refreshing

Well, I'm back safe and sound at home. And after this week, I feel like a new woman.

I've never been able to adequately explain what looking at the Oceanside pier in person does to me. How I feel when I walk across the scorching sand, not bothering to tiptoe across in pain but instead savoring the feeling. How the waves somehow bring contentness. How the sight of a figure in a wet suit waxing a surfboard calms me. How the taste of authentic slurpees from 711 blows all other competitors out of the water. How the combination of breeze and sun both warms my skin and gives me goose pimples at the same time. I swear I can feel the ocean air taking away all my concerns as it tangles my hair. The salty water and sand remove the imaginary weight as they stick to my skin.

I forgot about my whole life back in Houston for the whole week and instead absorbed every sunny, California-filled moment. I forgot about bills, problems, drama... everything. It was just what I needed.

I don't know, maybe I'm just transported back to my childhood once I smell that air (MUCH different from this crappy Galveston stuff) and take in the sights I saw constantly during happier, simpler times. Everything was familiar. Even though I'd never driven it myself, cruising down the 101, the 5, the 78 back to Vista, was effortless. It was like I just knew where to go. Nothing else soothes my soul like those southern California beaches. I can't explain it, it's just home for my soul.

And what's even stranger: I kept this carefree feeling until I was driving home from dropping M off. The familiar song on the radio, the way I automatically drove my car, the thoughtlessness of driving the same road brought those same old thoughts back into my head. I desperately tried to hold onto the contentness, but all of a sudden I felt the way I was feeling a few weeks ago. My heart raced with anxiety and I felt the horrible urge to pick up all of my bad habits that I've gotten rid of for the week.

I don't want them anymore.

I have to figure out how to find my Oceanside without leaving Houston.

Anyways some pics I took that I liked: