30 January 2008

better

Hoo man.
I am feeling tons better.
Turns out I've had a UTI since December but the doctor never discussed my lab results with me and I never got treated for it. Now I've got meds and after one dose and a good night's sleep I am already noticing the difference.

And I know I've been writing about how awesome C has been lately. He was a complete sweetheart, took me out for sushi last night- he knows this chick who owns this place (EJ's wife) and she helped me out w/ the ingredients and all that. Then when I started to feel miserable again he took care of me. I've been tempted a couple times to let my guard down, but I still don't trust him. He just hasn't earned it back. Plain and simple. I've come to terms with most of what's happened between us, but there are still some things that I have not, and they still hurt pretty bad.

28 January 2008

studying interlude

-I interrupt this studyfest to get some things off my mind-

...That's why I love blogging. This week should be interesting. Got a lot of stuff going on. I'm in a hurry for Wednesday to get here so I can see the doctor and start getting some relief.

You know, sometimes I wonder. I was thinking as I drove to class today after a bad dream about slutty ex-girlfriend that awakened some old trust issues and left me with an odd feeling. I wonder what he sees in me. I look in the mirror and see tired, dorky old me with frizzing hair, a crooked front tooth and a few new pimples. Me, with annoying health issues and a tendency to be grouchy. I mean, yeah, I've got a nice rack but how on earth can he look at me and see someone he wants to call his own? I dunno. I guess you just take the good with the bad. For better or for worse, sickness and in health, right?
I know it's a marriage vow but it still fits pretty damn well for the best kinds of relationships/ friendships.

-This commerical was brought to you by Jen's insecurities.
Back to your regularly scheduled Biochemistry!-

27 January 2008

lazy Sunday

Today was such a lazy blah day.
Last night I treated myself for the 3rd icky female issue in a row... I'm totally going to the doctor this week. I've been so uncomfortable! Something has to be triggering this all of a sudden and all the research I've been doing is just scary and making me paranoid.

So anyway I went over to Cs' and studied for a little while before watching tv. We fell asleep mashed together on the couch, the only way we can both really fit. I woke up with a crick in my neck about 5am and flopped into his bed till about 9, when I woke up and immediately was aware of one of those headaches that I get. So I went back out into the living room to say goodbye but found myself in a sleepy man's death clutch and fell asleep for another couple hours. I finally woke up and made coffee, watched some tv, tried to eat some cereal but the milk he had was FUNKY so I ate some cracker jack instead.

I came home, shoved some medicine down Punk's throat, took some meds of my own and tried to work out. But every time I exerted it sent me into a dizzying pain. That was abandoned very quickly, haha. I got some homework done and helped my mom look beautiful for her and my Dad's date tonight. My brothers are both sick in the living room watching Mythbusters but I know they just got done watching America's Next Top Model, tee hee. I didn't eat, so I cooked up some stir fry and gorged myself. I guess I'm feeling a tad bit better but these damn headaches just don't like to go away. Maybe I'll just shower and go to bed early, sleep it off.

For your Sunday evening random viewing pleasure, a video clip of the time me and my brothers put mentos into diet coke.


video

26 January 2008

stereotypical

I do not like yogurt.
However, I choke it down all the time because it's supposed to be really good for you. In fact, as I write I'm fighting the urge to gag on my last spoonful. Yuck. Work your magic, strawberry-banana flavored lactobacillus acidophilus.

So this chick whose blog I read mentioned something about plastic surgery and if I'd ever get it. You know what? I don't think I would, if for purely cosmetic reasons. I mean, I already look pretty stereotypical. Why would I want to add to it? I've got a little cellulite on my ass, but so does every other chick out there. Even the skinny ones get it! And so what if my boobs are a little saggy? No one has ever complained and they still look pretty awesome in a push up bra. If I take care of myself, which I normally try to do, it won't get to the point where I can't reverse it without surgical means. So that's that.

Speaking of, here's a little stereotypical deliciousness I got in an email today.

25 January 2008

pumping iron

Eating my little einsetins fruity stars dry this morning because there is no milk. At least I have coffee. *heart*

I think I might get my fat ass (ok it's actually pretty skinny) up and exercise this morning. My butt doesn't hurt quite as much as it did yesterday from my Tuesday night bout with the exercise video. I gotta tell ya, this thing is GOOD. It works you man. I really recommend it. Fat to Firm FAST, it's a pick-your-level type of thing. I also have a pretty good yoga video from Denise Austin but I did it so much it got old and the way she said "yoga" really started to annoy me.

