30 March 2009

haunting


Ugh I caved. Last night's dreams were full of emotional disturbance and the flashbacks spilled into today, stealing my attention and my energy... and my will power. I don't know why I'm taking so long.

Today was hard. Tomorrow will be a better day.

summers with my dad

This sucks- I'm still having issues sleeping. I woke up at 430 and laid there for three hours thinking. I thought about a lot of stuff, then my thoughts turned to my trips to CA and my summers with Dad.

I haven't talked to my dad in a few months. There have been several points throughout my life where I just thought it would be best to accept the fact that he will not be there and whipe him from my life. But, as I have grown older I see that he will be a small part of my life; not fully there and not completely absent.

One of the very first summers I spent with him, he was living with his girlfriend Terri, who had two teenagers who were hardly around. She was one of those overly tanned, bleach blonde types, but treated us nice. I loved that she cooked rice a lot for dinner. They had a hot tub that we'd swim in, and I got an ear infection that sucked. I remember we made cupcakes for Ash's birthday and that's when we realized that dad thought her birthday was the wrong day... well, that year he learned, lol.

Then they broke up, and for some time he lived back in the house that I grew up in with a roommate that would get stoned and eat all our cereal. That was a great little house, on a large plot of land. The memories are bittersweet, as I remember my parents fighting a LOT in that house, but I also remember things like learning how to ride a bike in the yard and the upside-down christmas tree. I remember one time dad was in the backyard and he showed me a black widow in the wood pile and told me to stay away from it. He pointed out the hourglass on its stomach and it scared the crap out of me, haha.

I remember one summer it was just me that came, and my dad's friend's wife babysat me during the day. She had a son about my age- his name was Chris. We had so much fun playing all summer, and went to the beach nearly every day. We'd boogie board in the freezing water till our lips were blue. I ended up with some pretty bad sunburns. He had one of those little tables that you could change from ping pong to a pool table, and I got pretty good at it. I also got to watch MTV because mom didn't let us watch it. The Black Hole Sun music video played a lot that summer. At the end of the summer he got me a ring with a pink stone in it- he made sure to tell me that he paid ten whole dollars for it, which is a lot when you're 9 years old. I think I still have one of those strips of pictures you get in those photo booths of us. I think I might have the ring somewhere too!

Then one summer we came to visit and he was dating Carol*. Carol had two children, a girl and a boy. She was around 10 and he was 2 or 3. The very first thing her daughter said to me when we got into the car on the way back from the airport was, "I can breathe through my eyes: look." She then proceeded to bulge out her eyes for a few seconds. I knew it was going to be a long summer.

Then, the very first thing Carol said to me when we got back to the house was, "Oh, you have big boobs for a 13-year old," right in front of my dad. Perfect thing to say to a self-conscious 13-year old with big boobs that she's trying to hide under big t-shirts. Needless to say, she was an enormous bitch. A trashy, enormous bitch. I could go on and on about all the things she did that made you go, "WTF?"

She hardly ever wore a bra, and this was a big woman- all around. We lived a couple blocks from the beach, and she'd go swimming in a white t-shirt -- ! I would be mortified.
One time she got her welfare check and went and got groceries, then spent the rest on a stupid tattoo of an earth or something. Instead of spending it on, oh, I dunno, clothes for the kids or something like that.
One other time we went to get pizza, and 1. she didn't wear a bra and 2. she had a scrap of mushroom or something that had fallen and stuck in her leg roll while we were eating, and she noticed it when she got back into the car. She picked it off, said, "scraps," and popped it in her mouth. Ashley and I just exchanged half-horrified, half-laughing hysterically at the absurdity looks.

There was a store a few blocks away, Pappy's. We'd take some change and go buy treats. One time Ashley bought some beef jerky and Carol wanted a piece but Ashley just looked at her like, "yeah, right," and told her to go get her own if she wanted some. I wish I could have high-fived her right there.

It wasn't only Carol that was a nightmare. Her kids were horrible. Carol laid in bed all day, I think she had a back problem that put her in pain, but she did the bare minimum of parenting. If she heard a ruckus she'd just scream from her room for us to be quiet. Her son would unlock the door and go running around outside in his diaper, and we'd have to go catch him. He was also a biter and a screamer. He was a huge pain in the ass with no discipline whatsoever.

