Just sayin

It's been almost exactly two years since I said goodbye to Chris and he left for basic training.

Since then, a lot has happened. I didn't know how I would handle it, but somehow I have. The worst was Afghanistan. Turns out, that was a lot like having an elephant sitting on your chest for 8 months. A heavy, constant distraction. I never want to re-live how I felt when he was deployed. The split second that I caught a glimpse of camouflage on my floor that Thursday afternoon, it all evaporated. I felt so light and airy. Then, in what seemed like a split second later, he was gone and I was left with a shiny promise on my finger.

I never expected to be engaged and lonely. I think that's part of the reason I didn't want all this to happen until after Chris came home. I wanted to enjoy these important life milestones, not spend them in various stages of missing-ness.

When people ask, I say that I miss him but eventually quip that you get used to it. The truth is, I don't ever get used to it. It's just something to say that's more socially acceptable than, "it's in the back of my mind every second," then there's an awkward moment while people try to figure out how to reply to that. No one knows what this is like. I can't even fully explain what it's like. It's just something that no one wants to do, but you do it because you have no other choice.

Even though he's no longer deployed, Chris has no idea what is going on in my life. I have no idea what's going on in his. He knows nothing of my recent work issues, or family drama, what movies I've seen, what books I've read, what I do on a day-to-day basis. I know about the same of his life. He's been extremely busy, especially now that he's a squad leader. We don't get to talk frequently, and when we do, it's usually for a short period of time. Usually by that point, topics of interest in my life have either resolved themselves, or are no longer something I want to re-hash. I'm sure the same applies to him.

I haven't seen his face in ages, even on skype. I haven't gotten to see his smile. It's slightly maddening to the point where you just become numb and get through another day. I crave hearing his goofy laugh in my hear and running my fingers through his hair. This is not even remotely easy.

It's hard to hear my friends, hell, even my own parents, complain about their spouse about the silliest things, when all I can think about it how I'd love to be able to have an opinion about how he loads the dishwasher, or be annoyed at something he did, or whatever. 

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this, I guess I just wanted to get this out of my head. Thanks for listening ;o)

randoms

I was digging in the garden a few days ago to plant the bazaar wins, and unearthed a mushroom. Random.

I like watching Oprah talk with Paula Deen in their pajamas.

Finished the last 50 Shades book. Loved it. The 3rd book is the best. Now I need another book to read.

I miss Chris enormously.

I need to do some more CEs. Merh. Make me do them.

Gluten free chocolate donuts.

I finally bought a wine rack. Now my random bottles of booze look classy.

Hip still smarts. That'll teach me to do a cartwheel. I remember when I could do those easy peasy... only a few years ago. Jeez, I don't want to be getting old yet.

I've always wanted to try fried green tomatoes.

in focus

I haven't worn contacts since... maybe Ashley's wedding?

Going swimming this afternoon at Andrea's fancy pool, and glasses + swimming = bummer. So I popped them in. They're comfortable, but I can't see up close very well. I have to squint to focus on the computer or my cell phone.

I don't remember having this issue before. I hope as I get used to them again, it fixes, because if not I'll need to get granny reading glasses. Which, secretly, I'm kind of excited about.

On to the pool! With SPF 85, big sunglasses, and a bottle of wine. Hollaaa

fun at work

Lately, the hospital has been having employee appreciation events, which consist of a theme and free lunch. There's also music, karaoke, and a few themed activities. They decorate one of the courtyards (pretty impressively) and everyone just stops by when they get the chance. At first I thought they'd be lame, but they've turned out to be morale-lifting and everyone seems to enjoy themselves.

Last time it was for the rodeo, and there was a chili cookoff. Today the theme was "fun at work" or something like that. We were supposed to wear silly hats and sunglasses but I think everyone forgot. For lunch there were grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, a few desserts, and random fun things like bubbles, hula hoops, sidewalk chalk, and the like.

It was all pretty mellow until someone broke out the water guns. Then all hell broke loose and it got pretty fun. It was hot enough outside, and scrubs naturally dry pretty fast, so it was no big deal to get water all over you. It was actually refreshing. And hilarious. I got a video of me and Andrea that is absolutely hysterical, but I have to ask her first before I can post it. I put it on repeat and watched it about 50 times, laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Good times.