I still have yet to work out at the fabulous rec center on campus. I used to go rock climbing with my friend twice a week. We've got the tallest rock wall at any campus in Texas or something like that. I just know it's higher than UT's and it's something to brag about (shock 'em coogs). I keep forgetting to toss my workout bag in my car so I can go after class. I wonder if I'll be able to attend the yoga or pilates classes this semester. I like the classes better than the machines because 1. it's less crowded and 2. i am forced to stay on track by an instructor. I had lunch with Till yesterday (I MISS that girl!) and she said their cycling class was intense. I've always wanted to try the summer abs class but I'm kinda wimpy so I'd hate to be panting in the back while everyone else toughed it out. Maybe this semester is THE semester. They had this awesome "cardio funk" class at this other gym I went to. Okay I'm getting all motivated and I'm totally gunna go work out before the lazy sets back in.

ps. my financial aid check came in yesterday so I called Mr. Pervy and told him I decided not to accept the position. I have an interview for another place on Wednesday. [thanks God!]

23 January 2008

meh.

I rolled out of bed very reluctantly and got ready. The safety pin that I had in my pants [every pair of paints I own needs to be altered... the first paycheck I get is going towards just that] was misplaced last night so I had to use a binder clip. Surprisingly, it worked fairly well!

I headed, very unenthusiastic, to my first day of work, another office in a very tall building. The security guard was a friendly hispanic guy that hit on me. Felix.
My new boss is your typical middle aged guy, friendly but a little... I dunno... redundant? I'm still not sure what to make of him. He's hired a whole clan of attractive college girls, and I think that's both hilarious and disgusting. One chick came in wearing a miniskirt, and it's raining cold outside!

So this job. It reminds me a whole lot of the job I just quit. The kind where you walk in each day not knowing what your responsibilities are. I'm going to be another "assistant," helping the people who have more established positions within the company. It's really all I can do, considering I can't have any real responsibility because of my schedule. The thing is, I hate not having a purpose in my job, it's mainly why I quit the last one. That, and he wants me there for like, 13-hour days. Starting at 7am. It's exhausting, not to mention I'll be having to wake my ass up at at least 6am... I'll keep it for now, but keep my eyes open for something else.

On to Pumpkin. Considering her history of bladder infections, wonderful Dr. Hendrix explained everything to me in detail and recommended a special diet that will lower the pH of her urine to discourage bacterial growth. It's more expensive food but way better than taking her to the vet every 6 months. I hate to keep putting her on antibiotics.

I am exhausted from my long day and very discouraged at life right now. I hate hating my job, it just brings my whole life down.

21 January 2008

sick cats = guilt + money

Jammin' to my new laptop speakers C let me borrow. Well, at least I can have them but if we break up, he gets them back. That was the deal, haha.

I am supposed to start a job on Wednesday on a "trial basis" to see if it works out. It was a phone interview, and I thought the second time he interviewed he mentioned that I'd have to work Saturday. Umm, no that won't work. But I'm going in on Wednesday anyway to see how it works and even if it doesn't, I get one day's paid work.

And that's a good thing because my financial aid check still is not in my sweaty hand and Pumpykins is apparently sick. Every time she gets a bladder infection, she lets me know by pissing on something right in front of me. So I take her to the vet and it costs a couple hundred dollars. I was joking with my mom, I should just set aside a couple hundred dollars a year for Pumpkin's bladder infection. I feel like such a bad mom kuz it's cold and she's outside my door crying but I can't let her in or she'll pee everywhere.

In the middle of writing this, my good friend Adam sent me the link to his newest review on expotv, and I happen to be in it and helped film parts of it. Check it out and leave him some feedback.

Well I guess I should study some and try to be productive tonight.

20 January 2008

romance

I went to dinner with 'the girls' last night. By 'the girls' I mean M, Jen and A, my fellow dance team officers in high school. I love these girls and we only get to meet up every few months or so, so I really look forward to seeing them.

