There are so many times that I look back at what I've written and not been satisfied with it.
I've stopped writing when I'm upset so I don't have to go back and retract my ideas once I've calmed down.
I have been in a foul mood lately. Like that little black cloud is over my head, or more like deep down inside- I don't know which.
There is so much going on right now that I can't make sense of it all and pinpoint what is causing this mood. I'm going to try some free-writing to see what pops out.
Med Tech school applications. I've been putting them off. I don't know why. They're due soon.
There are times that I regret starting this relationship with Chris again. It's an odd thing. There are far more good times than bad, but it's the bad that seem stand out the most. Or maybe it's like that psychological phenomenon. You remember the good when you're happy, and the bad when you're unhappy. I forget the term. Mood-related memory or something like that. Either way, it has been very hard to be understanding and patient with him lately. Call me selfish but I've got a lot going on and I wish he was there for me more. I'm just asking for a little comfort.
My relationship with my mom has been a little tense lately. I absolutely respect and try to make her happy, because I like to see her happy. But for some reason I feel myself being impatient with her and taking things out on her, in small ways. She doesn't deserve that and it makes me feel like shit.
I've been treating myself like shit as well. I haven't been eating right and have no motivation to exercise. I know if I started again I'd feel better, like I always do, but I have no ambition.
I haven't been sleeping well. I wake up several times a night and have tense dreams. This has made me wake up tired lately, which makes the whole day drag.
I haven't spent much time with friends lately either, outside of school or the occasional hour or so at the teahouse. School has got to take priority.
I can see why I'm in such a funk, but it doesn't seem like it should be having this much of an affect on my overall mood.
I hope you feel better soon! Call me if you need to talk :-)
ReplyDeleteWhen black clouds roll over me, I often do the same thing: try and pick the cause. It's usually not to hard to identify a few culprits and even some very likely suspects, but the thing I'm often shocked to realize is that even if I do think I know what is bothering me, I sometimes still have that growing black cloud over me. Don't stress too much about figuring out the why. Sometimes that works, sometimes is doesn't. Just let this funk exist as it is. It can't possibly stay forever. Eventually, the sun will burn off those clouds and you'll suddenly realize it's a sunny day again.
ReplyDelete