30 May 2008


I didn't work so it's seemed like the weekend all week.

You know what really annoys me? Businesses you find in the yellow pages or from google that don't exist anymore. Take, for instance, the wild goose chases Chris and I went on, looking for a mini golf place and a gluten free bakery. Both: closed. And I had so gotten my hopes up about the bakery since there are like, NONE in Houston.

I hear about all these other cities that have gluten free pizza delivery and bakeries and little cafes here and there, but the nation's fourth largest city has next to nothing.

I'm not complaining about the grocery stores and availability of gluten free ingredients. I'm complaining about the restaurants. When I go out to eat it's hit and miss. Sometimes people are understanding and helpful and sometimes they get pissy and act like it's such a huge deal if I ask about the food. And it's not like I'm rude or ask a billion questions when the restaurant's packed and they're busy. Even then I don't completely trust the food, just because 'what if.' It's very discouraging and I feel like a pain in the ass.

It's been an idea of mine for a long time to open up a bakery one day, which of course has now been converted to a gluten-free bakery dream, and Chris made the observation that since there are none in Houston it would be a good idea to open one here. It's an idea, but who has the time and/or resources for that? I certainly don't, at least not right now. But it would be super sweet. Imagine a place where people with these food issues could confidently go into a restaurant, not get hassled, and actually order something straight off the menu with no worries that it will make them sick.

I hate complaining about something instead of doing something about it. I don't know, I love the idea, but I have to start looking seriously into the med tech school applications. Gotta graduate first, haha.

28 May 2008


I was sitting here enjoying my morning coffee when I became aware of a noise that was out of the ordinary. I was kinda low, so I looked around, put my ear to my laptop, and then to the computer speaker. Now, the computer speakers are unplugged from my laptop, but I could hear something coming from them! Somehow they were picking up a radio talk show, low and staticky but definitely there. Kinda strange.

26 May 2008


I check my email and surf the internet while I eat breakfast. Today's is a bagel egg sandwich and a couple snickerdoodles washed down with coffee. Mmm. I love it when I bake. More importantly, I love it when I bake and it tastes good.

So I was thinking last night, but was way too tired to actually splurt it out on the internet.

I have a lot of things to get over. To come to terms with. To let go.

I mean, I'm normally a "whatever" type of person. It happened, so be it, let's move on and not dwell. Big and small. But some things are harder to shake off. Whether they've had an extra-profound impact on me or taught me an especially valuable life lesson, or maybe just scared the hell out of me. I don't know why there are some things that are more difficult to be okay with. To not have the same reaction to over and over again depsite my wanting to change.

I'm a big fan of reality. Reality has gotten me through several fantasy-fueled heartaches and hills. The first time you accept it, it stings. But after you keep reminding yourself, it turns into a dull ache and finally it's just a fact of life that you don't think about anymore.

See? I have these processes that I put myself through, mentally. They get me through tough times and for the most part they work. There are several stubborn things that are taking longer, though. Little things that pop up now and then and all of a sudden I'm sucked back through the wormhole to the past.

These things that I speak of, vaguely so I don't have to follow with a long story having to explain them, are largely unjustifiable. When I remind myself of the reality, my fears are not backed. So why do I keep returning to the same conclusion? It's a glitch in the mental process formed by extra-strong emotions. I hope it's not intuition.

Either way, only time will heal and only time will tell. In the meantime I have to go against my natural inclination to over-analyze and instead go with the flow. I've been getting better at that whole "go with the flow" thing.

25 May 2008

lake fun

Things have been interesting lately, but I'd rather not write about it. Let's just move on with life, shall we?

Yesterday I went with Chris to Lake Conroe. A good friend of his that he races with lives up there and invited us to come play for the day. I was hesitant to go for a few reasons, but I went after all for another few reasons. And, as usual, I'm glad I went.

They have a "party" boat and we took it out on the lake for most of the day, stopping to swim a bit. At first I was like, "hoo boy, a boat" because I tend to get motion sickness, but I got used to it pretty quickly. (thank God!)

It was a pretty mellow, relaxing day. I mean, how can you not be relaxed listening to Jimmy Buffet and Reggae in the middle of a lake on a breezy sunny day?? Mark is about my parents' age, so the crowd (about 8 people) was a little older, with the exception of his teenage daughter and her friend who laid out and texted the whole day, LOL. So there was no one getting belligerent drunk and being an ass.

love the flag

I got to drive the boat for a while and I also caught a fish! They let out the line behind the boat as we were going and one got caught. I reeled it in and Chris took it off the hook. I'd never done that before, so it was really exciting! We threw him back, though, because we weren't going to eat him or anything.

