on weddings

See, I told you I needed sleep. Feeling lots better. I wish I had just one more day to get to feeling 100%.

This has obviously been on my mind lately.

If you would have asked me two months ago about marriage, I would have told you I was in no hurry. And I would have meant it. If you asked me that today, I'd probably say the same thing, and mean it.

When he asked me to marry him, it was so far from my plan that I have to admit, it took several days to really sink in that he was serious. Once it sunk in, I liked the idea of a long engagement with something special to look forward to when he comes home.

Before he proposed, my original plan looked like this: When he finishes his contract and comes home, we move in together, probably buy a house, then somewhere in there I figured the proposal would come, with a leisurely planned wedding. If we had to get a courthouse marriage for the house-buying part, that would have been cool with me. However, marriage was not a requirement for being with him. I was happy with or without it.

His plan apparently involved proposing on leave, then getting married before his next deployment. Of course in this version, there are added benefits from being a military spouse. He felt like he wouldn't have time to plan a big wedding in a short span of time while he was in Hawaii, so he suggested going to the courthouse. Then, after his contract ends, we have the big fancy wedding. That also allows his best friends to serve as groomsmen, since their contract will all end at the same time.

I initially balked at the idea. It obviously sped up my long-term plan considerably, and the idea of a quickie courthouse wedding to get military perks seemed tacky and decidedly un-romantic. I'm not a freaking gold-digging soldier-hunter.

And also, everybody intends to, but nobody ever actually has that second fancy wedding. I'd be stuck with a dry, rushed courthouse wedding forever. He insists that we would have the big wedding, but I'm taking that one with a grain of salt.

But, the more I thought about it, the more it sounded appealing. With the extra funds, we could save up for a house much quicker and I could focus on paying off my debt. At the end of the day, I'd rather have a place to live with my husband than a big fancy wedding.

I proposed a compromise. We get married before his next deployment, but it had to be something more special than a courthouse wedding. A small, simple ceremony with a few special touches. That way if we never did have the big wedding, we'd have something special to remember. So, big enough to feel significant, but small enough so that it doesn't make a possible second wedding feel redundant.

To be honest, this whole "second wedding" thing just seems kinda silly to me, anyway. But I guess these are unique circumstances.

I expected to feel uncomfortable at the marriage date being pushed so much closer than I ever planned, but I'm not- not at all. I guess I always figured it would happen eventually, and if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, making it official a year or so earlier won't make that much of a difference.

And no, we don't actually have a date yet. We don't know when/where he will be deployed or when his next block of leave is. I'm thinking it might be late summer/ early fall.

What I do know is that I'm damn lucky, and I freaking miss him.