31 January 2012

coworker advice

So lately I've been writing about weddings and Chris and all that. Time to talk about the other thing that I ramble on about quite frequently. The walking clusterfuck at work.

I could go into details, but it would just be me rambling. Point one: I don't like him, and I don't like working with him. Point two: Everyone at work feels this way, except my boss who seems, for God knows WHAT reason, to stand up for him. Even after we've all voiced some concerns. It's unbelievably frustrating.

Basically, I don't see this situation changing any time soon. So I need to change my attitude. As it stands, I dread the moment when he walks in the door. And I try to be as friendly as I can, but I am inevitably rude or snarky or exasperated or fed up or frustrated towards him. And at the moment when it happens, I feel like I am holding back my anger, so in comparison to what I WANT to say, it seems tame.

However, at the end of the day when I replay the events in my head, I feel like such a bitch. And he's so damn obtuse that I think he thinks I'm just being mean. And I don't like feeling that way, even if the shit head deserves it. I don't want to be the "mean girl at work," because I'm not. I want to be happy at work, like I used to be.

I also am sick and tired of complaining about him. I am tired of him constantly being a topic of conversation every time he gets on someone's nerves or fucks up. I'm tired of thinking about it outside of work hours. I want to leave work issues at work. I don't want to take this stress home!

I need to find a way of coping with the fucktard in such a way that does not lead to me being mean and feeling bad about it afterwards. I do not want to make him feel like he is my favorite person, because let's face it, it's impossible. I DO want to have a decent coworker relationship with him. I have to, for my sake.

Does anyone have a trick to this? To being nice to someone who you just want to curse out and kick out of the lab? To not letting idiots get under your skin?

Maybe some mantras to repeat in my head until the feeling passes. Possibly some pressure points. Breathing exercises. Something that's worked for you in the past.

Please, share.

30 January 2012

Step 1.

*beep boop beep boop boop beep beep boop beep beep*

*ring ring*

So and so bridal, how may I help you?

Hi. Do you have any short or tea-length dresses?

Ummm, we have like 2.

Okay, do you happen to know the price range?

One is 800 dollars, the other is a thousand.

Okay, thanks, bye!

Over half of my calls to local bridal shops sounded like this. Seriously, 800 dollars for a dress that doesn't even reach my feet that I'm going to wear once and probably spill something on during dinner? Is is sewn with gold thread by leprechauns? Come on.

It's looking like the place with the most options within my price range is the place that I said I'd never give another penny to. Well I'm climbing down off my high horse and will be happy to hand over my money, if they can give me what I want!

Tonight I'm making this and hoping it's as awesome as they say.

P.S. Is it silly that I got nervous before I started making phone calls? 
I was afraid they'd think I was tacky or stupid for calling and pricing short wedding dresses, especially if the place turned out to be really high-end and fancy. But everyone was actually very nice and helpful.

29 January 2012

dress me

Yesterday we learned a few things about wedding dress shopping. We drove around the city for hours, and it was very frustrating.

#1. Make an appointment. Not only will calling confirm that the place is still in business, it makes things a billion times easier- even if you don't really have any idea what you want. Also, people will be less rude. Although that's not really an excuse for the stuck up rude bitches we encountered. Fuck you, I'm the bride. I like the sound of that, haha.

#2. It's hard to find wedding dresses that aren't long and/or poofy gowns. I understand most brides want that look, but the pickings are kinda slim if you don't. I may have to resort to internet purchases, but hopefully I won't have to.

#3. Even if you try on a dress that you'd never end up getting, your mom will cry because you are in a wedding dress.

#4. Try not to wear a thong, because your sister doesn't really want to see your ass when she's helping you into dresses.

Even though the day did not go as smoothly as planned, It started with a bang. Ashley came over, hair still damp, coffee in hand, and set up camp on my coffee table with her excited face on.

And oh my gosh she's amazing. She put together a binder, flagged ideas in bridal magazines, set up her kindle fire and made a presentation. She picked up color swatches at the paint store so we could see how they went together (brilliant). She printed out the marriage license forms, along with directions to the nearest place and what we'd need when we got there. She printed out (in precious color ink!) ideas for decor, including some that she'd seen in other usmc weddings.

Thank GOD. I needed someone with ideas and direction. Even though yesterday was a little chaotic, I feel better because now I have some kind of idea of what we're doing. And it also helped that I finally got Chris to give me some opinions.

As far as I'm concerned, the first thing I need to do is find a dress. All of the other details can be perfect but that doesn't matter if I don't have something appropriate to wear. The sooner I find it, the sooner I can stop thinking about it. Then I get to move on to funner things, like shoes!