But her daughter was the WORST. She was messed up. She got on my nerves a lot. We would be driving in the car, and she'd be singing Metallica with a country twang at the top of her lungs. I swear...
One time we were bored and she said, "Let's play strippers." Then she took off her clothes and stuck her panties up her butt crack to make them like a thong. At that point, I noticed they were MY panties! So wrong! She'd get into trouble for doing inappropriate things with boys... and she was only 10. My dad told me that it only went downhill from there as she got older.

At one point my dad and Carol got into a fight and she was complaining about how dad said her kids were nutso rotten children and we were just angels who could do nothing wrong. He replied that we really were angels compared to them! I mean, we were raised with manners and class- something none of them had. Ashley and I cheered when we heard they had broken up. We always tried to give his girlfriends a chance but we really hated that bitch.

Not that it was all bad. We always had a good time but the crazy crap makes for better stories. :o)

*names have been changed, for obvious reasons

28 March 2009

and truth be told

Oh man oh man. I just made some kickass cinnamon rolls- check out my GF blog to see what you're missing. :o)

Well I got my pee test done- although not without a hitch. I always get nervous even though I know I have nothing to worry about. When I got there, I couldn't pee enough. I drank so much coffee and water that morning, but I couldn't pee! They needed 45 mL but I only had about 15.
I had class so I asked if I could just come back the next day, but they had already dated the form. So, I sat there for 30 minutes drinking water, getting that sloshy stomach feeling. Ugh. When I tried again, success! Then of course on the 30 minute drive to school all the coffee and water caught up with me. I think I peed like 7 times on Thursday.

I can't believe it's nearing the end of March. It was a tough month. A month full of change and adjustments. I still wake up some mornings with the wrong thoughts in my head, but I'm dealing pretty damn well. I am fortunate enough to have an internal form of cognitive therapy. Just sucking it up and getting it done.

I'm still making a lot of changes. Some forced, some voluntary. It's time to start putting things into motion and stop dwelling. I expect it will be tumultuous, but I know when things settle down I'll have no regrets. Gotta love that.

25 March 2009

mornings & drs.

I woke my ass up at 7 O'CLOCK this morning. I can't remember the last time I got up that early. I also can't remember the last time I could stomach 2 whole cups of coffee. I got up early so I could help my mom in the office this morning. It turns out she didn't really need me so I've been doing my calculus homework, half of which I don't understand and I'm just copying from the solutions manual. That exam next week is going to funn.

I have to go pee in a cup sometime before Friday and get tested for illegal substances before I can continue my enrollment plans for Hospital A. I always get so paranoid that my pee will get mixed up with someone else's and it will come up positive. I wonder how often that happens?

I'm also kind of annoyed at my insurance. My anti-baby pills run out next week, but I can't schedule another annual violation to get another prescription until 3 more weeks. Why? Because for some reason I ran out of the pills before my insurance will let me make another appointment. I tried to get them to call in another refill just to hold me over but the nurse kept arguing with me that I should still have some left. I don't know how that happened but it did. I got frustrated and decided it wasn't worth it to keep arguing. So I will be off the pill for 2 weeks before I can get my prescription refilled, screwing up my cycle. Joy.

24 March 2009

food is my friend

I am one of those emotional eaters you hear about. When I am sad or lonely, I stuff my face. I'm not hungry but I have a strong desire to munch. And I choose foods that aren't filling so I can just mindlessly pop them into my mouth. It doesn't make me feel better, though. It makes me feel gross, guilty, and even more miserable- with a strange psychological comforting effect. Something I should probably watch that it doesn't turn into an eating disorder one day.

I have been yo-yo-ing between working out and feeling skinny and fit and fab, and stuffing my face and feeling like a worthless, bloated blob. I guess it goes with my mood. It fluctuates day to day as I'm figuring shit out and making pretty big changes in my life.

