19 May 2009

self-portrait

I don't see myself this way anymore.

It's summer again, so I joined a photo challenge website. This week's challenge: Self-portrait.

This photo was taken by my old roomie and good friend Tillye for her photo class a couple years ago. It's been my favorite picture of me because for some reason I felt it captured "me." I probably saw something in it that no one else did. I felt like it was familiar, like how I picture myself.

If I look at it one way, I look sad with a forced smile. If I look at it another way, I look wistful and happy. It perfectly captured my state of mind when the picture was taken. Maybe that's just the skill of a great photographer.

In all the pictures I tried to take of myself today, I looked like a stranger. Do you ever have those mornings where you get up and look in the mirror and not fully recognize yourself? It's like those changes that occur so slowly over time that you don't notice them, but to someone you haven't seen in years it's immediately perceptible.

Maybe I just don't have the right emotions flowing through me. Maybe the camera is capturing something that I don't see in myself but is nevertheless there.

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