31 July 2012

cheery disposition

I was trying to explain this to my sister earlier, but I couldn't quite figure out how to put it.

I've been stuck in a shitty disposition for a while. I can't figure out the cause, nor have I been able to shake it off. I've always been a fan of the simple solution to that mood: change things so that you are happy. My philosophy? You can always change things, especially your attitude.

Exhibit A:

You know how when you're not really doing anything, not really engaged in activity or thought, and you're just kinda "there?"

I was sitting at work on my lunch break, just kinda zoning out, when I realized I was scowling. My default facial expression should not be a scowl.

I spent the rest of my lunch break deep in thought about what I can do to change my situation. More importantly, find everyday happiness-- or at the very least, content-ness. I need to find inner peace, which I am hoping yoga will help with, since I'm so resistant to change recently.

Some changes are easier to make than others, especially when they affect other people besides yourself.

I could set myself off on a big adventure, or I could make some stupid decisions and set myself up for failure and drag others down with me. Which is why my choice so far has been to stay put. Take the safe option.

But, the safe option leaves me living every day with a scowl on my face.

In this situation the simplest solution happens to be the only unchangeable variable, which is a bitch. All that leaves is time-- and what I decide to do with it.

30 July 2012


Suzy has inspired me to start dabbling in a little yoga again. Yay for free youtube videos!

This kinda kicked my butt today.

It also felt really good.

Pumpkin also really enjoyed it. She always tries to lay all over me when I'm on the floor.

Here's to working out again... Again.


29 July 2012


I have decided I need to live at the beach at some point in my life.

28 July 2012

shame on me

I did it again.

I went out to eat and didn't check to make sure I wasn't eating gluten.
After spending another hour hunched over the toilet, I'm so pissed at myself.

I want you all to electronically cluck and shake your fingers at me for being so careless.

Also, I'm a little stunned at this consistent reaction that I'm having.
Usually I just feel crummy for a while, but it seems my body has turned it up a notch. My insides really do not approve of gluten.

I feel like I should listen, because I really don't want to go through this again. Ugh.

that time again

Last night was a lovely night. We started off the evening by taking a family photo. All of these were taken by Akhtar. He took about 150 pictures, but these are a few of the favorites. I think they turned out quite nice.

Then we watched the Olympic opening ceremonies, ate pizza, talked, and hung out for a while. Andrea came over, and she got to meet my cat.

Nothing crazy, just low-key good times-- and now mom has another family photo to hang on the wall. 

26 July 2012

Thursday night

Trying to watch Big Bang Theory.

Interrupted by mom outside watering the windows.

"Why is mom watering the windows?" -Me

"It's Thursday night. Get used to it." -Dad

I have no idea what that means, but it made sense.

Best gift ever.

The best gift I ever gave anyone was last year at Christmas. We gave my dad a subscription to the Beer of The Month Club, specifically the international beers. I really had no idea what to get my dad, and figured it'd be neat.

We started out with the 4 month subscription. It's a little pricey, so a few of us went in together on it. After 4 months, it was his birthday and he seemed to enjoy it, so we renewed it. Again, a few months later, it was Father's day, and he was not subtle about hinting, so we renewed it again. He even asked if we could get it shipped more frequently. Unfortunately, once a month is as frequent as it gets.

He gets so excited about that beer. A few months ago, the shipment was delayed a day because of a holiday. He came up to me and made me call them and ask where his beer was. The guy on the phone said he'd gotten a lot of calls about that. People really like their beer.

Today, we were hanging out watching the news, when the doorbell rang. Dad's head snapped towards the door and he said, "BEER." After a long day of working in the blistering heat, he jumped up like a kid on Christmas morning and ran to the door. When he opened it, he yelled to the delivery guy, "It's beer! Thanks!"

Then he broke open the box, inspected the beers, and began to read the newsletter that comes with the package. My dad does not read for leisure, but he'll kick back and read all about the new beers that he's about to try. "Oooh, this one's from Poland." "Hey, Czechoslovakia." <-- I spelled that right the first time. Ballerrrr

Next year we're going to save some money and order the whole year's subscription at once.

25 July 2012

car fire

So I'm driving to work this morning.

I take note of the big electronic sign on the side of the freeway that usually notifies us of lost children, misplaced elderly, hurricane season, or drive times. It warns of a major accident at the beltway. So I keep an eye out for it as I approach the beltway, and when I don't see it, I just assume it meant it was on the north side.

Then, as I reach the top of the hill, I see something I've never seen before. A blazing inferno in the middle of the dark freeway. Apparently someone's car caught on fire. I've seen cars on fire, but I've never seen anything like this. The car was completely engulfed in bright yellow flames. I reached it before any of the emergency vehicles arrived, so it was an eerie sight- a bonfire in the middle of the freeway at night.