I forgot to give him a name. That's Chris' toe.

And I was smart and slathered sunscreen all over my pasty self and managed not to get very burnt, unlike everyone else. I stayed in the shade and kept myself hydrated, too. Yay for being smart and taking care of myself!

It was a good day, and I know Chris had a really good time. I think he needed to relax more than I did! He got a pretty good dose of sun and was nodding off after we ate dinner, but in that good happy way.

21 May 2008


Ahh, summer.
The time of year when all women join together and cry about bathing suit season.

I dislike shopping for bathing suits. I know I am not alone here. My big deal is, I am a different size on top and on bottom. Most everyone is! Although retailers are getting smarter and selling separates.

As the years have gone by I have tried on countless suits and rejected most of them.

Boy shorts make me look stumpy. One-pieces are a joke because the fabric is distributed all wrong. Tankinis fall right at that little "pudge" spot and actually accentuate it. Ones with underwires are all momish. That, and I don't have 100 bucks to spend on a bathing suit. On and on and on... Eventually I learned which styles work and which do not.

I got this one at Target in one trip to the dressing room. Not bad.

The thing that annoyed me though was the fact that all the cute girly prints were in the string triangle style. ie: not ideal for girls with big boobies!

There was one pink paisley print that was absolutely adorable but there was NO way I could wear it because it was only in the styles that I mentioned before. Even if I did manage to find a top big enough to cover decently, the support was absolutely zero. The super-thin straps were digging into my neck while I tried in vain to make it fit.

The one I got doesn't even cover that much but at least it didn't look like it was going to snap from the strain, LOL.

So, I settled on the thicker-strap halter for more support while sadly replacing the cute pink one back on the hanger.

Sometimes having boobs sucks!


I can't sleep. I know I should be tired but for some reason my insides are wide awake. I've been sort of anxious all day. Don't know why. Maybe it's my intuition cluing me in to something my brain has not caught on to yet.

That, and I've got a lot of stuff whirring around in my head. Not bad stuff, just stuff.

I can't explain everything without busting out with a very long story, and anyway all of this is not sorted out enough to explain it properly. But maybe writing will help me sleep.

There was a time when I had never been more sure about anything in my entire life. It's one of those flashbulb memories. I remember I was driving down 59 towards work after class, thinking. I remember the exact spot on the road, too. Just after Weslayan. I remember what song was playing on the radio. And I just knew. It all of a sudden fit so well, like puzzle pieces. And I've never been able to truly second-guess that feeling. It's the most unexplainable thing.

It's that very thought that's keeping me awake tonight. Over various problems I've encountered, many times I've been given advice to sit tight and wait. I'm not a waiting person, and would never take that advice, but for some reason this time I'm content to wait. No immediate action needs to be taken. So what do I do with this thought? I don't know.

Wait, I guess. See what happens.

19 May 2008

my life in pictures

Check out my sister's flickr page. I looked the other day and was amazed at how awesome some of her photographs are.

It's been nice and sunny out lately, and not so warm that we all retreat into our air-conditioned caves.

The other day we were all outside, grilling and all that. I had the opportunity to take a few pictures and I got one of Punk not looking pissed off. I swear she knows when I'm trying to take pictures of her because she gets mean looking. I think during the "stuff on my cat" kick I was on a while back, she learned to associate the sound of the camera turning on with the impending doom of being annoyed, lol.

Anyway, one of my "projects" I have for myself this summer is to take more pictures. I shall be the girl with the camera in her purse at all times again. Hopefully I get some good shots!

17 May 2008


I popped some banana bread in the oven about 30 minutes ago and it's starting to smell banana-riffic in here.

Today I CLEANED. I swept and vacuumed, and boy it needed it. I swept the cobwebs off the ceiling. I caulked cracks near the door that always accumulate dirt and annoy me. I washed rugs. I... am out of wine. Be right back.

*classical music*

Ok. Then I washed the curtain on the window where pumpkin likes to sit. It was so disgustingly FULL of cat hair. Ugh.