It was nice, we had dinner and had coffee at Agora. We talked and caught up, and this time the conversation was centered on everyone's boyfriend. Jen and A have awesome romantic new relationships that seem to have tons of potential. Of course I've already heard about M and Ja, but the whole night seemed to be centered on everyone gushing over how sweet and wonderful their new boyfriends are.

Now. I felt kinda strange being the only one not gushing over her boyfriend. I mean don't get me wrong, I've been pretty happy with the way C and I have been getting along. It's just, I don't gush. Over anything, really. Especially not boys. I tend to keep that more private and laid back, even when I was dating incredibly sweet and romantic guys who said sweet things and lavished me with attention and made me feel all princess-like.

Except. All those "prince charmings" that I dated... I'm no longer dating. Instead of feeling all gushy when showered in romance, I get the feeling they're trying way too hard and it backfires. Poetry, sweet sayings whispered in my ear, flowers all the time, planned romantic dates... etc. There were several times when I was hearing the girls talk about things their men did and/or said, I felt like rolling my eyes and saying, "you have got to be kidding me." But then I realized that they really go for this stuff! I mean, they were all so glowy and happy. And I was really glad to see them all like that.

So then I started thinking that maybe I deserved a man that made me want to tell my friends every little sweet thing he did. Am I selling myself short?

Then I thought about how I've dated guys who did all that sweet stuff and, try as they might, it totally didn't do it for me. Conventional romance is so CHEESY!! I like the kind of romance that comes in the form of letting me decide what tv show to watch, or rolling over in the middle of the night and reaching for my arm to drape over his chest, or reading the label to make sure it contains no wheat, or teaching me how to properly shoot a firearm, or changing my oil, or noticing that I have a small cut on my lip and asking what happened. Instead of constantly telling me I'm beautiful or comparing my eyes to some sort of glowy pretty thing, I want to notice that lingering look as I walk by. I don't want to be showered in affection or have my ass kissed. In fact, that makes me want more space.

So, at the end of the night, we went our separate ways (no doubt, to our men) and I headed over to C's. And shivering in the cold on the Starbucks patio sipping my chai latte, waiting for him to finish his cigarette, our eyes met and he smiled. Even though I don't have any gushings to add to the shmoopy-fest, I'm very happy with my unconventional man and the way we are. I'll take him and his issues and non-poetry-spouting-manliness and cute smile over romance overkill any day.

To each his own!

18 January 2008

smooth peanut butter doozies

Why, on all nights, does Dave have to bring up and ponder and explore the meanings and mysteries of love? And ask point-blank the exact, very same questions that I have been wondering lately but keeping to myself? I swear, despite all the bullshit and how our friendship is not as close as it once was, we click on the most subconscious level.

And, as usual, talking about it solved nothing, but I feel better about it. At least I'm not alone in my crowded mind that over-analyzes things. Dave fully understands where I'm coming from and it's all out in the open, no bullshit type of talking. It still amazes me how his timing is so perfect with all this.

We call ourselves wise because of the pain that we have endured and, more importantly, overcome and learned true lessons from. At least we feel wiser than those who are naiive. 'Wisdom' does not come easily.

So is that wisdom the reason why we feel we need to guard our hearts "just in case?" Have we risen beyond the obsurd lures of fairy tale "true love" and come to terms with the reality of it?
Or are we still jaded and ignorant of the possibilities of truly letting yourself go and not to the point of actual wisdom yet?

I'm not fully allowing myself to enjoy this smooth peanut butter ride even after coming to terms with the chunky peanut butter road that I've traveled and made it out intact. And I'm okay with that right now. Dave is also not content with just enjoying his smooth peanut butter. He's got the future on his mind, probably because he's at the point in his relationship where he's go to figure out what he's going to allow himself to do, to feel.

Not that I'm even considering it now, but he mentioned it so now it's on my mind. There will have to be a point where I graduate from living in the here and now, the "one day at a time" to the future possibility of a lifetime of commitment. But in order to do that, you have to let that guard down and as Dave puts it, there's that instant of pure trust. And as I put it, it's a doozy. We both agree that it is indeed quite a doozy.

These are deep issues that can only be delved into properly at 2am but I am tired.
In the interest of preserving my optimism, here's to the doozy.

14 January 2008

stress

I am discouraged. The guy that sounded so enthusiastic about hiring me yesterday did not call as promised. The lady that's rescheduled my interview a billion times and also sounded very eager to meet with me has not contacted me. There aren't any new promising job postings on any of my sources. I need a job soon and I can't stand the thought of retail and the shitty hours and exhausting on-your-feet work. Been there, done that and don't plan on going back.

