29 April 2012

Just sayin

It's been almost exactly two years since I said goodbye to Chris and he left for basic training.

Since then, a lot has happened. I didn't know how I would handle it, but somehow I have. The worst was Afghanistan. Turns out, that was a lot like having an elephant sitting on your chest for 8 months. A heavy, constant distraction. I never want to re-live how I felt when he was deployed. The split second that I caught a glimpse of camouflage on my floor that Thursday afternoon, it all evaporated. I felt so light and airy. Then, in what seemed like a split second later, he was gone and I was left with a shiny promise on my finger.

I never expected to be engaged and lonely. I think that's part of the reason I didn't want all this to happen until after Chris came home. I wanted to enjoy these important life milestones, not spend them in various stages of missing-ness.

When people ask, I say that I miss him but eventually quip that you get used to it. The truth is, I don't ever get used to it. It's just something to say that's more socially acceptable than, "it's in the back of my mind every second," then there's an awkward moment while people try to figure out how to reply to that. No one knows what this is like. I can't even fully explain what it's like. It's just something that no one wants to do, but you do it because you have no other choice.

Even though he's no longer deployed, Chris has no idea what is going on in my life. I have no idea what's going on in his. He knows nothing of my recent work issues, or family drama, what movies I've seen, what books I've read, what I do on a day-to-day basis. I know about the same of his life. He's been extremely busy, especially now that he's a squad leader. We don't get to talk frequently, and when we do, it's usually for a short period of time. Usually by that point, topics of interest in my life have either resolved themselves, or are no longer something I want to re-hash. I'm sure the same applies to him.

I haven't seen his face in ages, even on skype. I haven't gotten to see his smile. It's slightly maddening to the point where you just become numb and get through another day. I crave hearing his goofy laugh in my hear and running my fingers through his hair. This is not even remotely easy.

It's hard to hear my friends, hell, even my own parents, complain about their spouse about the silliest things, when all I can think about it how I'd love to be able to have an opinion about how he loads the dishwasher, or be annoyed at something he did, or whatever. 

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this, I guess I just wanted to get this out of my head. Thanks for listening ;o)

randoms

I was digging in the garden a few days ago to plant the bazaar wins, and unearthed a mushroom. Random.

I like watching Oprah talk with Paula Deen in their pajamas.

Finished the last 50 Shades book. Loved it. The 3rd book is the best. Now I need another book to read.

I miss Chris enormously.

I need to do some more CEs. Merh. Make me do them.

Gluten free chocolate donuts.

I finally bought a wine rack. Now my random bottles of booze look classy.

Hip still smarts. That'll teach me to do a cartwheel. I remember when I could do those easy peasy... only a few years ago. Jeez, I don't want to be getting old yet.

I've always wanted to try fried green tomatoes.


28 April 2012

in focus

I haven't worn contacts since... maybe Ashley's wedding?

Going swimming this afternoon at Andrea's fancy pool, and glasses + swimming = bummer. So I popped them in. They're comfortable, but I can't see up close very well. I have to squint to focus on the computer or my cell phone.

I don't remember having this issue before. I hope as I get used to them again, it fixes, because if not I'll need to get granny reading glasses. Which, secretly, I'm kind of excited about.

On to the pool! With SPF 85, big sunglasses, and a bottle of wine. Hollaaa

26 April 2012

fun at work

Lately, the hospital has been having employee appreciation events, which consist of a theme and free lunch. There's also music, karaoke, and a few themed activities. They decorate one of the courtyards (pretty impressively) and everyone just stops by when they get the chance. At first I thought they'd be lame, but they've turned out to be morale-lifting and everyone seems to enjoy themselves.

Last time it was for the rodeo, and there was a chili cookoff. Today the theme was "fun at work" or something like that. We were supposed to wear silly hats and sunglasses but I think everyone forgot. For lunch there were grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, a few desserts, and random fun things like bubbles, hula hoops, sidewalk chalk, and the like.

It was all pretty mellow until someone broke out the water guns. Then all hell broke loose and it got pretty fun. It was hot enough outside, and scrubs naturally dry pretty fast, so it was no big deal to get water all over you. It was actually refreshing. And hilarious. I got a video of me and Andrea that is absolutely hysterical, but I have to ask her first before I can post it. I put it on repeat and watched it about 50 times, laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Good times.