My closet is organized: Formal dresses, pants, skirts, sundresses, collared shirts, play shirts, tank tops, etc. all grouped nicely.

I bought a small wooden crate thingy for my spices, because I don't have room for a spice rack. I painted it green and glossed it, then went "Monica" for a second and labeled all the tops for easier recognition. How I wish I had a label maker.

Then I went to Walmart and got some more $2 flip flops and two more of those awesome $4.50 tank tops. I have one in just about every color now because they're so comfy and they fit just right. They're not too low in the front and they are longer; they hit right at the hip so they don't look boxy. They are thin enough to be cool in the summer but are thick enough so they're not trashy and show your bra right through the fabric. I just love them.

super awesome tank tops

Let's see, what else did I do in my domestic goddess whirlwind today? Oh- I want to try and alter some of my pants that don't fit after that weight drop. Bust out the sewing machine that's been put away for a while.

There's a party tonight but I think this is one of those nights where I just need me, my glass of wine, the banana bread baking and general quality alone time to check things off my to-do list.

Happy Saturday night you guys.


What a quick week.
I swear it should not be Friday (I guess it's Saturday by now) yet.

Happy 18th birthday to my little bro, who is in no way little but dammit I can buy beer and he can't so that makes him little.

Happy 25th to Akhtar, whose party at Dave & Busters was pretty darn fun.

The man is out of town again this weekend for a race so that means it's more freedom for me! Except I've had a lot of freedom lately and I'm starting to *gasp* miss his ass.

I think it's time for bed. But first, let's see what's on Food Network.

15 May 2008

pat on the back

I am effing excited. I just checked my grades. The organic chemistry verdict: only a C in the course, B in the lab. Not bad for the most difficult course for science majors, in UH's program, one of the most recognized and difficult organic chemistry programs in the US. And an improvement from last year, thank you very much.

Biochemistry was an A-, which surprised me because I missed an A in the course by one question on the final exam by the grades he posted, but I guess he decided to curve a little bit. Sweet!

Psych was an A, of course, and biochem lab was a B. I think I was right on the edge but whatever.

So, I met the goal I made for myself. I raised my overall GPA, if ever so slightly.

That, and thank you so much guys for your prayers and support and advice. One day at a time, right?

13 May 2008


Ok guys.
I am in a tough place right now.

There's no way I'm going anywhere. For better or for worse and I mean it. You don't throw relationships away when things get a little rough.

You might fight or have hurt feelings. Someone may act like a jackass but good friends are like family and they never go away. Things mend. People apologize and things forgiven. People earn trust back.

And when these people are in a tough spot you don't abandon them. You stick by their side, through it ALL.

Well, like I said, I'm in a tough place, though not as tough as him. It's times like these when I wish that I knew what to say, knew how to pierce a ray of sunshine through that shell he retreats into. Make something stick. Coax some hope from somewhere within the numbness that seems to wash over and paralyze. I wish I had that super power, that magic wand.

But, I don't. All I have is myself and the ability to be there when he chooses to need me.

I want to make myself very clear when I state my intentions to stay right here. These intentions only apply until he decides to do that thing where he ignores me for days at a time. Then, I consider my efforts to be unappreciated and taken advantage of, and that is something I refuse to do again. When that happens I consider it a severed relationship.

I dove into this with the full knowledge and expectation that this might happen again. I am stronger this time and know what to expect. But I won't be able to take that again.

So. As I stood here feeling helpless not knowing what to do, and not wanting to lose what I've been through so much to acquire, a thought occured to me.

I could pray.

I know I just got through talking about how I don't have much faith lately, but when everything else is in the shithole you still always have God.

So I prayed. With all my heart. And I'm going to keep praying. And I'm going to ask for help from those with a little more faith than me.

Take a minute to send a prayer. Ask God to help him out. Bust out that rosary and say a quick one for him. It couldn't hurt.

Like I said before, all I want is him back, happy, fart jokes and all.

12 May 2008


The most curious thing just happened.
I was reading some articles about why we yawn and why we sneeze, when I saw at the bottom of the page a link to an article about why we hiccup. Seeing as how I actually had the hiccups at the time, I clicked on it.

Usually when I have the hiccups I breathe in as much as I possibly can, until I can feel the diaphragm engaged, then I hold it until I can't possibly hold it anymore, or until the urge to hiccup passes. Usually I get dizzy when this happens.