It's only the first day of school; I've gotten two syllabi and already I'm stressing. The class I thought would be a breeze is going to be more involved than I thought. I've still got two more classes and an extensive lab to attend tomorrow to see what my full load will be like. All the while, in the back of my mind I keep thinking about looming med tech school applications and my GPA not being high enough. I canNOT get another C. I am not motivated this semester like I was the last... I'm more terrified than anything.

My printer kept fucking up and I was getting more and more frustrated over something stupid like repeated paper jams, cursing up a storm and snapping at my sister. The most frustrating part was all the material ON the paper that I was supposed to have remembered that is only partially memorized from last semester.

On the plus side I made mashed potatoes for the first time today. They were pretty tasty.

13 January 2008

Houston

Rather than email I thought I'd compile a list and post it here: Things to do in Houston!

Aside from the weather (and okay the traffic), Houston is an awesome, awesome city.

I don't know much about the North side of town but there is always something to do Downtown. The museum district is always interesting and you get a bit of culture. The Museum of Natural Science is very cool even if you're not a science nerd. The Museum of Fine Arts is free on Thursdays. And of course, being a student I'm going to point out the Blaffer Art Gallery at UH. More info on the Museums and all that can be found here.

For antique & thrift store shopping plus an extra-cool atmosphere and people, go up and down Westheimer around Montrose. Agora also happens to be in that area, one of my favorite coffee houses/ bars.

The Miller Outdoor Theater puts on free shows throughout the year, and it's a GREAT cheap thing to do.

You can go down to Kemah and spend some time on the boardwalk. Go down to Galveston or take the ferry over to Crystal Beach and have a bonfire in the summer time. The beaches aren't that great but hey, we take what we can get.

The ONLY mini golf place in Houston that I have found is here.

Nasa and Space Center Houston.

The Downtown Aquarium.

Get some major yuppie shopping done or go ice skating at the Galleria. (it's on Wikipedia!)

There are always cheap seats at baseball and football games.

The Laff Stop isn't cheap but it's fun for every once in a while.

The Mad Potter and the River Oaks Theater on West Gray are different. Oh, and over at Hwy 6 and Westheimer is the Alamo Drafthouse, a restaurant and movie theater in one. They, along with the River Oaks Theater, show unconventional movies not normally shown in regular movie theaters.

I've heard some cool things about Hotel ZaZa but have never gone there. Haven't been "out" on the town in a while so I don't have the scoop on the clubs.

The Flying Saucer is a great place to go drink beer. So is Woodrows and Little Woodrows. I've also heard good things about Drink Houston. Plenty of Karaoke places, too.

You can smoke Hookah at Cafe Layal on Richmond.

The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is a big deal, and that's coming up shortly.

Traffic: this website helps.

and this just looked fun.

This should help on those days when I go, "I'm BORED."

12 January 2008

uneasy

That conversation made me uneasy. I have so many questions to ask but I know better than to ask them. And then, the distant and familiar actions and apathy. Based on the past, I'm always second-guessing and making sure I don't fall too far. I wish this was easy.

Not having a job is really starting to stress me out. On those nights when I lay awake in bed I think about either how my stomach feels bad or whatever is worrying me. Lately I've been worrying about finding a job. Classes are starting soon and that only complicates things. I'll have to buy books, write up labs, wake up early, find a morning routine, start studying in the evenings instead of seeing C.

C. The start of the semester makes me uneasy as well. I have too many vivid memories of us falling apart once school started. The horrible vacuum of wondering.

09 January 2008

stuck

I got my hand stuck today. Not like, "oh look at me, I got my hand stuck!" drama queen-esque... but really stuck.

I got into my car to run some things down to the women's shelter thrift store when I noticed that between my seat and the center console, a pack of gum, some lipgloss and a quarter had fallen down into the crack. Now if this had been Pedro I would have left it there until... whenever. But in the interest of keeping Jake [Elwood was too difficult to mutter encouragingly to when driving on the freeway] clean and new, I jammed my hand down in there and it stopped just at the point where my fingers grazed the lipgloss.

