29 August 2012


I should work out.

I want to work out.

But it's too hot outside and, let's be realistic, there's no working up a good sweat exercising indoors under my own devices.

I think I'm going to drink wine on the back porch with my mom instead.


28 August 2012


I should be in bed.

I want to be in bed.

I was in bed.

But I had to get up and make sure I wasn't going to overdraft on my bank account.

It's a crazy cycle. I drag myself out of bed every morning and go to a job that I don't like, day after day. Why? To pay my bills. So payday rolls around and the next day I've paid all my bills, put the rest into paying off debt, and I have a little left for things like gas and groceries. I don't go shopping, I don't go out to lunch, I rarely spend extra money nowadays. At some point nearly every month, I'm staring at a $15 bank account balance. And my debt is barely going down.

It's a very disheartening and slightly maddening thing to realize. That I work so hard every day for so little progress. Not that I'm going to stop. If anything, it makes me even more determined to put every spare cent into this mountain.

Debt is a very bad thing, people. At least, this much of it is.
I don't know exactly how much I have. The last time I checked was a few months ago, and it was more than I realized. Then, the Hawaii and dental bills didn't help, as all extra funds have been diverted to that.

Chris has offered to help with it, but I feel terrible letting him take care of debt that I've accrued. I'm supposed to be a successful, self-sufficient woman. I don't feel anything like that.

27 August 2012

customer service sucks

Petco is getting on my damn nerves.

I ordered four cases of cat food from them three weeks ago.

I received 3 cases in a timely manner, but one case was packaged separately for some reason. Don't know why. I paid for it all on the same order. The tracking number told me it was at Fed ex. A week later it was still "at Fed ex," so I called Petco's customer service. Which of course is in some random foreign country. They told me to wait another week and see if it made it. If not, they'd send another one. Well I could have told you that I wasn't going to get it. And I didn't realize they wouldn't automatically send it when after a week it was still "at Fed ex."

It's been on and off my mind until today, so I called and they tried to tell me to wait and see if it ships again. And I was like, No. Send me my damn cat food. I have a case number from the last time I called and the lady said I'd have my cat food. And the guy put me on hold to "investigate" twice, which was some really bad music, and when he came back he was like, "Well I'm going to call Fed ex and see what's going on."

And you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking I don't give a damn about Fed ex. I think it would be much better just to send me another case of cat food and figure out the Fed ex mistake on their own.
Or at least offer to throw in a discount or coupon for my troubles. You know, since I paid for the stuff three weeks ago and, you know, I have a hungry cat over here who gets pretty damn annoying when she doesn't get her wet food.
And the whole point of ordering it online is that it's cheaper than in the store, and I don't have to put on pants. Jerks.

The part that really irks me is I really want a coupon! What happened to the good old days of customer service where if you inconvenience the customer, you compensate them? If I owned a business and a customer had to call twice and didn't receive the product until over three weeks later, you better believe I'd throw in some freebies.

I mean, that's just good business.

25 August 2012


So I can't believe I'm about to tell you all this. I don't believe any of you know this story. To be honest, I'd forgotten all about it.

I was sewing up another batch of cat collars when I was suddenly reminded of one of my most embarrassing moments.

It happened in middle school, of course. Middle school was not kind to me. I had not quite figured out what a flat iron was, and insisted on brushing my curly hair every morning. Frizz city. I also had bangs. Oh, curly frizzy bangs. My solution to that was to hair spray them so that they stuck straight out in this awful stiff curled-under bang. To make matters worse, I'd grown C-cup boobs overnight, had big red zits that only seemed to pop up on my nose, and wore a ratty pair of adidas tennis shoes with a tshirt and ill-fitting mom jeans every day. What? Adidas was cool, right? I had a mouth full of bojangly teeth. I was loud. I was hyper. I was so, so very un-cool. I just walked around all awkward and tried unsuccessfully not to be a total spazz.

Well, early in middle school, I took Home Ec. Oh MY GOD I loved home ec. I was the home ec teacher's pet. I was the home ec Hermoine times ten. I was so damn good at home ec. It's embarrassing to think of how nerdy I was in home ec. Anyway, I think we've established that I really liked home ec and everyone was probably like, "Oh my god there goes the home ec dork."

One of our sewing projects in home-ec was a pair of flannel boxers. You know, the style in the 90's was to hang out in boxers, preferably rolled up at the waist band. I actually can't find any examples in google images, so maybe it was just our school. We rocked the 90's grunge look with plaid boxer shorts. So, in an effort to be cool and hip, our teacher selected that as one of our projects.

I, in my naiive little 10 or 11-year old brain, thought, "I already have a pair of boxer shorts."
But you know who loved hanging out in boxer shorts? My dad.
Oh, God. This is so bad.

