happy and such

Taking advantage of this gorgeous, breezy 73-degree evening to enjoy sitting out in the back yard. Soon it will be too hot to truly enjoy it.

Been having some crazy vivid dreams lately. Not the kind that you forget as soon as you wake up, either. The kind that feel like real life and stick with you for a while.

Still struck with that sense of impending doom, but it has thankfully waned lately. Not without lasting effects... it's been a reminder to slow down, enjoy the moment, take in the little things, and appreciate them. All good things, I think.

Work has been slow-ish the last couple of months, but now I have 2 simultaneous installs that I managed to convince the customers to stagger so I can do them back-to-back, and regional meetings, which should make April pretty slammed. Plus I have to upgrade software on 20 or so instruments by the end of June. Which is why I don't feel guilty when work is slow; it always picks up and everything comes out in the wash. Although I have made a lot of progress doing things around the house and I enjoy my lunchtime naps, I have to admit I've been kinda bored and craving human interaction. Plus I get to the point where I need to leave the house.

Which is why this weekend is kinda great timing. It's finally time for the Atlanta grip. Getting to explore a new city, super cheap because we used points for airfare, hotel, and rental car. I'm so excited!

Also I haven't seen him but I'm pretty sure I heard my frog friend a few nights ago out by the pond. So glad he decided to stick around.

inside

Hey-yo.

Got a minute to sit down and gather some thoughts.

Endoscopy went well. I was dreading it, mostly the part where they numb your throat and you feel like you can't breathe. Happily, they skipped that part this time, woo! They put the mouth guard in and off to sleep I went.

I was sent home with pictures this time. Very cool. The initial discoveries were patchy inflammation in the stomach, as well as the entire esophagus. That's new, and also explains the new type of pain that's been more localized and in my chest.

Same as last time, a bunch of biopsies were taken and I won't know anything solid for a few weeks. Much different than last time is the recovery period. I don't remember anything too bad after the procedure last time, but this time around I was in some serious pain for a couple of days. Swallowing was painful, and the pain in my chest was worse. I think because of the tissue samples that were taken from the esophagus. Ouch.

The other Ouch: it cost $2,000. Which pisses me off because the last one cost maybe $200. Different insurance plans. I chose a high-deductible plan this year because I've been healthy lately. This is coming at a time when things have been very financially tight, and I feel like I can't get ahead. Fortunately I had enough in my HSA to cover it, but it still pisses me off how fucked up our healthcare system is.

Anyway, still trying to take it easy because this new, enhanced pain is slowly going back down to the pain that's become the new normal.

funk a munk

I've felt so off lately.

My health has been iffy, my mind has been scattered, work has been slow, and I've felt... off. Ominous, almost. Like something with the universe is not right or something is poised to be really bad and I can't pinpoint it. I'll literally walk into a room and scan it, waiting to discover some sort of catastrophe, ranging from cat puke on the floor to the roof caving in. It's an awful, nagging feeling that something's about to go horribly wrong and I'm not a fan.

Maybe because things have been so good lately that it's simply time for them to take a downward turn? I'm going to blame this funk on Mercury (in pisces, which may forever leave a bad taste in my mouth) and try not to dwell on it.

I planned to spend tonight soaking my creaky bones in the hotel hot tub, but when I checked the pictures and noticed a pool, I neglected to check to see if it included a hot tub.
It doesn't.
It's too cool and windy to enjoy it the beach mere blocks away, so instead I'm enjoying some wine and a face mask within the confines of a hotel room. All in all, not a terrible trade-off.

Spent last weekend in a balancing act of celebrating Calvin's 6th birthday and reading poetry at Nicole's gravesite. Such a contradiction. Maybe that's contributing to this funk.

Also contributing may be the recent financial inflexibility. It sucks having to tighten the purse strings and I haven't felt like I've had to do this in a long time. Considering taking a weekend job just until I feel flush again.

I know everything works out the way it should, but I'm not feeling confident in any of the decisions I'm making lately.

Come on, universe. Start talking to me again.

slow burn

Scene:
Sitting cross-legged on a barstool, fresh from the lavender epsom salt bath and gooey green face mask. Kitty is on the barstool to my left, having a bath.

This weekend was good.

Sure, there was the normal stuff like laundry and groceries and spending time with the kiddos.

There was also laser hair removal (more on that later), debatably rabid raccoons in the backyard, and Nicole's birthday party. The party involved a few sweet moments like re-creating a photograph, singing happy birthday, and letting helium balloons go, but also involved her grandmother channeling her spirit to say a few messages to her family, which I found massively interesting.

I've found the best way to comfort FG on a tough day is to just spend time with him, so with her birthday coming up I've spent the night at his house a lot lately. Which is fine because he has a huge comfy bed and I sleep pretty well, plus he gets me up early so I'm actually really productive on those days.

However, I do miss being in my own home and being able to relax with a face mask and read a magazine or just chill by myself. But hey, if he can bring me flowers on the regular, I can spend the night with him a few nights a week when he's feeling sad. It all balances out.

Been to yoga at least once a week lately. The focus has been on heart openers, which has made me notice that my right shoulder is super tight. I think it's because I routinely carry my heavy purse/tote bag on that side. I'm not sure I would have noticed it unless I'd been to yoga, so hopefully if I modify how I carry shit around I can avoid any actual injury.

I guess that's all for now.