a day.

Today was long.

I was already annoyed with having to travel Sunday, then it wound up being a travel day with a stomachache... joy. Those are the best.

Also, leaving home is not as fun as it used to be.

I remember there was a time when I told my boss to pick me first any time a travel opportunity came up, so I could get out of my toxic house. 

Now, I actually like being home in paradise with my awesome husband. So for the trips where I can convince him to join me, it's a lot more fun. Unfortunately, Ohio was hard to sell. So now I'm trying to make the best of the next 6 days.

Speaking of travel and hotels, I have recently discovered a new travel hack to deal with the fact that no hotel is ever as clean as I want it to be. (except the resorts in Mexico. Those are always SPOTLESS.)

Of course, I use a wipe on all high-touch surfaces like light switches, handles, remotes, etc. And those actually rarely come back super dirty. This is for the corners of the shower, and mildewy sink seals. Stuff like that.

When I go grocery shopping, I pick up a bottle of cheap, store brand bleach spray. And blast the unsavory parts of hotel rooms. Very effective.

weird flare

I've had a really weird belly flare this week. It's been different from the everyday crummies, and different than even the normal flares. (I hate that I have words like everyday and normal to describe things that should not be everyday and normal.) 

So today, after the 3rd straight day of a stomachache that I can't explain, and still having to perform daily functions like going to work, I prepared myself a meal. Then I stood there, in my hotel room, looking down at that meal, thinking that I don't want to eat it because I know that it will make my stomach hurt. 

That thought filled me with so much despair.  It sent me back to those years full of endless struggle, where day after day I would choose not to eat because I'd rather be hungry than sick. I've come so far since those days and I've made so much progress managing this illness. Simply having those thoughts feels like such a huge step backwards.

I can't believe I live a life where something as basic and life-sustaining as EATING could be so problematic. Like, honestly.

The good news is, I've been in that struggle zone before and have no desire to re-live it, so I'm pretty motivated to take action. Doctors have rarely been helpful, but I did look up a gastroenterologist in Lake Jackson so if this doesn't resolve, at least I'll go get checked out.

In the meantime, I've taken 3 slow bites of this tuna sandwich in the last hour and I only have minimal pain.