30 May 2012



I'm back from my trip. It was amazing, so fun, and I was definitely not ready to come back home. It was like living in a fantasy world for a few days. I would love to be back in paradise with Chris right now. But, I'm not, I've got to go back to normal life, and it's time to share the experience before Ashley dies from lack of knowing. :o)

Day 1: Travel day. I finished packing and petted my poor coned kitty goodbye. Akhtar, the amazing friend that he is, took me to the airport. The travel part was pretty uneventful. Smooth flights the whole way there. I was nervous about the 6-hour flight to Hawaii, but it went by pretty fast, and the extra-legroom seat made a huge difference. There were times I zoned out and forgot I was on an airplane.

When I landed, I texted Chris and flew out of the terminal with my rolly luggage in hand. I wasn't familiar with the airport, but I managed to navigate to where he was in no time at all. The look of happiness on his face was awesome. We squeezed and smooched for a minute, while the airport security guard stood awkwardly close.

Then, it was off to the hotel, while I dug through the bag of gluten free goodies he picked up for me, just in case I was hungry. < -- Moment of recognition for the thoughtful guy that is my fiancee. We chatted while I tried to make out the scenery, but it was too dark. Random tidbit: Speed limits are really low in Hawaii, even on the freeways.

We got to the resort and I instantly recognized the lobby from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. They didn't have any of the beach cottages available because we booked on short noticed, so we headed up to the room. Pretty sweet view.

Day 2: Friday. I woke up really early, due to the time change, and dragged Chris up to go eat breakfast. Random tidbit: Food is really expensive in Hawaii. I thought it was just the resort prices, but it turns out everything is expensive in Hawaii, even on base. We explored the resort and the beaches for a bit, then decided to check out the Dole pineapple plantation. The first thing we did was get some of the pineapple ice cream. Oh. My. That stuff is crack on a cone. Or, in my gluten free case, crack in a bowl. So amazing.

It turns out, pineapples grow like this:

Mind Blown. I thought they grew under ground or something. Nope, they just kinda sprout off the top of previous pineapple plants. They also have pink ones.

 I'm finding a way to get one of these.

We rode the Pineapple Express and got a tour of all the various things they grow. Afterwards we started to wander through the world's largest maze. In the middle of the maze, it started to rain. I said, it started to rain while we were in the middle of the world's largest maze. To avoid getting soaked, we ran through it as best we could, using "creative navigation" aka: running through the bushes.

It was hysterical. We got back inside and purchased a few souvenirs while Chris talked me out of getting another bowl of pineapple crack.

After that, we headed back to the hotel room and they brought us champagne because Chris told them it was our honeymoon when he booked the room. It very well could have been, but we all know that didn't happen. We had actually just opened a bottle of champagne, so now we had two. Party on! Actually, I had a glass and napped for about an hour.

When I woke up, I saw an empty bottle next to the bed. I asked Chris, "Where is all the champagne?" And he started cracking up, drunk as hell. He decided to drink it all while I was napping. I don't think he planned it that way, it just happened. Instead of dinner, I suggested room service because his drunk ass, while hilarious, would probably be a little loud for a nice dinner in public. I haven't seen him drunk in a long time, and it was so funny. He ate his burger, ran around being goofy for a bit, then crashed and started snoring. Love it.

Day 3: Saturday. We woke up, ate breakfast, and headed down to our surfing lesson. I poured the sunscreen on in a thick layer, just in case. The lesson was with a neat group of people. Somehow Chris and I ended up on a wave at the same time, and we both were able to stand up on the board on our first try. For the record, I was up about a second before Chris was. The photographer got a picture of us surfing together. The very next picture showed Chris still going strong, and myself falling off the board. It was pretty fun and surprisingly easy. We didn't get a copy of those, and I'm not going to post any other surfing pictures because the only ones he took are incredibly unflattering.

After a few more successful tries, I completely wiped out. The kind where the wave tumbles you and you can't tell up from down, swallowing water and seriously thinking you might die. I eventually popped my head above water, coughing and choking. Before I could catch my breath another huge wave caught ahold of me and repeated the process, this time slamming my flailing body into the coral bottom. Random tidbit: coral does not fuck around. It looks all pretty and rock-ish, but that shit is sharp. It will tear your ass up, which it did. After I surfaced and got back on my board as fast I could for relative safety, I was fighting tears, gasping for air, and pretty much over this whole surfing thing.