I drove around it, kinda scared that it might explode, and managed to snap a blurry picture with my phone.

There's nothing on the news about whether anyone was hurt, but I really hope no one was inside.

In other news, I forgot my engagement ring at home today. Even though I don't wear it in the lab, it felt weird.

24 July 2012


Today I left work slightly irritated that I had to stay a little late.

While I was waiting for the light to change at the freeway, aiming the air conditioning vents on full blast at my face, I saw a bum holding a sign on the median. Nothing new; it's actually a very popular spot. My first thought was, "I hope he doesn't try to wash my windows." So I kept an eye on him.

He was a slim, stooped, elderly black man, holding a sign describing himself as a homeless vet with cancer. For the record, I don't care if some of those stories are made up; they always tug my heartstrings.

As I watched, the person a couple cars head of me handed him two large ziplock bags. I could see they contained a water bottle and some various other things. That was different. Usually people hand out a few bucks.

The thing that really struck me was the man's reaction. Most give a nod of thanks and move on to the next car.

When this man looked at the bags, his face lit up so brightly it struck me. It touched my heart. I think if the light had changed at that moment, I would not have been able to move my car. I was transfixed, staring at this man smiling a gappy-toothed smile so big, I couldn't stop my own from forming in response. I felt absolutely giddy looking at this joyful man and his new treasures. It was a moment that I can not explain or replicate.

He stood there, nodding in appreciation while he inspected the contents of the bags. As the light changed, he hobbled over to his backpack a few feet away and placed them there for safekeeping.

The absolute joy radiating from that man made me re-inspect my own life in the blink of an eye. I didn't try to, or want to. It just happened. It was if he walked up to my window, poked me with a finger and said, "Look at what you've got."

I have literally everything that is important in life. Everything. I have more than everything.

I drove away in my air-conditioned car while he settled down in 100-degree heat with a bottle of lukewarm water and some crackers... and a giant smile on his face.

Oh, my God. I am an ungrateful brat. I literally spend most of my time pissed off and feeling entitled and throwing fits about work. And feeling sorry for myself because I miss my fiancee so much. And wishing I had things that I don't.

I feel ashamed of how I've felt recently, and acted.

The fact is, there really are homeless veterans with cancer. And much worse.

It's been a long time since I've thought that I should be lucky to have anything in my life, especially a job. I don't know where it went. I used to feel grateful all the time, I guess because I walked through a sea of cancer patients every day.

I don't know exactly what else I want to say about this, but I felt like I should share.

23 July 2012

all right meow

This week, I've decided that I am banned from bitching about work. After this infuriating and brutal weekend, I'm pretty much over 1. having a reason to bitch and 2. listening to myself bitch.

Moving on.

I have nutella swirl cookies and green tea and at this second everything is pretty ok.

22 July 2012

sparkly interruptions

So last night was interesting.

After the work drama, I headed over to Akhtar's sister's engagement party; a traditional religious ceremony and celebration. It was AWESOME.

I have decided that white people weddings are way boring.
There were so many beautiful clothes in bright colors, and sparkly, sequined, beaded garb. The entire room was a shimmering sight. I loved admiring all of the pretty saris, elaborate jewelry, and beautiful detail.

I even got a picture of Akhtar in all his traditional blinged out glory. I should have gotten a picture of his shoes.

I love the traditions that they have; the groom's family gives the bride a sari (No one gave me clothes when I got engaged!) and then they exchange rings. Then everyone lines up and puts some kind of oil on their foreheads, feeds them chocolate, and throws rose petals (or rice) on the couple and wishes them well. The music was great, the food was delicious, and I had a lovely time.

There was part of the evening when I glanced down at my phone and had several missed calls from my boss. When I called her back, she told me (long story short) that Dipshit had done some kind of maintenance on the chemistry analyzer and now it wasn't working. Of course, I'm the only one who knows how to fix it.

I was seriously upset. I was about to leave to go fix it, when I stopped.
I decided I wasn't going to miss this because of work- because of a problem that Idiot created. I stayed and had a nice time until after dinner, when I headed over to work and took Missy with me. Coincidentally, it was only a few blocks away.

When I got there, in my dress and heels, I stuck my head in the instrument and took about 5 seconds to figure out the problem. A stupid, stupid mistake on Dipshit's part. If he would have just paid attention there would never have been a problem in the first place. The problem was quickly fixed. Yes, I'm a laboratory hero.

Since we were there anyway, I talked Missy into letting me draw her blood and pee in a cup. We ran some tests just for fun, then by that time it was after midnight so we headed home.