50 Shades... 2

So the second book.

SPOILERS















Did it live up to my expectations? Absolutely. The sex got toned down, but was still present and got a little more creative. I did have to roll my eyes every time they climaxed together and he called out her name. Sheesh.

I got a lot of answers to my questions, unraveled a lot more of the main characters, and got a little details about some of the supporting characters. I found myself wishing that I had a ton of money. Man, it would be nice.

There were some fun plot twists. I hate how you can see things coming way before they happen. This book throws random crap out at you and it's awesome. I was wondering how the author was going to embellish the love story. She did it well. I liked how the "romance" developed further among all of these underlying stories, but holy crap they move fast. When you stop to think, it all happens in a few days. How intense, but how typical of a novel.

I noticed that a lot of foreshadowing occurs with a facial expression from Christian. You can't skim over that stuff, or you'll miss a tip-off about something. Actually, I skimmed very little in this book, which is not typical for me. 

Overall I really enjoyed this book. I liked it better than the first. I don't know how much of this was planted in my head by drew, but at the end of the book I got an x-files scene in my head, how at the end of an episode the smoking man would be there, tainting the happy ending with his smoky impending drama. I was impressed, though. I thought her dick boss was out of the picture. Totally didn't see that coming, and I'd love to see how he's connected.

On to book three. Looking forward to it.

amazing bathtub

The bathtub in my sister's new house is AMAZINGGGGGGG. Kind of like this

but without the weird ass-shaped contour.

That is all.

planty, gardeny

Last night, I met my goal at the Bazaar. I won a plant, in true bazaar-fashion: with the very last effort, with the very last tokens, when I've told myself that it's just not going to happen this year. Apparently that's just how it works for me. Of course, I got much support from Akhtar and Luke. I came home with two beautiful plants; I picked the one with the orange flowers. No idea what kind it is. It's got those succulent-type leaves, which gives me hope because those are harder to kill. Look at how pretty the flowers are.

It also came with the pretty yellow plant and this great basket. Sweeet.

So, in true Earth Day fashion, I'm going to plant them in my garden and hope they live. Speaking of the garden, I took a new approach this year. I didn't clean out the bed completely and start from scratch. Anything green, including clover, stayed. Beggars can't be choosers. I just cleaned out the leaves and tried to loosen the soil so I could mix it with new stuff. Then I planted a few plants that were hanging out in pots; One is doing well. The tulips bit the dust almost immediately.

There is one corner, near the fence, that seems to dry up quickly in the summer heat. I think it may get the most sun at the hottest part of the day. Everything seems to wither up and die in that corner. To solve that problem, I opted to put pots full of soil directly on top of the ground. That way, if things start to look sad, I can move them to a better place. Also, the pots of soil will hold on to water better than if they were just planted in the ground.

That's where most of my herbs went. Since I had luck last year and really loved it, I planted basil all over the place. We'll see where it grows best. I also have some dill sprouting up. The mint from last year's farmer's market is perking back up. I hear that stuff's invasive. Cool, I need something like that. Invade the corner where nothing grows, mint!

The tomato plants are growing nicely. I've never grown them, and don't have high hopes for success. But we'll see.

Also planted some zucchini. It's the vegetable that you always hear about people having too much of, so I figured it must be easy to grow. In years past I haven't had much luck, but again, we'll see.

I planted a bunch of wildflowers in random places, but maybe the seeds were old because I haven't seen any sign of them. The flowers underneath the air conditioner get the most water, from what drips down then the AC is on (more and more frequently), so they are doing great. This plant has been hanging out for several years now.

There are also a few random plants that just appeared. I have no idea what they are, but I let them stay because they are green and growing. Like this random bushy type plant that is thriving.

Like my little happy squirrel? I snagged him at the farmer's market last year, and several people came up to me and asked me where I got it. Too bad I got the last one, muahahaha. Missy's mom's aloe vera plants are going strong. Good thing those are hard to kill because I love breaking off a piece and using it on my skin.

P.S. This is last year's bazaar win. It looks a little scraggly, but is doing pretty well.

P.P.S. Pumpkin likes nice days. She will sit there on my snowman doormat and just chill. Also, I need to get baseboards. Say hi to the Great Stuff in the crack under the door. Eh, screw baseboards. I'm only in my parents' garage for a little while longer anyway.