24 April 2012

50 Shades... 2

So the second book.

SPOILERS















Did it live up to my expectations? Absolutely. The sex got toned down, but was still present and got a little more creative. I did have to roll my eyes every time they climaxed together and he called out her name. Sheesh.

I got a lot of answers to my questions, unraveled a lot more of the main characters, and got a little details about some of the supporting characters. I found myself wishing that I had a ton of money. Man, it would be nice.

There were some fun plot twists. I hate how you can see things coming way before they happen. This book throws random crap out at you and it's awesome. I was wondering how the author was going to embellish the love story. She did it well. I liked how the "romance" developed further among all of these underlying stories, but holy crap they move fast. When you stop to think, it all happens in a few days. How intense, but how typical of a novel.

I noticed that a lot of foreshadowing occurs with a facial expression from Christian. You can't skim over that stuff, or you'll miss a tip-off about something. Actually, I skimmed very little in this book, which is not typical for me. 

Overall I really enjoyed this book. I liked it better than the first. I don't know how much of this was planted in my head by drew, but at the end of the book I got an x-files scene in my head, how at the end of an episode the smoking man would be there, tainting the happy ending with his smoky impending drama. I was impressed, though. I thought her dick boss was out of the picture. Totally didn't see that coming, and I'd love to see how he's connected.

On to book three. Looking forward to it.

22 April 2012

amazing bathtub

The bathtub in my sister's new house is AMAZINGGGGGGG. Kind of like this


but without the weird ass-shaped contour.

That is all.

planty, gardeny

Last night, I met my goal at the Bazaar. I won a plant, in true bazaar-fashion: with the very last effort, with the very last tokens, when I've told myself that it's just not going to happen this year. Apparently that's just how it works for me. Of course, I got much support from Akhtar and Luke. I came home with two beautiful plants; I picked the one with the orange flowers. No idea what kind it is. It's got those succulent-type leaves, which gives me hope because those are harder to kill. Look at how pretty the flowers are.



It also came with the pretty yellow plant and this great basket. Sweeet.


So, in true Earth Day fashion, I'm going to plant them in my garden and hope they live. Speaking of the garden, I took a new approach this year. I didn't clean out the bed completely and start from scratch. Anything green, including clover, stayed. Beggars can't be choosers. I just cleaned out the leaves and tried to loosen the soil so I could mix it with new stuff. Then I planted a few plants that were hanging out in pots; One is doing well. The tulips bit the dust almost immediately.


There is one corner, near the fence, that seems to dry up quickly in the summer heat. I think it may get the most sun at the hottest part of the day. Everything seems to wither up and die in that corner. To solve that problem, I opted to put pots full of soil directly on top of the ground. That way, if things start to look sad, I can move them to a better place. Also, the pots of soil will hold on to water better than if they were just planted in the ground.

That's where most of my herbs went. Since I had luck last year and really loved it, I planted basil all over the place. We'll see where it grows best. I also have some dill sprouting up. The mint from last year's farmer's market is perking back up. I hear that stuff's invasive. Cool, I need something like that. Invade the corner where nothing grows, mint!


The tomato plants are growing nicely. I've never grown them, and don't have high hopes for success. But we'll see.



Also planted some zucchini. It's the vegetable that you always hear about people having too much of, so I figured it must be easy to grow. In years past I haven't had much luck, but again, we'll see.



I planted a bunch of wildflowers in random places, but maybe the seeds were old because I haven't seen any sign of them. The flowers underneath the air conditioner get the most water, from what drips down then the AC is on (more and more frequently), so they are doing great. This plant has been hanging out for several years now.


There are also a few random plants that just appeared. I have no idea what they are, but I let them stay because they are green and growing. Like this random bushy type plant that is thriving.


Like my little happy squirrel? I snagged him at the farmer's market last year, and several people came up to me and asked me where I got it. Too bad I got the last one, muahahaha. Missy's mom's aloe vera plants are going strong. Good thing those are hard to kill because I love breaking off a piece and using it on my skin.