It was a bitch waking up this morning, but everything went really smoothly, thank goodness. Honestly, I'm not sure how this week is going to go. I'm so tired. One thing's for sure- I have a ton of overtime and my next paycheck is going to be sweet.

P.S. I need to change my bedsheets. Of course, if I do that, I won't leave it for the rest of the day. 

21 July 2012


Today I went in for a couple of hours to help the new girl do the startup. Clusterfuck came in later to show her how to do all the weekly maintenance on the instruments, which is usually done on the weekends.

Tell me why my boss just called me, saying that the new girl just called her crying because, even though I don't know details, I can assume he was a giant pompous arrogant dick.

I was supposed to have tomorrow off. He was supposed to go in tomorrow morning and help her out. It's ridiculous how much I've been looking forward to having this day off.

Guess who will be going in instead? That's right, me.

We have tried to tell my boss how bad he is, but she didn't listen. He was one of the major reasons why Andrea left, and now he's started in on the new girl. I'd like to say that maybe now my boss will finally start to see what we've been talking about, but I doubt it will happen.

SO pissed off right now!!

muffins & books

I make really good strawberry muffins.

There is a huge list of books I want to read, and have been waiting to see if the price will drop on any of them, mostly because my amazon gift card balance is really low. I think my reward for paying off my credit card again will be 50 bucks to spend on Kindle books. I'm actually really excited about that. At the top of the list is Making an Exit, recommended by my aunt. Then maybe after that I'll just go through my list from cheapest to most expensive until I run out of gift card.

Oh, what fun! I'm such a geek.

In a cooking mood today. After a brief stint at work, I came home and crashed.

Then I woke up, turned on the Keurig,and busted out the Xpress Redi Set go. I have already made muffins, eggsters (an egg cooked with a tator tot), and have chicken thawing for nuggets and some kind of creamy noodley casserole that's still in the idea stages.

The pile of dirty dishes is sure to be horrendous, especially because the dishes from last night's rice krispie treats are still sitting there, as well as the ones from the rest of the week.

Hopefully, after all this cooking, I'll have meals for the week packaged up and ready to go so I won't have to worry about it next week. That's the plan anyway.

20 July 2012

traitorous limbs

Earlier this week, I was schlupping down the hallway when I tripped over my own feet, three times in a row. Right in front of a nurse. You might be able to play off one time, but there's no playing off three times in a row. I felt like such a dork.

Earlier this week at dinner, I knocked a plate off the table. Well, more like flipped it off. One end was barely hanging off the edge and I hit it, and it went flipping over itself before it crashed into a bunch of pieces on the floor. Right in front of the waiter. And the table behind me. Nope, can't play that one off either. Then there was that awkward moment where they go get a broom and you're just sitting there waiting for them to clean it up, embarrassed like crazy.

Yesterday, I hung my lab coat over the back of the chair and read a few slides at the microscope. I happened to be sitting on my foot. When I tried to get up, my food untwisted in such a way that it got caught in the pocket of my lab coat. I toppled the chair down with me and scared the heck out of my coworker.

I think it's a sign I need a day off!
Too bad that day is not tomorrow.

P.S. After I wrote that, I went and spilled tea in the hair salon. *sigh*

16 July 2012


What a day.

I literally could not run out of work fast enough. I turned my phone off and went straight to McDonald's for a McFlurry. I ate it in my car in the parking lot.

When I turned my phone back on a minute ago, there was a message from work about something that I'd already passed on to my boss and it was out of my hands. Pissed me off all over again.

Fuck that place man. I don't make enough money for this crap.

15 July 2012

funka mood

Just try to focus on how this overtime will make it a little easier to pay off that credit card.

Try not to focus on how much of that overtime will be gobbled up by taxes.

Try not to focus on how tired you are, or that there is still another hellish workweek waiting for you.

Right. As you can see, this personal pep talk is not going so well.

I've come to the conclusion that I pretty much need a weekend to make facing another workweek mentally feasible. I need that break, and when I don't get it, things get crabbier at an exponential rate.

I made it through an entire post without mentioning how much I miss Chris. Oh. Well, shit. I just did.

13 July 2012

derpin' around.

I told Suzy I was going to drink some wine and it would end up making me sleepy. Almost there, but first I have to BLOG!

I successfully made it through a non-Andrea week at work. It sucked. I think it was the combination of non-Andrea, slow training the new girl, and late specimens due to crazy phlebs and rain delays. I'm so effing BEAT this week. And I have to work this weekend. Merh. Normally I'd take a day off over overtime every single time, but this time I kinda need the money-- not that I really had a choice. It does not lower the Merh factor any.