There's also drinking water, eating sugar, and this cracked me up: One time Missy had the hiccups and Chris said to her, "I've got a $100 bill in my wallet and if you hiccup one more time I'll give it to you." So we all looked at her and she hiccuped, but James said that that's happened to him and it stopped his hiccups, lol.

There was also that time when Nisha had the hiccups and out of nowhere I screamed and lurched at her to scare her. Well, she got scared all right and told me I was "freaking psycho," but it got rid of them. :o)

Anyway I was reading the article and one of the things it mentioned was to pull on the tongue. Okay... so I stuck out my tongue and held onto it. I felt like I might gag but it worked! How strange, I'd never heard of that one before.

I think I'll do that from now on, avoid the dizziness.

11 May 2008


I figured out what to give my mom for Mother's Day: the classic "I want to make it personal but am broke as hell" mix cd. Score.

You know, I'm pretty good at telling my mom she's awesome throughout the year and not just on Mother's Day. But I guess it's only now when we really think about just how much she does.

My mother is an extraordinary woman. There is absolutely no exaggeration in that statement. She is my hero.

She's had five children, all with no epidurals. And she's done an incredible job raising us and keeping our family a family. Our friends always talk about how awesome our family is because we actually act like we like each other. I give all that credit to her and my dad.

She must have been so exhausted at points but she still kept going. I don't know how many times she's been woken up in the middle of the night (most likely from us pulling her eyelid open) because of a bad dream or stomachache. There were countless "Mom? mom? mom! mom mom mom MOM mom. mom. Mom. mom." marathons. Infinite scrapes bandaged and prayers said for us. Tons of hot meals cooked, songs sang, books read and lessons learned the hard way. She somehow always knew everything, but didn't always let us know that and we didn't always listen. Our childhood was happy even during rough times. We didn't know how hard our parents worked.

She's loved us more than anyone will ever come close to. She's the one who hugs us while we cry our hardest. She's the one who is the happiest for us when something good happens.

She makes dorky jokes and likes to listen to country music while she cleans the house. She enjoys drinking beer on the back porch. She watches Lifetime movies on Sunday afternoons. She gets song lyrics wrong a lot. She'll still snuggle any baby she can get her hands on. She always smells like gardenia.

Besides all the mom stuff, as a person, she is just amazing. I'm not kidding, strangers marvel at her charisma. Her laugh automatically makes you happy. I know I can do anything in the world I want to do because I've seen her do seemingly impossible things firsthand. I get my own strength and confidence in part from watching her and knowing that it's possible. She's always said that I was a great role model for my younger siblings, but where do you think I got it from? Her.

I do appreciate her, because as I got older I saw how hard she worked every day. She still works hard every day. She is beautiful and brilliant. My mom rocks.

10 May 2008


I have not been feeling well. These damn headaches never completely go away and my stomach has been very touchy. I haven't had an appetite or wanted to eat anything except for a piece of fruit here and there. Grr I thought that things would get better and stay better once I was no longer eating gluten. I have to get tested for other allergies or something. Yayy for spending more money at the doctor.

In other news, I have no idea what to get my mom for Mother's Day. I hate giving conventional gifts to people, and I don't want to just go pick up something lame. But, I am idea-less and slightly low on money. Maybe inspiration will strike tonight and I can just run to Walmart...

08 May 2008


I am feeling down.

Yesterday was a long day, and today was tough. I was not feeling well, and didn't really eat anything except a banana at work. Several times I contemplated going home, but I knew I wouldn't feel any better at home than I did at work. So I toughed it out, then went to Akhtar and Elmer's graduation dinner/ceremony thingy. It was really nice. I'm glad I decided to go after all even though I still am not feeling all that great.

I'm tired. I spent all day in front of a computer doing slow, repetitive work pulling names out of a database. We couldn't get the results sorted how we wanted them, so I've got to go through and pick. Maybe I'll play with it tomorrow and see if I can't get it to be a bit more efficient. The thing is, I hate to be perceived as a "slow" worker. I want to get a job done and move on to the next. However, this particular project seems to be moving sooo slow. I work all day and have so little to show for it. I guess it's just me learning how it all works. I bet next time it will move much quicker.

It's also bothering me how I haven't talked to Chris since Tuesday night except for a few seconds. Normally I don't worry about it because it's not like I have to talk to him every single day.