And it's funny because I voiced my frustrations to Chris and he tried to make me feel better by saying that it was only a dress, that we need to focus on the fact that we're going to be getting married and that's all that matters... psh. Easy for him to say, he already knows what he's wearing!

At the end of the day, though, he's right. When I think of the time that's left to find a dress, it seems so short. But when it think of the time that's left until I see him again, it seems so long.

24 January 2012

no wonder people turn into bridezillas

So everybody keeps bringing up wedding stuff.

Have we picked a date? Do I have a dress? What's the theme? What are the colors? What about flowers? Where's it going to be? Are you going to throw rice? Or what about sprinkles! or Bubbles! or Sparklers! What about this? How about that? Wedding bands! Food! Cake! Decorations! The veil! Shoes! Are you really going to take his mile-long last name?!

My honest answer? I really don't know. I've never been the girl who planned her wedding years ago. I don't know if I want a DJ or a band, or if I want a traditional reception. Or if I want it at the beach. Or if a bonfire is do-able. Or if it will be inside or outside. Or what kind of flowers to put in the middle of the table. And then my dad keeps mentioning the reality tv show wedding. I don't know. And then there's the issue of Wedding #1 and future possible Wedding #2.

And no one is asking Chris these things. It's all directed at ME.

It's already stressing me out and we haven't even started planning yet. I mean, I do have some ideas, and it's fun to pin stuff on pinterest and look at magazines and Martha Stewart and stuff, but it's a lot overwhelming.

And then I think I want a certain kind of look but then I remember he's going to be wearing his Marine dress blues and maybe I need a dress that's a little more fancy and ohmygod. I just want someone else to plan everything and I'll just show up. I guess this is why you have friends and family and sisters and bridesmaids-- to help you get your shit together.

Or how about he just come home and we can get married any old way, I don't give a crap as long as he shows up.

23 January 2012

Don't park there!

One of my favorite stories regarding Missy involves a late-night Whataburger run.

We were probably about 19 or so, back when I was cruising around the city in Pedro. Ah, how freaking fun were those years?

Anyway, we had gone downtown to see a friend perform in a burlesque show, or maybe see a belly dancing show? I dunno, some show. Afterwards, we were driving home and it was pretty late, and we were hungry. So we stopped at this Whataburger right off the freeway, in a questionable part of town. I was in the parking lot and was about to pull into a spot. In fact, I was about halfway in the spot. All of a sudden, Missy screams, "Don't park there!"

A frantic, break-the-conversation urgent plea. I slammed on the brakes.

After a WTF moment directed at Missy, a few seconds later, I see why. Parked in the adjacent spot, in the shadows, is one of those ghetto mexican cars, you know the lowrider ones with hydraulics. No big deal, except inside the car is a ghetto mexican thug, who we can just barely make out. Well, we assumed he was a ghetto mexican thug, sitting in the dark in the Whataburger parking lot in a questionable part of town in his ghetto mexican lowrider car. To be honest, it was just a little eerie.

So, even though I'm mostly in the spot and have paused mid-park to take in the situation, I put in reverse as nonchalantly as I can, pull out of the spot, and park in a well-lit place next to the door. I can only imagine what the possible ghetto mexican thug was thinking.

Then we went inside, avoiding looking at the car, and Missy ordered a single chicken finger. Yeah, you can do that at Whataburger. I think she got onion rings too, but I wouldn't let her eat them in my car. Because then it would smell like onion rings. Anyway, we made it home without any more mishaps, but to this day, that remains one of my favorite Missy memories.

I actually think about it frequently because I pass that Whataburger on my way home from work. And it still cracks me up.

iceray uddingpay

Rice pudding.

Once I start eating it, I simply cannot stop. Until the entire bowl is gone, or until my belly is uncomfortably full.

22 January 2012


I keep randomly remembering things that Chris said before/during/after he proposed to me. I guess it was all so shocking that most of it is a blur. In fact, most of the weekend is a happy blur.

Then these little fun moments come back to me at the most random times.

I think it's funny that I was wearing a cardigan over a bikini when he asked me to marry him. Again, ask my ten-year-old self how I'd picture it- not even close. He didn't picture it that way, either, but I love it.

That night we went to the rooftop jacuzzi and got kicked out at closing time, so we went back to the room. He was in the shower and I was brushing my teeth, and we must have been talking about the ring, or maybe he just randomly blurted it out- something about how he was sorry if I wanted a princess cut diamond because he doesn't like the way they look.

It struck me as funny because I had never thought much about what kind of ring I wanted, and also because I had no idea what a princess cut was. I thought it was cute that he had even developed an opinion about it.

