endorphins vs reality

Today I drove home from work dreading the evening.

The family was leaving for MS to see Frankish and go to the funeral. So I was feeling kinda bummed and lonely, and tired.

I was also thinking about how surprised I was that my brother's friend lost control of the car. He was wearing his seat belt, but suffered fatal head injuries. Not complicated. How did that happen? I kept thinking about my accident. As I lost control and saw the freeway spinning in a blur, never once did the thought cross my mind that I was going to die. The potential was definitely there, but it was just not something I considered.
I wonder what he was thinking? Was he like me, so faithful that he would not be hurt? Or was he terrified that he was going to die? I just can't believe such a young, good person died so suddenly.
I really feel like he needed to walk away like I did.

Coupled with a bad night's sleep and the fact that I haven't heard from Chris since he flew back to CA on Sunday had me in a weepy kind of mood.

Anyway, those thoughts were going through my head when I decided to go work out. I figured the endorphins would help.

And you know what? They did. It was just a light workout but I felt so much brighter afterward.

And even now, I can reflect back on those somber thoughts and my soul doesn't feel quite so weighed down and heavy. But oh, my heart breaks for that kid, and for my brother and everyone else who is mourning.