24 December 2011

be nice to people

So this is Christmas... Eve. When did this sneak up on us?

Things are new this year. We're starting new traditions. I have to work tomorrow, and so does my brother in law. Instead of waking up hungover at the ass-crack of dawn and tearing through presents with one hand and sipping spiked coffee with the other, we are waiting until the evening to have a nice dinner and open gifts. How very adult-ful of us.

It's a little sad that this is the first year we have to break tradition. But, it was bound to happen eventually, with all of us growing up and moving away and whatnot.

Instead of feeling the Christmas cheer, or even greed, I find myself a little detached- standing back from it all and just feeling incredibly grateful. I'm surrounded by an un-falteringly wonderful family, an amazing fiancee who returned from a war zone unharmed and ready to marry the shit out of me, understanding friends, supportive coworkers...

There are plenty of shithead people in this world, but there are also a ton of incredible people. It feels like I'm surrounded by all of them.

And I feel like I don't deserve it.

I'm not an especially kind person. I used to be, before the stresses of the world made me crabby and tired, and, overall, I slowly started caring a lot less about people. I used to be the girl that was always smiling, always had energy, always went out of my way to help or listen, always ready to give, always had a way to brighten someone's day.

Now, I'm the one who's flicking you off when you're driving too slow, scowling when you've held up the line at the grocery store, blowing you off when you need a hand. Holy crap, when did I become such a bitch? What happened to the kindness of stangers?? When and why did I become this person?

I was browsing pinterest the other day and caught this: 


The pinner had placed it next to her door so she'd see it on her way out every day, as kind of a daily motivation.

And I thought of how I'd change things if I had that near my door. I certainly work hard, but I'm not especially nice to people. I've noticed the harder I work, the less nice I am to people. And I also decided that there's no reason I can't work hard and also be nice to people. It's just got to become a habit again.

Maybe it's time to re-learn how to be one of those incredible people that I'm surrounded by.

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