Fillings

Whew. I survived the fillings. Barely. At the end there, the rope holding me together was fraying.

The appointment took two hours, start to finish. Three cavities, all in the back.

When he numbed me and my tongue started to feel weird, the anxiety grew.  I had to take deep breaths and close my eyes to keep from shaking.

Then they went to town. Drilling, scraping, rinsing, sucking, etc etc. I freaked out a little bit at the hard drilling, prompting the dentist to ask if I could feel pain. I felt like a dork saying I was just freaking out. The assistant was amazing at comforting me. She even massaged my jaw after I was able to close it after a long period of drilling. After the first filling was finished I started to regret asking to get them all done at once. In hindsight, I should have done the two on the left side in this visit, and the one on the right side in another visit. That's hindsight for you.

My mouth started shaking after a while, so they propped it open with this rubber thing. They shoved cotton next to my tongue when they put the composite in, which was threatening to make me gag. I just closed my eyes and tried to go to a happy place. I'd been having trouble preparing a happy place in anticipation of needing one. During the appointment, one spontaneously developed.

It turns out, my happy place consists of pretending Akhtar was in the corner of the room, holding my hand, giving me encouragement and being really calm about everything. Telling me to breathe deep and slow. Then Ashley was in a chair next to me happily getting fillings, showing me how easy it was. Then I kept picturing me and Chris at the altar, my ultimate motivation for getting all of this done. I kept picturing how handsome and happy he'd look in his blues, and how gorgeous I'd look in my dress. With no cavities or bothersome wisdom teeth. Eyes on the prize.

Over the course of the appointment, I accidentally bit both of them. I must have said "I'm sorry" for various reasons at least 20 times.

When the last filling was over and they let me close my mouth, I celebrated so much inside. When he said he had to go back and put some more composite on one of them, I thought I was going to die.


So I just clenched my hands together, closed my eyes, tried to relax and not gag, and went to my happy place. And the lady gave me encouragement and the dentist did his thing. And I survived.

Oh, side note. I didn't realize it until my eyes were closed, but the dentist sounds exactly like Brian. It's like his voice twin. Even the little mannerisms were the same. So in my happy place, Akhtar and Ashley gave me support, Chris gave me motivation, and Brian worked on my teeth. Haha.

After a little polishing (more grinding), I was free to go.

I left with a mouth so numb, even my ears were numb. Added bonus from the Novocaine: the wisdom tooth stopped hurting for a while. I'm thankful he numbed me so much, because it really helped not to feel a thing. I couldn't even feel my teeth with my tongue. After a couple of hours, and a trip to the store with Ashley, it's wearing off. And my jaw is starting to feel sore. My tooth is kinda sore, too. You know, the one where they kept asking me if it hurt and it never did. Well, now it does. Hm.

Eating some instant mashed potatoes (surprisingly good), popping some painkillers, and going to bed. My mom made my bed for me and fed the cat. She's so awesome.