29 April 2013

it's okay

Chicken soup ready when I got home. < 3 crock pot.

Really wishing I had some chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.

Still feeling crappy. Rainy evening, AC cranked down, snuggling in my warm bed.

Excited to try this sleep cycle app Andrea told me about.

28 April 2013

Vinegar is cool

Vinegar has made the sink in my master bath go from grody to sparkling. There was something stuck really bad to the handles and faucet, and I couldn't scrub it off. Well, I've been trying to replace the aerator for a while but the hard water deposits were so bad that I couldn't screw it off. So I soaked cotton balls in vinegar and taped them to the spout and let them sit for a few hours. When I took them off, a TON of gunk came off with them. It was kinda gross and I tried not to think about it.

I figured since I was at it, I dismantled and soaked the handles in a water/vinegar solution. They went from looking grubby to shiny, too. With a little elbow grease, I was finally able to unscrew the aerator. $5 later at Home Depot, I simply screwed the new one on. It's glorious and there's no more random water sprayings. And I'm not grossed out every time I brush my teeth anymore. Home improvement WIN.

Last night was a mixture of sneezing fits, coughing fits, and power outages. I really need to replace the alarm system's backup battery, because every time the power flickered, the damn thing went off and scared the bejeezus outta me. Also all the clocks are now blinking. First world problems.

Ok, the little bit of energy I had is now sapped and it's time to lay in bed some more. Hey there, Theraflu. You taste gross but you really do help.

P.S. Suzy I miss you.

27 April 2013


It would be nice to hear from hubs. I can handle a few days of silence, but when it closes in on the 7-day mark, I get a little, "Ok seriously Marine corps let me hear from my husband."

Ashley and Calvin spent the night last night. I was sad to see them go. I forget how empty the house feels until I've got visitors and then they leave.

Currently feeling like crapola. I thought I beat the sickness mid-week, but as Thursday and Friday passed, I felt worse and worse. Now it's here and it's full-blown and I feel terrible. No fever, but I wore a mask when I was around Calvin, just in case I am contagious. I don't want to forever wear the badge of "First person that got Calvin sick."

We got a nice rainstorm today. Flooding around the city and such. My backyard had a small river running through it, but we didn't have flooding on my street. I did, however, notice that my gutters need cleaning out. Fortunately, we got our errand ran before it hit and my drugs wore off. It was a nice day to lay in bed sick, too. It's always easier to do that when the weather's icky.

Is it a coincidence that on the day I lay in bed sick that there is a 4-hour Big Bang marathon?

24 April 2013


I could complain, because that's human nature, and apparently my nature. And when I come home after a long day and start chugging wine apparently it makes me all bloggy and happy and fuzzy and such.

Instead of complaining, I am choosing to feel lucky. I feel lucky to have a job where I feel respected and am able to pay my bills and have a roof over my head and feed my cat and drink wine and buy a rug now and again. Where I don't have to wake up before dawn and overtime is a rare thing instead of something forced upon me on a regular basis.

I did my first thing that made me feel like a wife today. Chris broke his glasses and I called the eye glasses place in Hawaii to order the replacement so that they would be ready when he got back. Kuz that's the kind of thing wives do for their husbands.

I'm convinced that my recently developed cough & sore throat was cured by near-constant tea sipping today.

My sister bit the bullet and got bangs. And they're SUPER cute. That still doesn't make me feel like I can pull them off, though. I have to remind myself that my bangs will curl.

I'm secretly (not anymore!) scared that Calvin will grow up and not like me. Or worse, not know me. I don't want to be that obscure aunt. Or the aunt he runs away from. I want to be the aunt that always gives him a squeeze and has chocolate and fun toys and books. Chocolate and fun toys and books! What's not to love?? Suzy will no doubt be his favorite aunt when he's older, but I plan to rule his childhood memories. Yes, with candy and toys.

Ugh, I got sweaty today and I kinda smell bad. Time to shower.