So I figured it'd make a great Christmas gift to sew my dad a pair of boxer shorts. Kill two birds with one stone: complete a class project and cross Dad off my Christmas list. I got his waist measurements from mom, and proceeded to use those to make my project.

Now, this whole thing could have been avoided if I wasn't such a home ec snob. I was quick to point out when someone else was doing something wrong. My projects were always perfect. When the teacher wanted to use one of our projects to demonstrate something to the class, I was the first to raise my hand, so everyone could see what a great job I'd been doing. Sometimes she used someone else's, but of course this time she chose mine.

She demonstrated a technique that turned our one-dimensional shorts into something that actually resembled shorts, and all was going well until, in one swift move, mine were suddenly revealed as this HUGE pair of shorts. Now I was a little girl, barely 100 pounds at that age. My shorts should have been tiny. But when the teacher held them up, they looked monstrous. I swear to God the class gasped. I think -I- gasped. I wasn't prepared for the shock of how big they were compared to all these middle schoolers' shorts.

Everyone's natural assumption was that I had mis- measured. I wish, oh I wish that I had just let them think that. But NOoOoOOooooo.
I, the home ec queen, couldn't let them think I had done something wrong. So instead, I was very quick to say, before it registered in my head what I was about to say, "Oh I made them for my dad."

Oh, Oh, if you could see the looks I got. Confusion, disgust, amusement, a whole array of faces staring back at me, including the teacher. It hit me what I had just said, and I was mortified. I turned bright red and tried not to think about how I was the weird overly enthusiastic home ec girl who had just made her dad a pair of giant underwear in class. If I wasn't awkward enough, let's tack that on.

Needless to say, I kept quiet for the rest of that project.

23 August 2012

makeup snob

I have a giant red rudolph zit on the tip of my nose. Ugh, those are the worst.

And I have to say, Chanel makeup really is a superior makeup. Even with my mediocre application skills, you can barely see my resemblance to the reindeer. Cover girl can't do that. Even if I could get it to cover with drugstore makeup and not look like a caked on mess, it would slide off within a few hours. It's been all day and this Chanel is still staying put.

Yes, I've been using this makeup for a while, but this is the first time It's ever been put to the Rudolph Test. I have to say I'm impressed.

20 August 2012

random sunday brain activity

This was supposed to go up Sunday, but I got tired of writing it halfway, and then I got distracted by baby news...

To start off, a little note. I would say thank you for going along with my weird shit, but I think you actually enjoy it. Reason #175...

Gluten free themed game night = AWESOME. Sometimes it smacks me in the face that I know some really amazing people.

Been craving change.
Been trying to convince Chris to move somewhere neat when he comes home. Then in my thought process I realized-- Yes, I've been sitting here bored with my life, wanting to make changes happen, but he's been a whirling dervish of change this entire time. Of course he wants something stable to come home to.
He's tired of constant motion and I'm tired of being stagnant. Our lives are complete and utter opposites.

And yes, it has occurred to me that I am a grown up, self-sufficient woman and I can do whatever I want. Like move to the beach. Or the biggest issue, the biggest life-suck, is what time I get up in the morning, where I go, what I do, who I do it with, and ultimately, how I pay my bills.

However, there are more important things that I need to consider right now. The disappointing reality is, the change that I am capable of making just. has. to. wait. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. And sometimes, what you gotta do sucks. So, my wanderlust has been squalshed. For now.

In the meantime, I continue to stay here bored out of my mind and miserable every day, shlupping out of bed before dawn to face another day of mind-numbing disorganization, drama, and abuse. I've never been good at waiting, especially once I set my mind that I want to do something.

I've always been very good at changing my attitude to compensate for shitty situations, but damn I'm having a hard time with this one. Between the exhausting schedule and the bitter reality, it's no wonder I never want to get out of bed.

I appreciate those of you who are just letting me be, and handle this strange point in my life my own way. When I stop bathing, you have permission to roust me. 

P.S. Today no less than THREE separate bloggers on my google reader posted about brownies. A sign?

19 August 2012


So now that the cat is officially out of the bag (ie on facebook), I can finally blog about this!

In April 2013... I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!


She went and got an ultrasound last week and they heard its little heartbeat and we got to see pictures. I can't believe it already has a heart and it's beating! I'm in awe thinking about my little niece or nephew. I can't freaking wait to meet the little human that I'm going to SPOIL THE SHIT OUT OF.

Aunt Nen.
I can't WAIT!

Ash and Collin are going to make such kickass parents. I'm so ridiculously excited for them.

My mom cried, and I've never seen my dad's face light up so bright than when they told him.