P.S. This is last year's bazaar win. It looks a little scraggly, but is doing pretty well.


P.P.S. Pumpkin likes nice days. She will sit there on my snowman doormat and just chill. Also, I need to get baseboards. Say hi to the Great Stuff in the crack under the door. Eh, screw baseboards. I'm only in my parents' garage for a little while longer anyway.



21 April 2012

50 Shades, discussed

So I finished the first book of 50 Shades of Grey last night.

SPOILERS










My very first, and obvious impression, was all the sex. At first it was like, "Ok, he's a freak." I didn't realize that it would be the foundation of the story. Now, I like a nice sex scene. However, eventually I started to wonder if I'd just paid 10 bucks for erotica I could find in a cheap romance novel. Honestly, there was so much sex that I started skimming the sex scenes. Yeah, I know. It got repetitive. Here's the routine: She has an earth-shattering orgasm from some various form of foreplay, then he fucks her, but she can't touch him, and he screams out her name as they climax together.

Besides the constant sex scenes, it had enough of a story line to keep me reading. I thought the ending SUCKED. The book introduces all these questions about Mr. Grey, but doesn't fully explain everything. The explanations for the things that are revealed are incredibly drawn-out. Props to the author for making sure I buy the second book.

A few annoyances. The word "Beguile" was used too frequently. It's a fairly unique word, so when it was used, I noticed. Thanks to my fancy Kindle, I know that it was used 8 times in the book. Bust out the thesaurus and find another word, Author.

Towards the end, the "I like him and he likes me, but we can't figure out how to talk about it without having kinky sex instead" theme was wearing on my nerves. Make some progress already.

I did enjoy the emails. I cracked up several times. They were clever, and believable. I could totally relate to that aspect, where electronic flirting is the norm. I remember when Chris and I were first starting to get to know each other. We didn't email, but we flirted on AIM a lot. Oh, AIM. Good times.

I also chuckled at her "inner goddess." We all have that inner voice, and I thought that was a nice way to describe the insight of this particular young, naive girl.

Actually, this story reminded me of Chris a lot. Not the kinky BDSM sex, billionaire control freak aspect. For the record.

I enjoyed the theme of young, all-consuming love- where you don't want to spend a minute apart from each other. Nowadays, I'd be suffocated in that situation, but I remember how that feels. The author did a really great job with that.

Overall, it was an entertaining read. It was an easy read. I hope a lot of the unanswered questions get answered in the second book. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope they lay off some of the sex in the second book, or at least mix up the pattern a little bit.

20 April 2012

funka

I had planned to crash Andrea's glamorous pool this afternoon. I packed my bathing suit & sunscreen, and even shaved my legs. Then after work, I looked out the window, and wah wahhh.

Instead of sunshine and pool-weather, it's dreary and rainy and thundery. The cat is hiding under my desk. It's really dark out there. At least it's bringing some delightful cold air with it.

So my plans have changed, and I think I'll shove the unfolded laundry off of my couch and curl up with some green tea and 50 shades of grey. I'm about 1/3 of the way through the first book, and it's just taken a very unexpected turn. Highly entertaining.

Also, I may have to take a real vacation this year. I think it will help my funk. The last few times I've taken off of work have been for Ashley's wedding, and this past December. It was fun, but it wasn't a real vacation.

Hawaii may need to happen. Chris said that some of his squadmates have told him he has gotten mean and, "you need to fly your fiancee out here." On several occasions. See? I'm not the only crabby patty.

19 April 2012

stocked

You know you have a well-stocked fridge when you have to dig the wine out from behind the snack packs.


Side note: have I mentioned lately how much I miss my future husband?
I miss him when I have a bad day, because he'd make it better.
I miss him when I have a good day, because I'd get to share it with him.
I miss him when I'm bored, because he'd keep me company.
I miss him when I'm busy or out with friends, because I know he'd enjoy whatever we were doing.
I miss him when I don't know what to cook for dinner, because we'd go out to eat together.
I miss him when I cook dinner, because then I'd get to cook us dinner.


I'm seeing a pattern here.

