29 September 2016


UGH I've got a weird feeling. It's one of those odd gut feelings that can't quite be placed and I don't like it.


After today's fillings, my tooth landscape has changed and it's weird. I keep tonguing it. As far as the dental stuff goes, I'm done with the top right. Moving on to the top left. Valium seems to have zero effect except to make me sleepy enough so that someone needs to take me to the appointment and pick me up. Not convenient for anyone. The anxiety still runs rampant. I suppose it's something that I just need to get used to.

Today's the first day that it feels cooler. And by that I mean 80 degrees instead of 100. It's very pleasant. Of course I just came home after a visit to New York, which was also very pleasant, so it's extra-welcome. I need to go back and explore the city a bit. I only had time for the work things.

Back to having no motivation to work out. The efforts I made for a little while did nothing. Maybe that's why. I'm all about instant gratification, and unfortunately health doesn't work that way. I'd develop new habits to make it easier, but I just don't care! Given the choice, I'd rather drink wine, sleep, clean, go get a pedicure, cook dinner... than work out. I know it's awful. I'm hoping that the cooler weather will inspire me.

My brain is a jumbled mess of everything. Tugging me in all directions. I made some defining choices lately, but I still don't feel any more solid about the direction.
What I wouldn't give for some clarity and some settling of the misty nonsense.

I'm going to see if I can find a book to download.

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