28 February 2009

say what now?

Okayy Ashley, here's your blog entry.

Except I don't really have much to write. I might need to get started on some God muffins to compensate...

I did okay on my first exams. I'm getting VERY burnt out and not really caring much. I don't even need these classes. Oy. At least next year the atmosphere will be very different and I'll be able to apply the stuff I'm learning to real life.

I'm totally looking forward to the new season of Breaking Bad- it's the one "show" I make sure I watch when it's on. Other than that, not much else has changed. No sense in complaining about the same old stuff.

A cool front came through last night and made life happier, though!

23 February 2009

eff my life

So today I went to the dollar store and I was all excited because I got one of those back scrubbers. I've been wanting one for years, but for some reason I was too cheap to throw one in the basket when I was at the store. Well, today, I said to myself, "Self. It's only a DOLLAR." So, I got one, and it was great.

On the other hand, I also bought a pumice stone. It's a pretty nifty gadget, with a brush, pumice stone, a coarse file and a fine file all in one. That's not the bad part. The bad part is what my dumb ass decided to do with it. As I was in the shower happily rubbing down my feet with the pumice stone, I noticed what a remarkable exfoliator it was. So, I proceeded to "exfoliate" several other parts of my body with it. This little part of my ass cheek here, the underside of my arm here, bikini area, my elbows, etc. I got out of the shower feeling pretty clean and smooth.

TOO BAD now I have random little rashes wherever I decided to "exfoliate." Except, of course, on my feet. Those are great.
It feels like I got suburned in small patches and it's all red and irritated. I have giant inflamed polka-dots all over me.

Note to self: Don't do that again!
I'm such a dumbass.

For other laughs directed at other people who are more unfortunate than you are, go here. I love it.

22 February 2009

cats, tummies, cooking, and emotionals

I have discovered that Pumpkin likes grits. They are pretty good. Now she's tearing around the place with that wild-eyed cat look. And for the record, I'm not one of those people that lets my cat eat out of my bowl or anything. Remember I'm a germophobe and that's gross.

My tummy is upset, and has been pretty consistently upset for a while now. It seems like nothing I eat is sitting quite right. I haven't been cheating on the gluten, and I've been laying off of the sweets and junk food. Been cooking. In the past week I've made red beans & rice, tortilla soup, a chicken, rice & spinach casserole that was REALLY good, cranberry orange muffins, and some cupcakes that didn't quite turn out right. Still getting the hang of this gluten free baking.

What gives? Five hundred dollars, 2 vials of blood, and 42 pin pricks on my back tells it's not an allergy, but maybe I just need to pay more attention to what foods don't like me.

Maybe I'm just doomed to be plagued with these issues forever. I've been dealing with it for years anyway. Whatever the case, hopefully things start leveling out soon.

Anyway, now that we have yet another blog of me bitching about my stomach, let's move on.

Thursday I had a psych exam
Friday I had my cal 2 exam
tomorrow I have my evolutionary exam
this Thursday I have a biodiversity exam
and Friday my biodiversity project topic is due.

I know I did well in psych, and I got 45 out of 50 on the cal 2 multiple choice. Jury's still out on the short answer, but I know I didn't completely bomb any of them. That's the thing with math. You know if you did good or bad because you can't really BS your way through it.

I'm feeling okay about my other exams, but am at a complete loss for the project topic. Any suggestions? It just has to be about biodiversity and can be either a project or a paper. I'm leaning towards a paper because that can be knocked out pretty quickly.

And, I think I've jumped another hurdle in my emotionals. Feelin' okay about things right now. Sometimes you just need a little breakdown to clear the air. Freaking one day at a time ya'll.

I'm also feeling like I'm in the mood for a creative project. One that I actually finish maybe? I'm not sure what I want to do yet. Maybe get some fabric and fix that old quilt my grandma made me when I was a kid and it's all ripped to shreds from love. Grab a canvas and paint something? I dunno yet.

One last tidbit, and I told her I was putting this in here:
The other night my mom, ash and I were sitting on the couch and my mom kept commenting that she smelled something funny. Now, I have the nose that smells everything and I didn't smell anything, so I told her it must be her upper lip. You've heard that phrase, right?
Well anyway, she grabs her upper lip and takes a big sniff and said, "Well, maybe. I am wearing a new night cream."
At that point me and ashley are cracking up because when someone says that, it's not actually supposed to be your lip. It's just something you say. And then the over-dramatic sniffing of the lip was so comical. Maybe you had to be there... haha.

21 February 2009

Too much to ask?

I can't tell if it was a great or terrible twist of fate that blogger's "next blog" button took me to a page that I immediately recognized as significant. Foreign, yet deep-down familiar.

"Now I see your hand touching mine slipping away.
The sad thing is that you're not even trying,
I'm the only one that wants to try."

