12 August 2016


The last thing I remember from last night is being buzzed in the bar, playing Jenga with Ash and some random people we met there.

It wasn't until I woke up at 430am in Ashley's guest bedroom shaking, then somehow drove home and had slept on the couch for a few hours, that I was aware that something was not quite right.

I tried to wake up on the couch this morning as Chris got up for work, but  couldn't function.

I wasn't drunk. It felt different than that. More like... drugged. Confused, dizzy, nauseated, no memory of the night, my right hand was completely numb, I had a massive headache, and after a while I realized that at some point, I had actually peed on myself.

I called my sister to see if something had happened, and she said that I seemed really drunk and had actually fallen down as we were leaving the bar. Knowing that it's not characteristic of me to get that drunk, not remembering anything, combined with the strange drugged feeling, I considered going to the ER, suspecting that I'd been slipped something at the bar.

However I couldn't move without great difficulty and couldn't motivate myself to go. So I didn't go to the ER and instead opted to sleep it off.

Several hours later, after several attempts to get up and drink some water, only to fail and fall back asleep, my head began to clear a bit and I talked to my sister again.
She said that I just got really drunk and we had fun. She even snapped a video. Feeling unnerved because I don't remember taking a video OR singing Sweet Caroline, I watched it. Judging from how I felt this morning, I imagined that I would look pretty wasted in the video. Not the case; I looked like I was having a great time. I was standing and dancing with the group and singing without slurring or anything. It looked like a normal fun night out. Nothing extreme. I definitely looked like I should be able to remember the night.

Except I have absolutely no recollection of doing any of it. Do you know how odd it is to see a video of yourself doing something that you don't remember doing? I don't remember it. I don't remember the rest of the night after Jenga. It just cuts off. I don't remember talking to people. I don't remember singing. I don't remember the Uber ride or getting into bed at Ashley's house. I did these things but I have zero recollection of them. There aren't even little blips of memory. There's absolutely nothing.
Do you know how scary that is?

I did consider the idea that maybe I just did get really drunk.

But I don't get super black-out drunk. Like ever. Not at the Christmas party, not in college, not recently. Never.
I value my clarity of mind. I ALWAYS regulate myself and back off if I start to cross a line and get too drunk, especially if I'm in public. I wouldn't get fall-down drunk by accident; I would have had to make a conscious decision to do that, and frankly I don't think I did. Even on my heaviest drinking days, I have never even come close to that level.

This whole thing is extra bizarre because in my last memory, I wasn't drunk. I had only a light buzz that I had planned to maintain. Then I woke up a few hours later utterly annihilated and wearing pee pants? It doesn't add up.

I can't remember the night's events so I can't be 100%, but logically, I don't think that I just got too drunk. My intuition and the distinctive way I felt this morning tells me it was something else.

It tells me I got drugged at a bar.
Which is shocking and humiliating and unnerving and makes me feel violated. I'm not sure of any possible motive. But I am sure that it happened.

It happened even though I always make sure I keep an eye on my drink, never leave it unattended. It happened with my sister sitting right next to me. Thank GOD I was there with her and not simply meeting up with a friend who may have unknowingly left me drugged in a bar.

I did a bit of research on roofies, and like most google searches, feel like my experience was consistent. I thought this was interesting and terrifying.

In my research I found out that roofies still happen a lot more often than you'd think. I thought the practice had kind of faded out. Why is this even a thing?? Who enjoys incapacitating people?

Meeting strangers in bars is fun and all, but you can be damn sure I'll be drinking even lighter in bars, and watching my drink like a hawk from now on.

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