One of the surfing instructors came over and let me rest for a second, then helped me back out to the waves. I chilled out in the water for a bit, and rode a few waves on my belly, but I was too terrified to attempt standing up and upset the balance of the board again. Chris gave me shit for it, but I didn't give a crap. That shit was scary. I still had fun, and it was a cool experience.

After the lesson was over, we headed over to base. I got a tour of the places he normally hangs out, which was neat so now when he talks about them I can picture them in my head. I'm not going to post any pictures, because I'm not sure if that's allowed, even generic scenery pictures that happen to include parts of the base. Err on the side of caution, even if they are spectacular views.

Later that night, I discovered a sunburn on the back of one of my legs. Only one, and I know I put sunscreen on it. I hate how sunscreen can be random like that.

We got a quick and delicious sushi meal, that ironically was one of the least expensive meals that we ate. We had some nice conversation and headed back to the hotel late.

Day 4: Sunday I woke up feeling horrible. I was sunburned and aching from the physical activity, bruises, and cuts from surfing. The wisdom tooth was sore, my head was pounding, and I was starting to develop some serious sinus pressure. My entire body was hurting and every move took enormous effort. I felt like I had the flu or something. We went to breakfast where I didn't eat much, and headed back up to the room where I took a bunch of drugs. I was really trying to not let it ruin our day.

Chris kept telling me to suck it up and tough it out. I had to remind him that I am not a Marine, and instead of treating me like one, he should treat me like a girl, more importantly his fiancee, and show some sympathy and comfort. Then he reminded me that he has had literally no female contact for the last 5 months, and we understood each other a little more and he lightened up a bit. I was still determined to feel better so we could go do stuff.

After a few hours, I was feeling good enough to move, so we headed down to the beach to do some snorkeling. I've never been snorkeling, and was a little freaked out about the whole apparatus. Breathing through my mouth while my face is underwater is such a counter-intuitive move that I started hyperventilating almost immediately. We swam for a few minutes, and Chris showed me a puffer-fish swimming in the coral. We weren't on the beach for very long when it started to rain, so we went to the beach-side restaurant and had lunch.

The rain was intermittent, but the cloud cover was too much to see anything while snorkeling, so we visited the hot tub for a while. That evening we chilled at the poolside bar and had a few fruity drinks while watching a show involving fire.

There was a storm coming in and the wind got to be too strong, so they finished the show early and we called it an early night.

Day 5: Monday we checked out of the hotel and headed back to base so Chris could take care of a few things. We stopped at a few "scenic spots" along the highway and took a few pictures.

Ignore my sunglasses. I forgot mine at home and had to buy a random pair at the first place we found. It looks like Chris has a bit of a 5 o'clock mustache working, haha.

Random tidbit: Chickens are everywhere in Hawaii. They just run around and I guess they roost in the jungle. Apparently they are considered a pest. Wild jungle chickens. It was so strange to see them randomly milling about.

That evening we headed down to the bay to see the floating lanterns for Memorial day. The crowd was insane. I'd never seen a beach so crowded. We stayed until they let some lanterns go in the water, but had to leave for the airport before we got the full effect. Besides, the people were driving us nuts.

Day 6: After some slight fiascoes and an overnight flight that wasn't very restful, I caught a connecting flight in Phoenix that offered its own additional fiascoes. I was so disgusted with the layout and organization in that airport that I will never fly through there again if I don't have to. When I finally got to Houston, tired and hungry and sinusy and needing a shower, Akhtar was a sight for sore eyes. He took me home and I got ready for my work week.

So that's the trip. If you made it down here, congratulations-- even if you skimmed or just stopped at the pictures.

23 May 2012

wrapping it up

I came home today with a list of things to do a mile long. I also came home to my sad kitty, cone-bound and demon-eyed. I've been feeling worried/ guilty about leaving with her in this state. Since there has been no significant healing in the last few days, and since it actually looked worse than the initial wound, I decided to take her back to the vet.