21 April 2013

good afternoon ladies

How funny, I actually slept till noon today.

This is going to be one of those random posts.

So I've got the back door open.
Pumpkin is outside, and comes inside for the SOLE purpose of puking on the floor.

I love reading Sunday Secrets. Sometimes they get repetitive, but then you'll come across a real gem.
Makes me think about all the people that I don't know, how strangers' lives are.

Now Mom's 'Good Morning' song is stuck in my head.
She had surgery this week for something that will probably be ok but is unnerving to think about. She's on some pretty good drugs for the pain while she heals but she keeps trying to do too much, too soon. She takes a pill, feels better, and tries to get up and do stuff, then feels worse when it wears off. You know mom loves a nice pain pill, haha.

This is happening today. Except I don't have mayo so I'll be using greek yogurt.

The rest of this week's menu, which I totally write out on something like this every week. I love pinterest.

Leftover taco mac & cheese
Pesto chicken over polenta, steamed veggies
Ground beef enchiladas with avocado
Crock pot honey mustard chicken legs, steamed veggies

I read somewhere that if you add shredded carrots to ground beef, you can sneak extra veggies into food. Of course, this was meant for kids, but I've been trying to eat more veggies so I'm going to try it on myself!

I was telling mom last night that I haven't seen Calvin much when he's awake. He always seems to be sleeping. But when I was babysitting the other night, he was awake and I started singing to him. He stopped fidgeting, looked right at me, and listened for about 30 seconds. That was pretty cool.

20 April 2013


Damn chocolate chip waffles, you're good.

Pumpkin and I slept in a bit. It was a nice, chilly night to be snuggled up under the covers.

I had work dreams last night. Not stressful, wake up with your jaw hurting dreams, but work dreams nonetheless. I was woken up in the middle of one by a call from Chris. That's like, twice in three days that we've talked. And one day they randomly found a wifi signal in the middle of the woods, so we got to text a little bit. Feelin' pretty good about all the hearings from the hubby.

It occurred to us that in all the years, he's never been able to attend the annual bazaar. I find that very strange.

At the moment, I have no lofty aspirations. I have no personal goals. I simply just am.

I don't know how I feel about that. I've always been working towards one thing or another.

Not that I'm completely devoid of ambition. I have professional goals & am very productive at work. My mind is always going during my standard workweek, but when I clock out, I don't think much more about it.

Shouldn't I always be productive? Should I be working towards something outside of work? Or should I continue to choose to cherish the moments of respite & relaxation?

I like to do a little bit of a lot of things, but I haven't found a hobby that I like doing enough to do it all the time.

Except shopping. But I don't have the money for that.

I feel like I can't just spend my free time aimlessly floating around doing whatever tickles my fancy at the moment. Don't get me wrong- I do enjoy it, but I feel kinda guilty about it.

I've felt selfish lately. I do whatever I want, whenever I want to, and I don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks about it. I'm torn between thinking that it's my life and it's okay to do that, and feeling like I'm obligated to consider what everyone around me wants when it involves me.

I've been mulling around the idea of going back to school lately. I mean, I know I'll eventually have to do it- a Bachelor's degree will hardly get you anywhere in the long term nowadays. The thing is, I should probably pay off my current student loans before I go piling on more. And I'm not exactly thrilled about the idea of adding school-related stress back into my life. 

Maybe I just need to stop comparing myself to people who are simply more ambitious than I am, and go back to enjoying my chocolate chip waffles and sleeping till noon on Saturdays.

19 April 2013

things & stuff

Things I want, in no particular order...

1. My husband HOME.

I'm seriously, seriously over this crap. Every single damn day. OVER IT.

Also, this little ho bag hurt my brother's feelings and I want to punch her. Instead, I'll just purposely antagonize her with "innocent" fb comments where she's posting opposing views about my brother's statuses. Kuz I'm all mature like that. But what I'm really doing is having my brother's back, right?