Me and Sue are going to be the best friggen aunts ever. And my brothers and Chris are going to make amazing uncles. We already have SO many plans, haha.

So yeah, happy stuff. :o)

17 August 2012

Water for Elephants

In other news, I recently finished reading Water for Elephants. I think I inherited it on Vicky's Kindle, because I don't remember downloading it.

I really enjoyed this book. It hooked me from the first paragraph.

Without giving too much away, I feel for the situation the old man is in, seeing as how I see patients in similar frustrating situations every day.

Now, time to get the movie on Netflix.

Pooping in public

or at work.

For some people, (COUGH-ash-COUGH) it's no different than pooping at home. Just do your business and whatevs.

I'd like to think that for the majority of us, it's something that we'd rather not do, and we wait until there's some privacy.

There are several issues that I feel like most people are self-conscious about when pooping in public- the smell, amount of time spent in the restroom, and the dreaded ker-plunk.

In my place of business, the bathrooms are unisex, with no stalls; just a room with a toilet and sink. They happen to be across from the elevators. So on quiet mornings if you're in the bathroom and someone is standing there waiting for the elevator, you wonder if they can hear you.

Personally, that's my major source of discomfort. I don't want anyone to hear what I'm doing in the bathroom and become curious and be looking at me when I walk out. Since I'm not the type to linger, the other issues are not really issues for me.

Dayna told me about this genius trick for doing #2 in public. Just place a paper towel on the surface of the water and, as long as you're not farting, pooping is silent. I swear, try it. It's become my new go-to method of discreet at-work pooping.

Yes, I just blogged about poop. Because there's something else I've been dying to blog about but I can't.
So... you get poop.

16 August 2012


- Forgot to play the lottery this week.
+ I think I can still play Saturday.
+ Found some great lace for my city hall wedding dress sash
- Literally everything at work.
+ Made mom some curtains. I love them and want new curtains for my windows now.
- Energy levels.
+ Chris being a sweetie on facebook. Aw, he's not afraid of the public shmoop.

14 August 2012


The other day when I was, err, NOT taking risque pictures of myself and sending them to Hawaii, I noticed that my booty has gotten a little sag to it.

Now, it's been about 8 months since I've done any kind of regular physical activity, and I've noticed a decrease in overall tone, but nothing drastic. Until quite recently when the sag of my derriere caught my attention.

I'm MUCH too young to have a saggy butt.

Yes, as much as I try to focus on the health aspects of exercise, vanity wins every time that I get serious about it.

Not to say that I'm serious about it. The sad truth is, as long as my jeans fit, I don't think I'll be full-on motivated to start working out again. I've just looked up some exercises to do while standing in the lab when we experience a slow moment. As IF I care what my coworkers think.

The problem with most "butt exercises," like lunges, is that I feel them more in my thighs, not my butt. I tried a couple that make me feel the burn, though. And yes, I pinned them. Suggestions are welcome.

You know what? I know for a fact that my mom's old Buns of Steel tapes are still upstairs in a closet. I remember as a kid being stunned by that 80's thong leotard. Maybe I should bust them out.

Haha, yeah that's not happening.

13 August 2012

not cat food

Today I got a package. And THIS TIME it wasn't cat food. It was fun stuff! From Chris!

Included in the package was the sparkly pineapple Christmas ornament meant for our future tree, and some of his name tapes.

I'm going to sew his (minus the scrambling)

in to my wedding dress (es) like so:

Because pinterest made me think this is a really cute idea. Now I just need to figure out how to get them in there without it looking funny.

12 August 2012

Dear cinnamon chocolate chip scone

and coffee,

You did a great job of being my breakfast this morning. High five.

Last week I skyped with Chris several times. In face, I think we skyped more last week than all the times we ever have before, combined. It was great. He's so damn cute I just want to reach through the screen and grab him. I don't think I will have any problem being his wife.

I spent the majority of my weekend sleeping. It was awesome. I haven't been sleeping well during the week, mostly because of temperature issues. Up and down all night long, then dragging out of bed before dawn. I have daydreams about living in a well-insulated house with central ac and sleeping through the night.

Other small items to note:
Got a doubly long-overdue purple pedicure with my adorable Dayna
Delivered some AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC news, of which I can't shout from the rooftops yet
Salvaged some of the Pumpkin-destroyed puzzle on the coffee table
Herb & garlic pizza
Finished the last season of Will & Grace. I have to admit, I got sad that it was over.

10 August 2012

just so ash doesn't bitch about my lack of posting

I'm really tired. Have I mentioned that?

This morning I got so frustrated that I punched a fridge. The rest of the day I was in a surprisingly good mood.

