05 September 2017

wah.

I'm in a funk.

Thanks to Harvey, the stringing of days spent being useless has reached capacity and has overflowed. Having ample time to think, by myself, produces thoughts that aren't easily distinguishable between groundbreaking and paranoid. The logical part of my brain is telling me not to make any big decisions while in this funky state. Kind of like how they tell you not to do any online shopping or banking after a surgical procedure because you're not in your right mind.

As much as I cherish my solitary moments, over the past few years I've gotten used to companionship. That, combined with this new job that involves a lot of working from home, means that I find myself feeling lonely a lot now.

What do I do to pass the lonely evening hours? Drink, of course. I've found myself watching that clock so that when it hits 5pm, I can start drinking. Drunk and lonely... super satisfying.
Not ideal, not healthy.

When my alcohol tolerance and waistline increases, and it's harder to get out of bed in the morning, I know it's time to cut back. I can feel myself spiraling into a pattern that's not good.

I'm determined to re-start some healthy habits.
Which means now I'm sober and lonely.

After depleting my junk food stocks during Harvey-snack-fest 2017, I stocked up on a bunch of healthy foods and have adopted a Whole30-ish diet again. This time, I include beans. Because I love beans and they make me feel good and they're literally a whole food so I don't see a problem.

I started walking around the neighborhood again. It's hot and sweaty and miserable, and the mosquitoes attack almost immediately, but I heard the mosquito truck spray last night and it kinda feels good to get sweaty, even if it has nothing to do with exertion.

Back to measuring out a serving of wine again. Because, you know, it's good for your heart. This time around, though, it's hard to limit myself to 1 glass a night. Because alcohol and misery go together so well.

I even started poking around meetup again. There are not a whole lot of groups that I'm interested in, mostly moms with toddlers and hardcore yoga groups, but I joined a Science Enthusiast group and one for "Multiple Interests and Tastes," which is right up my alley. I also figured now's a good time to stretch my comfort zone. So I joined a Toastmasters group. Have not motivated myself to go to anything yet.

Mk, time to go walk.

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