29 July 2007

that punched-in-the-stomach feeling

I knew it would happen, I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

I guess I know where I stand now.

26 July 2007

today's thoughts

I saw school supplies on sale.
I am a school supply junkie. I love buying new school supplies. New folders, brand new pens that still click right, mechanical pencils that actually have erasers, cute unstained book bags, I love it all.
But this year mingled along with the usual glee I get from school supplies was that fear, and the looming reminder of the new semester without financials already in place was a sobering thought.
I didn't buy any school supplies. But I will, and I'm doing the loan stuff tomorrow. Cross your fingers, please, that I'm approved.

I'm getting over this stupid cold, but I'm still sapped of energy. One more day and I think I should be feeling okay.

Today for lunch I met Ash and had mediocre Murphy's Deli sandwiches. Then since we were right next door we went to Charming Charlie's and browsed a little. It was like Sam Moon's but smaller. Anyway it was nice to get a change from the usual routine.

I waxed my eyebrows. Now they kinda burn. But they look nice. The things we do for vanity, I swear.

I'm still bummed I didn't get to go to Austin with Nisha to visit Tillye, but I suppose it's good because now I have time to get some more stuff in order. Maybe instead of going out, I'll hide out for a little this weekend and do just that. We'll see.

*side note*
As jaded as he sounds, and as much as he thinks that getting laid is his #1 goal, David will make a good boyfriend to some lucky and very equally quirky girl. It will be strange to see him un-jaded though. I'd love to see that happen.

HAHA so true and scary...
David: "seriously, if the whole reincarnation bit is true, we were married for like 50 years in another life"

25 July 2007

go ahead and dance

I wish I could embed it but I dunno how.
props to my friend Geoff for showing me this:


20 July 2007

school, boy drama and roaches

I agree with you. I say you leave like you plan to and worry about money later. If you keep putting it off for whatever reason, you'll never leave. I really want you to go, too. You've worked too hard to postpone it even MORE. You can always make more money. I really really hope you get to go.

On another note, my ass is still trying to get a loan for school. I still haven't gotten into my ochem lab either. It seems like I keep having huge boulders drop in my way just when I can see what I've been working for. Keep truckin' I guess. When you fall you get back up, there's nothing else I can do and I'm not quitting after working for so long for so hard. I'll find a way.

I'm so anxious and worried, but everything happens for a reason. If there are no hard times, how can you appreciate the good ones?

For those of you who like my boy drama:
C and I are back in the pattern of hanging out, and we're not telling our friends we're dating or anything. Each time this happens, I get less anxious and more chill with the whole situation. I don't think the whole 'good relationship' thing is gunna work after we've been in this on and off pattern for so long. It really is a thing of convenience. Darn, I never wanted things to be this way but I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles.
D apologized for blowing me off but I still don't think I want anything to happen besides friendship.
Robert has invited Ashley and I to go see his new apartment and go out for wings and drinks. I hope that will be fun and non-awkward. That's why I wanted Ash to come along, to make sure it stays platonic. I think he's past it though, I mean it HAS been almost 2 years since we broke up.
I met a guy named Richard today, one of Ash's coworkers that she invited to lunch with us. He is pretty cute, a little bit older [late 20's] but has a really great personality. He managed to spill a cup of gumbo ALL over himself and it got in some really strange places, like his shoulder. He handled it pretty well and can laugh at himself, which is a really good personality indicator. So my sister is all excited to play matchmaker and I guess he's gunna call me for a date. I have mixed feelings but he does seem like a nice guy.

I just had to go drown a roach in lysol antibacterial kitchen cleaner. *shudder*
It crawled and touched my foot as I was typing. [GAH!!]
So I grabbed the purring sleeping cat behind me and plopped her down there, but she seemed happier with stalking it than killing it. I couldn't let it get away so I grabbed the closest chemical-y thing to me. I must say that stuff is effective.
Now Pumpkin's looking back and forth from me to the soaking wet roach like, "hey, you took my plaything away!"
Fucking roaches. I hate them and they all should die. Now I'm all paranoid that one's on me.

Time for a shower.

15 July 2007


I hate it when I stand up and I have to sit back down again because I get all dizzy and all I see is black.

My days are all mixed up, so much happened this weekend.

Thursday I went to see Harry Potter and since the 3D thing wasn't working, I got a free pass to the IMAX. Very cool.