Thank you for the lovely advice; I'm going to develop a plan that makes me happy. I've felt slightly depressed, I've been in a funk, whatever you want to call it. I'm done living like this.


Here are my goals:

-Improve my disposition: I'd like to be a more pleasant person to be around, especially at work.
-Increase energy level: Be more active during the day; get a more restful night's sleep. Get a little more sunshine and fresh air.
-Adjust diet: Stop eating crap, ingest more fruits & veggies. Even though it fills me up, chips and chocolate are not a meal.
  
So I exercised today. It was a nice day, so I downloaded some new peppy tunes and managed to walk briskly for 30 minutes. I figure being more active during the day (besides running around in the lab) leads to better sleep at night, which will help me out with my disposition and energy level. Funny how that works.


Also have the aforementioned well-stocked fridge, with healthy options already portioned out, so they're easy to grab. Started taking vitamins again. 

I need to be a better me. I'm tired of feeling like a crabby patty all the time. Here goes... again. :o)

16 April 2012

people are insane

On a completely different note, I just came across this:

Brides try feeding tubes to lose weight

and I'm appalled! Disgusting. Crazy bitches. I'll probably eat a pizza the night before my wedding.
Mm, actually pizza sounds good right now.

shove it?

It's nothing new that my job is less than awesome right now. Fair warning: This post will be long and probative.

In the past, I've always been the person to say, if you're not happy, change it. If you don't like your job, get a new one. Life is too short to be miserable every day. That little bit of theory has led to some very good decisions that I've been very happy about.

The things I dislike about my job include the stress level, some of the people I work with, the disorganized and under-managed phlebotomy team (which is the main source of the frustrations), the hours, and the paycheck that has stayed the same for over a year and a half.


The division of labor and experience is majorly skewed, but the paychecks aren't. I bust my ass, have a degree and a certification, and I make the same amount of money as the fuckup whose mistakes I fix, on top of doing my own job correctly. I frequently have anxious work dreams. I haven't been sleeping well due to the stress, and trying to go to bed while the sun is still up and shining. Lately I've been waking up in the middle of the night with my jaw clenched. No matter how glad I am to leave work at the end of the day, I end up subconsciously taking it home with me. I'm so tired of it all.

There are things I like about my job.

I love that I have so much freedom. That's a huuuge plus for me. I make a lot of independent decisions. I do things my way. I have a lot of input and am often asked for my opinion. Nobody questions me or fucks with me. That would not fly in most labs. I love the freedom. I love the leadership. With that freedom does come more responsibility. I'm okay with that. It would just be nice to get a little extra moolah for my consistent efforts.

I like my boss, and, more importantly, I respect her. She leads by example and it makes a huge difference. She doesn't care if I take an extra-long break, or even if I take several snack breaks during the day. She doesn't care that I come in 10 minutes late on a regular basis. As long as we get the work done on time, she doesn't worry herself with trivial matters like that. I also really like most of my coworkers. Others, I tolerate. 

I like that since it's a small lab, I get a lot of experience in several areas. Much more than if I were in a larger lab, where they'd stick me in one spot and I'd never do anything else. It's also takes concentration and skill to juggle the many things that we do. Sometimes all that brain power it requires leaves you fried at the end of the day. Overall I like it better than a boring brain-numbing "push this button over and over" type of day. Also, since it's a smaller lab, we do some things old-school. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass, but I feel like I'm using my expertise instead of relying on an instrument. I like that.

I like that I don't have to pay ridiculous amounts of money for parking, like I'd have to do if I worked in the med center. Parking was more than my car payment when I went to school there, and that was with the student discount that I will no longer get. The commute is much shorter. Also, due to my sucky hours, I never hit traffic.

Lately, one of my coworkers has been considering a job change. She is frustrated for many of the same reasons I am, and has a few additional non-work-related reasons for needing to make a change. I've always told her that if she leaves, I'm leaving too. Honestly, she's the main reason I can tolerate that place. I shudder at the thought of working alone with fuckup every day, and dread the thought of training someone new. Training succkkkssss.

Even before she mentioned her plans to me, I had been pushing the idea of changing jobs out of my head for a while. Oh, it has definitely occurred to me. But I keep talking myself out of it. For a few main reasons.