20 January 2012

our song

My mom was in that shmoopy/ deep conversation stage of drunken-ness tonight when she asked about me & Chris' song. It's not something that we ever officially declared "our song," but if we had one, this would be it.

So I pulled it up, and we jammed for a minute. It's been a while since I've listened to it. He's actually the one that mentioned it, years ago, said it reminded him of us. I'd have to agree.

Cross Canadian Ragweed, Too Far Gone.

Good mornin California
How long has it been?
I know your sky could help me fly
Out of this shape I'm in
I polished off another bottle
Some old cheap red wine
I'll turn it all back into water for you baby
Just to hold you one more time

Too far gone
Too far gone
Been so long since I've been back home
I'm too far gone

Hey baby what you wearin?
Damn that sure sounds fine
I know I just catch myself starin
Staring til I went blind
Cause you treat me like I'm your someone
Even when no one's around
I'd drop everything I was holdin
To pick up what you're puttin down

Too far gone
Too far gone
I can't explain, it would take too long
I'm too far gone

I know it's been crazy
I know what you're going through
Let me tell you sweet baby
That I'll walk right through with you
You're always there besides me
Whether I'm right or wrong
I know in here without you here
I'm too far gone

Too far gone
Too far gone
Til I sing a brand new song
I'm too far gone

Too far gone
Too far gone
I know I could go on and on
I'm too far gone

(My parents' song
Ashley & Collin's song)

If you got one, what's yours?

19 January 2012


I though it was Wednesday all morning until about 11am (more than halfway through my day) when my boss & Andrea informed me that it was, in fact, Thursday.

Sweeet! I thought this week was dragging... and now tomorrow is Friday, one day earlier than I thought!

Instead of lazing around stuffing my face all afternoon, I think I'll ease back into working out by going for a walk.
Only because I finished all of my will & grace and himym dvds... until I get new ones.

18 January 2012


My coworker asked me this today.

What is the moment/situation where you'd feel most content?

A cold night, sitting around a bonfire, with friends, glass of wine in hand, Chris next to me smoking a cigar.

Easy peasy.

I've actually had this moment happen once or twice, and it's awesome.

(Speaking of, I remembered I had a fb album of a beach bonfire. Wow, so much has happened since then)

What is your perfect content moment?

17 January 2012

Not too shabby.

Came home from work (seriously, it's only Tuesday??) to find a large green box on my coffee table.
Inside the green box was a bouquet of flowers inside a vase. (I'm amazed they can ship that!)

Surprise flowers from the fiance? Very nice. I love it when he does random shit like this.

With a new found spring in my step and some iced green tea, my mom and I went to Walmart to get... everything. Nothing's in the fridge, and besides I'm out of toilet paper. I pretty much went on a huge shopping trip. We get to the checkout and swipe... the credit card machine is down. Oh, wait. The credit card machine is down in the entire store! People are starting to get pissy, as only people in Walmart can get.

So we stood there for a few minutes, milk sweating and frozen fish thawing, all bagged up and in the cart, until I remembered there is a bank at the front of the store. With an ATM. So I ran over there, surprisingly there was no line. I got cash in about 2 minutes, paying ATM fees-- well worth it. Then I merrily paid and got the heck out of there. I'm such a genius some times.

Came home and accidentally broke the lid of the vintage sugar bowl that Chris searched through tons of stores and gave me for Christmas. Just smashed into a billion pieces. Hmph. :o(
At least I still have the actual bowl.

Then I attempted to cook this, or a close version of it. It turned out ok. Not exceptionally flavorful. I didn't have capers, but I don't think that they'd contribute that much to the dish. Rounded out the meal with some wine, and everything was all right.

Flowers + shmoopy card... check.
Replenished fridge, freezer, pantry, chocolate stash, and toilet paper in the bathroom... check.
Wine... check.
Back and forth between HIMYM and reading Wicked on the Kindle... check and check.

Not bad for a Tuesday.

15 January 2012

Sunday musings

Ah, Sunday. Waking up late, secrets, coffee, laundry, you know the drill.

Had a TON of fun at Dave & Busters for Jen's birthday. I can't remember the last time I went out and had fun with a bunch of friends, or made a new friend.

Every time I have a really good time, at the end of the night I always can't help but think, 'Man I wish Chris was here; he'd have had so much fun.' Or, 'I really wish I could have shared this with Chris.'

Every time he leaves, the period of time that I experience the hurting, raw missingness gets smaller before it eventually turns into routine always-in-the-back-of-my-mind missingness. The first time he left, it was about two months before I started to get used to it. This last time, it was about a week. Now, I'm more used to missing him than having him around.

