thoughts on health and diet

The amount of diet/healthy/weight loss advice out there is massive. Advice comes at you from all directions. Pin one healthy article? Get 50 spammy suggestions about which surprising foods are preventing you from losing weight.

I haven't paid much attention to it until recently.
I started by tracking my meals on the My Fitness Pal app. While it was initially helpful, I soon got tired of counting calories. That's not my jam.

Then my friend suggested that I join one of her 21 Day Fix groups, but I could tell right away that I wouldn't follow it. Measuring food in containers? Drinking "shakes?" Nah. I'm about real food and real meals. Not counting and measuring.

Then Dayna told me about the Plate Method. Which I already tried to adapt without realizing it back when I vowed to start eating more vegetables. It seems like the simplest idea for those who aren't excited about getting nit-picky with food but still want some guidance.

Exercise is another story. Apparently there is bad exercise? What? There's this huge market for workout aids. This fit bit is a neat tool to measure steps and activity (hit your 10,000 daily steps or feel bad about yourself), but it's just another piece of the massive health puzzle.

What happened to everything in moderation? Do people not respond to that anymore? Has society evolved to the point where we NEED the numbers and goals and guilt in order to maintain decent health?

Apparently it doesn't work anyway because everyone is still fat and unhealthy.

I think it's time to take a step back from the madness and simply eat an apple if I'm hungry, and take the stairs more.

randoms

My coworker gave me her fitbit this past weekend. Actually, it turns out, she gave me two fitbits. She upgraded to the newest one and didn't want the old ones. Sweet! So I hooked them up today and I'm only really curious to see how much I walk at work. I'll get to try it out on second shift tomorrow, which might not be -as- busy as first shift, but at least I'll get an idea (along with my $3 shift diff- holla). Anyone want my extra fitbit?

Currently digging the under-sink water filtration system that got installed last night. The snap-on brita always got on my nerves because it reduced already-limited spout-to-drain space in the shallow-ass kitchen sink. And I don't give a crap about having an additional source of filtered water because it comes out of the fridge and I'm convinced that drinking filtered water contributed to my recent cavity surge. However Chris insisted and it is kind of nice to have a faster-flowing source for refilling the keurig reservoir and dog bowl.

Speaking of, no more dentist appointments until next year. Apparently I've used up all my insurance for the year. Also since Valium does jack and shit, I've got a new prescription for Xanax to try out next time.

Noticing a definite difference in how hard it has been to drop these few pounds and tone up. I watched my diet for a couple months and mixed in a bit of exercise, which has always done the trick. Not this time. I suppose metabolism really does change when you start to get older. I've found that I can't even do regular pushups anymore. I'm a bit miffed and surprised. And deliberately trying to limit carbs and cheese, which I've never had to do.


As always recently, got a bunch of uncertainties swimming around in my head. Some have started to calm down, only to be replaced by new ones.

I suppose that's the constant inconsistency in life. Nothing is ever calm and settled all at once. I've been attempting to live in the moment, savor the status quo and accept what each day brings. It's hard to balance that idea and the idea that I deserve to have a completely satisfied life with all my expectations met. Laughable when you think about it, eh? I think the happiest people are the ones who do accept the idea that life's a tumbling mess and you gotta go with it. So that's my focus now.

Pillow power, fall edition

I was feeling new pillows today. Fall tones. I spent a mere $12 on the fabric, because 1/2 yard is perfect for the two bigger pillows.

I was pretty thrilled to find a color-coordinating pineapple fabric, because that silly little pillow has become a favorite around here.

Chris literally gave it a pet name and we fight over who gets it while we're watching TV.

I know. It's weird. Pillows are serious business around here.

Fit.

Oh, it's time to start caring about myself. Taking care of myself. I've been so focused on repairing my emotional health lately that I have repeatedly neglected my physical health. When will I fully grasp the truth that the two are connected?

I even ignored a uti. I went so far as to run my labs, request antibiotics from a doctor at work, filled the rx... and let them sit on the counter. What?

I'm having every tooth in my mouth filled because I neglected my oral health for years. I'm only seeing the gyno so I can get my birth control refilled. I'm a grown-ass adult with insurance that covers preventative care. I need to use it.