I have been trying to steer away from the mindless eating, using incredible willpower not to buy my go-to foods. If they're not around, I won't eat them. I'm really trying to treat myself healthier and eat less crap. It has not been easy lately. I will eat nothing but sugar and candy all day if I don't consciously control myself.

I'm not worried too much, because I know it will pass before I really do get out of control. Besides, the image from Death Becomes Her always comes to mind... frosting straight from the can... and makes me put down the box of Hot Tamales. (By the way, I have not caved and bought any. Yay!)

23 March 2009

They're back!


See, I've never been scared of spiders. But these... these are larger than average. They're mutant. And they just look scary. They don't build webs; they hunt for food. And they live in my kitchen. And they get bigger as the days get warmer. I'm sorry- that's creepy.

If you were around last year, right around this time, you are familiar with the spider saga. If you're not, bring yourself up to speed with This , This, and This.

I went a whole winter without seeing these suckers, but it looks like they're back. This weekend I saw one and my dad caught it and took it outside. Then I walked into my kitchen tonight and saw this:

video

After a while she must have chomped enough, because I went back to find it curled up like they do when they die. When I tried to pick it up and put it in the trash, it started crawling-- no, dragging itself across the floor. I mean it- it was crawling with its front legs and the back ones were dragging behind it. Longgg legs.

Spiders with that much determination tell me I'm in for quite a summer.

22 March 2009

back in the day...

When I was a kid, I read a lot. I mean a lot. I'd spend whole days reading, put the last book down, and look around to find it's dinner time already. I'd get completely engrossed in a book and not even realize someone was talking to me. And then I'd get that "reading haze" where it took my eyes a while to adjust to something other than up-close focusing.

It seems like there were a lot of book series, not just single books. The Babysitter's Club, The Babysitter's Little Sisters books, The Boxcar Children, Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Encyclopedia Brown, Goosebumps... on and on. I had almost the whole collection of all of those I just listed, with the exception of the Hardy Boys. I never got into them much. Nevertheless, I had stacks and stacks of books. We also had a lot of those Little Golden Books. I think they all got wrecked one time when there was a hurricane and it flooded the garage.

There was Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. I will still go back and re-read that book.
Does anyone remember Mrs. Piggle Wiggle? Those stories were so clever and hilarious. How about Amelia Bedelia?
There was also a book that I loved when I was much younger. It was Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. It was about how it rained food, and I liked it so much that my 2nd grade teacher gave me a copy. I think I still have it with her inscription in the front cover.
We'd spend hours going through the huge Where's Waldo book trying to find Waldo. That sneaky bastard! lol
I know we all read the Super Fudge and Ramona Quimby Books. What about Wayside Stories from Wayside School? Those books cracked me up so many times.
Did anyone read Bunnicula? It was about a vampire bunny. How to Eat Fried Worms was on everyone's bookshelf as well.
I know you remember cracking open those huge Where the Sidewalk Ends books of poems.
I know one of my personal favorites was Pippi Longstockings. I even dressed up as her for halloween. My mom braided my hair and my dad put wires in the braids to make them stand upside down.

We'd go to the library every summer and check out stacks of books. They always had a summer reading program and you got a small trophy if you read a certain number of books. Achieving that was a piece of cake.

My mom used to read to us, and I loved hearing her read the Dr. Seuss books because she could do the voices and get the rhythm of the rhymes so well. For a while they had Dr. Seuss books inside cereal boxes as the prize. (Remember when cereal had a prize in it? That's a post for another day.) Anyway, so we'd get Wacky Wednesday and Hop on Pop and Go Dog Go and all those nutty stories. I still remember the way my mom used to read the page where there was a DOG PARTY!! in the tree in Go Dog Go. When she'd get to that page and read it the way she did, my younger siblings would start laughing hysterically in that way that only toddlers can.

I used to LOVE getting that flimsy little Scholastic book club catalog in school, then taking it home and begging my mom for some book.
They'd have book fairs at my school, too. I remember walking amongst the tables piled high with brand new books with shiny covers and sturdy pages, breathing in that new-book smell. Do they still have book fairs?

Anyway, did I miss any books that you used to read?