Pumpkin was pisssed. The vet concluded that the nastiness poking out of her eye was the third eyelid that had been torn. It had kinda detached and was literally hanging out. The solution? Cut it out. Eeeeeeeeeew. It turns out, they were able to gas her up and snip it out right then. Thank goodness. Suzy and I ran to the grocery store, and when we came back she was ready to go.

It looks immensely better. The cone has to stay on for a couple more days, so that sucks, but you can tell it's going to heal now. The eye is just a little red, as opposed to the small alien it looked like before. Huge weight lifted off my chest.

Just another instance where my cat exhibits her knack for complicating things. 

The impromptu vet visit and light surgery set my schedule back a bit, but as of now I have most of the packing done. Now it's just time to wait, finish up a few things, and tomorrow spend 16 hours traveling.

Regardless, I'm so excited.

22 May 2012

poor kitty

This needs to hurry up and heal. Last night she got around the paper plate and forced me to put the real cone on her. She's miserable. It's not even funny or cute anymore. I feel so bad making her wear it.

21 May 2012


I couldn't stand looking at the cat mess with her eye any more, so I fashioned a makeshift cone out of a paper plate. It was fucking hilarious. And pitiful, but mostly hilarious. She was beyond pissed.

The plus side: no more messing with the eye. The downside: it's obviously very uncomfortable. I took it off and called the vet for a more professional one.

It looked much more uncomfortable, and the paper plate does the job, so my pissed off cat is now prancing about with a ghetto paper plate about her neck and one crazy demon eye.

The random shit that happens with that cat...

Purchased travel-sized toiletries. Starting to get excited.

20 May 2012

dessert memories

When I was a little kid, probably about kindergarten or first grade, the school cafeteria served the best dessert ever. It was so good that I would go up and get one, then try to pretend that I hadn't already gotten one and get another one.

What was it?

Vanilla pudding with mini chocolate chips sprinkled on top.

No idea why that memory sticks out so much.


Kitty keeps messing with her eye. It looks even more disgusting today; part of it is either swollen or detached and is dangling around and sticking out. Every time I apply ointment, she licks it right off. I have a feeling the cone of shame is in the near future. If it comes to that, pictures will definitely be posted.

Four days... I'm having a hard time getting excited about it. Eh, I think it's because I still have three days of work standing in my way. At this moment they seem like the stupidest, longest, most pointless days in existence. I hate them and right now they're really pissing me off.

So I'm going to sit here and eat my frozen chocolate chip cookies and drink my green tea and be pissy about it.

19 May 2012

kitty lucha libre

So I came home last night and Pumpkin was lying on the couch. It hasn't been one of her usual spots lately, so I knew something was amiss. Usually if she pukes in her spot she'll change things up, so I checked around. No puke. Then I looked at her. Her face was a complete mess, half of it covered in blood, her eye swollen and squinty and oozing. Holy crap!

So I cleaned her up and it looked a lot better; most of it was ooze and blood. But her eye was still pretty gnarly. So this morning instead of sleeping in, I called the vet and squeezed in an appointment. I found myself in a bra and pants before 9am on my only day off this week, which directly contradicted my bra-less and pants-less plans. She has impeccable timing.

I love, love Sugar Land Pet Hospital. They have always gone above and beyond throughout the decade I've been taking my accident-prone pets there.

So they put this neat stuff on her eye and used a UV light to look at it- it glowed all fluorescent yellow. Pretty cool.

Final diagnosis: scratched cornea with a torn 3rd eyelid. Ouch. I have to put ointment on her eye three times a day for a week. Seriously... put ointment on a cat's eye? Fun... I think I'll try the towel trick that Missy's mom uses.

Also need to clean up around here and wash my bedsheets. Kitty slept in the bed last night and there are little eye ooze spots all over the place. Grrooosss.

18 May 2012

not tuesday

Chris is adorable. Every day I get a text message telling me how many more days till I visit him. For the record, 6 days.

Toofer still hurts. Yesterday it was at a 6. This morning it was a 1, and things were looking up. Then I accidentally managed to bite some of the swollen gum while stuffing a muffin into my face, and now it's back up to a 5, throbbing all nonchalantly in the back of my mouth. Gaysauce.

