31 January 2013


I'm so totally crabby.

Long day. Head hurts. Tired. Eyes are burning from the strain.

Have to go into work tomorrow at 6am and work a 12 hour shift. At least I get a little overtime.

Stopped caring about the house stuff. Just going to sit back and see what happens. It feels right.

There is absolutely no food in the fridge, but plenty of wine.

We renewed my dad's beer of the month club and have yet to see January's shipment. It's got technically 4 hours to get here or I'm raising some serious hell on the phone tomorrow.

I miss my husband. It's days like this that coming home to him would make such a huge difference.

27 January 2013


Stressed to the max.

Between the stress level rising at work, finding a house, and the baby shower/ stuff that's always in the back of my mind, I'm up there.

The work stress is the kind that leaves me feeling accomplished at the end of the day, and I am generally able to leave work at work. But that's still a stressful 8 hours, only to come home to deal with a different kind of stress.

The biggest thing is the house. It's compounded by the fact that Chris is not here to help me make these decisions. To add to this never-ending joyfulness, every time we talk we seem to argue. The things that we argue about would not be an issue if he was here and it's very frustrating.
I also have to plan financially for the extra costs of rent, deposits, a washer & dryer, and a refrigerator- which will all come at the same time- which means even though I have a bunch of money saved up, I'm essentially broke.
Even if we like a house, it could be off the market if someone else beats us to it, which seems to keep happening. To top it all off, time is especially of the essence because Chris is leaving the base soon to do some training, and won't be available if I need a signature or some other information from him.
I just need this crap resolved, asap.

The baby shower is not a source of stress in itself, except for the monetary pressures. I think I can get most of the supplies at the dollar store, but I have to be extremely conscious of how it all adds up.

In other news, pumpkin's box has been upgraded. We saw a pet bed at Target today and decided it was time. I think she's getting a little creaky in her middle age years, and this is much more plush than her box.

Needless to say, Pumpkin does not share my stress.

24 January 2013

good, bad, ugly, BADASS

The good news?
I finally feel productive at work.

The bad news?
It took one of the girls resigning with no notice on Monday to make it happen.

The good news?
I'm in charge of some really cool shit.

The bad news?
I have to figure it all out myself, because no one knew how to do her stuff.

The good news?
I'm going to be so badass at it. I've already cleared off her massively disgusting and cluttered, disorganized desk. Now it's time to impress my boss(es).

The bad news?
I've been way too exhausted to meet my workout goals this week.

The good news?
You don't need a gym when you're moving nonstop all day long to get stuff done. It's a huge campus and everyone on all ends needs something. For instance, today I broke a sweat unpacking 125 brand new glucometers, their cases, their docking stations, and everything else that comes with it. It came on two pallets taller than I am. I can't wait to play with them...

In other areas...

The bad news?
The house that Chris really loved has already been leased.

The good news?
I've got an awesome realtor on my side, and several houses to look at Saturday.

Dear Life,
I got this.
Piece of cake.

21 January 2013

things I'm going to miss

I just overheard my mom say, "I'm going to take a shower and put on fresh jammies."

Fresh jammies.

As in, she's worn pjs all day, is going to shower, and put on new pjs.

house hunt

So you know that house that I looked at a few weeks back and immediately deemed it "The One?"

Well we looked at it again today, with the actual realtor. And you know what? I was underwhelmed- to the point where I was willing to spend a little more money on rent if that meant I could get a little more.

We thought maybe it's because the old funky carpet hasn't been replaced yet, or because it hadn't been cleaned. But the more I think about it, the more I'm meh about it. The backyard is nice, but is fenced with chain-link, so all your neighbors (and their barking dogs) can see in.
In the daylight you can see the street is full of Beware of Dog signs on all the fences; not exactly classy digs.  I found myself feeling that maybe the atmosphere wasn't as safe-feeling as I'd originally thought. Living by myself, that's very important to me. Also I can see Chris coming home and wondering what kind of ghetto I moved us into.
I was sewing today with my door open because it's nice outside, and I was thinking what I'd be doing if I was in that house. To be honest, I don't know if I'd be comfortable leaving the doors open on a nice day. Then I asked my dad, who does pest control in houses all over the city, and is the expert on what areas are not-so-nice. He admitted that he wasn't thrilled with it. I'm taking his advice with a grain of salt because he thinks we should all live in huge mansions with electric fences around them.