Also, the mexicans across the street with the short bus and the bird and the million kids are blasting mexican music. Like, old-school mexican music. And I think it's kinda awesome.
Better than being woken up by the rednecks next door shooting guns at 3am. On a damn Tuesday.

17 April 2013


-I will say this: No one will ever accuse me of not loving my husband.

-Came home to a kitty with tummy troubles. With evidence all over the place. From both ends. I'm SO SO glad she's litter box trained. And that I've got that super handy carpet cleaner.
I guess it's not a good idea to switch her food again, ever.

-Spent the evening yesterday with my nephew. Ash & Collin went out and I got to babysit! We had lots of fun. I love that little man.

-Some things, I wish I cared more about. But I just don't. And I'm kinda not sorry. I wonder if I'll be less selfish once I'm happier. I hope I am.

15 April 2013


So I came home from College Station with a truckload of Chris' things. A few pieces of furniture, a few boxes, and the TV that I don't have to squint to see the TV Guide.

I was interested to see what was in the boxes. I know I packed them, because it's my handwriting on the outside. But I had no idea what was really in them. Turns out, I was pretty good at labeling, and packing. Nothing was broken or out of sorts. It looked like everything had been packed yesterday, although the dates on the newspapers read December 2009.

Everything I unpacked had a memory. I found his old hat, the one that he didn't take off his head for, literally, the first few years I knew him. It looks dirty and worn-in and the sight of it brings back many good times and happy memories of falling in love with the guy in the red hat that lived across the quad in Law Hall.

The dishes make me think of his old apartment at UH. Then there's the big blue plate that he used to eat his donuts off and the cereal bowls that I'd seen stacked in the sink countless times. Now they'll be stacked in OUR sink. There were never so many pub glasses with Budweiser logos on my kitchen counter. We also now have two Pyrex measuring cups, but those things are such high quality that I can't bring myself to donate one.

Those towels I've seen flung across the shower rod & the back of a chair. His bedsheets, including the pillowcase that had a rip and I sewed it back up. It's all got a place somewhere in the back of my memories.

I can't believe these things have been packed away for so long and forgotten. And it's only the kitchen stuff, linens, and a box of hats. What about all of the other stuff we've packed away and forgotten, that we'll open up and remember?

It's like pieces of his old life as a civilian have been hiding in those boxes since we packed it all up. He's become a new person since then. I can't wait until we get to experience that part of him again.

Bowl of popcorn, glass of wine, and chocolate- come here and be my dinner.

14 April 2013


Suzy, I have to tell you. The bluebonnets DO exist this year. We saw them on the way to College Station yesterday. And lots of people were pulled over to take pictures in them. It really was a beautiful day for a drive. And to sing along to 90's pop songs. Especially while stuck in traffic for 45 minutes. It's so nice to look out the window and see nature in its' bluebonnety spring glory instead of strip malls.

We had a nice time visiting Chris' mom. She's really pretty cool, I wish we saw each other more. (But, maybe that's why we get along so well!) Plus, I got uninterrupted time w/ Ash. It's been so long since we've hung out just the two of us, for a weekend. We used to do that all the time. Not that I mind- Calvin is obviously a very welcome addition to the dynamic.

I got to talk to Chris this morning. As usual, I was half-asleep so I really don't remember our conversation. He did mention that he was talking to his friend who said that his wife makes him a special meal on homecoming day. Then he asked if I would make him a special meal when he comes home. I figured his mind would be on other things besides food... but since this will be the first leave that we don't go out of town, I would be able to make him a special meal. Now... what to make? Obviously some kind of meat. I suppose I'll just see what's on sale that week at the grocery store!

Speaking of, I've been meal planning. I check out the store flyers the week I go grocery shopping, and plan my meals around what's on sale. I've even been able to take advantage of some of those awesome Meal Deals at HEB. It has cut my grocery bill down TREMENDOUSLY. And, I don't ever wonder what to cook because it's all planned out. I always have enough left over to take for lunch, so I haven't been going down to the cafeteria and spending money there, either. It's working out very well.

