People were in my house re-arranging bits of my home, my life, to make it look appealing to other people.

When we bought the house 4 years ago, I expected that we'd sell it under very different circumstances. It suddenly seemed so real and huge and out of control, and a huge wave of emotions hit me.

So I started crying. Right in front of the photographer, who handled it all like a man who was uncomfortable that a woman was crying, and he kept taking photos. I felt bad for the poor guy but I couldn't help it. Thankfully Helen is very understanding and sweet. Plus she knows what's going on so she wasn't completely blindsided.

Fortunately, at the moment when I doubted that I was going to be able to compose myself, Ashley and Mom walked up to the front door. A simple text message like a bat signal, and 20 minutes later they were there. I really can't put into words how thankful I am for them.... at that moment and a million others.

With their help, the photographer was able to complete his job, minus one weeping homeowner.

After he left, I went to lunch with mom and ash, and pulled a page out of Elle Woods' handbook and got a mani pedi.

I still don't know what made today so hard. I'm really at a place where I know my relationship with Chris is over and that sucks but is ultimately a good thing.

Maybe it was because this big life change that I never wanted is actually moving forward? Up until now it was all talk and planning. Now it's becoming real. Maybe because I expect the house to sell and I don't have a real solid plan about where I'm going to live next?

Either way, I don't expect to be able to explain all of my emotional routes during this process.

Some days will simply suck.

I do have to say, once again I am thankful for waterproof mascara. That stuff didn't BUDGE even during a solid cry.

08 April 2018

(lazy) sunday

Another Sunday.

Scrolling through pinterest, but the back of my mind contains an image of the basket of dirty laundry in the closet, and the fact that I'm out of eggs and chocolate and toothpaste.

Chris only had a small question about the paperwork. Said he'd send it back to the lawyer Monday. Still weird talking to each other like acquaintances who didn't just spend the last third of our lives together.

Went to a charity dinner on Friday and wound up bidding in the live auction and WINNING a nice package with broadway tickets, a hotel stay, and some restaurant gift cards. Looking forward to having a little fun.

03 April 2018

other life updates

In other news, work is hella busy, which is good because if I were sitting in my house alone all day, I'd be going crazy.

But it would also be nice to get an office day... mainly so I can get my office cleaned up!

I finally had a chance to clean and pack stuff away. Today the realtor came by and we went through the house to determine the best way to stage it for pictures. I think next week it will go on the market. Still bittersweet. I'll miss this cute house. Plus I don't like the idea of strangers roaming through my house. Let's hope it sells fast for a lot of money. I could be homeless for that.

Chris officially has the paperwork. I'm nervous that somehow things will get complicated, and therefore more hurtful and stressful.

Deep breaths. It's alllll gunna work out.

02 April 2018

Never say never

I said I'd never date a customer. Absolutely off limits! No way! That's unprofessional!

Welllllll.......

I went out with Cute Customer last Thursday. I figured, what the hell, why not? We have chemistry. I've been alone since July, my marriage has been over for a while, the wheels of divorce have been set in motion, and a cute guy wants to take me to dinner. Saying no felt wrong.

It was fun. Really! It wasn't awkward at all. He was a gentleman- opening the car door and making sure the restaurant had GF food and such.
He was NICE TO ME. Which is not a big deal in the big scheme of things but it's been a long time since a guy has been nice to me. I had a nice time. Plus we fooled around and I really enjoyed myself. Renewed my self esteem and put a little pep in my step. All good things.

Plus, it turns out he was also apprehensive about going out with a work colleague and we're on the same page about discretion. Sweet. Now I'm trying to make sure this new situation retains a good balance of casual and I like you. Friends with benefits at 33? I'm game. Something tells me it won't work out like that, because it never does, but oh, well. Should be interesting and fun in the meantime.

Anyway. House is ready to list. Bittersweet. I like this cute house. But, while packing up the extra clutter and purging things for the garage sale, I was reminded how I don't want such a big house.

Everything happens for a reason and I'm ready to adapt. Let's go.