19 March 2009

jello and gusher gyps

I think this is the first time Pumpkin has seen Jello. I'm eating it and she's sitting as close as she can without getting scolded, staring at it. I haven't eaten it in a long time, but I got the idea to eat it to calm my crummy tummy. It's not really working.

I'm really excited about the beach tomorrow. I hope I'm feeling better. I bought this "grab bag" box of fruit snacks, fruit roll ups, gushers, and fruit by the foot. The damn box didn't have any gushers, which is what I really wanted! What a gyp. *shakes fist*

I have a lot going on in this old noggin, but none of it wants to come out in nice neat paragraphs.

16 March 2009

keep it up

Today I woke up to sunshine pouring in through my sunny yellow curtains, and the distinct feeling that it was no longer cold outside. I was right! It went from chilly and rainy all day yesterday to sunny in the 70's, not a cloud in the sky. That's Houston for you.

I had a dream last night that I moved to California. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. It's been part of my plan for years and years, and if things go right, I'll be making that final decision within the next couple of years. Oh, I wish it were sooner.

I'm so anxious to move on with my life- for once I feel like school is holding me back. When I was younger, I was always one of the youngest kids in my class, so I've always felt a little ahead of the game. Now I'm 24 and still in school, while most of my friends have graduated or are very near it, starting new lives and careers, getting married, and starting families.

Not that I want to get married and have babies, but I feel like everyone around me is progressing and I'm stuck here in the past. I'm tired of being poor. I'm tired of the never-ending studying- at least when you have a job you leave that at work at the end of the day. School follows me everywhere.
I've been feeling this way for quite some time and it sucks to be stuck. I gotta just keep on truckin'- and complain about it every once in a while, I guess. I know I should see the bright side, because once I get to working full-time the grass will probably be greener on the other side and I'll wish I was still in school. Yeah, we'll see...

Anyways, now that it's great weather, I want to plan some fun things for the week. It's harder, though, now that more of my friends have graduated and don't get spring break. I want to head to Galveston at some point and see what it's like down there. Bonfire, anyone?

15 March 2009

lookie

^ Look what I made. :o) The seams are not perfectly straight and there were a few instances of, "Next time I make one, I'll do this differently," but it turned out pretty darn okay. Yay!

It's pouring rain and thundering again today. Oh darn, looks like another day of laying around.

I went bowling last night with my brothers and sisters, my uncle, Ash's boyfriend and a friend of theirs. It was fun, I forget how much I like bowling even though I suck at it. If only it were cheaper.

14 March 2009

happy joy

This morning, I finally learned how to make good gluten free pancakes. The key word here is good.

I got a yoga ball yesterday! It's green. They didn't have pink. I've wanted one for a longgg time and I finally just said what the hell and bought one. I love the yoga balls for working out your core. This girl's going to be hottt come bathing suit time.

I also busted out mr. sewing machine (he needs a name) and finally fixed the old quilt my grandma made me when I was a kid. The backing was all torn and holey, so if you snuggled under it you'd inevitably wind up with a limb poking through to the interior and getting tangled in it. Not anymore! It's all fixed and perfectly snuggle-able in a soft sunny yellow fabric. I found some old patterns in my sewing box and I think a trip to Joann's would make this rainy afternoon very productive.

I'm so glad it's spring break. I don't even care that it's raining. It's a great excuse to lounge around all day.

rainy day


the definition of "cozy"

13 March 2009

when I was a kid...

When -I- was a kid, we played outside. If we were sitting in front of the tv on a beautiful day, mom shooed us outside. And we actually played. We always had a big backyard, and were fortunate enough to have kids on our street to play with.

When we lived in the trailer, we'd jump rope, play hopscotch (yes, we actually did play hopscotch), and dig holes in our dirt yard that never seemed to grow grass. We'd pick blackberries off of the bush that grew wild behind it, straight off the vine with grubby unwashed hands. We'd catch lizards and pull each other in the red wagon up and down the street. I remember one Christmas me and Ash got bikes. Mine was pink and hers was purple, with baskets and matching handlebar streamers. It was awesome. We'd play follow-the-leader in the park across the street, which is where Ash sliced open her foot on the broken wine bottle and had to go to the emergency room for stitches. Sixteen, was it?