Well, this laundry won't be washing itself, as well as the rest of the stuff around here. Maybe I'll just blow it all off and take a bath!

13 April 2013


Headed to College Station today. Picking up a few things from Chris' mom's house. Hopefully one of those things is a big tv for the living room. And a mattress for the guest room.

Last night the neighbors on my left had a party in the backyard. Plus the dogs at the house on the right barked all night, most likely AT the neighbors on the left. They weren't super loud, but it happens that my bedroom is on the side of the yard that's closest to their back porch. DESIGN FLAW. I was really wishing I hadn't turned down Akhtar's offer of a noise machine.

So I spent the night on the pull-out couch in the living room, with the stove fan set to low as my white noise. Hopefully if that happens again, I can just crash in the guest bedroom, since it's farthest from the party sounds. Also, I'm looking into a white noise machine just in case. Can you get one that just makes white noise and not that stupid jungle/ rainstorm crap?

I'm hoping I poop before we head out. It's so annoying stopping 30 minutes into a road trip because someone's gotta poop. In a gas station bathroom. Eew.

Also, today will be the first time I drive a truck!

Anyway, I've gotta get ready.

11 April 2013


I can't decide if I'm happier about these beans, this wine, or the chocolate I'm going to top it off with.

I don't get much of a period anymore, but I do get cramps. Like, yowza cramps. And it seems all the girls at work are syncing. I feel bad for the one dude we work with...

We've gotten information about leave dates and it's never going to get here fast enough.

Everybody and their fad diets crack me up. I just saw a new one pop up today on Pinterest. I can't believe people really buy into all that crazy stuff. I was never much for that- until I was forced into one, of course.

Hey you know what else is crazy? I've felt like working out lately. Not that I've actually done it, but I've thought about it.

09 April 2013


I have a feeling that if toot was here, he'd totally be digging the breakfast-for-dinner I whipped up tonight.

On the agenda:

1. Eat this fabulous dinner. Yes, there's bacon.

2. Hang the blackout curtains, that I made a special trip to WalMart for, under the pretty curtains and hope the light does not shine in my room all. night. long. Sleeping has sucked lately and I'm feeling the effects. Also, Pumpkin has taken to the outside, and has started fighting with the big cat next door. That's fun at 2am.

3. Skype with Ca Dad. His birthday was Saturday and we've been trying and failing to Skype since then. My dad is cool. I miss him.

4. Clean up the bacon grease, pots & pans, etc.

And that, folks, is it.

08 April 2013

play by play day

So I made baked beans tonight and rather than eat dessert, I just went and ate more baked beans. They're SOOO good. And actually, I didn't make them tonight. I made them this morning and they cooked all day in the crock pot.

I brought some to mom's and hung out for a bit. Mom's so happy with the office moved to my old room. I love the positive changes.

I woke up to let the cat out at about 6am. I think that's her new time to wake me up to go outside. When I climbed back into bed, I reached for my phone just in case I had happened to miss a call or get a message from Chris. With my hand hovering above the phone, I saw a light blink. A second later, a call from an unknown number. My toot. That was a long six days of silence.

After a chat, I went back to sleep and dreamed that he came home and cheated on me with this chick I knew of in high school. I caught them in the act. I walked over to him while he was still laying on top of her, grabbed his face in my hands, and said, 'I hate you." Then I went outside where Andrea was waiting with her parents and tickets to London. I've never even wanted to go to London, but in my dream it sounded pretty good.

A little while later, after I let the cat back in, I was hitting the snooze button like a madwoman when through my desperate attempts at sleep I heard the sound of a garbage truck. I missed last trash day and had filled the recycle bin, so I lurched out of bed and threw on some clothes. While I was dragging the can & bin to the curb, I realized I had heard the garbage truck on the other block. Balls. It hadn't even made it to my house before I left for work.