If you would have asked me when I was 10 what my love life would be like when I was 27, never in a million years would I have guessed that this would be my answer. Funny where life takes you.

I guess it's true, though. It does make you stronger. It makes you a stronger person, and I think in some way it makes you a stronger couple. I mean, petty arguments seem ridiculous when you've overcome an obstacle like this. I guess it helps you put things into perspective. And I think the only reason it works the way it does is because it's him and me. If it were someone else, I don't think I could do it. So yeah, I'm stronger and all that, but damn it still sucks.

Enough analyzing my relationship. I'm sure y'all are sick of reading it, but hey, it's what's on my mind.

And let's go into the week with this in mind:

 There's a reason I've been looking forward to Mondays lately: the walking clusterfuck has that day off. Seriously, I try so hard not to be mean but he gets on my damn last nerve. Every day I make it my goal not to be annoyed by him, and every day I fail. Sometimes, I think he does it on purpose.

And let's end on a happy note. Last week I went to Michael's and happened to find some super cute cupcake liners. I know! So cute! There were many more styles, but I felt silly dropping more than a few bucks on cupcake liners. So I stopped at four.

Kinda makes me NEED to make muffins. Or, they can be used like this, if there's any left the next time I throw a party.

P.S. I had a dream last night that I was brushing my teeth and two of them fell out. And they weren't even the damn wisdom teeth. So I was freaking out about having to go and get them put back in, or whatever they do. Obviously this dental anxiety needs to get resolved and I need to get these damn teeth fixed.

11 January 2012

thecat + my car

Other people get bird crap on their cars.

I get a frenzy of muddy paw prints.

10 January 2012


Get home.
Green tea + rice krispie treat.
Unexpected bonus: Sweet texts from toot.
Kitten puzzle.
Continue reading Wicked. Strange book, so far.

I put my rug in the washer and it's making strange noises and I keep hoping it gets done soon because I don't want to be the one who breaks mom's new washing machine.

*update* She totally heard and came in to see what was going on, haha

09 January 2012

rained out

Today was supposed to be the day I get back into working out.

Yeah, not happening.

We all know it rained today, and flooded. I was not exempt from it, but thankfully I was already at work long before it started raining. The hospital was kind of surrounded by a moat there for a while, then the ditches overflowed, the streets became canals, and the water in the parking lot rose up to the bottom of car doors.

Mad frenzy of people moving cars into spots of the lot that weren't covered in water, myself included. It was thisfreakingclose from flooding into my car. Oh, the horrors if it had.
The courtyards had 6 inches of water in them, and started seeping into the hallways. Tennis shoe squeaks could be heard all day. I was safely in my lab, but a few phlebotomists got stranded and couldn't reach the hospital with their blood. So they just sat there until they could hitch a ride from a tow truck driver, or find their way in.

I left a little later than normal, thinking that I wouldn't be able to get home on the flooded streets, but a few people made it to the hospital and I thought, "If they can get in, I can get out!" I was NOT feeling overtime today. (Speaking of, I need to get back into a happy attitude regarding work. That's a post for another day.) On my way out, I passed several cars abandoned with their hazards on, no doubt leftover from being stranded this morning.

It took me 3 times as long to get home. At one point I passed the Braes Bayou, and it was an amazing sight. Almost full to the brim, the water flowing really fast under the bridge that I was stopped on. It seems like the area surrounding where I work flooded the worst, because once I made it through the traffic, avoided a few flooded areas, and made it onto the freeway, I didn't have any other problems.

But now I'm exhausted, and once again wishing I had a bathtub.

08 January 2012

on weddings

See, I told you I needed sleep. Feeling lots better. I wish I had just one more day to get to feeling 100%.

This has obviously been on my mind lately.

If you would have asked me two months ago about marriage, I would have told you I was in no hurry. And I would have meant it. If you asked me that today, I'd probably say the same thing, and mean it.

When he asked me to marry him, it was so far from my plan that I have to admit, it took several days to really sink in that he was serious. Once it sunk in, I liked the idea of a long engagement with something special to look forward to when he comes home.

Before he proposed, my original plan looked like this: When he finishes his contract and comes home, we move in together, probably buy a house, then somewhere in there I figured the proposal would come, with a leisurely planned wedding. If we had to get a courthouse marriage for the house-buying part, that would have been cool with me. However, marriage was not a requirement for being with him. I was happy with or without it.

His plan apparently involved proposing on leave, then getting married before his next deployment. Of course in this version, there are added benefits from being a military spouse. He felt like he wouldn't have time to plan a big wedding in a short span of time while he was in Hawaii, so he suggested going to the courthouse. Then, after his contract ends, we have the big fancy wedding. That also allows his best friends to serve as groomsmen, since their contract will all end at the same time.