Once we moved to the rental house and the one my parents bought, we'd ride our bikes all over the neighborhood and play Power Rangers. There was a tetherball, a merry-go-round and monkeybars on the school playground. Tetherball was awesome. Summers were a free-for-all. We'd leave in the morning and had to be home by the time the street lights came on. If you were old enough and could tread water for 2 minutes and swim the length of the pool, you could come without a parent. We didn't have cell phones so our parents could check in- you had to call when you got to your friend's house. We'd rollerblade all over the place, and devised a game of street hockey where you used tennis rackets and a tennis ball instead of hockey sticks. The game ended when the ball accidentally went down the gutter.

We climbed trees- and one time the neighbor kid fell out of one right on top of my leg. That is the worst pain I've ever been in... I'm surprised neither of us had broken bones.

We did a lot of stuff that we shouldn't have, and our parents either overlooked it or didn't know about it.

I think I'm one of the last generations that actually played outside as kids. We didn't sit in front of the tv or the computer. We entertained ourselves. We listened to the radio and tapes. I saved up my money from my 12th birthday to buy a cd player and it was super cool, heavy and huge. We got our first computer that connected to the internet when I was a freshman in high school. I remember you had to wait for the computer to dial up, and you couldn't stay online for long because it tied up the phone.

I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 18. Until then I used the house phone. I fought with my siblings about who got to use it and there was always the threat of someone listening on the other line, which, we sometimes did, haha.

Ahh, how times have changed. I feel like an old person!

12 March 2009

those were the days

I woke up this morning thinking about my childhood. I think it would be interesting to do a short series about select stories from my childhood. Some of them are pretty unique...

When we were kids, we were piss poor, only we didn't know it. Ah, the wonderful naiivety of being a child. We didn't eat Cheerios, Captain Crunch, or Fruit Loops; we ate Toasty-Oh's, King Vitamin, and Fruity Rings, in the big bags because they were WIC approved items. By the way, that was a really great program- it kept us fed! Nowadays we joke that we're "poor again" whenever we see generic cereal on the counter because money's tight.

My mom used to clip coupons like it was nobody's business. She'd come home waving her 3-foot-long receipt bragging that she saved $100+ from coupons. I gotta say, that's pretty badass. You can't do that anymore- when is the last time you saw a "triple coupon" day?

We also never had to buy our school lunches. Chicken ring things, those big rectangular trays of "pizza" cut into lopsided triangles, mashed potatoes scooped out with an ice cream scoop... it was all free. Except, I think in high school my parents were making enough money so we had to pay a portion of it.

Hmm... this has turned into a food-related blog. What other kinds of food memories stick out from when I was a kid?

We used to eat "Cowboy Beans" or "beanie weenies." It was a can of pork n beans mixed with chopped-up hot dogs and a squirt of mustard and ketchup. We loved that stuff. Ugh, haha.

Tator tot casserole. A mixture of ground beef, mushroom soup and green beans, baked with a bunch of tator tots on top. I'd eat it, but it wasn't my favorite. Dayna came over one time when my mom made it, and LOVES it. For one of her wedding shower gifts my mom included the recipe for it.

Our parents were very strict when I was younger, then "went soft" as we grew up. My younger siblings get away with SO much shit that I never did.

For instance, if you didn't like what my mom cooked for dinner, you sat there until you ate it. Of couse, I was as stubborn as anything, so sometimes I'd sit there for hours after dinner, then go to bed hungry. Well, my parents say I was stubborn, but I remember that I really couldn't choke it down. It was probably a combination. Most of the time it was stuff I liked, though. There were only a few dishes that I really didn't like, and made me feel physically ill- I blame it on the Celiac!

The absolute WORST was beer brats. They'd boil bratworst in beer, then grill it. Revolting. I'd dread the day when my mom cooked those, because I knew I'd be going to bed hungry. I remember one time I hid my sausage in my napkin and threw it away. When I showed my dad my empty plate he got suspicious and looked in the trash, and I got in trouble. The next day when I got up for breakfast, he placed it in front of me and said if I didn't eat it, it was going in my lunch. I remember the thought going through my head that I was eventually going to die of starvation. But, my parents weren't THAT mean. I got breakfast and they didn't make me eat the damn bratworst.