Friday was crazy and frustrating. I did a lot of driving and ran around trying to get everything done. I was looking forward to B's party but then I got blown off! I had invited D to come join the party and he seemed excited about it. But then he didn't even bother to tell me he wasn't going to come, he just ignored my call. [Come to think of it, he still hasn't called back. I'm not too heartbroken.] Then once I got there, ready to just SIT there and socialize and get drunk, they all decide to hit up a frat party. I was exhausted and in no mood for a frat party, so I went over to C's for a while and decided that I should probably stop drinking. I did not plan on spending the night but I was tired and snuggling seemed WAY more inviting than driving home and sleeping alone.

Saturday I woke up when C did, realized that I had NO time to get things ready to go sign the apartment lease, and ran out of there. Once I got home I frantically took a shower, got dressed, and copied pay stubs, printed loan information, filled out the application, etc etc. My mom and I drove all the way over there just to have N's parents tell me that they didn't like the location. To make a long story of explanations short, now her parents are finding apartments. Whatever, I'm sick of the whole thing and just want to sign a lease already.
Then I met with D and J and we went to the Bridal Extravaganza. It was SO FULL of neat things. Pretty much everything you could imagine for a wedding was there, and plenty of selections to choose from. I had fun, I think this whole experience will be a good one.
They were having a lot of sales at FC Mall, so my mom and ash and I went. We had a lot of fun helping my mom pick out new styles and she tried stuff on and had a 'fashion show' in the dressing room. We're all tired of her same old things that don't fit right, so we're helping her slowly build a new wardrobe. Our mom is going to be stylin'. haha. [I also got a bra for $10, an Express skirt for $6 [$6!!] and a superhot top for $10.] Then I came home and SLEPT. I've been so tired.

Today I woke up and heard it raining and was actually happy because I'd rather go to Warped Tour with rain than unforgiving sun. We all pile in the car and drive there to find out...it's been postponed until Monday. Who has a concert on Monday?? People have to work! I have stuff to do [apartment, bank loan] so I'm going to have to cram it all in the morning and then make the concert. I don't want to disappoint the girls by deciding not to go and getting a refund instead. They've been looking forward to it for so long.

I am SO SICK of running around! I just want to relax. I need to fill my relaxation quota so that once school starts I won't feel so overwhelmed. It's not happening and I'm a little worried about that.

I'm also trying really hard to get healthy again. I'm taking pills and supplements, eating things like fresh fruit and wheat germ and whole grains and special orange juice... even more than I usually do! And I'm still not feeling right; I'm so tired all the time.

I really really need to find my happy place and be comfortable with my life. It's been topsy turvy for way too long and I don't want it affecting my grades any more.

I think I'll take a nap.

07 July 2007


Well, I'm back safe and sound at home. And after this week, I feel like a new woman.

I've never been able to adequately explain what looking at the Oceanside pier in person does to me. How I feel when I walk across the scorching sand, not bothering to tiptoe across in pain but instead savoring the feeling. How the waves somehow bring contentness. How the sight of a figure in a wet suit waxing a surfboard calms me. How the taste of authentic slurpees from 711 blows all other competitors out of the water. How the combination of breeze and sun both warms my skin and gives me goose pimples at the same time. I swear I can feel the ocean air taking away all my concerns as it tangles my hair. The salty water and sand remove the imaginary weight as they stick to my skin.

I forgot about my whole life back in Houston for the whole week and instead absorbed every sunny, California-filled moment. I forgot about bills, problems, drama... everything. It was just what I needed.

I don't know, maybe I'm just transported back to my childhood once I smell that air (MUCH different from this crappy Galveston stuff) and take in the sights I saw constantly during happier, simpler times. Everything was familiar. Even though I'd never driven it myself, cruising down the 101, the 5, the 78 back to Vista, was effortless. It was like I just knew where to go. Nothing else soothes my soul like those southern California beaches. I can't explain it, it's just home for my soul.

And what's even stranger: I kept this carefree feeling until I was driving home from dropping M off. The familiar song on the radio, the way I automatically drove my car, the thoughtlessness of driving the same road brought those same old thoughts back into my head. I desperately tried to hold onto the contentness, but all of a sudden I felt the way I was feeling a few weeks ago. My heart raced with anxiety and I felt the horrible urge to pick up all of my bad habits that I've gotten rid of for the week.

I don't want them anymore.
I have to figure out how to find my Oceanside without leaving Houston.

Anyways some pics I took that I liked: