IUD Adventures

Continue reading at your own risk if you're afraid of periods and uterus talk and all that jazz.
When I was doing research about this, I would have loved to come across someone talking frankly about what really happens- rather than the product websites and message boards which spout gloom and doom and side effects and problems. So this is how it really went.


My uterus is now practically an impenetrable fortress.

That's right, I'm walking around with a flexible t-shaped piece of hormone-coated plastic inside my uterus. Baller.

But let's break it down a little.

The doctor instructed me to come in for the procedure during my period, for two reasons:
1. He wanted to be sure I wasn't pregnant, and also so it would be effective right away.
2. The cervix is a little more dilated when you're menstruating.

When I went in to the doctor's office, I peed in a cup and they made sure I wasn't pregnant, then I got undressed from the waist down and sat there with a paper cloth over my lap on the examination table, eyeing the rather long box on the counter.

Now, I swear this always happens to me. I never, ever go to the gynecologist without ending up with a student observing. Do I just happen to always choose the teaching facilities? But anyway, he said that there were 3 students who had never seen and IUD insertion before and would I mind if they came in? Nah, send 'em in. Let's have a party where we all stare at my vagina.

They were actually 3 really nice girls, coming in and introducing themselves and shaking my hand. While I was naked from the waist down. Surprisingly not awkward.

The insertion procedure was like a really intense pap smear. You get up in the stirrups and scoot your butt down to the end of the table (Does anyone else feel really strange scooting your nether regions towards the gyno's face? I always feel strange doing that).

Then, I tried to watch him take it out of the box but the girls were blocking my view. It's got this device that has a long tube, and I'm assuming the IUD is at the end of the tube. The handle of the tube has a switch, much like you use to slide a flash drive out of the stick. They stick the tube up past your cervix and with the flick of the switch, deposit the IUD into the uterus. Then you're all done. Yeah, easier said than done.

Since I have not had children, my cervix needed to be dilated a bit. I was thinking, "Whoa, is he going to give me drugs?" No. It's just a fancy way of saying that they're going to stick this long metal thing up there and mechanically open the cervix. Fun.

At that point I had three girls intently staring between my legs while the doctor did his thing, and I was trying not to be a wuss, but I did give an "ow" and try to find something to grab on to- which ended up being the side of the examination table. The procedure took about 3 minutes and was only about 30 seconds of pain, but imagine a really sudden, really intense cramp. The kind that makes you hold your breath. Then, it was over.

I got dressed and they gave me some meds for pain, which I didn't end up needing. Then I went grocery shopping.

I had pretty significant cramping on & off for a few weeks, and very light spotting the first day, but that was it.

The other night I was talking with my aunt, who is the one who originally suggested the IUD, and we got to comparing birth control methods. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner. It's kind of a no-brainer for me.

First, consider the cost.

The Mirena cost $45 for the actual IUD, and $115 to insert it at the doctor's office. Total of $160.
The Pill, with my current insurance, costs $45 a month.
The Mirena is good for 5 years. So over the course of 5 years...

Mirena- $160
Pill- $2,700

Yowza.

With the Mirena, your periods gradually become lighter and they usually stop altogether. You don't have to take a daily pill or change a monthly patch or go in for a quarterly shot. It's also one of the most effective methods of birth control. Also, most of the hormones stay inside the uterus- only a small amount gets into the bloodstream. Basically the only thing you do is stick your fingers up there once a month and try to find the short strings that tell you that it's still in place. (To date, I have not been able to locate mine.)

Not to say that there aren't potential side effects and problems, including problems with pregnancy, embedment to the uterine wall, perforation of the uterus, and infections. I mean, that's to be expected when you put a foreign material inside your uterus.

However, cost-wise and practicality-wise, I'm very glad I decided to try this.

One last thing- the doctor mentioned that my partner might be able to feel the strings at first, because they're kind of coarse but soften over time. He told me, "But don't tell him that, because then he'll feel it for sure. If you don't mention it, he probably won't even notice. You know how guys are- don't give him a reason to complain."

I had to laugh. I get to test it out in about a week, so we'll see.

**Update**

After having the IUD for about a month and a half, here's some thoughts:

I had pretty significant cramping for about a month, and when I got my first period, it started on time and lasted about 2 weeks. Mostly light spotting, a couple days of light bleeding, and more spotting. The spotting lasted forever and was kind of annoying, but the cramps eventually went away.

The fiance could feel it- he described it as "scraping" which made me cringe, but he said it wasn't that bad.

Other than that, I'm hardly ever aware of it and have had no other side effects. I still have not been able to feel the strings myself.

**Update**
See the conclusion of this adventure here.