I suggested to Chris that I just punch a fridge every day, and he was like, "No you might hurt your hand." And I thought that was really sweet. Except in the next breath he said, "Then you can't jerk my gherkin." There we go, that's the Chris we know and love.

Off to a gluten-filled evening for a birthday party. I hope I can stay awake.

06 August 2012


It all started when I just HAD to make scones last night. Chocolate chip cinnamon scones, to be exact.

Except I was out of chocolate chips. BUT I found some bars of chocolate in mom's pantry. So while I was happily chopping them, imagining how delicious the scones were going to be, I guess I spaced out and chopped right down on my pinky finger, even cutting through the nail.

Long story short, lots of blood, super glue, and a cotton ball under a tight bandaid stopped the bleeding. I am a genius.

Today I discovered just how much I use my pinky finger. Who knew I typed the letter "A" so many times in one day?? Apparently a lot, as a quick jolt of pain would remind me.

Anyway, a bandaid just wasn't cutting it. It kept getting sweaty in my gloves, slipping off, and the cut would start bleeding. I usually find blood on the outside of my gloves... not the inside. Not only that, but sometimes my gloves tear and I don't notice till there is all kinds of supposed nastiness on my hands-- and today, that nastiness would be in my wound. Between that and the regular hand-washing getting them wet, I had to find another solution.

I've heard of finger condoms before, and we had even purchased some when Frank had toe surgery, just to explore our options. They didn't work for Frank, but they worked beautifully for me. Kept the bandage on nice and snug inside my gloves. I secured it with surgical tape, and I had myself a waterproof cocoon that lasted all day. I knew they made those things for a reason.

05 August 2012



Stop lying to me.

I'm so disgusted with you right now.


04 August 2012


Have you read If You Give a Mouse a Cookie? If you have, you understand how my Saturday went. If you haven't, you didn't have a proper childhood.

It all started when I woke up this morning and made chocolate chocolate chip waffles. Seriously, why have I never done that before?? They're amazing.

Anyway, I spilled a little cocoa on the floor. So, after finishing my waffles, paying some bills, and taking a nap, I cleaned it up.

Which is when I noticed my that floors are atrocious. So I vacuumed and swept.

That is when I noticed that my rugs are disgusting and smelly. So I threw them in the wash.

Which reminded me of the gigantic pile of laundry hiding in my closet. Seriously, I didn't even have clean scrubs for work on Friday- I wore a t-shirt and old scrubs bottoms that are bleach-stained. So I started sorting out my laundry, and since I had a lot of whites, I started a pile that needed bleaching.

Which made me think of my mildew-y shower curtain. So I took it down, threw it in the bleach pile, and went back to the bathroom to spray down the shower and give the toilet and sink a good scrub.

As I was scrubbing the sink, I noticed that my makeup brushes are getting funky. So  I gave those a nice soapy soak.

Which reminded me that I slept in makeup and it got on the pillowcases. So I stripped my bed and added that to the laundry piles.

That's when I saw the ghetto black curtain that I hang over my window because I need to go to bed when it's still light out. That led to busting out my sewing machine and making a proper curtain with some of the fabric that Chris brought back from Afghanistan. I sewed the blackout curtain behind the pretty curtain, making it both pretty and functional.

As I was putting laundry away, I got fed up with my underwear. I have two full drawers of underwear, including the ones that are old, stained, stretched, and faded. So went through and ended up throwing out a grocery bag full of underwear. And I still have plenty. I also sorted through the sexy stuff and put those in ziplock bags. It's so annoying digging through drawers and only being able to find the sexy stuff. I don't need to wear a lacy thong to work, especially since no one will be enjoying it after work. You know? Then, because it's in the same family and the next drawer over, I threw out some old bras.

That was all done before I left and got some stuff done.

After all that, I came home to a sink full of dirty dishes. BUT-- I have a glass of wine in my hand AND the last season of Will & Grace. If I can stay awake for that long...

hail mary

Random thoughts over the last few days:

I don't listen to music anymore. I used to constantly listen to music. I used to find new artists, illegally download some stuff, and burn it on to cds or listen while I was studying. I guess since I don't study any more, I forgot to listen to music. Also when I got a new computer a few years back, I never downloaded any of those file sharing programs, and was too broke to actually pay for music. So I started listening to the radio- and how damn stifling is the radio? The same few songs over and over.

Although I'm not a huge fan, I catch a little of the Olympics here and there. Yesterday we watched some of it, including the 10,000 meter event. Dibaba was an amazing BEAST. At the very end she started sprinting, gaining an amazing lead, with a freaking smile on her face. She was just like, "See you bitches." She didn't even look out of breath. Very cool.

I like this idea.

Watched some Will & Grace- now I understand the whole, "banana" thing.

Feeling the need to de-clutter again.