On top of that, been kinda down because I won't be in contact with Chris for a few weeks. I forget how much I look forward to my daily random, "Hi toot!" text until I'm in the middle of a rough week and there is none. I fucking miss him. Every damn day.

Everybody in my family is on a serious health kick. Except me.
I have the urge to work out, but no actual energy or motivation to kick start that urge. I joke that it's because of the sparkle city on my left hand. The thing is, it's too hot to exercise outside, and if I get a gym membership I'll eventually stop using it. I've been through this before.

My sister and I just had an impromptu conversation about HIV and Herpes.
"All it takes is one little herp derpin' around."
Then we talked about what we would do if we won the lottery.

All right, lack of sleep, a busy week, and wine is kicking in. Night, y'all.

P.S. I want to live in San Diego.
P.P.S. Clusterfuck is such a pompous ass.

10 July 2012

what's going on

This was written a couple days ago and I guess I forgot to hit "Publish."

-The bathroom alarm clock is working amazingly. I have not been late for work once since I've made that decision. And I've gone a few days with mascara on these lashes, too.

-Teeth are healing nicely. The swelling went down on that one side and revealed a small hole, so there are now two. Still a little tug of pain if I try to open wide- say, to take a bite of a sandwich or yawn, but it's very minor.

After everything was said and done, the pain was way less intense than it was with the infections, and I can actually eat with fewer problems now-- and that's with the holes. No more accidentally chomping down on a swollen gum and flinching in pain.

The only inconvenience is flushing out the holes after I eat. I pretty much can't skip that because it's super annoying to feel it all. It's like you've got something stuck in your teeth and can't get it out, only it's not a tiny piece of parsley; it's a chunk of food. Overall, I'm very happy I had this taken care of. I feel like my quality of life has improved now that I've gotten rid of the constant pain in my mouth.

-Speaking of Chompers, Ashley has a new kitten named Chompers. He's ADORABLE!! The pictures I have are sucky from my phone and it just looks like dark colored cat. Come to think of it, I'm surprised there aren't pictures all over facebook that I can steal. Get on that, Ash.

- Speaking of crappy phones, today I dropped mine in my lunch and it got tomato sauce all up in the crevices. I cleaned it as best I could, but it still smells like lunch. Ugh. This is why I do not have a smart phone.

-Speaking of smart phones, today I checked twitter and saw that Frank had posted this:

Yeah, that's my little brother bragging about Chris. I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I think the official announcement has been made with the people that Chris works with, so I guess it's ok now. For the record, you get into the platoon first- they picked 4 out of the 36 that applied- and afterwards get into the school. He is now part of the platoon.
How badass, right?? I think he just got sexier. Just sayin'

Also I got the cutest picture from him the other day. I passed my phone around the table and made everyone tell me how damn cute he is.

I think those floppy hats are adorable. I mean, manly. Very manly.

So that's all my recent news that I care to talk about.

P.S. I can marry him now; he likes lima beans

09 July 2012

lima beans and other thoughts

I like lima beans. Especially the frozen ones that come in the frozen "mixed veggie" bag. Or the occasional lima bean in a vegetable soup. I like the texture. I like the shape. I like the taste-- although I can't really tell you what they taste like; I just assume I like the taste. It must be mostly a texture thing.

One of the slow realizations I'm having since my whole, "I have Celiac disease and therefore must learn to cook for myself" phase started and has morphed into "I have to cook for myself because I have to eat," and, more recently, "I have to learn how to cook because once I'm living with Chris I'll be expected to feed not only myself, but him, too," is that sometimes I like different foods than he does.

For instance, I like crunchy celery in things like tuna salad. I like cooking with green bell peppers. I don't cook with meat very often, for no particular reason. He does not share these preferences. There are things that he loves, that I like in miniscule doses, like raw onion. Then there's the gluten issue. Sometimes there is just no substitute for a bunch of gluten shoved into his piehole.

In general, he is not a picky eater. Everything I've ever served him, he's eaten, in its entirety, without any complaints. Including tuna salad with crunchy celery in it. And slightly burned grilled cheese.

I've seen him cook maybe twice, and one of those times was grilling. That's not to say he can't cook, or won't cook, but for some reason I see myself being the future major food-preparer. Possibly because I have more cooking experience in general, and also more cooking experience with food that won't kill me.

So what if I want to cook things he doesn't like? Or he starts requesting things that I don't like?
What about things of the gluten variety that just aren't very good gluten free? I'm used to things of that nature, but a man's got a right to eat whatever he wants in his own home.
We can't constantly eat two separate meals, and the cross contamination nightmares are already beginning.