I feel like I can't just change jobs willy-nilly anymore. This isn't just a job to get me through college; I've started a career. When shit gets tough, you have to stick it through and show your loyalty.
She started talking about other places and I thought, "Man it would be nice to not have to deal with this shit any more." However, the grass is always greener on the other side. Eventually, I will just end up hating new things about my new job. No job is without its flaws. People who have spent 20 years at the same company didn't spend every day loving their job. You just have to take the good with the bad, and ride out the super sucky.

Dude, and job-hunting sucks. Interviews suck. The process of changing workplaces and training sucks, even when you're the trainee. Nobody likes training, haha. I'm just not fed up enough to start all that.

Also, for some reason, I feel like I'm not in a position to make any huge life changes right now. It just doesn't feel right. I feel like I need to sit tight and see what happens in the rest of my life first.

I'd like your thoughts. I feel like I'm too much inside my head for all this mess and I'd like someone else's perspective.

14 April 2012

I really like my dishwashing gloves

It's Saturday. That means I eat cocoa pebbles for breakfast instead of cinnamon chex. Whoo I'm a wild child y'all. I miss the days when Chris would practically beg me to make pancakes or waffles or eggs on weekends. I sometimes do, but it's easier to eat cereal.

You guys, my kitschy dishwashing gloves have died. Not 30 minutes after Ashley told me she thought they looked creepy hanging to dry, I started washing dishes. That's when I realized they somehow got full of holes in the fingertips. I think they died of shame. Geez, Ash.

That explains the pile of stinky dishes currently in my sink. I can't do dishes without gloves! Especially since there are a bunch of funky cat food bowls in there and it's pretty gross. I'm not touching that.

Today I'll go out and get another pair. I got a list of stuff to do a mile long. Some of it has been put off for a while. Ashley wanted to hang out, so maybe I'll make her run errands with me. I can usually bribe her with the promise of lunch or a pair of shoes.

Speaking of doing things with my sister, I'm so glad that Suzy will be in town this summer. Frankish will be there, too, finishing up his degree with an internship. I miss them so much! It will be interesting having 4/5 of the kids back in the house, and having all of us in the same city. We should try to get our ever-elusive family pic done. That's always... fun.

11 April 2012

a better me

Have you ever seen this?


That's kinda how I felt after reading Akhtar's workout entry today. I thought, "Well, shit. Akhtar is way busier than I am, and he can fit in several workouts a day." So, I shook the spiders out of my walking shoes (literally), and updated a few songs on my mp3 player. And I walked! For about 25 minutes, while talking to Ashley on the phone. The new songs will have to wait-- hopefully not for long.

For me, the hardest part of starting a workout routine is... starting it. Getting that first workout going. After that, the hardest part becomes putting on my shoes after work and getting out the door. It really helps to come home, take off my scrubs, and instead of getting into comfy clothes, change strait into workout gear. It's much harder to make an excuse once I'm dressed.

Today is the first day in weeks that I've been able to chew, so I got a decent meal in my belly at lunchtime. There was a part of one of the new fillings that was a little rough on the side of my tooth, and started to irritate my tongue. So I tried to scrape at it with my key, but that wasn't very successful. I stopped at Walgreens and grabbed some dental tools, then scraped the rough part away. Much better.

P.S. This wine is delicious
P.P.S. I wish I could be less pissy at work. New personal goal.

10 April 2012

meh.

Sore mouth. Scratchy teeth. I'm tired of not chewing, and being constantly hungry.

Family drama. Something's gotta give.

Kind of a mellow day at work, and a meh afternoon.

And this is one of those moods where I really, really want Chris to be home.

I'm going to go chill with Dayna for a bit. :o)

09 April 2012

Fillings

Whew. I survived the fillings. Barely. At the end there, the rope holding me together was fraying.

The appointment took two hours, start to finish. Three cavities, all in the back.

When he numbed me and my tongue started to feel weird, the anxiety grew.  I had to take deep breaths and close my eyes to keep from shaking.

