29 January 2019

Hey, house goals.

One of my major goals this year is to complete a bunch of little house projects.

First up I have to get a better light flow going on in here. There is not enough natural light in this house to justify the medium grey in every room, and the other predominant color is an ugly muddy green.

I like the light to bounce around a room and I'm not down with these moody dreary colors. I need it to be light and airy and cheerful.

On a related note, the overhead lighting is severely (and strangely) limited in the living room... and bathrooms... and guest room.

So, my immediate goals are to
1. Slowly paint each room a lighter color
2. Get some better lighting.

Since I have no real direction and picking out paint colors can be tedious, I'm going to start with my tried-and-true paint color Benjamin Moore Wheat Sheaf. 
(My realtor recommended it a few years ago and I loved it in my last house). If it doesn't look good in a particular spot I will re-evaluate from there.

I've already painted the front room and hall. The contrast between the background and the foreground in the picture below is huge:


Next up, the bar. I started priming and it's coming along nicely. I also plan to declutter the shelves to maximize the effect of the giant mirror [aka pare down the million random wine glasses]. I also am loving those new barstools.

Lighting: A bunch of daylight LED retrofit light kits are on their way here and I can't wait to pop those babies in. Also going to find some light kits for the (light-less) ceiling fans and install a light over the bathtub. A new, lower-profile light fixture will go into the craft/game/yoga room. Another outdoor security light will go on the side of the house. Basically, I'm all about the lights right now.

P.S. Security cameras are awesome. How did I ever live without this level of scrutiny?

26 January 2019

2018 to 2019

Let's see, January is almost over, because that's how things go. But there's never a bad time for reflection.

Overall, 2018 was a great year, especially compared to the previous few years that were so rocky and just plain hard. I have developed a lot of little good habits that have completely transformed some areas of my life.

2018 was my year, the year I finally pulled myself up. I feel like I'm standing on top of the mountain with my arms raised, going, "FUCK YEAH."

You know, kinda like this.


I think the most valuable thing I did was focus on being present and finding joy in the moment. Because even during the darkest times, that little bit of light goes such a long way, and once it's a habit it becomes part of how you think and who you are.

Yoga certainly helped; it has served as a little mini re-set many times. Definitely going to continue this practice. It's plain good for my body and mind.

Starting off so far in 2019, I feel strong, happy, sturdy, and capable. I feel lighter, both inside and out. I'm not carrying any unnecessary burdens. (More on that later)

My goals for 2019 are not that different from what they have been, and are mostly integrated into my daily life already:

-Eat veggies with every meal (even breakfast).
-Continue with self-care and simplification. Check in with myself often to see what I need, mentally and physically and in my surroundings.
-Be consciously kind.

I want to travel some more this year, and I have a few house projects I want to complete.

That's about it. Like my mom said, 2017 felt like a year of setting up, 2018 was a year of changes, and 2019 doesn't feel like it has to be a year of anything monumental. It feels like it kinda just wants to slow down, flow and continue. Let's see where it goes.

14 January 2019

reflections

Sitting on my couch while the cat takes a bath next to me. Candle burning in the salt rock thing. Empty glass of wine, full bottle of kombucha. Fridge full of veggies.

I haven't been home much in the last couple of weeks. If I wasn't working, I was at FG's house, helping however I could. There is so much stress involved with planning a funeral, on top of dealing with grief. Such a horrible thing.

It was an emotional weekend. Friday they were able to see her body, and it was especially difficult. Makeup can only cover so much and the abuse from her attacker was very evident on her face and no one was ready for that. I don't know how they all went in there to see her; I've always felt super creeped out by open caskets and corpses, but maybe I'd feel differently if it was my last chance to see my loved one.

Then the funeral. ALL THE FEELS. It was an absolutely sweet and beautiful service. She was cremated and placed in a pink urn and there were flowers and pictures everywhere. FG asked me to read a letter that he wrote to his daughter, and there was not a single dry eye in that room. His words grabbed hold of your heart and twisted. He sobbed in the front row while I read the letter. I'm thankful for those public speaking classes, or else I'm not sure I could have done it.

After the service we went to his sister's house for a reception, and we all got good and drunk. Maybe the funeral offered some closure because the mood felt shifted. Still sad, but maybe stronger? His youngest daughter is still taking this loss pretty hard. She started to get drunkenly sad and FG gave her an (equally drunk) positive pep talk. It was a sweet thing to overhear. There has been a lot of coping, and a lot of healing is left to be done.

I noticed a fascinating dynamic between people during this time. Typically we only see our friends and family on a relatively superficial level, not in a vulnerable state like this. The massive outpouring of love and the swift development of a "lean on each other" mentality has been deeply refreshing to witness.

As for me, I need to get to a yoga class, soon. I'm also looking forward to getting my microwave fixed, figuring out the pond situation, and painting a few more of these dark grey walls. Oh, I'm also considering laser hair removal because the grow-out period between waxes is NOT ideal. I feel like a yeti.

09 January 2019

how to sew rubbery fabric

I learned a new craft technique recently.

My mom is redecorating her bedroom, and I took her shopping for curtains. After looking at various patterns, she fell in love with one in particular.
This pattern happened to be on a shower curtain instead of a regular curtain panel, but we figured, a curtain is a curtain, right? A quick hem would create a pocket for the rod and her bedroom would look more complete.

The only problem with sewing the rod pocket for these curtains was the texture. Being a shower curtain, the texture and raised pattern were rubbery.


That raised, rubbery texture made it super difficult to sew on the sewing machine; the feet and feed kept getting caught on the fabric so that it wouldn't feed smoothly. As a result the stitches were bunchy and uneven... like so:


It even stuck so bad that the fabric was damaged. You can see the pattern of the feet below, kinda like tire treads that left marks as the fabric was dragged through the machine.


Determined not to struggle with this, I pinned waxed paper strips to each side of the fabric. I thought they might help the fabric move smoothly.

(kitty supervised)


You know what? I actually worked! The fabric fed smoothly and the stitches came out nice and even.


The wax paper was really easy to tear off, basically tearing along the perforation that the stitches naturally made.


 The curtains are ready to hang.

04 January 2019

heartbreak

I had planned to spend an evening this week reflecting on 2018 and outlining a few goals for 2019.

However, as I take a moment to sit down and collect my thoughts, they are in an entirely different place than I expected them to be. 

I have been immersed in other activities, shocked by the news that FG's daughter was murdered earlier this week.

I've spent the last few days holding the hand of a grieving father, trying to comfort him in a situation that should never happen. Still reeling from the news, the blows keep coming as new information is released, privately and also to the public.

The public part is freaking me out. I am a relatively private person.
Reporters keep calling FG, there's been a press release, and details that feel private are being shared publicly.

On one hand I feel like they're trying to exploit a grieving family's pain for a news story, but on the other hand it's necessary because this is an active investigation and detectives are trying to find the killer. The more people that see the story, the more likely it will reach someone who has information.

I understand but it doesn't make it any easier to see faces you know on the news in such a horrible context.

Needless to say, so far 2019 has been difficult, and the immediate future will not be easy either.

It's absolutely brutal watching someone I love go through something so awful. I'm trying to be a comfort, but nothing can ease the pain of losing a loved one like that.