I had a rare easy day at work. It started with a call into my boss's office, which in itself has the potential to be nerve-wracking, but I learned of yet another unit moving floors. Then I did some work, then took a long lunch with Andrea. Then some more work, and something that I started on but realized that that unit was moving as well, so it launched a bunch more questions and unanswered phone calls and sending of emails.

Nothing EVER gets done quickly in that place. It's always phone calls and emails and waiting and meetings and finally three weeks later your task is complete. With my get-it-done-now attitude, it was something new for me to learn and eventually I just came to the understanding that that's the way it is.

When the AC kicks on, it sounds a lot like a door opening and gives me a minor heart attack every time. I can't wait till Chris comes home so I can relax because he'll obviously take care of any bad guys.

07 April 2013


This off feeling that I can't shake? I think the natural depression that I've been fighting since Chris left 3 years ago is finally sneaking up on me.
I can't get out of bed in the mornings, I'm melancholy, I don't want to do anything or see anyone, except my mom or sister. I call it natural because I think it's a normal reaction when the person you want to spend every day with for the rest of your life is nowhere to be found, just out of reach, for literally years. I've always been aware that this might happen, and have managed to never completely give in, and I'll be damned if it overwhelms me now.

I will not let it take over. Admitting it feels like a weakness, but I think finally acknowledging the problem instead of trying to deny it will help. Instead of whining and then peppering with optimistic phrases, it's time to straight up say that I'm starting to feel depressed. Ok... I've felt this way for a while, and I think I've only been fooling myself.

That being said, it's time to make some changes. While large changes seem to weaken my defenses (like the past few months...), small changes seem to revive my resolve. Spending the evening on the back porch enjoying the weather, feeling the breeze in my leg hairs (hey, deployment) and contemplating what kind of changes I need to make with a glass of wine.

Also, I love cooking bacon but I hate how the house smells like it for hours afterwards.

I am a strong woman.


As always, I forgot to take "Before" pictures, so any "After" pictures just won't look as spectacular.

That being said, this house is really starting to look and feel like a home. I'm tired of feeling like I'm coming home to a place that just holds all my stuff.

Windows: Two of the three sets of hideous curtains are down and replaced with much lighter, prettier ones. I really like the new curtains in the master bedroom. The ones I got for the guest room ended up being WAY too sheer, so the brothel ones are still up. That room will be the last thing I seriously tackle.

The window seat is just darling. I've gotten a bunch of pictures hung up in the living room, and it looks so much more cozy. No more stark, bare walls and plain floors. Rugs and pictures make a huge difference. When I walk through the house, it doesn't feel so foreign. I feel kinda like I live here now.

Back Yard: The back porch has the appropriate lights. The grass seed I planted is starting to grow. The flowerbeds look good- I have done a lot to make that dreary, forgotten backyard look better, and even then it's still quite scraggly. I was reading the employee website at work this week and there was an article about how they're going to turn a few of the fields on campus into wildflower fields. I have half a mind to just throw wildflower seeds out into the yard and see what happens.

Other: I just have a few more boxes to unpack in the office, and the guest room is completely a mess, but that can be dealt with any time. We need a couch and a dresser, and that's all for the big purchases.

Speaking of, I paid my bills and organized all of the new ones, plus their due dates. I feel much more on top of things and less like a whirlwind of numbers.

My hot glue gun is nowhere to be found. I might as well buy a new one- that thing was about 15 years old anyway.

Anyway, my goal this weekend was to replace the curtains that my cat is slowly destroying, and make this place feel more liveable. I think I've made a difference. Maybe I'll feel more stable this week now that things are not so tumultuous here. I've just felt so off.

05 April 2013

three fourths

I started looking back through old posts trying to remember what Chris' USMC anniversary was. After I found it, I kept reading. A lot has happened in the past three years. I wrote about him a lot less back then than I do now. At first, I wrote mostly about school. I was so ridiculously stressed. I don't miss those days. When it comes to him, I've gone from being unsure to making a lifelong commitment, and I've only seen him a handful of days since then. That's fucking crazy.