Honestly, there are things I like, and things I don't like. I haven't completely written it off, but I'm going to keep looking. Which means, OY.

I have to admit I'm nervous because there's not much in our price range in the areas I want, and some I've been looking at online have already been leased. Leave some for meee!

20 January 2013


^There's that word again.

Started out my weekend by purchasing 6 bottles of wine. Isn't it convenient that my wine rack holds 6 bottles, my wine tote bag holds 6 bottles, and if you buy 6 at one time you get a 10% discount? I certainly think so.

My parents' friend died last week. I'd only met her once, but after the funeral last night around the back porch, stories flowed freely. She was a very sweet lady.
Whenever my parents, aunt, and uncle go to a funeral, and after the right amount of drinks, the discussion inevitably turns to my cousin Timmy and his death. I was young when he died, but I remember it vividly because it's the only time I've ever seen my dad cry. Once the discussion reaches that point it's pretty weepy for a while.

Fortunately, that's when Akhtar showed up! We picked up some moving boxes from my old job, then caught a late dinner at 59 diner. Breakfast and milkshakes for both of us. We got to talking about all kinds of stuff, mostly moving and exercising.

We're both looking into moving soon. I'm tired of pushing 30 and living in my parents' garage. I can't wait to have air conditioning! And a dishwasher! And walls! You know, the luxurious things. He's looking to find something that will benefit everyone. It's stressful, but exciting stuff.

Regarding exercise, he's about to start a new regimen. He's motivated and doing it smartly.
I, however, am still struggling with lack of motivation. I'm usually motivated when my clothes stop fitting, and this time I can still squeeze into everything.

While talking to him, we concluded that it is due to this vicious cycle:

Even though my schedule is different and I sleep later, I'm having trouble getting out of bed in the mornings.
We figured it's the direct result of how much I drink every night.
We figured I drink every night because I'm stressed-- Getting married, changing jobs, and moving in the span of a few months has got me just a little stressed. Also it doesn't help that Chris is not actually here- compounding the missing-ness and the fact that I feel like I have to make all the decisions. I'm scared to make the wrong one and piss him off. Sometimes we don't see eye-to-eye on things that I'd never think we wouldn't.

Of course, exercise will help with stress. I have an alarm set early three times a week to work out, but due to the wine-induced circumstances mentioned above, I don't get out of bed.

I really like my evening glass(es) of wine. We decided that I should drink only 1 glass of wine with dinner, and maybe then I will be able to get up to exercise the next morning.

We shall see.

14 January 2013


I'm back to having a ton of shit on my mind.

-Still discouraged about certain things.

-My thoughts on being frugal: As long as I can afford wine, then it's all okay.

-I dislike using the keurig reusable filter thingies. I have to wash the filter out between every cup of coffee. Merh. It defeats the keurig magical experience. Time to start hoping I see some keurig coffee on clearance.

-Gotta start really house-hunting. My great-aunt might be coming to spend a few weeks with us. I'm absolutely cool with letting her have my room. The thought of having to spend a few weeks living upstairs, though, is dreadful. I'm getting the heebie jeebies just thinking of the shower. Maybe if I've already moved/ I'm in the process of moving it won't be an issue? Maybe? I'm going to call the realtor tomorrow. If I remember.

-Baby shower stuff's gotta get purchased, made, and organized. I'm so glad Collin's mom is taking care of some of this. But I have the fun parts, yay!

-I took a pregnancy test at work today. I got paranoid! I didn't get my period this month. With the IUD it's expected that you will eventually stop having a period, but up until this point I've always had at least some spotting. This month, nada. And it just happens to be the month after I have a lot of sex. For the record, it was negative. Whew. At the same time, woo! No more period! To be honest, I haven't bought tampons or anything more substantial than thong pantyliners in over a year, but it's still nice to not have to worry about randomly ruining a pair of underwear.

-I would like to say that I'd like to never have to think or hear about pregnancy again, but not only is my sister about to birth me a fun nephew to play with, but like EVERYBODY is pregnant. It's one announcement after another! I thought the trend would die down but, nope! Babies everywhere! It's quite fun to see people so excited. Yay! You have your babies, and I'll drink my wine and buy them shit and snuggle them and give them back. Everybody wins!

-I weighed myself, just to see what things were like. I weight exactly the same as I always weigh. Although I feel like I've gotten flabbier to the point where my weight is re-distributing itself around my body. Still, no motivation to work out.