But it's at the end of a tough day that you just want someone to be there, to pick up the phone, to be a comfort. This is probably how I've gotten to the point where I don't turn to people when I'm feeling upset.

So, here you are, blog.

06 May 2008


My desk is clean. So is the dining table. There aren't books and piles of papers and flash cards everywhere. I'm listening to music instead of thinking about how I should be studying something. It's... odd. Now I just have to wait for the grades. Gah!

I'm tired and wishing I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. It would be nice to sleep in and spend the day lazing around. Alas, money must be made! And work is not all that bad once I get there. It's the getting out of bed part that's hard.

I went to Walmart today and while I was there I bought a cheap motorized cat toy for Pumpkin because she's been so needy and lonely lately, bugging me when I was trying to study and all. I thought she'd go nuts over it, but she got a little freaked and just hid under the couch and watched it. Oy.

This wine is delicious.

05 May 2008


I went to church for the first time in ages on Easter Sunday with Chris and his family, then I went again to our church last night for a dinner and service honoring all the high school seniors that are about to graduate. Being back in my church made me miss going. I've always liked hearing Pastor Marty's sermons.

The thing is: I don't really have strong "faith." There was a period of about two years in high school where I really tried hard to find God, but never really could. So I just gave up trying. I didn't close myself off, but instead figured that He'd find me when I was ready, like they say. Well, since then my opinions have fluctuated.

I do believe in evolution. I don't believe we were just plunked down on earth, as the bible says. (I think the bible is not meant to be taken literally, anyway but that's a whole other story.) However I don't believe that something as complex and intricately designed as life could simply come about by accident, no matter how many billions of years it's been. There's got to be some kind of intelligent design, whether it be God or aliens or whatever.

When things happen, I do believe they happen for a reason, and possibly they are part of God's plan. You know, on those days I believe in God, or in a higher being of some sort that fits the description. Other days it's harder to logically fathom the notion of a God.

I know it's called "faith" because it's not logical, but I can't help how I think. Sometimes when I'm in church or when I do pray, I feel ridiculous because I'm thinking, "who am I talking to?" What if this whole religion thing is all a bunch of crap and we're all worshipping something that doesn't exist? And then some days I pray and I have a feeling like someone is hearing me. Again with the whole point of calling it "faith." You just gotta believe, which I have a hard time doing.

I mean, my two closest friends are both Catholic and attend mass regularly, and many of my very close friends are religious. I'm surrounded by people who enjoy the church and the things that come with it, and have a relationship with God, but I just have never "found" it. No matter how hard I've looked with nothing happening, and no matter how many times I've said, "I'll just open my heart and let Jesus find me." Well, I'm still waiting.

This is not to say I'm bitter and have decided to give up on religion. I'm just saying that it's made me think. And I'm also saying that I don't think I'm ready to go searching again. I dunno. Just thinking.

01 May 2008


What with all of the studying and all, I've been making mental notes of things I want to do this summer, or even the end of the week, while I have the time. But the thing about mental notes is, they get lost. I've already forgotten some of the things I wanted to do. I always make lists. I'm a list-maker.

I want to re-re-caulk the shower. After the wormy episode, madre told me to use caulk A, but when padre saw what I had used, he said I used the wrong kind. Well, he was right. It gets mildew-y way quick even after I clean it and it's starting to come off and I DO NOT want an invitation for more worms. That may be the first thing on the list.

I want to cook more! There are so many things I want to try and/or perfect, but it's so darn time consuming.

I need a hair cut.

I am also running low on conditioner, mouthwash, qtips, tampons, kitchen cleaner, coffee filters, etc. But I know if I go to Walmart it will take WAY more time and WAY more money than I have right now, so it has to wait.

Speaking of, I am getting quite broke. I should probably get another part-time job. The thing about that is, I have to work to get more money, and I don't feel like working my butt off all summer just to keep working my butt off next semester. This chica needs some rest. Although my bosses have some cool stuff they want me to do/ learn, so we'll see how that all goes.

That reminds me I need to compile a database of MSDS sheets for my dad's business.

My tires need rotating. And Jake needs a bath.

I guess that's all for now. Back to memorizing the steps and mechanisms of glycolysis! (and gluconeogenesis and the citric acid cycle, just in case you were wondering)

One more thing: Have you ever been sitting still but felt like you were moving? Like rocking back and forth slightly? It's kind of wierd and it happens sometimes.