Then they went to town. Drilling, scraping, rinsing, sucking, etc etc. I freaked out a little bit at the hard drilling, prompting the dentist to ask if I could feel pain. I felt like a dork saying I was just freaking out. The assistant was amazing at comforting me. She even massaged my jaw after I was able to close it after a long period of drilling. After the first filling was finished I started to regret asking to get them all done at once. In hindsight, I should have done the two on the left side in this visit, and the one on the right side in another visit. That's hindsight for you.

My mouth started shaking after a while, so they propped it open with this rubber thing. They shoved cotton next to my tongue when they put the composite in, which was threatening to make me gag. I just closed my eyes and tried to go to a happy place. I'd been having trouble preparing a happy place in anticipation of needing one. During the appointment, one spontaneously developed.

It turns out, my happy place consists of pretending Akhtar was in the corner of the room, holding my hand, giving me encouragement and being really calm about everything. Telling me to breathe deep and slow. Then Ashley was in a chair next to me happily getting fillings, showing me how easy it was. Then I kept picturing me and Chris at the altar, my ultimate motivation for getting all of this done. I kept picturing how handsome and happy he'd look in his blues, and how gorgeous I'd look in my dress. With no cavities or bothersome wisdom teeth. Eyes on the prize.

Over the course of the appointment, I accidentally bit both of them. I must have said "I'm sorry" for various reasons at least 20 times.

When the last filling was over and they let me close my mouth, I celebrated so much inside. When he said he had to go back and put some more composite on one of them, I thought I was going to die.


So I just clenched my hands together, closed my eyes, tried to relax and not gag, and went to my happy place. And the lady gave me encouragement and the dentist did his thing. And I survived.

Oh, side note. I didn't realize it until my eyes were closed, but the dentist sounds exactly like Brian. It's like his voice twin. Even the little mannerisms were the same. So in my happy place, Akhtar and Ashley gave me support, Chris gave me motivation, and Brian worked on my teeth. Haha.

After a little polishing (more grinding), I was free to go.

I left with a mouth so numb, even my ears were numb. Added bonus from the Novocaine: the wisdom tooth stopped hurting for a while. I'm thankful he numbed me so much, because it really helped not to feel a thing. I couldn't even feel my teeth with my tongue. After a couple of hours, and a trip to the store with Ashley, it's wearing off. And my jaw is starting to feel sore. My tooth is kinda sore, too. You know, the one where they kept asking me if it hurt and it never did. Well, now it does. Hm.

Eating some instant mashed potatoes (surprisingly good), popping some painkillers, and going to bed. My mom made my bed for me and fed the cat. She's so awesome.

08 April 2012

Easter baskets

We're all a little old for Easter baskets, so it's been a while since my family has done anything Easter-y. It's been several years since we've even dyed eggs. This year it's just me, Ash and Luke in town, so she had an idea to make each other Easter baskets. I jumped right on board and put on pants before noon on a Saturday to go shopping.

When we were kids, the baskets contained mostly candy. I figured I'd throw in a few other fun things, as well.

What I came up with:

Ashley:

 (the gas relief is a joke)

Suzy:


Mom:


She laughed and said it's her three favorite things. It is!

I picked up a little something for Collin:


Luke got a scratch off and candy. It was quite fun to shop for these, and also to put an adult spin on things.

Here's my basket:


I LOVE how she taped the candies to the side. And the little pooing moo cow. 

video

lifetime member

Dear leftover creme brulee that I shamelessly scooped into a to-go box last night,

You are equally delicious this morning with coffee, even if the caramelized sugar is no longer crunchy.

P.S. This is my 1000th post, and it just happens to be a letter to creme brulee.
I feel like that's appropriate.

07 April 2012

no real focus here

I've been so busy lately that when I was sleeping in this morning I kept halfway waking up expecting an alarm to go off, or I'd try to remember if I had any plans. The sun comes up earlier than it used to and ended up waking me up. Still, 8 o'clock is sleeping in to me.

I had a milestone moment last night with Chris. Basically, he did the opposite of what I expected him to do when he gets upset and a little down. Huge. HUGE! It put last weekend's doubts to rest in a hurry and makes me feel more confident about the future.

Speaking of, I have to go pick up my wedding dress soon. I feel kinda strange having to store it, now. Yep, that's just a wedding dress hanging up in my closet.