In general, I'm looking forward to having someone else to cook for, because I'll be less likely to eat a bag of microwave popcorn and an apple for dinner every night all week.

I suppose we will cross this bridge when we come to it, but every time I make a meal I think to myself, "I wonder if Chris would enjoy this?

Which is why I texted him today asking him if he liked lima beans.

I'm hoping the answer is yes.

07 July 2012

wallet moth


Payday = Yay I have money!
The next day = I've paid all my bills and I have NO money!

I've dumped a huge chunk of my paychecks the past couple months into my credit card, and I'm still staring at over $2K on my balance. Those plane ticket and oral surgeon charges seriously are going to be hard to pay off. I haven't carried a balance on my credit card since September of last year.

It's a vicious cycle. I'll pay a few hundred on the card, then I'll need gas. Or I'll go to the grocery store and a couple of other places. Next thing I know, I've charged all that money back on the card and I'm right back where I started.

I guess this is another lesson about charging things. I use my credit card way too much. I think it's time to take it out of my wallet again.

Time to be poor!

fun times

1. Magic Mike: They kept trying to develop the plot too much. Nobody cares about the plot.
Less plot. More stripping. I saw more risque stuff in that LMFAO video. Overall, it was entertaining, but my advice is to wait for it to come out on video.

2. This leftover cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory (The flourless Godiva chocolate one) is making a very rich, amazingly wonderful breakfast.

I had a lot of fun the past few days. Last night it was fun to put on real clothes and actually do my hair. I felt human again for a few hours.

I also had a blast putting together Andrea's birthday gift. I just kinda went around the store throwing neat things in the cart.

I think I'm going to make that my "thing" for birthdays for a while. A random basket full of neat, fun, random stuff. Because it's fun to pick out, and who wouldn't love getting a basket full of neat random stuff?

This particular one included a to-go cup, 2 little bottles of wine (little bottles of booze have been a big hit lately, and for the record are not related to the to-go cup), assorted chocolate truffles, 3 nail polishes, some cute emery boards, this neat nail polish remover pen, 3 different kinds of cute cupcake liners, and a package of glittery cricut paper.

Hmmmmm whose birthday is next??

05 July 2012


OMG. I found the coolest freaking thing for Chris.

It was kind of a lot of money. Ok it was actually a lot of money-- But it was so perfect I just HAD to buy it.
I took it straight to the post office and mailed it today. The shipping was kind of a lot too, because it's so big. But it's worth it.

It's so damn perfect, he's going to flip out when he gets it. All his buddies are going to be jealous. I want it to be a random surprise; he has no idea it's on its way.

He's really hard to buy things for, so when I came across something as awesome as this, I couldn't pass it up.
I'm so excited! I can't wait for it to get there! The suspense is killing me!

03 July 2012

heebie jeebies


Crawling across my kitchen floor. Mom was talking to me and all of a sudden goes, "There's a big roach."
I jump up and let out an involuntary scream before she can finish the sentence. I run into the house to grab my dad or Tommy or Luke or some other man to kill it. Of course no one's home. So mom grabs a swiffer mop and succeeds in chasing it under my kitchen table while I watch from my atop my coffee table. Nice, mah. Now it's going to hang out there.

So Dad and Tommy walk in the door about 30 seconds later and Tommy's already got a paper towel in his hand, ready to get it. Dad reaches under there, grabs the roach with a paper towel. In his hand. (Oh, no... dear GOD). Then they walk out saying, "Nothing to see here, ma'am." Nice. Real nice.

They sprayed the house for bugs yesterday so I guess they're all coming out now. I didn't even know we had any roaches. Ugh. Shudder. I'm going to be jumpy and paranoid all night after that.

I also saw one on my way in to work this morning. For some reason during the summer time they're all over that stretch of sidewalk and I nearly have a heart attack every morning.

Why can't it be spiders? Or earwigs? Or anything else? Why does it have to be roaches?

Also, maybe it's a sign I need to clean my kitchen better...

02 July 2012

Merhh de herr

Today I broke my sloth streak. I literally couldn't stand loafing around anymore. So I took like a 10-minute walk in the park. It was quite nice.

Training is... slow. Man, that woman is slow. It's slightly agonizing to remember my patience for the poor girl who's on her second day, while I'm itching to just pick up the pace. Hoping tomorrow is better.

Painted my nails patriotically. It was actually my third attempt since this weekend, and they still turned out meh. Stupid people and their pinterest nails making me feel like I can pull off painting stripes and polka dots and all that. Plain nails it is!

Anyway, 4am comes just as early tomorrow as it did this morning, and my hair desperately needs washing.