I initially balked at the idea. It obviously sped up my long-term plan considerably, and the idea of a quickie courthouse wedding to get military perks seemed tacky and decidedly un-romantic. I'm not a freaking gold-digging soldier-hunter.

And also, everybody intends to, but nobody ever actually has that second fancy wedding. I'd be stuck with a dry, rushed courthouse wedding forever. He insists that we would have the big wedding, but I'm taking that one with a grain of salt.

But, the more I thought about it, the more it sounded appealing. With the extra funds, we could save up for a house much quicker and I could focus on paying off my debt. At the end of the day, I'd rather have a place to live with my husband than a big fancy wedding.

I proposed a compromise. We get married before his next deployment, but it had to be something more special than a courthouse wedding. A small, simple ceremony with a few special touches. That way if we never did have the big wedding, we'd have something special to remember. So, big enough to feel significant, but small enough so that it doesn't make a possible second wedding feel redundant.

To be honest, this whole "second wedding" thing just seems kinda silly to me, anyway. But I guess these are unique circumstances.

I expected to feel uncomfortable at the marriage date being pushed so much closer than I ever planned, but I'm not- not at all. I guess I always figured it would happen eventually, and if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, making it official a year or so earlier won't make that much of a difference.

And no, we don't actually have a date yet. We don't know when/where he will be deployed or when his next block of leave is. I'm thinking it might be late summer/ early fall.

What I do know is that I'm damn lucky, and I freaking miss him.

06 January 2012


Don't feel good.
FINALLY it's Friday so I can laze around and sleep for a couple days and try to feel better.

02 January 2012


Dropped Chris off at the airport this morning. Not exactly thrilled, but I didn't cry today. Makes me feel a little better that he's not going to war this time, and it's also the second half of his contract, so every day is one day closer to him coming home. I'm just praying that this next deployment is somewhere cool and not back to Afghanistan. Regardless, the next time I see him, we'll probably be getting married. So damn surreal. (and omgosh this means I get to create a wedding board on pinterest, haha)

Not digging having to go back to working 5 days a week again. I rather enjoyed the time off.
I can chew reasonably well today. Glad the drugs are kicking in. Also dreading going in to get them taken out. You guys MUST make me do it.

But, I've got a lot to look forward to this year. Got some serious goals. It's going to be a good year, if not productive.

Let's take a look at last year's "Stuff I want to do" list.

Didn't really accomplish a whole lot, but I did the things I really wanted to do. This year's priorities are a little different. I'm excited to see what will happen.

01 January 2012


Happy New year!

I rang in the new year on the back porch with Chris and my parents. We had plans to go out, but my body had other plans.

Friday I started feeling some pain in my wisdom tooth. I've had pain before when it initially started coming in, so I didn't think anything of it. Then, the pain got worse. At the end of the night it was absolutely unbearable. Chris took me home, stuffed some medicine down my throat, and tucked me in.

Saturday morning I woke up in considerable pain with one side of my face swollen. I called about 15 dentists, and finally found one that was open and willing to fit me in. Considering my dentist anxiety, you know my desperation. Also, I know you don't mess around with mouth infections. They can easily turn deadly.

I dragged Chris out of bed and made him go with me, and the dentist wasn't so bad. He said that the gum around the halfway-out widsom tooth was infected, and had spread towards the adjacent tooth and my cheek.

He gave me two pretty powerful antibiotics and some tylenol with codeine. I was hoping they'd work immediately, but that wasn't the case. I spent all day New Year's Eve pretty much out of commission, trying to eat things that didn't require chewing, but I mostly was just in pain and hungry and trying not to be too whiney.

Needless to say I was pretty disappointed.

It's the last weekend I get to spend with Chris before he leaves, and I spent it miserable.

I didn't get to fully enjoy two parties that I was looking forward to, and overall it was just crap. I was looking forward to going out, having some fun, making some memories.

He, of course, is awesome. Taking care of me, being a good sport about everything. I am so damn lucky and I felt so bad I ruined his weekend too. We had so much more that we wanted to do while he was home, but just ran out of time.

Today at about noon the meds started to work, and I started feeling better, only about 3 hours before Chris had to leave. I have the knack for getting sick at the worst possible times.

So bummed about how this weekend went. Still feeling crappy. Not in the best of spirits. Fuck, this is hard.

But, it's no attitude to have at the beginning of a new year. So I'll try to shake it off. Focus on the blessings.

Even with the rocky start, I know 2012 will be a good one.

(And also it will be the year that I bite the bullet and finally get all my dental work taken care of. Eff this shiz.)