Three years down, one to go. As fed up as I've been feeling lately, this really is the easy part. There's supposed to be an end in sight. Which gives me hope, because I thought this deployment would be easy and I wouldn't have to worry about Chris getting killed. Turns out, all this Korea shit is getting on my nerves and making me worry. You know you always worry about the worst and hope for the best? You can't help it.

This week was hard, for both personal and professional reasons. But, at the end of it, I got done what I needed to get done professionally. At least that's better.

Got to hold and feed Calvin this evening. He's getting so big. Every time I see him, he looks a little different. He's more solid now. Putting on weight and moving from looking like an infant to looking like a baby. It baffles me how he is growing so fast. That little babe is just so darling. He cheers me up right away.

Watching Project Runway. Why do they provide sewing assistants who can't sew? That's just stupid.

One last thing: I noticed Pumpkin has been sitting on the master bedroom windowsill and there's cat hair allll over the inside of the curtains. I declare this weekend the weekend of the curtains because I am NOT getting these huge, heavy, ugly drapes dry cleaned at the end of my lease.

03 April 2013

hey yoOo

Seriously Korea, you can calm the fuck down while my husband's boots are in your vicinity. I don't like all these rumors and hearsay, as much as I'm trying to remain as ignorant as possible. If you're ignorant, you can't worry, right? And worrying never gets you anywhere.

My sister's gotten a doozy of a decision plopped right on her life plate today. I wonder what will happen...

Totally DIGging this weather. A tad humid but still cool enough to open the windows & get some fresh air flowin' through the house. And get the damn cat to wander around outside for a while. Also, I planted the top of my pineapple in hopes that it will grow and have pineapple babies in that bizarre way that you never thought pineapples would grow.

My plans for tonight are to finish this bottle of wine, polish off the last of these peeps, watch tv, and go to bed early.

I like being friends with some of Chris' friends wives on facebook. Because only they really understand what it's like. It's not like I've bonded with or even talked to any of them, but when they post something about missing their husband or how this deployment is going, it makes me feel like I'm not so alone.

And you know what? Thank you, all of you, for the endless support you've given me in the past three years. I couldn't even begin to handle this without all of you being so understanding and supportive, and- when it's needed- distracting.

02 April 2013


I'm eating peeps and chips and wine for dinner. Why? Because I have a ton of meat in my freezer, but forgot to take anything out to thaw. So, peeps and chips and wine it is.

It's supposed to thunderstorm tonight. I hope it doesn't keep me up. I've been sleeping badly and can barely drag my ass outta bed in the mornings.

Still can't shake this weird feeling. Today was better, but something's lingering.

Felt better after talking to Ashley. She makes me a better person. A better sister, wife, friend, etc. I don't know what I would ever do without her. 

This made me smile. I want that saying in needlepoint.

I've gotta take some meat out of the freezer for tomorrow before I forget, because my poor belly probably can't take another night of this.

01 April 2013


I had a really off-kilter day. I really don't know why. I wouldn't say I was in a funk, but it was just... off. Something just didn't feel right.

I came home and while I was getting my mail, my neighbor offered to mow the strip of grass that's between our houses that's technically "mine." He had the mower out and said it would be no problem. Um, Yes please. I called a lawn guy and he won't be here until next week. It's already starting to look overgrown.

So I officially met my other neighbor. He's the brother of the guy whose cell phone I had to borrow when I locked myself out of the house. This is why you memorize important numbers, people. It's those two brothers that live on that side, and I haven't actually met anyone else around me.

I know the people on the other side have three yappy dogs, and the ones across the street like to park their car right at the end of my driveway. Then there's the mexican family with a million kids and a dog and a bird with, literally, a short school bus parked in their driveway. I like them.

OMG. I just looked outside and the neighbor is freaking mowing the front yard too! I didn't think it looked that bad. Does this mean I have to make him a cake?