09 October 2014

on weight

Every once in a while Suzy and I will get into a good rant-fest about weight. Because we often share this same type of encounter along with our digestive issues.

See, I've lost between 10-15 pounds since the beginning of the year/ growing intensity of health issues. I don't know for sure because I don't weigh myself. I do know I've maintained between 120 and 125 lbs since I was about 16 years old- mostly just because they weighed me at doctor's visits. As of Monday, I weighed 109 lbs fully clothed and shoed.

No, I didn't lose weight on purpose. No, I haven't increased my activity or deliberately changed my eating habits.
The single reason I lost weight is because I'm sick.

I don't feel well. My clothes don't fit. I have to safety pin my pants and shorts to keep them from falling down. At the moment some of my bones stick out and I don't like the way it looks.
Basically, in my mind I don't look healthy.

I haven't socialized very much since the onset of the increased health issues, mostly because I simply don't feel up to it. So when I did see my friends, invariably they've commented on how I've lost weight.

Then, to my complete surprise, every single one of them has told me that I look good. As if I didn't look good before; I know I did, but somehow getting skinnier, to the point of looking unhealthy, elicits compliments.

This is all coming from people that have seen me at my normal weight for years. It honestly shocked me. I expected to hear some sort of concern or questioning the weight loss (if they weren't aware of the illness, which I generally don't advertise). Nope. They just tell me I look good. To me that is shocking. The only person who told me she thinks I've lost too much weight is my mother. That and the nurses who helped me dress on Monday kept tsking and telling me how tiny I was.

Even my own brother is in on it. Last weekend we went to mom's for the evening, and he asked if I'd lost weight. When I replied, "A little," he said, "Well you look great." Then he noticed the giant bottle of tums sticking out of my purse and made a comment about that. When I gestured towards the bottle and noted that I hadn't been trying to lose weight on purpose, he hugged me, said that he hoped I felt better, but that I still looked great. Haha, nice save Frankish.

I know it's society and all that jazz, but it honestly still surprises me.
The worst- the absolute worst, is when I do tell someone that I have lost weight because I'm sick, and they reply that at least I'm skinny. I've even had people tell me they wish they had [insert chronic illness here] so they'd never get fat. How horribly insensitive and asinine.

And I know that once I start to get better and I gain some of the weight back, people will wonder why I gained weight. As if it's some horrible thing.

Anyway. Off the soap box.

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