maturity rocks!

I love being an adult.
Aside from the responsibility and bills, hitting a certain level of maturity and being around those who share that maturity is so very nice.

I'm glad I am able to handle these issues like an adult, without the unnecessary drama. I am a big fan of frankness, probably because I'm not very good at deciphering vagueness.

I am excited about the future. You never know what will happen. Oh, God I hope for the best. I was so worried that it would never happen and now, sitting upon the threshold watching, I see enormous potential. I am so very happy for the good things that are happening, especially since they're not happening to me. I've already got a blessed life, it's damn time that people I care about get a break.

suprises and not-so-surprises

I came home after a long day to find two surprising things on my desk: the knitting needles I was wanting and some random lab orders from my doctor.
The needles were a gift from my great-aunt. She's visiting from Arizona for a few weeks. I've seen her briefly twice-- never home long enough to see her. I wish I could spend more time with her.
The lab orders were for celiac disease. Umm, what the hell? I haven't even seen her for any problems relating to this. It really was random. I am impressed, though. She did a little putting two and two together. So I did some research and I'll do the tests, but I doubt I have it. At least I don't have to fast for the tests. I hate fasting, I get all dizzy. Still haven't figured out exactly what's wrong with me. I am fine with managing the symptoms through medication but it would be nice to find out the cause.

So the long day: rat gut physiology lab = disgusting. For once I did no cutting and left it up to my labmates. Give me frogs any day. I studied much more for this immuno exam than for the last one, but I feel I did worse on this one. Then during karaoke night, the lack of sleep hit me and I just wanted to fall asleep at the table.

I did some thinking on the drive home. I finally understand those words that were silently spoken so long ago and I wasn't sure what they meant. And that fucking scares me. I need to figure out a way to change this. I need patience and I'm sure time will help.

Now that I'm home and able to lay in my bed, I can't sleep.

I can pick up my glasses tomorrow :o)

slowing down

i should be studying for immuno. or working on my physiology lab report. or practicing ochem reaction problems. something productive. but these thoughts keep distracting me.

today was a strange day. oh, it was normal in the routine sort of way, but had an odd feel to it. it seemed surreal, unsettling.

on the way to work i stopped by the post office and mailed my very first postsecret postcard. the secret written on it is one that i'm unsure about. i hope it inspires someone.

i told dave about what has been bothering me. it seemed to clear my head about the whole situation. i'm ok with sitting tight for now. i need to learn to think before i act. i need to learn patience and self control. i've become too liberal with the self-satisfaction that comes with going for what i want without regard for the consequenses. life's more complicated than that.

one day at a time.

status quo

I'm sitting at my desk. The windows on my computer consist of a google result for normal tidal volume, this page, and a word document containing my lab report. The tv is tuned into ESPN and the UH vs SMU game that I'm not attending. Actually I think it's over by now. They're doing some kind of interviews. I hope we won!

I am so confused right now. I don't know what to think; I don't know what to do. I can't write frankly about certain things anymore because quite a few people that I actually know now read this. I am certain I would get my ass verbally kicked if I did. Maybe a few punches and some "what the hell are you thinking??"

I know I have no self control. I do things I know I should not do, but I want to do them... and you know what? I rarely regret doing them. But I need to stop being so selfish. I need to think of others instead of myself.

This is a very sticky situation. The advice I've been given from the couple people that I've partially confided in have told me to sit tight. But for how long??

My fingers are itchy and I'm anxious. I want to talk to people. I hate waiting
Ha, I'm also not very patient.

thinking and re-thinking.

I feel blah.

Today was a good day, very productive. Day and Ash helped me pick out my new glasses. They're plastic frames, different from anything I've worn. I'm looking forward to not having to wear contacts all the time.

I need to do schoolwork. My last ochem lab is this week! Then the next week it's the final and check out. 6 whole hours of freedom regained.

Been thinking about a lot of things lately; lots of stuff has been going on. It's another one of those times where I'd rather wait for something to happen than make a choice.

I wonder if I'd be thinking this way if things had stayed the way they were going?

friday morning

I do not usually dig women singers. They're too whiny for me.
But I just love Ingrid Michaelson. Especially The Way I Am. It's so cute and catchy!
Go look it up. Now. Then tell me how much you love it.

Went to the eye doctor today and she said I have congenital cataracts in both my eyes. Hm. No one's ever said that before! Oh, well just add it to the list.

As I'm typing this, my mom is singing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I absolutely love her, haha.

Well I'm going to go skip around and sing, it's a beautiful day and I have a date with a cutie tonight.

in the mourning

I can see the signs
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied.
-Tantric. Good song.

I am not ready to move on.
I don't want a new car. I'm not excited; I'm forced. I don't like it. The loss of Pedro still hasn't settled yet. I still get that rush of adrenaline and panic when a car gets too close to me on the road.

I sang karaoke tonight [Joan Jett- I love rock n' roll] with the support and backup of 4 guys. Akhtar did a GREAT job singing, I should have grown some balls and jumped up there all by myself.

I didnt have the balls today for a lot of things.