When I tried to pull my hand back up, my knuckles got caught under the edge of a piece of plastic. Hm... at this point my mom called and fortunately my phone was sitting in the cup holder. With my free hand I answered and a few minutes into the conversation, sitting there with one hand stuck, I mentioned that I was... stuck. She kinda paused and asked if Dad was at home and I said yes, he was, but I'd be able to free myself. I imagined him armed with some strange grease that would inevitably make a large mess.

We hung up and I began the painful task of freeing myself. I tried a bunch of different angles and contemplated just biting the bullet and pulling up, but couldn't muster the nerve. Then my dumb ass realized that I could just slide my hand towards the back of the car where there was no center console OR driver's seat to obstruct my freedom. I ended up with a nice chunk of skin scraped off my knuckle.

So yeah. That's my story.

08 January 2008

questions

What bill do you hate paying the most?
Stuff for school because it's the most expensive

Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Haven't really been into romance lately. I prefer reality instead of trying too hard.

Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Not really. I don't like thinking about it, though, because he turned out to be such an arrogant prick.

If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
Nothing, things happen they way they happen for a reason, even if it's to teach me to not do it again

What do you really want to be doing right now?
Being Un-unemployed

What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I wanted to be a teacher. I never thought I could be smart enough to finish school in a medical profession. Take THAT, younger me! (Nothing against teachers. I have incredible respect for anyone in the teaching profession. I have learned I probably do not have the patience to be a teacher anyway)

Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's cute but not slutty... the usual look I go for

What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I just pay it.

If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
I'd move back to California but I wouldn't force anyone to come with me

First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I was already awake, I don't remember my thoughts but I was happy

Last thought before going to sleep last night?
it's HOT and stuffy in here!

What errand/chore do you despise?
I hate doing the dishes because I don't have a dishwasher. I need a pair of those big yellow gloves :o)

If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Heck yeah! I want to volunteer at the SPCA but I'd wind up as the cat lady for sure because I'd feel bad for all the cute animals.

Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
cuddle...

Have you found real love yet?
without a doubt.

When did you first start feeling old?
Who say's I'm old?!

Your favorite lunch meat?
not a fan of lunch meat.

What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
a pair of those cute $2 panties

Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to take the plunge.

Favorite Guilty pleasure?
Spending money I dont have.

Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I'm not ashamed of my tastes!

What's your drink?
I've started to like disarrono... on the rocks. Like the commercial!

What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
94.5 the buzz

What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Don't really think too much of the famous people.

Last book you read?
Brother Odd. Not bad.

Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I wanna spend some real time in San Francisco

Explain your picture:
It was taken on my first birthday in Carlsbad CA, I think. It's my favorite picture of me and my mom.

07 January 2008

more job searching and sunday races

So my job search continues. That interview I had Saturday morning was rescheduled to this morning, which was rescheduled to Wednesday afternoon. She did make a point to say she has looked at my resume and really wants to meet with me, so hopefully I'll be offered a job. Until then, the search continues! [dramatic movie music]

Sunday C invited me to go watch one of his races. It's kind of a big deal because he doesn't like friends and/or girlfriends to go to his races. I always asked but figured it was his "man" time and didn't make a huge deal when he took a weekend to go race.

So anyway it was actually really cool. The weather was gorgeous and the guys were laid back since it was not an "official in-season race" and C's only competition in his class was a 9-year old. They ended up racing with a different class that had bigger engines, just to make it funner. I snuck into the pit with his friend and fellow racer EJ and got to watch the action from up close and take a few pics and videos. I also wound up meeting his mom who was pretty nice.



EJ pushing the kart to get the engine going


lining up to start the race


05 January 2008

cheeeese

I cut myself some nice big chunks off the cheese blocks we got from Wisco and now I'm nibbling on them quite happily. The only thing is, I haven't found a decent accompaniment. I tried the bread in my freezer... too dry. I tried those nut-thins... too crispy and too much of their own flavor competing with the cheese taste. I miss saltines. I think pairing the cheese with apple slices might be too filling. Oh, well. Cheese alone isn't bad at all. There's a hole in the swiss that's shaped like a heart.

I should go to bed and get some decent rest so I'm not late for this interview tomorrow... I'm worried because I need a job pretty quick here and my schedule is a problem with most potential employers. I'm not extremely worried though, because I keep reminding myself that things always work out in the end. [Please karma don't make me wrong!]