Even to this day, I have to leave the house when they cook beer brats because the smell gags me. One more thing to tell my therapist, haha.

As we grew older they loosened up a bit and made the rule that you could eat a peanut butter sandwich if you didn't want what my mom cooked- but you couldn't do it every day.

What was your childhood like at meal-time? Similar to mine, or different?

11 March 2009

dzisiaj

Oy, I have not been sleeping well. I've been forcing myself to get up early instead of sleep in, in the hopes that maybe I'll get tired enough to sleep well. It's not working yet, but I'm getting a lot of stuff done with the extra waking hour or so in the morning.

My mom and I went shopping this morning before class. Kohl's is having a sale- Missy, I know you like Kohl's, so head over there!

I've been looking for some flip flops, because I've been throwing out my old funky ones. The only pair that I have left are a pair of the cheapy red rubber ones for 2 bucks at Old Navy. They don't match anything but I've been wearing them anyway...

Well, today I got cute brown and black ones so now I can match. I also found a pair of comfy, lightweight khaki-ish shorts that will be great for summer, and two plain old tops. I think my mom's worried about me because she offered to buy the things I'd picked out. That's what she does when she's worried about one of us; she buys us stuff. Either way, I thought it was a really nice gesture and it perked me up to get some retail therapy/ bonding with mom.

Class was okay, and work was really wierd. The whole house is empty. The rooms that used to be jam-packed were empty and echo-y. It honestly boggles my mind to think about how they got it all out. There were also no kitties running around. Just strange.

After work I was really tired but I felt wound-up and anxious so I decided to pop in my yoga tape. 3o minutes later I felt like I'd calmed down a bit. I forget how much I love yoga.

I have a psych exam tomorrow and I'm (obviously) having trouble concentrating and giving a damn. I just have to keep thinking that when I get through tomorrow I'll have a whole week off.

I'm also looking forward to picking up Frankish from the airport after class. I miss him!

Well, one more day down... many many more to go!

09 March 2009

trudge

While I was over at Tony's yesterday doing my taxes, we started talking about school. I am so sick of school. This semester, I have no motivation to apply myself. I'll be happy with C's; I don't care anymore. Just get it OVER with.

Speaking of taxes, with Tony's help I got mine done last night. I filled out my fafsa and sent that in, too. Woo! Big cross-off on my perpetual to-do list. I owe the IRS $580, which is less than I thought it'd be so another wooo. Now I get to make him crawfish etoufee in return, which is really a win-win for me, haha.

The cat pee saga: I put vinegar on the seat to neutralize the ammonia, and when I sniffed the seat I could smell vinegar + cat pee. Arg. I tried to rinse out the vinegar as best I could, but it wasn't coming completely out. I let that dry for a couple days before I tried something else.

Three people recommended this stuff called Nature's Miracle so I bought a bottle at Petsmart. By the way, there's a spray bottle that costs as much as a regular bottle without a spray nozzle, but you get WAY more in the regular bottle for the same price. Just FYI.

So anyway, I took that and poured about half the bottle into my seat, saturating it really good. The bottle says you have to wait for it to dry for the smell to be all gone, and it might take up to two weeks to dry. Especially since I really poured it on there. You just kinda let it sit and wait for the enzymes to eat it up. There's not a distinct cat pee smell in my car, but it still smells sort of vinegar-y. I'm hoping that goes away eventually...

My bosses are moving to Arizona today, and we'll see how things pan out from here.

I'm thinking that I really need a hobby. I can't keep going through my life doing the same old, pointless things. I wake up, go to class, go to work, then come home and study or watch tv and surf the internet. How un-fulfilling.
I miss my friends and I miss doing things that I used to have time to enjoy. Since I'm not focusing on studying so much this semester, I might as well have some fun.
My sister Suzy is taking an apparel class in school and she's making this really cute sundress. It's made me want to start sewing again. Maybe I'll bust out the ole sewing machine and give it a shot.