My nap efforts were thwarted mostly by Ashley, slightly less so by the recurring thought of an ice cream cone.

Aaand that's all I have for now. Merh. This is what happens when Ashley forces me to update my blog, haha.

15 May 2012

hey there, tuesday

Really into foods that I don't have to chew right now. For obvious, tired-of-talking-about-my-fucking-tooth reasons.

Nine days, you guys. NINE DAYS until my cute behind is in paradise with my hands on someone else's cute behind.
...and my boss still hasn't approved my vacation time. Details.

Speaking of work, it's not so bad this week. Maybe it's the excitement of impending vacation, or maybe it's the changes that are happening behind closed doors that no one is quite sure what's going on. I think rumors that people are going to get fired make everyone subconsciously put in that little extra effort, and feel a little more grateful for their job-- whether the rumors are true or not.

I just ate some oatmeal without chewing it and now it feels like a gross lump in my stomach. Ech, maybe you have to chew oatmeal after all.

Gunna take a shower, read a little, and lay in bed while mentally packing my bag to Hawaii. Tiny bikini and a toothbrush? Check.

14 May 2012


Added Starkville, MS to my list of new places I've been. It was exhausting, but it was fun because I traveled with my sisters, and I loved seeing my brother, who is now a college grad.

In other news, Chris won't let me move to Hawaii OR agree to get married while I'm visiting. All for completely valid, responsible reasons. Poop in my cereal.

08 May 2012


I hate my job -- okay, I just hate the one idiot who makes it 10 times harder -- and lately my favorite fantasies involve quitting, going to Hawaii, and staying there for a while.

I feel like that solves a lot of my problems.

07 May 2012


On a lighter note, akhtar sent me this link and cracked me up:

check out the other videos on that youtube site too.

05 May 2012

tropical tryst, anyone?

I am THISclose to buying plane tickets to Hawaii. I'm just waiting for Chris to wake up and call me so I can confirm the dates and times. The 13-hour travel time each way includes 1 stop (nonstop tickets were WAY too much). The price has increased by $300 since I looked at them on Thursday so I'm kind of antsy. I hope that my boss is cool with it; she's on vacation so I can't confirm with her before I buy the tickets. She's usually pretty understanding, but you never know. At the very least, I've confirmed with my coworkers that they'll be able to cover my shifts while I'm gone. Cross your fingers it all goes smoothly.

After this expense, and the wisdom tooth expense, I will be on super double secret financial lockdown for the next few months. Worth it? Absolutely. I was in college for 7 years; I know how to be poor.

I'm so effing excited! I was starting to worry about him. He just didn't sound good; the high stress, time-consuming job is taking its toll and I could tell, especially after a couple weeks in the field. When I texted him to tell him that I'll be able to visit after all, he said he was so excited he was bouncing around in his seat, haha.
I'm totally trying to convince him to elope while I'm there.

04 May 2012

Letter to Chris

Let's elope in Hawaii, then move to San Antonio near that gluten free cafe and be ridiculously happy every day.

03 May 2012

Wisdom teeth saga

It continues.

My appointment for the oral surgery consult was at 4pm. I sat in the waiting room until 5:00. I didn't leave the appointment until 6:30. I sat in traffic, hungry and crabby, until I used my GPS to find a Chick Fil A.

The result of the appointment? Scheduled for late June. Four lovely impactions removed, four bone grafts, two days taken off work, $1900 after insurance. All at the same time under IV sedation.

I'm not even nervous; just ready to get it over and done with. I'm not scared of the surgery or the sedation, only marginally dreading the recovery. I figure it can't be worse than recurrent infections. The only thing I don't like is that I'll have to fast. I hate fasting. I don't do hungry well.

As luck would have it, the procedure had to be scheduled at the same time that Chris has a long weekend and wanted me to fly out to Hawaii. Currently trying to see if we can make it work for Memorial Day instead, if the shithead would ever call me back. I hate it when they're out in the field; communication is so sporadic. Man, that would be so nice to take a little spontaneous vacation and see him. I don't think I need to elaborate any more about how much I miss him.