Three years to the day, with nothing but irony slapping me in the face. I sit here shaking my head. Unbelievable.

I don't know what's happened. I feel like I have no choice.

I don't even want to talk about it because it's the same old thing. I'm tired of talking about it, tired of thinking about it, tired of hating it.

Something's got to give.

18 February 2009


My body is not happy with me. At all.
Of this I am sure.

I even left work early and skipped class for an early-afternoon tryst with my heating pad and pepto bismol pills. Did you know you can take a dose every half-hour, and you can take up to 16 pills a day? This is good news for me.

I am trying to figure out the exact reason. Gluten? Bad food? I don't know. It could possibly be from my steady diet of half-price Valentine's chocolate and popcorn over the past few days. And I wish I was exaggerating. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's the reason why I feel horrible.

Soo I am miserable and now I have every single motivation to stop being lazy and start cooking again. I haven't been doing it lately because it seems so unfulfilling to cook just for me. And I have an odd eating schedule so I can't really cook for my family.

I guess I have to get used to it. Maybe start buying those "Cooking for Two" magazines for inspiration.

16 February 2009

credit card fraud!

In the midst of my bitching in the last post, I forgot to give a shout out to Wells Fargo's credit card fraud protection people.

About two years ago I was pissed when my card was flagged after I spent about $1000 in a week on books and school crap. It was out of the ordinary spending so they turned off my card until I talked to them, resulting in an embarassing situation at the Walgreens checkout when my card was repeatedly declined.

Well, I haven't used my credit card since I bought those bras in December. I've been good! Before that I hadn't used it to buy anything online or over the phone, and since then it's been in my desk drawer. So imagine my surprise when I go online to make a payment and I get a notice saying my account has been flagged.

When I called them, they said that starting Feb 14, some purchases had been attempted online for $200 here, $50 there, etc. It looked "out of character" so they disabled the card.

And I'm glad they did! Somehow someone had gotten my information- I have no idea where or when. I wish I could find out, because I'd like to avoid this in the future. I'm usually pretty careful with this type of thing. But, I wasn't liable for the purchases and they've deactivated the account.

I was just really impressed that it was caught so soon. So kudos to them.

15 February 2009


I am so glad Valentines day has passed.

I've never been a huge fan of the day. Sure, it was fun when you were a kid and got to take time away from class to decorate your paper bag "mailbox" and everyone got valentine cards. Then in middle and high school it was neat to get carnations delivered to you in class, mostly from friends but always hoping for that one from your secret admirer.

But, since then, it's either been a glaring reminder that I'm single or a night of smothering, forced romance and dinner at a crowded restaurant. That, and I have to stress to find a non-lame, token gift for whoever I'm dating. Last year Chris and I decided to ignore the holiday. Then we bought half-off candy the next day. It worked.

This year, the day kinda sucked, Valentine's or not. Chris and I didn't really make plans, but decided that afternoon that Eduardo's sounded delicious for dinner.
I worked all day, and my bosses were GREAT. Lee brought me and Jackie a box of chocolates each, and they got me some heart candles and a really cute bracelet/ earring set. They also gave me my solitary Valentine's Day card this year. They're awesome.

Then that evening, Chris ended up having to cancel because of work. I spent the night disappointed, sowing through my box of chocolates, buzzing on wine, and watching romantic comedies on tv. By the way, The Breakup sucks. It's annoying.
My parents cooked rib eyes and drank on the back porch. As my sister and I were watching tv, I overheard my dad telling my mom, "Those two girls are so beautiful, it's a shame to see them sitting here home alone on Valentine's Day."

Like I said, I'm glad it's over.

12 February 2009


...No, not the movie with tons of half-naked muscular men being unbelievably manly. Rawr.

My 300th post!

The topic of which is not something that pleases me.

It came to my attention today, in a rather happenstance way, that someone is "internet stalking" my blog. Someone who is reading it regularly and going through the comments and everything. The bad part is, this is someone who I do not want reading it AT ALL.

I don't advertise my blog.
I have purposely not mentioned that I even have a blog to this person, for the sole purpose that it is none of their beeswax. The only reason they have the URL is because they purposely recorded it. I do not particularly like this person, have never been close to this person, and I rarely talk to this person. But for some reason they feel like it's necessary to be a creepy snooper!

I am toying with the idea of putting this blog on "by invite only" but I know what a pain in the ass it would be for those who don't have a google account to create one, and to require people to sign in to see it.

I don't want to censor myself, and I like this blog to be public for a reason. But I am totally creeped out and annoyed by the fact that I'm being "spied on."

Oh- and "creepy snooper," -- you're pathetic!

11 February 2009

save it for your mama

I am wondering what happened to my appetite.

I am in a very "no bullshit" kind of mood lately- I'm just tired. I can't figure out if people are clueless or very good at acting like it. Either way it's no bueno.

