creepy crawlies

I'd like to think that I don't overreact. In fact, few things send me into a screaming fit that requires immediate attention. With the exception of roaches.

Today I walked into my room, looked at the floor, and this is what followed.

"OH MY GOD!!"
DAD!!!
OH MY GOD!
THAT THING IS HUGE!!
DADD!!!!"

He happened to be standing outside my door and was trying the doorknob, but it was locked and that thing was in-between us. That thing was the biggest freaking spider I've ever seen, with the exception of the tarantula my neighbor had once. All of the other spiders were put to SHAME by this beast. This was the grand daddy of all big ass spiders that have been living in my kitchen.

When he finally did reach my room, even he had to admit that it was, in fact, huge. And he's been killing bugs in people's houses for years.

It was so huge that he didn't even want to kill it.

He kept asking for a cup so he could put it outside before it crawled under the cabinet. I kept yelling for him to kill it.

What happened? It crawled under the cabinet. I don't see how it even freaking FIT under the cabinet.

My pleas for copious amounts of poison to be sprayed under the cabinet were met with various excuses:

"I bet it's been sitting there eating roaches."
"It doesn't even build webs, it just sits there and eats stuff on the floor."
"I know it's not poisonous. It won't bite you."
"It's more scared of you than you are scared of it."
"It didn't get that big by being stupid. It won't come back out."

All very, very reassuring.



*UPDATE*

Oh man.

Just as I was wrapping this up, my dad is outside giving the garbage men beer.

We always ask if they'd like some water, especially in the summer time, but this time they jokingly said, "How about a beer?"

Next thing you know, my dad is running two beers out for them.

Then you know what my mom said?

"They know we're drinkers. They take our trash out."

No other words, man. Just laughter.