It's going to be a weird next couple of weeks as I do a lot of adjusting. One day at a time...

05 March 2009

cannonball

Among my first thoughts this morning was, "Please let this week end already." It's been a very long, tiring week. Then, I realized that this weekend is not going to be much better. Or the next week. It's just going to be the same old shit.

It's so counter-intuitive. I don't know why, but I'm just drawn to him. Something about it. Through all the shit I've never wanted to leave. There's always been that spark that never dies out.

He can't be in a relationship right now. He's got to get his life in order. There's no point in staying in this crappy relationship so we should break up. We have.

The hard part is, neither of us want to break up. We just don't see any alternative. He wants me to wait until he's got his shit together but I can't do that again. It's torture pseudo-being with someone you love. It's gotta be all or nothing. I can't be miserable like that again.

If I decide to give it another shot some point down the road, what is it that's making me feel, deep down, that one day we'll get it right? Why do I have hope for something that seems so hopeless?

I'm fighting... for what?

There's part of me that has been thinking a lot lately that maybe it's just time to move on. Try and leave this all behind me and start fresh.
It's something I'd have to force myself to do, because usually when a relationship ends I'm ready for it to end. Not this time.

I don't know what the best answer is. Right now I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

This is not a romantic movie where love conquers all and everyone's happy in the end. This is real life.
I just know what has to be done, what has been done, and I have to make the best of it.

02 March 2009

My Day

Today was the definition of Monday.

I woke up at 7am, after a very restless sleep full of dreams that I wouldn't wake up at 7am. I did. Then pushed the snooze button a couple of times.

I got up, quickly got dressed, and inhaled half a bowl of cereal before I noticed the milk was a little off. Too late now. Finished the bowl, poured my coffee into a road cup, and was putting my glasses on my face and out the door when I stopped.
WTF. Crooked. My glasses were crooked. I did find them on the floor next to my bed... I blame it on the cat.

I ran inside and stuck my contacts in my eyes, which cooperated. Thank you, contacts.

I sat in traffic, then got behind a ubiquitous slow-moving truck pulling a trailer full of Mexicans and lawn mowers for a few miles, then finally made it to work 20 minutes late. After a quick chat with Jackie, I put the kitties in my car and drove them to the humane society for their shots. The whole way there I got a lovely chorus of meow meow meow mrow mrrow meow...

I got out and sat in the clinic waiting an hour and a half for them to be seen. The way it works is first come first serve, so you gotta get there early to sign in. While I was waiting I brought my evolutionary textbook. About 15 minutes into that, the resident one-eyed cat that wanders around the place decided that he liked me. He climbed onto my book, as ALL cats do. What kind of person would I be if I didn't pet the one-eyed cat?? So I pet him for a while and people/ animal watched. Lots of interesting folks and animals. It was a busy place.

So anyway we got that done and I headed back to work. When I took the kitties out I noticed a wet spot in my car. Oh Lord, one of them peed. In my car. So Jackie tried to clean it up but it still smells a little funky. I need to get that shampooed. Ugh- I can never get away from cat pee!!

I went to work around the office, then ran to the post office. Except I spaced out on the way there and went to Fed Ex out of habit instead. I turned around and went to the post office. I had to mail a letter using that automated machine, and the label that it printed out covered the address. So I looked around for a pen. Nada. I went to my car and found a pen, which of course quit working halfway through ghetto-rigging the envelope. So I licked it, even though that almost never works, and tried to get it to work again. It did... intermittently. I hope it was good enough, haha.

On the way back from work I noticed my tank was literally on E, so I got gas. Not eventful. *whew* I got to work and the rest of the afternoon went ok.

At 4 I headed to class and on the way ran over some debris in the road that everyone else managed to avoid in time. Then when I got close to school I noticed the road felt really bumpy. "Please not a flat tire," I prayed. When I got out and looked, it wasn't flat. I was just paranoid. Wonder why?? I got to school, printed out my notes, got Starbucks and made it through class.

Now I'm eating "rice-a-roni" and green breans. I'm freaking tired dude.