-I need to get laid. What?? What? No. Really.

-I like the natural progression this post has taken. It may or may not be correlated to how many glasses of wine I've drank while writing it. If I stand up, I'll be tipsy. If I stay sitting, I'm right as rain. Good thing I brought the bottle with me.

-Also noticed a correlation between how much I drink and how long Chris is gone. I've noticed that it takes me a much shorter time to finish a bottle by myself nowadays.

-Speaking of, my friend's husband went into detox today. He's one of those highly functioning alcoholics. They're admitting him to the hospital so if he has seizures and shit from the withdrawals he'll be taken care of. When he went in, he blew a 0.33. Thirty fucking percent of his blood was alcohol. That's some heavy shit, man. He passed all the sobriety tests and everything too. When you're that far in the bottle, recovery's got to be rough dude.

-Oh, shit. I remembered that I completely forgot all about that book club email that I sent out to everyone. The one where I was like, "Let's really make this happen!" Oops. I haven't even bought the book I forgot so much about it. Right, let me get on that...

-I MISS BATHS SO MUCH! Especially on cold days, or long days at the computer. Or days that end in Y...

-I just love Ellen. You ever watch her show? I catch it every now and again. She's adorable and hilarious.

-Also, Pinterest is full of neat shit. But we all already knew that. Ummm I just randomly came across my engagement ring design, but that's not the lady who made it. Who copied whose design?? The world may never know! All I care is that it's pretty and it sparkles on my hand allll day long.

I'm just going to hit Publish without proofreading because I feel like it.

13 January 2013


I love your thoughts and advice on the last few posts.
It was a thoughtful week, and the mind is still going.

It seems that with every discussion, nothing much gets resolved. It seems like I'm doing everything wrong.

I live a normal life. I don't live an extravagant life, and I don't live a frugal life. I live an average life. I used to think there was nothing wrong with that, but apparently I'm untrustworthy and I can't figure out why. I thought I'd been doing pretty well and it was a serious shock to find that out. 

In the meantime, we still have a goal. To meet that goal, things have got to be a certain way, no matter what anyone else thinks of me.

Yesterday, besides things that made me cry, we registered for Ashley's baby shower and we're going to plan the rest of that tomorrow evening. Babies don't need that much stuff, but at the same time they need a lot of stuff! Especially onesies with elephants on them that say, "wild about auntie!"

Jen's 1920's themed birthday party was fun. I think all parties should be themed from now on, haha.

Glad it got cold out again. I'm going to do some housekeeping and try to figure out what to cook from what I've got in my pantry and freezer.

09 January 2013


I’m slowly realizing how much freedom I’m losing by getting married, especially when it comes to financial decisions.

I can't pick my own house. I can't plan my own vacations to Vegas. I can't go out and buy a TV or a new bed or a new car if I feel like it, without discussing it with him first. Once he comes home, I can't just go out with my sister after work or make plans for Saturday night without at least letting him know. If someone invites me somewhere, the invitation is automatically extended to him. We also automatically have a standing dinner date every single night unless otherwise specified.

I'm used to doing whatever I want, whenever I want, without consulting anyone else. I'm used to making my own money, and spending it on whatever I want.

Picking out a place to rent and planning a trip to Vegas would not have been an issue if I were single, or even if Chris and I were still just dating. I would have just... done it with no question. I mean, I would have discussed it with Chris and I would ask his advice, but ultimately the decision would be mine alone and if he didn't like it, tough stuff.

Now I have to discuss things with my husband like large purchases and where I-- err-- WE live. It's so strange. And if we disagree it's not like I can disregard what he wants and do it anyway. Ashley pretty much gave me the reality check on that one. Marriage changes the game, whether you like it or not.

I know this goes both ways. It's not like he gets to run amok and I have to check in constantly. Once you're married, you're a team. You don't do things like this by yourself.

This is definitely going to be an adjustment. Did anyone else feel this way after they got married?
Maybe this would be easier if we haven't been living separate lives for the past two years, and weren't still living separate lives.

Suzy's take: "Hey, you lose freedom but at least you don't die alone."
Thanks Goo.

07 January 2013


I gotta say, this deployment has been CAKE compared to the last one.
He's been living on a base instead of in the middle of a war zone in a tent. Thanks to this Viber app, we've been talking/ texting every day. Skyping every week or so. Yes, please. Much better than constantly wondering if he's dead. You know what I'm saying?