I had cocoa pebbles, but I feel like today is a bacon & eggs kind of day. I don't have any bacon.  NooOoOoOOoOooooooo.

Or maybe I shouldn't be eating bacon. I ran some blood last week. We were establishing the normal range for a new lot number of PT reagent, so we had to draw blood from 20 people who are not on anticoagulants, and don't have any clotting factor deficiencies.

I figured while the needle was in my arm, I'd get a few more tubes. Chemistry came back normal, except ferritin was a little low. No surprise there. However, my red cell indices were the highest they've ever been, which is good news. They were even firmly back into normal range. I refrained from running lipids, since I wasn't fasting and I want the best possible circumstances when I run those. I feel like bacon won't help that.

I also feel like it's time to start paying attention to what I eat again. And exercising. You know I go through cycles. However, it's been difficult to eat lately, due to the cranky wisdom tooth, and I've been gravitating towards foods that I don't have to chew.

I tried greek yogurt for the first time. It's a little too "sour cream" tasting for me to eat plain, so I came up with a genius idea. I mix it with the flavored Yoplait yogurt, half and half. It cuts down on the sweetness of the Yoplait, and adds in some extra protein. Win-win.

Perhaps I've rambled on enough for this post.

04 April 2012

I survived!

As usual, I make these things out to be much worse than they are. I didn't even have to go to my happy place.

Let's start at the beginning.

The x-rays were cake. They must make the films smaller than they used to, because they weren't uncomfortable at all. And they were quick. The worst part of the visit just became a non-issue and it kinda set the stage for the rest of the visit. I was immediately more relaxed.

The cleaning was done by this awesome lady. She started poking around and asked, "What kind of toothbrush do you use?" And I immediately said, "I'm sorry if it's gross, it's been 6 years since I've been to the dentist." BUT she asked for the opposite reason; my teeth were really clean. She said she's seen worse buildup on people who come every 6 months. Hells yeah! For the record, I use Colgate 360.

So the cleaning was fine, no issues there. Next up was the dirty part- figuring out what work I need done. The x-rays are pretty self-explanatory. Besides the one that is giving me all the trouble. you can clearly see 3 wisdom teeth hanging out, positioned at really wonky angles. They call that "impacted." Which is never a good thing. So 1 tooth is partially emerged, 2 are impacted, and one is severely impacted.

In addition, I have to get three cavities filled. Only three! I was like, "Is that just the bottom?" Nope, apparently my teeth are in better shape than I feared. All of the damage is on the bottom in the back. Errgh, the least comfortable place to get drilled. Two are fillings that have just gotten old and have decayed underneath the metal. Not much you can do to prevent that. One is a new one, and started in-between the teeth. Translation: FLOSS MORE! You bet I will.

One of the cavities must be pretty bad, because both of the dentists (this one and the one I saw in January) and the hygienist asked me if I've had pain on the lower left side and were surprised to hear me say no. I haven't felt a thing.

I'm having them drilled and filled on Monday afternoon, quickly before I have time to really get nervous. I asked if he could do them all at once and he said yes. Whoo! I might just take one of my mom's xanax or whatever the heck she's got. Let's just get this crap DONE. Then I can get the wisdom teeth planned and taken care of as well. The sooner the better.

And, my insurance covered the cleaning and everything; my copay was 5 dollars. I can dig that.

One weird thing that I've never had a dentist do: he had me stick my tongue straight out, then grabbed it and moved it from side to side. I felt really goofy.

Oh, quick little bonus note: The dentist was kind of a hottie. Seriously. Young guy, in good shape with a nice mop of brown hair. He was wearing a scrub top and corduroy pants; very hipster and really cute. Especially since my experience with dentists has consisted solely of old Indian guys. P.S. My fiancee is way hotter. For the record.

So, on to the next step. (I hope that was enough of a conclusion for you, Ash)

03 April 2012

nerves

Dentist appointment tomorrow. Gah, I'm getting nervous. I know it's just a routine x-ray and cleaning, but I'm still nervous. Not a fan of either of those things. There's a reason I haven't been to the dentist in over 6 years, and the last time I went I cried- in the dentist's chair. Not just a few tears, either. I cried like a scared little kid while the dentist looked at me, with his tools in his hands, bewildered at this grown woman acting a fool. How embarrassing.

