risk and feeling centered

I have sat down to blog several times in the past few weeks and have always gotten interrupted.

How on earth has life shifted so much in such a short time?

I know time always helps to clarify perspective, but what a doozie. I guess I kinda went through a big shift and it's still a little crazy to look back on it.

Right now, I feel calm. Happy. Peaceful. I'm setting into this new life well, even though work is crazy busy and I'm still developing my new routine and Pumpkin won't crap outside and my heart is adjusting.

It's all in a positive direction. I went to yoga for the first time in weeks and I felt like a different person. When I set the intent for my practice, my thoughts were completely different than the last time I went. I felt strong. Good. Centered. Happy. Content. Steadfast to myself.

So of course it's time to take a major risk... Obviously I was feeling too centered.

To be honest, the thing I'm struggling with the most at this time is this relationship that's developing with foxy grandpa. He brought up the "we should date each other exclusively" topic of conversation.
Yeah, he didn't waste any time.
It's that frightening combination of "this feels really great" and "this is happening WAY too fast."

Which I communicated to him.

It's completely illogical and out of character for me to give in to any shmoop. But.
I've decided that this time around, I'm going to give myself permission to to go with it.

Why? Because life is short and to be honest, after feeling SO low for SO long, it's sooooooo refreshing to feel smitten. Yeah, it might be ridiculous and I might eventually get hurt, but in the meantime I'm going to allow myself to REVEL in the unique happy feeling that comes with this situation.

Of course I didn't intend to meet someone. I was going to happily be a big fat slut and maybe find a couple of friends with benefits.
But that idea didn't work out the way I planned and the whole time it felt odd.

This... feels right.

I've grown so much, and gotten in touch with how I'm okay by myself... it makes me especially appreciate how this foxy grandpa adds another level of joy to my life... BUT DOESN'T DEFINE IT.

He has his life and I have mine, and they happen to intersect a couple of times a week.

And that is why I feel (cautiously) okay with how everything is developing.
Plus I'm making sure he's completely aware of how I feel. Over-communication is my jam right now.

So even if this does wind up being a horrible idea, at least I spent some time being ridiculously happy without reservation.

At this point in my life, I'll allow that.