He's got a few days of training so we won't be able to talk. And it sucks! I'm so spoiled by this cakey deployment. I can't wait till he gets his ass home.

06 January 2013


So, a little bit about me.

I don't fuck around. If I want something to happen, I make it happen. I don't wishy wash or dilly daddle.
The same goes for if I don't want to do something; I won't ever do it.

Thinking back, I have several historical examples:

When I decided I needed a new car and went car shopping. I saw one that I liked and I brought it home that day.
When I went to try on wedding dresses. I liked one, I bought it. (Well, momma did.)
When I decided it was finally time to switch jobs, even though I stressed hard about it, I made it happen.

I don't do endless amounts of comparing and research. I see something that I like and I go with my gut and it's done.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

Last night Ash and I started looking at houses to rent online. I saw one I liked and called the realtor, who told me a little about it. He said they are doing some repairs on the house and if I wanted, I could stop by and ask the contractor if I could look around. So Ashley and I drove by the house (it was close by) just to drive by it. It turned out, people were there so we quickly took a peek.

I like the house. The location is absolutely perfect. The price is just barely out of my price range. The house is big enough, but also small enough. The kitchen is tiny but with updated appliances. The bathrooms are typical for a house built in the 1970's- not awesome but at least there is a tub so I can take much-missed baths. The backyard has a "Man Shed" for Chris to put his manly stuff. It seems like a good fit. Not perfect, but it doesn't have to be; it's a rental.

Naturally, in typical "ME" fashion, I want to dive right in and go for it. Then I called Chris.

Chris apparently does not share my "go with my gut" reasoning. He requested that I look around and do comparisons. He also reminded me that I don't need to make my move until around March. Totally not my style to stop and re-think, but he also brought me down a little. He's right- there's no sense in moving out early just because I saw a place I liked. Even though there's that voice in the back of my head saying, "Don't wait around for something better because you might not find it." I do think it would be smart to wait, and at the very least, save up for another month.

What do YOU think?

worries about cash monies

As you can probably tell, I've got some anxiety regarding my financials.

I've always had bills to pay, but nothing very big.

After I move out and start paying substantial rent, that will change things. I want to be on top of it. I don't want to be blindsided by some random expense that I can't handle.

I expect to get some help from Chris. Not to say we got married for the money, because I kinda like the guy, but one of the perks of being hitched to me is a larger paycheck for him.

I don't think I need the help. If something were to happen so that I couldn't count on help from him, I do make enough to cover rent and my required monthly expenses. Bottom line, I need to be able to afford this without him because it drives me crazy to rely on someone else to take care of me.

I'm currently paying WAY over the requirements on all of my debt. Naturally- that's how to get this shiz paid off. Anyways, I could handle the rent if I paid the minimum balances. As of now, I don't even know how much the minimum payments are! But I don't want to do that. That's where he comes in.

It just makes me nervous. Rent, electricity, water, cable, etc. Those are all things that I've never had to worry about and they all cost money. How much? I have no idea.

I suppose it's time to find out.

05 January 2013

Crafts, worries, boring stuff

-I came home from work yesterday and started working on some sewing projects. The first, which I stayed up late to complete, was a bunting to use for Calvin's baby shower/ bedroom. I used this tutorial, which is really awesome. I've made two buntings using this method and they both have turned out really great.

Suzy is obviously very impressed.

It's the first time I've done anything "applique-like," and I managed to pull of a decent finished product.Yay meee.

-Purchased the baby shower invitations today. That's going to come up quick.

-Starting the house hunt. I'd much rather rent a house than an apartment, so we will see what happens. I have a feeling my purse strings are about to tighten. My sister reminded me about deposits and pet deposits and first/last month's rent and those aren't cheap.

-Speaking of purse strings, I cancelled my birch box subscription, and I'm going to start using regular coffee in the reusable Keurig filter because that will make Chris happy. Trying to save a little bit here and there and hope it adds up to something noticeable. I figure next week I'll call USAA and see what I can do about car insurance, since that's the next large expense that could use a trim.

-Going to try and see if I can put off grocery shopping until my next payday, which is in about 2 weeks. Time to use up a bunch of freezer food and see what is even in my pantry. Of course, to cook I've got to wash the gigantic pile of dishes in the sink...

-Trying to get some kinda of organizationals going on. I have a box that I just put all my filing in and then ignore it. It works pretty well, except with multiple years in there, it gets kinda confusing. Maybe I can pair that with some wine and it won't be so boring.