I've got a fridge full of veggies, sitting there, starting to wilt. The yoga mat has been unrolled, yet untouched except for the cat, for weeks. I haven't taken a fish oil capsule in about a month. I gleefully skipped the 5k last weekend. I'll ignore a healthy packed lunch if there are nachos in the cafeteria at work. I'll think about exercise but instead I'll have a drink. The list goes on.

I'm getting too old to ignore my body's needs for healthy habits, and my lack of motivation is ridiculous. So here we go.

randoms

UGH I've got a weird feeling. It's one of those odd gut feelings that can't quite be placed and I don't like it.

Randoms:

After today's fillings, my tooth landscape has changed and it's weird. I keep tonguing it. As far as the dental stuff goes, I'm done with the top right. Moving on to the top left. Valium seems to have zero effect except to make me sleepy enough so that someone needs to take me to the appointment and pick me up. Not convenient for anyone. The anxiety still runs rampant. I suppose it's something that I just need to get used to.

Today's the first day that it feels cooler. And by that I mean 80 degrees instead of 100. It's very pleasant. Of course I just came home after a visit to New York, which was also very pleasant, so it's extra-welcome. I need to go back and explore the city a bit. I only had time for the work things.

Back to having no motivation to work out. The efforts I made for a little while did nothing. Maybe that's why. I'm all about instant gratification, and unfortunately health doesn't work that way. I'd develop new habits to make it easier, but I just don't care! Given the choice, I'd rather drink wine, sleep, clean, go get a pedicure, cook dinner... than work out. I know it's awful. I'm hoping that the cooler weather will inspire me.

My brain is a jumbled mess of everything. Tugging me in all directions. I made some defining choices lately, but I still don't feel any more solid about the direction.
What I wouldn't give for some clarity and some settling of the misty nonsense.

I'm going to see if I can find a book to download.

a little feels

It's been hard to categorize the feels lately.

A bit sad, a little regretful, yet motivated. 

Sometimes happy, sometimes redeemed. 

Sort of complete, yet sort of incomplete. 

Mostly a mixture of guarded and surprised.

I see changes, all around. Good or bad? Temporary or permanent? I'm not sure.

I still find myself doing more for me, being more selfish. And legitimately giving less fucks about a lot that I used to care about. I can't figure out if that's actually a good thing, but that's what I'm leaning towards.

I also know I've been more tired lately. 

Or maybe I've been this tired all along and I'm just now giving myself permission to BE tired.

P.S. check out this joyful traveling llama. 

products

A few random products I'm loving lately:

• Scentsy. I'd gotten a bit tired of the scents I had, so I got a bunch more, plus a new warmer. I simply can't be trusted to remember to blow out candles... and they really help my house not smell like dog.

I am especially excited about the car bars, which are new to me. My car doesn't exactly smell new anymore, and I've been putting those laundry crystals in a mesh bag in an attempt to make it smell fresh. The car bar is sooo much better!

P.S. Chris has the Weathered Leather one in his truck. Very manly.
P.P.S. Yes, the above links are shamelessly pointed to my sister's Scentsy shop. Remember, it's only September, but Christmas is coming...

• Upgraded household items. 

• Like the dish drainer. I traded in my old cracked plastic dollar store one for a metal one that is way more aesthetically pleasing. 7 bucks on sale. Not bad.

• TOWELS. I noticed a few of our hand towels have disappeared (How?), so I wandered down the towel aisle at Target. There was a sale! I usually lean towards bleachable colors, but you know what? You only live once, and you might as well have pretty towels that make you happy.

P.S. It bugs me to no end that these look blue and red in the picture but they are actually mint and coral. That bathroom lighting is still kind of weird.

• Bed Skirt Pins. These are little spiral nuggets of genius. I have spent years constantly adjusting the wonky bed skirt. These keep the skirt straight and seriously make a huge difference in how tidy the overall room looks. Even with an unmade bed. Plus they're like 3 bucks for 12, which is more than enough to pin down a Queen sized bed skirt.

I think these win the award for weird but cool and "didn't know I needed it until I got it" product of the month.