Nervous about the x-rays because they hurt and make me gag, and I always wind up gagging right when they're taking the picture so it's got to be repeated. Nervous about the cleaning, and a stranger digging around in my mouth. Nervous about the impending doom of fillings, and the wisdom tooth aftermath. I've heard numerous horror stories. The wisdom tooth is currently still sore, but seems to have magically gone down a little. I still can't imagine shoving one of those x-ray cards in that area, so that part should be interesting.

Last time I went for the infection it wasn't so bad, because I was desperate for relief from the pain, and I knew they weren't going to do any poking around in my mouth. This is different. They have to bust out their tools and stick their fingers in my mouth and ask me questions that I can't answer because they're all up in my grill and, ugh. I just want to get this crap all over with. I hate that you can't get it all done in one appointment and instead they drag it out over several visits. In the meantime I get more nervous.

But now I'm six whole years older. I'm a big girl and I'm supposed to be able to handle these things. I can do this. [Holy crap I can't do this I want Akhtar to come with me and hold my hand like he said he would but I told him I could handle it alone.] Err, I mean, I can do this.

Anyway, I made mashed potatoes and pudding. Because of my sore toofer.

Wish me luck, guys.

02 April 2012

more ramblings

Well, today was about how I expected. Had to work late, too. By about 1600 my eyes were starting to look a little bloodshot, my mouth was aching, I was hungry, and I was seriously dragging. I was relieved when my boss said I could go ahead and leave.

Can't go to bed too early, or I'll wake up at midnight wide awake.

Another smattering of thoughts:

-- Found out what was up with Chris. I can't go into details, but some (rather idiotic) things happened this weekend, and his position pretty much forced him to become involved. He's not in any trouble, for the record. Given the sticky circumstances, I'm pretty proud of him and I think he made the right decision.

The problem is, he's really upset about it. I haven't heard that tone of voice in a long time, not since things were really bad. Made me kinda worried. I mean, bad things are going to happen, I just wonder how they're going to be handled. I guess only time will tell. Either way, I'm in this for the long haul and support him 100%.

-- Finally starting to get the breakouts on my face controlled for a consistent amount of time, except for a few holdouts here and there. The problem is, they seem to have moved down to my upper back and chest area. For the first time ever, I purchased an acne body wash, this Grapefruit Neutrogena stuff. Not crazy about the scent, but after a few days I noticed an improvement in how oily my skin gets. After a few weeks it's not totally cleared up, but I'm seeing consistent, if slow, improvement. How old am I again? For the first time in my life I've got body breakouts. I blame it on the birth control change, since that's when I first noticed the issues. Well, body, it's not changing again for the next 5 years, so get used to it.

-- Purchased another up-and-at-em device: the eye roller from Clinique. It's got a metal ball which gets really cold if you store it in the fridge. Lately I've felt like nodding off on the drive to work, and thought maybe this might help if I roll it on before I leave.


gerrrh

What a useless night's sleep. I guess it's time to start leaving the AC on all night again.

Too warm, painful mouth, bad dreams, annoying ass cat.

01 April 2012

this & that

Hunger Games movie -- Good. Really good.

Huntsville -- Went to the fair, tried out those new nail strips, fun with Kathy & family. Nail strips do not last 10 days or whatever they claim. They chipped after a single hair washing. But, they are super cute.

Wisdom tooth pain -- Kicked back up on Saturday, with swelling. From what I can tell it's not infected, but is pushing through again. Eating soft foods. Dentist on Wednesday. Half relieved, half scared.

Other pain -- Woke up with the usual type of headache, trying to fight it off.

Man -- Something happened this weekend. Something bad. Don't think it directly involves him, but I haven't gotten to talk to him about it yet and it's driving me nuts. I just want to know already. Don't you just love the "something bad happened and I'll tell you about it later" text message? It's my favorite.

Three day weekend and I'm not nearly ready to go back to work. Especially not a "first week of the month" work week. Give me one more day, just to lay around.