02 January 2013

Where my money went in 2012

Here's the breakdown of my spending last year, listed with most expensive items first.

1. I spent by far the most money paying off debt, which includes two student loans and my car note. It wasn't as much as I thought, or had planned. I don't count credit card debt in that, because I've accrued and paid that off throughout the year. Those expenses are counted in other categories.

2. Recurring monthly expenses: Rent, cell phone, etc.

3. Food, travel, and medical (mostly dentist) were next on the list. Not shocked to see that I spent that much on groceries/ restaurants. That's always high on the list. Food is so dang expensive.
Travel and medical expenses are usually not so high, but it was that kind of year.

4. I spent a surprising amount of money on clothing, seeing as how I don't really remember doing that much clothes shopping. I did count wedding dress, undergarments, and shoes in there, so that did bring the total up.

5. Next are gas, car insurance, and savings. I wonder if I can get the car insurance bill down. Time to do some shopping around. Glad I was able to put something into savings this year.

6. Pumpkin's food, flea prevention, and random vet bills. We did have the teeth cleaning and the unfortunate demon eye incident.

7. The rest is all a mishmash of entertainment, gifts (including care packages), professional certification maintenance, random trips to Walgreens, and stuff like that.

Naturally, if I hadn't traveled so much or gotten all the dental stuff done, I could have put that all into paying off debt. That would have put me closer to where I'd like to be.

However, those types of things happen and I'm lucky to be able to afford things like that.

As always, there are a few things that I could stand to be a little more conservative about, especially on random piddly purchases that really add up. I don't really account for those in my budget and I should. I think that's my weakest point when it comes to managing money. I guess it's all in the learning curve of managing expenses. Every year I get a little better at handling it.

For instance, I've kept track of every debit/ credit card purchase I've made for the last 5 years. In sheer number of transactions, I've gone down every year. I've gone from over 400 transactions to around 250. In 2011, I made about 80 purchases on my credit card, because it was in a drawer for most the the year while I paid it off.

Anyway, this has been really handy, because it's hard to make a budget if you have no idea where your money is already going. Now I (and the rest of you, haha) know exactly where it is going!

01 January 2013

Lucky 13

Here is the obligatory New Year's post.

I haven't done anything for New Year's Eve in a while, due to either working or being sick or whatever. This year I hung out with Frank and drank wine and watched Men in Black 3. It was a surprisingly good movie! I loved hanging out with my brother. He's reaching that age where being old trumps partying. I'm glad I have more company!

So, year in review. Let's check out my "resolutions."

They were not ambitious goals, and most were practical.

I got my dental work finished (horray!). Constant pain is pretty motivating!

I visited my two new places. Geez, I can't believe visiting Starkville and Hawaii was part of this past year. It seems like so long ago.

I'm not sure exactly how much debt I've paid off, as I haven't done my finances yet, but I know I dumped a ton of money into it.

I grew some basil and we've got a rosemary bush and a sage plant kickin' it pretty good in the backyard, so I suppose that counts as an herb garden. I think that will be an annual thing from now on.

Still want to learn CPR, and it turns out I don't really care about blowing glass.

I did keep a little "Year in Review" to record the new things I experienced in 2012. I did some neat stuff- all of it I'd never done before. I did more new things than I expected to do. I guess not every new experience has to be extreme.

Moving along. I don't know what I want to accomplish in 2013. To be honest I'm not feeling super excited about this year. Sure some exciting things are going to happen, but I'm just not really psyched. I don't have that feeling like it's going to be a particularly good year. I hope I'm wrong. I don't have many fun goals- maybe that's why.

Realistic goals include paying off more debt. I also need to organize and/or consolidate my retirement accounts. I've got several from several jobs just kinda hanging out in the atmosphere, and I have yet to set one up for this current job.

I want to exercise at least once a month. I feel like that's realistic for me, haha. I'm hoping that the required "once a month" will inspire more frequent workouts, but I'm not going to stress about it.

I also want 2013 to be the year of NO GLUTEN. No accidental glutening. It's happened way too much this year. I have a goal to cook & post in my GF blog once a month as well. Brush the cobwebs off that baby.

I've mentioned this to a few buddies, but I want to start a book club. I have a feeling that this will be one of those things that we do once, but maybe -- just maybe -- this time it will stick.

That's all I got for now. Happy 2013 guys.