This doesn't mean I'm feeling pessimistic. Quite the opposite, actually. It feels good, like I'm spring-cleaning my life.

08 February 2009


I want to laze around all day. Forget about the homework, quizzes and chapters that are unread.

I have a random smattering of things I want to say.

-Huge Pet Peeve: Yesterday I was at the grocery store, and they had peaches on sale for 99 cents a pound. Sweet, so I picked out a few good ones with no bruises. Fast forward to the checkout, where the girl puts them in a bag, then proceeds to throw cans of soup in there on top of them!! It was too late to say anything, but I HATE going through the trouble of picking out fruit, only to have it thrown around at the cash register.
And I used to work at a grocery store at the cash register, and I know the rules of bagging: meat and fresh fruits/ veggies are always separated in their own bags. Frozen and cold stuff together, etc. Did they stop teaching common sense to these kids?? Are the stores trying to cut back on bag costs or something?? Next time I'm going to insist that the fruit all be in a separate bag. I shouldn't even have to say anything.

-I saw He's Just Not That Into You. I went with my mom and my sister and her friend. It's a really cute movie! I gotta say it's the first chick flick I've seen in a long time that I've actually liked. There was a boy in the row in front of us that was making comments- now usually it's SUPER annoying but this time they were right on, and it was funny. The whole movie theater was into it, laughing and "awww"ing at all the right times.

Ok, so that's about it. I'm going to give myself 1 hour of laze time before I force myself to study.

05 February 2009

i heart aprons

I felt like Ms. Susie Homemaker this morning.

I'm trying to cut back on dairy, as I've noticed it leads to a puffy feeling. I'm getting rather tired of it, especially after my morning bowl of cereal. Even though I don't like milk, I like it better with cereal than soy milk. I just can't eat cereal with soy milk. I think it's a mental thing.

So rather than catch up on some reading, I was in the kitchen wearing my cute apron, making biscuits from scratch. With vegan healthy "butter." I've gotten really good at making biscuits quickly. Wham bam thank you ma'am and there's breakfast. I ate them with 100% all-natural strawberry spread and washed them down with Hazelnut Creme coffee. Ohh yeah.
(GOD, I'm turning into a hippie with this vegan all natural stuff. Quick! I need some Doritos! STAT!)

So I'm ready for another LONG day. Seriously, Tuesdays and Thursdays wear me out. Especially the 3-hour chunk of calculus at the very end. Come 7 o'clock, towards the end of class, my eyes start to glaze over and I've hit my Calculs limit. <-- snicker, bad joke.

I can't wait to sleep in this weekend.

03 February 2009

lucky squirrels

Is today my lucky day?
I opened my fruit leather and instead of one, there were TWO in there! Yum.

I got pretty much NO sleep last night.
I went to bed with a headache, thinking sleep would fix it. I woke up at 3 with the headache, so I took some meds (on an empty stomach) and then dozed in and out until 730. Every time I'd start to fall asleep, I'd have really strong, anxious dreams and would wake up, only to lay there and think until I drifted into another really strong, anxious dream. That, and my mouth was really dry, so all my dreams had some sort of choking or gagging aspect. Not fun.

Anyway, that was last night and this is today. I am determined to make it through this long day and make it a good one.

Today in biodiversity we are going outside to look at different species on campus. I have a feeling "big fat ballsy squirrels" is going to be on that list. I think that's the scientific name. At least for the ones at UH.

02 February 2009

my emotionals

I'm so unhappy.

I can't figure out what to say, think, or feel.

So here I am, stuffing my face and resorting to blogging to sort things out once again. It used to be so therapeutic, so poetic, vague. I've found my true creativity comes from frustration, sadness, and hopelessness. It's almost as if I enjoy the dark detour from the mundane.

Anger, not so much. Nothing quenches my anger but time and taking it out on the person who deserves it.
Very rarely do I express my happiness in the form of creative outlet. I guess it's because I don't have to figure out how to deal with happiness. You don't sort happiness out, it just is.

So, I blog my unhappiness.

None of this I know for sure. If I knew for sure, I'd have a solution. Or, not. That's the biggest fear- That I will get the "why" all figured out but there will be no solution that will make me happy.

None of this is new- it's old material, regurgitated with a wiser head and a protected heart. Still conflicting. The basis hasn't changed, but the details have.
And ah, the beauty in those details.

In my head and in my heart I know that things will not change. As much as I want them to, it's not going to happen. I've learned that I'm not the one who has to want change. As for me- I have to learn to understand.

I can list the facts. Re-hash the dead-end conversations. Try to find a key missed detail.
But that won't do any good.

Because if it were really that bad, I'd have been gone a long time ago. I've done it before, many times, without a second thought. The opportunity has been presented, almost too willingly, multiples of times. I know it's there- I don't want it.

Why? Maybe if I knew, I'd be able to figure this out.

Hmm, I kinda feel better already.